Behaviour Management for 1 year old

[lunademiel]

I just started a 12 month old yesterday. She is a super great girl. First day was great, no problems, napped when I put her down. Today she is testing me! Which is completely normal. I just want to nip it in the bud from day one. She's starting to hit, whine, and play with things that she knows she isn't supposed to. Like the edge corner protectors. She keeps pulling them off and chewing on them. She smiles as soon as I notice she's pulled them off again so she knows for sure that she isn't supposed to play with them.

Also how the heck do I get her to sit for one song or one book! She's all over the place! Again I know this is totally normal. I have an almost 3 year old that I don't think I started early enough teaching him boundaries and I'm paying for it now.

Any advice is much appreciated!

[Dreamalittledream]

I feel your pain Olivetree. I too had a little 12 month old (& her sibling, who is almost 4) who both started with me 6 weeks ago. For the first 2 weeks I felt like I needed 6 eyes to keep watch on her...and 6 arms to keep redirecting her. Now, a firm "No Sophia" works pretty well but she's also improved a lot in knowing her boundaries.
Re: "Also how the heck do I get her to sit for one song or one book! She's all over the place!"... You really got me thinking...I currently just let both of the 1 year-olds just play and wander during circle time...they do wander in for parts. I do make time for 1 on 1 learning with them at other times of the day so I don't worry about it.

[Cadillac]

I didn't even try to start including the 1 year olds in activities until they were 15months. Then I also started the time outs and such.
Let them wander. invite them, have them sit, but don't try too hard they force the subject. they don't really have the mental capacity right now. As the for the chewing. consistency will win out in the end.

[mom-in-alberta]

At one, I would hardly expect her to sit down at specific times and listen to songs and stories. Some kids love it, but so many of them don't have the attention.
When it comes to her testing you, I think you just have to ride it out. Set some clear expectations and enforce them. She will pick up pretty quickly that you have certain rules in your house. I think she probably is testing her limits, to see how far you will let her go. When she is doing something the first couple times, redirect her attention to another toy or activity. When she starts to do it just to piss you off, lol (you can tell, when they look at you with the devil in their eyes!) then implement whichever method of discipline you use.

[fruitloop]

I don't expect my 1 year olds to sit for circle time but I do try to encourage it. I usually start by putting them on my knee but I don't force them to stay there. Eventually they'll start staying longer and longer as they see the others do it. As for unwanted behaviour...Consiste ncy and repetition is the key. they'll get it.

[lunademiel]

Today has made me seriously question my decision to start this business! All 3 kids have been very seriously testing me!

DCG is 12 months, she is hitting, biting, getting into everything that she knows is not ok (I don't have a lot around here that is off limits) but she manages to find the couple of things that are and seriously looks at me and smiles "with the devil in her eye"!

My son, who is almost 3, is acting out like I never thought possible. He tried climbing the stove, he sat in the middle of the road for our walk today and would not get up, he stood on a basket to pull things off the top shelf of a bookshelf and dropped a toy on DCG's head, steals toys from the babies, he's now starting to hit, fake cry like the babies do, won't sit for meals or snacks, decided he doesn't need naps anymore so screams his head off and wakes up DCG, and is all around driving me up the wall!!

My 10 month old daughter is whining like crazy. Not entirely sure why as she has always been a very independent little girl. She's getting angry that she can't walk like DCG.

I honestly have just been trying to do a little circle time as I feel like they are getting bored with so much free play which is making them misbehave. I've been trying to just sing as we play and they love that.

I'm not sure the best way to discipline, I think 1 is too young for time outs. I'm hoping that consistency will start working soon. Every time she gets into something I say firmly "no A**", when she hits I take her hand and say "gentle A**" and show her gentle. She knows that she's wrong, cause she smiles wickedly! It's actually really cute if it wasn't so terrible!

As for my son, time-outs don't work, nor does taking away his toys. He's just crazy LOL!

Please tell me it gets better! AND SOON!

[playfelt]

Play pen, play yard or exersaucer for time outs for a one year old. You touch you get trapped.

[lunademiel]

Play pen, play yard or exersaucer for time outs for a one year old. You touch you get trapped.

Thank you for the advice. How long would you keep them in there? And what if they are screaming their head off? I really want to be in control here, I'm not right now and I can't be a good provider if I don't figure it out!

