View Full Version : Walking away from a family

02-13-2012, 02:16 PM
Today is my first day with a new family. They bring their almost 4 year old and 12 month old. I already know this is too much for me. I could take one more child but not two more. I currently have a 2.5 & 18 month old (my kids) a 21 month old and these two. I know after just today that this is too much for me and just don't feel it's fair if I keep them with me. I know my limits and this is it. Do I tell them at pick-up or wait at least till the end of the week? I feel absolutely horrible and have thought about just sticking it out but I know I can't. It's not fair to the others. How would you all handle this?

Judy Trickett
02-13-2012, 02:21 PM
Rip the bandaid off now if you truly know it's too much. BUT, it also might not be too much. Sometimes we need a week or two to get into a new routine with new kids.

02-13-2012, 02:29 PM
I agree with Judy. It might just be the first day and the extra work that is a shock to you.
I started a new one in January because all fall I was starting to feel bored with the toddlers and thought I could handle a baby to keep me busy
Then the baby came and I was like "WTH was I thinking? I can't do this!" and was kicking myself of rnot enjoying my easier time with the almost 3 year olds.
Now the baby transitioned and things are smoothing out.
Sure I am still counting down the next few months until the baby becomes around15-16 months and more self sufficient in terms of feeding themselves more and walking more etc but I am feeling more okay with it nmow.

However - if you can't do it then I think sooner is better. It takes a lot of insight to admit it snd know your limits. No sense being miserable and not providing your best self with the other kids etc

02-13-2012, 02:56 PM
I'll feel like a complete loser telling them but I know this is too much with my son being only 2.5 months old. If he were at leat 8 months then I could but for the time being it's too much. It really feels like I'm a failure but I can't continue knowing it's too much. It also doesn't help that the 4 year old is a bit immature for his age. He also isn't potty trained but is working on it. He's as sweet as can be though, but just seems to act much younger than his age.

02-13-2012, 03:15 PM
I'll feel like a complete loser telling them but I know this is too much with my son being only 2.5 months old. If he were at leat 8 months then I could but for the time being it's too much. It really feels like I'm a failure but I can't continue knowing it's too much. It also doesn't help that the 4 year old is a bit immature for his age. He also isn't potty trained but is working on it. He's as sweet as can be though, but just seems to act much younger than his age.

Oh I thought your son was 2.5 YEARS - didn't notice it said MONTHS. Yes then I can imagine it would be a lot
You know what - the parents shouldappreciate your honesty rather than you forcing through and then someone gets hurt or has an accident and then saying it is too much -r ight?
a 2.5 month year old obviously needs a lot of attention and even the 4 year old who is potty training needs a very vigilant eye to get to the potty etc.
Good luck :):):):)

02-13-2012, 07:31 PM
I think you should tell them right away. I was going to agree with Judy and say that the first couple of weeks can be an adjustment and it feels crazy and then gets better...but, then I noticed you said your kids are 2.5 months and 18 months! Wow! You are brave to add anything to that let alone an extra two. Definitely you should follow your gut and not get yourself into a situation where someone might get hurt or you are a total stressball. Good luck to you :)

02-13-2012, 08:43 PM
I couldn't imagine caring for others when my own was only 2 1/2 months! Her brother (25months then) was WAY too much to handle lol! Now that they are 10 months and almost 3 I am starting to care for another child but at 2 1/2 months... while the older one was adjusting to having a baby sister, no way. So I don't think anyone would not fully understand that you have limits, and this may be it. Good luck!

02-13-2012, 09:11 PM
I backed out of care right before someone started before ... after deposit was made and start date was coming up. I felt horrible at first but it was such a relief. The woman seemed happy that I told her right away too. I told her for the sake of her child I had to back out. I knew it was too much to handle. You have to go with what your gut is telling you and if it's too much to handle, you're better to get out now.

02-14-2012, 02:59 AM
If your baby (babies!) was/were a little older, I would say "give it some more time".
But you have your hands full right now. If you think it's not a good situation, then it's probably not!!
Be honest with them. Apologize profusely, and give them at least a little time (if you can), to find someone new. If they get upset, don't let it bother you!! You are looking after the wellbeing of their kids as well as your own. I would hope that they can be understanding and appreciate your honesty. Good luck, and I hope you find just one more for your bunch!

