View Full Version : Parental Seperation Issues?

02-08-2012, 08:30 PM
I have a 22 month old boy who I took in November after his mom and dad were seperating. Very sad to think this early he will be losing his father as a constant in his life. anyways........he seems to be a VERY sad boy. I do not know if this is his personality but everyone notices it, even other dc parents when they come they say hi to him, and he just stares right back.
He only says one word sentences to me, but according to mom he talks non stop at home.
Never smiles for me or hubby, and I find I pay EXTRA attemtion to him b/c I see he is very mopy, lonesome etc.
Today I was talking to him after nap:
me are you having a good day today?
kid stares and says nothing
are you having fun playing with your friends?
Kid: mama
me: yes mama will be coming soon
kid: dada
you want to see dada too?
kid: dada bye bye
me: You miss daddy?
kid dada BYE BYE!!!!!!!

Tehn he walked to the front door saying "mammmmmaaa" and proceeded to put on his boots and hat. (which he has never done)
his breaks my heart that he says this and I know alot of his emotionalness comes from his parents seperating.
My question is:
Do I tell mom his actions and what he says to me regarding this? (This is only today, he mentions mama and dad quite a bit and is RARELY ever smiley or laughing, just mopey and sad alot I think)
I really hate to make her upset about this as there is really nothing she can do to help make him happy..just time and getting used to seeing dad only sometimes.

02-08-2012, 08:39 PM
Awwwww it is sad. I empathize. It is hard to see them missing one parent or being sad. I agree with your thoughts about telling the mom ;probably not a good idea. she will just feel more guilty and you have no idea what is behind the separation.

It is sad for kids though because they love both parents.

I had a girl start at 16 months who only saw her dad every other weekend and 1 day during the week. She wasn't even able to talk when she joined my daycare but yet she kept bringing me books about daddy's. I had a caillou book about dads and a Barney book that said Daddy's are Special and went to list all the great things about dads.

It was so amazing that this child couldn't talk but would consistently bring me the same books over and over even though there were so many other character books to choose from and other themes.

I also have boy Barbies and male dolls in the dollhouses/play houses and she would always gravitate to those and say "dada" or "papa" and lug them around the house. It seemed like deep down she was also craving that 'father' presence in her life on a more consistent basis

I always cuddled extra tight with her when we read the books but never mentioned any of the behaviour to the mom. With time (it has been over a year now and she communicated with no issues now) the whole thing is passed. She seems to now place the same importance on mom and dad and seem okay with things

02-09-2012, 01:38 AM
Oh my lord, I am bawling right now.... :crying:
Those are the saddest stories. I have been very fortunate in that divorce never really touched my life. My husband's parents are divorced, but did so when the kids were older (youngest was 10 or 12). I have always thought, though that it must be soooooo hard on small kids.
I agree, that only time will help. And mom is likely dealing with enough, and worrying about her kiddo already, and this probably wouldn't get anywhere constructive.
I used to look after my friend's son, before I actually did home daycare. His parents had split when he was 2. He was, for a very long time, a really serious and sombre kid. But now he's wonderful and you would never say the same about him. They get better, eventually, we hope.
My first daycare kids were a set of 3 siblings (9, 8 and almost 4). The parents had separated within the last year, they moved provinces and mom already had a new boyfriend. Wheeewwww, these kids were dealing with a lot. I felt very bad for them, as mom was quite focused on herself at the time (which happens sometimes, I know). Dad wasn't around much as he travelled for work. He would pop in, take them for ice cream and then disappear again for heaven only knew how long. And every time after he left, the next week was hell for these kids. Unruly behaviour, the little one would suck his thumb until it cracked and bled.... so super sad.