Thank you!

[Spixie33]

Yikes - sounds like you really did have a bad day and earned your paycheque today. (hugs)

She is too small for circle time. One year olds might come and see what is happening and then leave and then come back again but they don;'t have the span to sit through it.

Also...she likes the reaction she gets from you when you say "No ---". I also had a 1 year old start and she kept going for the outlet covers. She would reach a finger for it and know I was going to shake my head and say no....so she would do it and then shake her head with a smile mimicking the reaction she knew was coming. She also grinned the whole time so I could see it was a game for her and she was trying to engage me.

Picking her up and putting her somewhere else and redirecting worked. This is the age where they think dropping something and seeing you pick it up is fun and peek-a-boo. She just doesn't get that the reaction she is getting from you is not positive. She is just happy to have the power of getting a response and chances are that if she is touching all the unsafe stuff she is getting a pretty good reaction from you in terms of the pitch in your voice etc. It is very exciting in her little world.

The only way to deal with it is to keep saying no, redirecting and after a few days she will get tired of it.

The other issue with starting a baby is often that the older kids regress. Suddenly they are torn between being big kids and realizing that they don;t get away with the same behaviour anymore as the baby and regress and act more baby-like. Getting the kids involved in taking care of the baby sometimes helps.

Just be firm and don't let your son get out of routines that he had before. Let him know that expectations are still the same as they have always been in terms of him eating, sleeping, playing etc.

[Spixie33]

Thank you for the advice. How long would you keep them in there? And what if they are screaming their head off? I really want to be in control here, I'm not right now and I can't be a good provider if I don't figure it out!

Thank you!

I can't even imagine giving a time out to a 1 year old. Are we talking a 12 month old ?
The purpose of a time out is for the child to reflect on the behaviour.
What is the point of a time out at that age where a child cannot process that actions have consequences yet, have no self awareness and cannot reflect or correct themselves? It is not the same as giving a 2 or 3 year old a time out where they can communicate and understand

[playfelt]

Use of the playpen, playyard or exersaucer for a one year old is the same as redirection for an older child but for a child that does not comprehend what redirection means. Back in the day a small tap on the offending hand taught no after about 3 touches and problem solved but now we have to remove the child from the area to a different place. If you feel better giving a couple times of moving them to a different area of the playroom then do it. But they soon learn that if they don't listen when you say no they get moved where they don't want to be.

If they scream they go in the playpen around the corner as in out of my sight - translation no audience is listening. Screaming serves no purpose and they stay there till they stop. Their choice how long they carry on.

[lunademiel]

Ok, thanks so much everyone. I had the evening and some hot yoga to get it all out! Tomorrow WILL be better!

I think my first step is definitely getting better at redirecting calmly and casually. I think she IS looking for a reaction from me, same with my son!

I think the idea of the playpen is showing her consequence for her actions. You touch this, you go in the playpen. I just know she will scream her little head off, if I pick her up, then I don't feel I'm teaching her much, other then the more she screams she'll eventually get her way.

I feel so bad for my little man, first his little sister came into the world 2 months early which meant all of a sudden mommy wasn't home (at the hospital with baby for 24 days). Now that he's finally gotten used to her another little girl is in his life DAILY! I think he just doesn't know that he is still my baby and I need to show him my love more, some extra snuggles will go a long way. Really he is just trying to get a reaction out of me.

I think I just need to figure out a way to balance each one of them with some one on one time.

Seriously thank you all so much! This forum has been a lifesaver!

I CAN make it through the rest of the week!

[mom-in-alberta]

Agree to disagree on the purpose of a time out, I think...
The purpose of a time out, to me, is to send a quick and clear message that a specific behaviour will not be tolerated. For a one year old, I would only use it in circumstances of aggression or if they are CONSISTENTLY doing something dangerous/not allowed.
So I agree with playfelt. And it definitely sounds totally normal (albeit incredibly frustrating) behaviour from your own kiddos. It's hard to share mommy with a new sister, let alone total strangers. Make some special time for him, but don't let guilt allow you to let him get away with anything that he wouldn't normally. In the long run, your choice to run a dayhome is for his benefit, not detriment.
GOOD LUCK!! And yes; you CAN make it!!