Judy Trickett
02-14-2012, 06:13 AM
Okay, after your additional info I say just tell them. Don't give it more time to work out. I, too, did not realize your youngest child was 2.5 MONTHS old! Yikes, Yep, just tell them and then be happy about your decision.

02-14-2012, 08:17 AM
Thanks everyone!
I will be telling them at pick up today (which is noon thank God). To top it off their 12 month old is sick and they still brought her today. Mom said she gave her some Tylenol so she should be good. Ugh! I will just have to be honest with them and try not to let the guilt eat at me. I feel absolutely horrible about this but I don't have a choice.

02-14-2012, 10:29 AM
They brought the little one sick .....why give them Tylenol? Fever- then they should be home as the fever may be masking something that is now being shared with everyone else.

Good luck as this isn't easy but you will feel a big relief once you've told them.

02-14-2012, 10:39 AM
Their behaviour today is almost grounds for dismissal anyways. To bring a potentially sick child to care knowing you have a 2 month old is rude.

02-14-2012, 10:54 AM
It was rude of them. They are nice people so I don't know if they just weren't thinking or if they just don't care. Either way, I shouldn't have taken her and turned them away. Problem is, I HATE when it comes to things like that. I really need to toughen up because this is not the first time in the year I've been doing this that a parent has brought a sick child and I took them anyways. It's just hard to say when a child should stay home. Right now the little girl has a cold. If all kids stayed at home for every cold then they'd be at home all winter. So that's where I have a problem with it...knowing when a cold is bad enough that they should stay home. She is able to keep up with the others so it doesn't really seem to be a really bad cold. I wish I could just have the back bone I need to do this job! I've gotten better about not letting parents walk all over me but I know I should be a bit stricter for some things.

02-14-2012, 11:19 AM
I let me daycare parents bring their kids with colds ~ having said that I have right in my contract that I can only care for children with cold like symptoms. The red flag for me on this one being brought today is being given Tylenol. I hear you thought when it comes to getting a back bone. It's tough!!

02-14-2012, 01:52 PM
It is hard to know when to turn away kids or send them home...a cold is okay, but if they are sick enough to need Tylenol, they shouldn't be at daycare. I won't give Tylenol at daycare for this reason. I had a parent bring a kid once and say, if his fever comes back, just give him this (handing me a bottle of Advil)! I told him that I would be calling him if the child had a fever...and sure enough, a couple of hours later, he had a fever and I sent him home. I no longer fully trust those parents as I know they are capable of giving their kids Advil and sending them without telling me. They are VERY nice people too and I love their kids...have had no other issues. Some people are just inconsiderate when it comes to illness...they don't seem to think about the fact that all the other kids are now potentially going to get sick too. Add it to your contract that parents should nto give Tylenol or Advil before sending the child to daycare...that way you at least know if they have a fever or are unwell enough to be sent home. Again though, some parents will do it anyway. I know some providers have a policy where if the child gets a fever around 4-6 hours after coming, they assume the child has been given something before coming and it has worn off and this is grounds for termination...but it is tricky because it could just be the onset of the fever...I'm not sure I'd want to accuse them of anything I can't prove!

03-10-2012, 09:11 PM
Just wanted to give you all an update in case you were wondering...
My second day of care with them went really good. I'm still not even sure why my first day was so brutal. I talked to the parents at the end of the first week and told them that I wasn't sure if I would be able to continue with them. So now it's been a month since I've been caring for them and things are fine. I told the parents that in NO WAY can I care for their kids if they are sick. A little cold is fine but nothing more. I do really like the parents and that was one of the reasons I was feeling horrible about letting them go. They are very easy going and go with whatever I say and that's not always the case. So after talking it over with them we've all come up with a great ending that I love! I have them on Mondays, (the 4 year old only in the afternoon), Tuesday mornings only, and Wednesday are the same as Mondays. My other dcb only comes Mon, Tues, Wed, so that means that every week I get Thursday Friday off!! This is working out great for us and I'm so happy I talked to them before walking away completely. And the 4 year old is finally potty trained so that's another bonus!!

03-10-2012, 09:41 PM
NICE!! It worked out beautifully!

03-11-2012, 11:16 AM
I'm really glad it worked out for you too. Thanks for the happy update, it's nice to hear about success stories.

03-12-2012, 12:30 AM
Great job for sticking it out... especially when we all told you to say goodbye!! :)\
I am glad to hear that everything is going well.