Oh Lordy Lord

[Littledragon]

So, I posted something this morning about what to do if a child has no schedule at home but has to follow a strict schedule here.

He came over today for a little visit. Since he's never been babysat before, I decided it would be in both of our best interests if he came over for a few afternoons before he started, just to get used to me, my son and my house. He was supposed to come for 10 and leave at 2.

So, he came at ten and everything we fine for about...10 minutes. Then the crying started. His crying actually startled me in the beginning. My son is VERY quiet, he never screams and his cry is more silent, he's one of those holld-your-breath-type kids. Anyways, this kid (God forgive me) sounds like a cat in heat. No joke. He's SO loud. Within about 30 minutes, I had him asleep. I rocked him a bit and sang. My priority was to make him feel safe so he would feel safe coming here everyday.

He slept for an hour. I was so happy.

But then he woke up. He woke up at 12. He screamed, at the top of his lungs for a full hour. I had to call his mom to pick him up early because I couldn't tend to my own child. I managed to feed them both, but the kid just wouldn't stop! Nothing I did worked!

He's coming two more times next week, only for two hours though. But now I'm nervous! What if he's like that when he starts full time? Should I send my son away for the other little boy's first day in case he flips out again (my son was crying only because the other boy was scaring him). How can I make the transition easier on him? What can I do to avoid him crying like that? I don't want this to be a traumatic experience for him but I'm starting to feel like maybe I can't avoid that.

PLEASE tell me!! What do I do!? He's my first client, I can't let him go, and I don't want to let him go.

I even tried putting him in the playpen so he was secluded, but he just screamed. One thing I did notice though, that I saw as a good sign, was when I left the room he tried to follow me. Although he was crying as he was doing it, he was coming to me. And when I would pick him up, he would cuddle up, but he would continue crying.

HELP!!

[playfelt]

If he is attempting to make contact with you then half the battle is won - not that that is much comfort. He is used to someone/anyone dealing with him. He may not have been cared for by anyone else but if the parents have frequent visitors over or go to visit friends often then he is used to being around other people.

It actually takes some children the first month before they are brave enough/secure enough to venture after the caregiver rather than expect the caregiver to come to them. Let him catch up to you as often as you can. Acknowledge him by talking to him, use his name often but don't feel you have to pick him up. He will learn to be content beside you not on you. When he learns to walk it will go better because he will be faster so can just tag along with you.

Just as you have to adjust to doing daycare your son has to adjust too and a lot will be scary or confusing for him at first. Reassure him that you are still there, being up rather than down on the floor helps many kids so in a high chair or exersaucer nearby might work for both of them. The cuddling and still crying when you pick up will diminish over time - at least you can pick him up. Some kids refuse to let the caregiver near them and just go into rigid board formation.

Is mom still breastfeeding and if so does her "on demand" schedule translate into every time the child is picked up and cries.

Find the things that distract your own child - forget what ages they are but a tv on, favourite movie or CD playing at the other end of the room can be a distraction for your son.

[Littledragon]

[QUOTE=playfelt;11916]If he is attempting to make contact with you then half the battle is won - not that that is much comfort. He is used to someone/anyone dealing with him. He may not have been cared for by anyone else but if the parents have frequent visitors over or go to visit friends often then he is used to being around other people.

It actually takes some children the first month before they are brave enough/secure enough to venture after the caregiver rather than expect the caregiver to come to them. Let him catch up to you as often as you can. Acknowledge him by talking to him, use his name often but don't feel you have to pick him up. He will learn to be content beside you not on you. When he learns to walk it will go better because he will be faster so can just tag along with you.

That just made me feel a WHOLE lot better.

Do you think I should keep my son here on the other boy's first full day or should I send him to my mom's?

[Momof4]

This happens sometimes. I had a little girl who screamed for 7 months and I just transitioned a little boy who screamed for 4 months so those were my most difficult children to date to get happy. I had other children start at the same ages who were happy from the very first day. You just never know. Get the little guy into your routine and schedule and try to ask the Mom about his routines at home and get them in sync as much as you can so his little body gets used to the same thing every day. Before you know it you'll have it all under control.

This is not an easy job and it is not for everyone. It takes a ton of patience and a lot of hard work but once you are rolling smoothly it's wonderful.

[Sandbox Sally]

No advice, just want to tell you that I sympathize. I had TWO of these this week. It was the first week here for both of them, and BOTH of them cried incessantly and loudly. Hugs! It'll pass. Meet his needs, let him know he can trust you, and it'll subside in time.

[sunnydays]

As the others have said, it will get better, but you have to have a predictable routine so he starts to feel secure in knowing what will happen and when. I hope that you have given yourself some tiem between starting new daycare kids...it is a huge adjustment when you are new! I remember my first daycare child...I had her and my two kids for about a month before the next one started and it was a hellish month! She cried a lot and clung to me...she wouldn't nap...I didn't know what I was doing...you can have the best plans, but reality is so much different! You will learn and he will learn and you will find your rythm. Your son will learn too and it will be good for him to know he is not the centre of the universe, but it could take a bit of time for him to adjust as well. There will be times when you feel that you can't do it...but you most likely can and will and it will get so so much better :)

[mom-in-alberta]

Agreed in that, if he WANTS you to comfort him, you shouldn`t have too much farther to go. Most of the time, the kids want mom, only mom and just the mom!!
It is totally normal and rest assured that it will pass. If you think that it would be better for your own child to be elsewhere that day, it probably couldn`t hurt. But you`ll have to do it eventually, so it`s your choice!!
Hang tough my dear!