[Momof4]

Olivetree, I feel your pain! I just spent months with a little 1 year old boy to get him to stop crying and to listen to me and I have a 1 year old girl who is still crying daily and making me a little nuts but at least she's well behaved, just very unhappy unless I hold her nonstop. That is not an option.

I find that if we go outside for most of the morning she's happier. I have started reading and doing a sort of circle time as the children eat their lunch and afternoon snack. That way my three children who are under 2 are tied down in their boosters. I can't do that in the toyroom.

I think if you are consistent with your rules and tell her over and over for what will seem like weeks on end you will see progress. It's so frustrating for us but it pays off, especially with an extra stubborn child. By the way I always use the words 'don't touch' instead of a big old NO so they don't start saying that word to me!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree that consistency in expectations with children is key - sometimes some children can master the rules with one or two reminders and other children take longer to 'grasp' the expectations and natural consequences for behaviours.

With children of all ages - in addition to making expectations for behaviour clear - making sure that their learning the natural consequences of misbehavior is key ... so in this case I would tell the child 'Uhhh uhhh - hands off not for touching' and redirect them away from the safety corner with a reminder 'if you want to pick you can pick at this' and provide them with something that can be 'picked at and taken apart' like a puzzle or something ... the message being sent that they are there for a purpose to keep the children safe, a part of the environment and must be respected - if you need to 'pick' here is something you CAN pick ... IMO this teaches the child that we respect their 'needs' by recognize they were just curious about this picking/pulling sensation but want to keep them safe!

Now if the child were to keep returning to pick at them than I too would put them in what i call a TIME IN in a play yard, highchair or some other confined area with the message 'Danger - hands off. You touch that again you have to play HERE cause I need to keep your safe'. I call this a time in because it is not 'punishment' to be placed here - it is still another form of redirection but with a 'condition' that must be met to come out of the activity ... there is something to 'do' in the playpen and so forth but the choices are limited and the message is if you want to be free and have more choices you PLAY SAFE FOLLOW THE RULES!

IMO a TIME OUT by traditional definition is a child misbehaves and than the child is sent somewhere alone with nothing to do but to 'think about what they did' and they stay their for the length of time of the adult feels was warranted for the 'crime' so to speak ... however IME having seen these used in centre care for years they rarely teach the children how to 'problem solve and make better choices' because the child sits there either being angry or confused and 'guesses' at what they want to adult to hear - usually the 'sorryeeeeee' phrase without knowing truly WHY they are sorry ... IMO they are definitely NOT effective with young children who cannot connect the behaviour of 5 minutes ago to why they are sitting on a chair or step or corner now let alone what the adult truly wants them to 'say' to get off the step or chair.

That said I response to the 'what do you do if they scream their head off' at being removed from a situation .... while I do not do 'time outs' in that traditional sense - I do not tolerate 'tantrums' in my program either - screaming and thrashing in anger at not getting your own way regardless of your age is not a suitable form of communication - when a child attempts to do this they are given to the count of 5 to take deep breaths and calm back down so we can TALK this out and if they cannot or will not than they are offered the option to go lay down on their bed/cot until such a time they are prepared to talk ... again to me this is another variation of the TIME IN because the child is in control of how long they are there with the expectation of what needs to occur for them to return to the group being clear ... calm yourself down and be safe ... it is also a natural consequence to their behaviour because screaming/thrashing is too loud on the ears of others and puts others at risk of being hit/kicked and well my job is to keep everyone safe - including them so I am providing them a safe place to meet their emotional needs to 'be angry' while keeping others safe too ;) Eventually they learn to 'discuss' their angry feelings before getting to the point of having lost control and to problem solve conflict or miscommunication with others.

[lunademiel]

Thank you all for your great advice.

I'm lucky that for this little girl's 1st week she actually didn't cry. She can play independently and with others but she does hit, throw toys, and play with the things she knows I ask her not to (for my reaction). After so many wonderful suggestions I stopped saying "no" and just redirected over and over and over again. If she pulled off the corner cover then I put her in the playroom with the gate closed. My main floor is an open concept living room/dining room/kitchen with a half wall dividing the kitchen and living room. So the gate is between the living room and the kitchen. I normally let them wander from living room to kitchen so they may explore and have more room to play. So I think she is starting to learn that if she does this then I return her to the playroom and her freedom is limited.

As for my son, he really isn't getting any better. The tantrums are unbelievable my husband wishes he was going back to work tomorrow just to get away. Time outs don't work, like previous poster, I really don't think he IS thinking about why he's there, just that he doesn't want to be. I have tried to spend extra one on one time with him in the evenings, took him out for special treats but he is just nuts! I really think that it's harder to discipline once they are a little older as they are set in their ways/used to getting what they want. The things you learn in hindsight :o

The end of the week definitely got better and made me happy that I choose to do this. We will all eventually learn how to do this and enjoy it! My son was asking today when the daycare kids were going to come over!

[Momof4]

I do have a timeout system but I sit beside children and tell them they have done something wrong and talk to them about the problem. I really believe toddlers have the attention span of fruit flies so deal with problems quickly and get everything dealt with quickly. I hold their hands and look them in the eye and talk to them.

I want the children to know that I don't miss a thing, that if they make a mistake they can learn from it, correct it, and apologize and hug and make it better and get over it quickly.

[Mamma_Mia]

Use of the playpen, playyard or exersaucer for a one year old is the same as redirection for an older child but for a child that does not comprehend what redirection means. Back in the day a small tap on the offending hand taught no after about 3 touches and problem solved but now we have to remove the child from the area to a different place. If you feel better giving a couple times of moving them to a different area of the playroom then do it. But they soon learn that if they don't listen when you say no they get moved where they don't want to be.

If they scream they go in the playpen around the corner as in out of my sight - translation no audience is listening. Screaming serves no purpose and they stay there till they stop. Their choice how long they carry on.

I followed the same method with my own daughter since she was about 9mos old. She knew she was doing something wrong because I'd get the girn or laugh if she was caught! She had no toys in there and at 12mos after maybe the 7th time in one day she got the hint that you don't pull the foam corners off the coffee table!

I didn't sapnk her or yell at her I just removed her.

A friend of mine wanted to use a simular method but found it hard since her boy used the playpen for naps and at grandmas house so he was getting confused..."is this a punishment?" I was lucky my daugter had crib at home & my moms to sleep in so she wasn't confused. Maybe picking something that's dedicated as a "naughty" area....something you don't mix fun with to send a clear message!

Good luck.

[lunademiel]

Thank you!
That's exactly what I was thinking, about the clear message. She naps in a playpen, plus I don't want one in my living area, only in the bedroom would be best. I don't want her to think playpen is punishment.

Today she was standing on the little chair and table. But I really have no where to put her. So redirection it has been, over and over and over again. She really does smile when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. She's a super smart little one! I need to find something dedicated to this but it needs to be something to keep her in for a minute or two. I tried placing her on the couch, away from toys but then she stands on the couch lol! I am thinking of trying the high chair but am worried about the message that might send.

Thanks for the advice!

[playfelt]

It is always best if you can devote a corner to a play yard. Some do not take up that much room - thinking of the coloured one that is 6 sections. I use that in the basement since the room is set up for the bigger kids and the babies are rarely down there since we play there while they nap in the am. When they are making the transition to the basement they play in the yard with infant toys when I am busy or have to run upstairs or whatever and then out when I can supervise. I gradually give them more freedom down there but it is earned. Otherwise it is back to the play yard.

[Crayola kiddies]

Why not try the fisher price vibrating chair as it has a 3 point harness and you can lock her in there for a minute or two. Or use a portable high chair ( the kind you fasten to a kitchen chair) and just set it in a corner use the seat belt to keep her there

[Skysue]

I just started a 12 month old yesterday. She is a super great girl. First day was great, no problems, napped when I put her down. Today she is testing me! Which is completely normal. I just want to nip it in the bud from day one. She's starting to hit, whine, and play with things that she knows she isn't supposed to. Like the edge corner protectors. She keeps pulling them off and chewing on them. She smiles as soon as I notice she's pulled them off again so she knows for sure that she isn't supposed to play with them.

Also how the heck do I get her to sit for one song or one book! She's all over the place! Again I know this is totally normal. I have an almost 3 year old that I don't think I started early enough teaching him boundaries and I'm paying for it now.

Any advice is much appreciated!

Sit her on your knee for storytime!