View Full Version : How do you care for your own kids while running your dayhome/daycare?

Dayhome Mamma
03-19-2012, 01:44 PM
I'm just curious if those of you out there with kids have any special rules or ways of being with them to help them cope with having a daycare in their home? I have two munchkins, one is just under 2, the other is just under 3 (yup, i was pregnant the 3mth after having my son!) So lately, we have had two little munchkins start, and they cry sometimess and drive my kids insane I think. But on top of it, I hear my little 2 year old daughter stating "my mommy!, my mommy" so it shows me that she is jealous and feels threatened by having these other kids around.
Overall, I think having the dayhome is a really good thing for them because they get to learn how to share, and be social with many different types of kids, etc, but there is always that part of me that feels guilty that I am not providing them with a "normal" home setting where they get to have their moms all to themselves. I do make sure we do family things together every single weekend, so that they know that this is just their time. But I was thinking that I may need to do some one on one time with them individually as well, I would love to, but I am just so tired by the end of the day that I don't know if I could commit to doing any more things...Which once again makes me feel guilty again.
So far I have tried to keep their room closed off to any of the dayhome kids (though sometimes there is an exception just for them to all have some renewed kind of fun), and my own room has a tv in it, so I let my kids have their own quiet time there on my bed and watch some shows together on their own or with their sibling. I started doing that because I had some parents very anti tv, and me personally, I don't think its that big of a deal because I know they are stimulated and engaged and learning throughout the day. I also grew up with tv and it was no big deal. Sometimes we watched it, and sometimes we didn't and it was just an enjoyable part of my childhood memories. I also loved reading books, went to the library every two weeks, and read like 2-3 novels each time and have always had a passion for learning. I could be in school forever if I could afford it! Minus the homework of course:)

03-19-2012, 04:22 PM
I think most of us struggle with some kind of feeling of guilt, in that our kids home is not "their own" anymore. My kids were turning 3, 7 and 9 when I started to do home daycare. It was an adjustment, for sure.
I learned that they do need a space that they can go to for some privacy. The bedrooms are off limits to daycare kids. If there is something special that they do not want to share, that is where it is kept. They can bring it out, but then are expected to share it.
I like that you have allowed them to go into your room and do something on their own as well. As long as they are keeping it quiet and not teasing/talking about it to the other kids, I don't see that as a problem.
Since your kids are little, can you do just one special thing at the end of the day when all the dc kids are gone? I know that you're tired and have to get dinner on, etc. But perhaps even starting a routine of the three of you sitting down on the couch to read ONE story. Then mommy gets supper ready, or what have you.
I find it tough because now that my kids are older, we are quite often rushing out the door to hockey or lacrosse or dance, etc. But they are old enough to rationalize; if mommy doesn't do this, then YOU are the one going to daycare.
On that note; when the guilt sets in: remember that you chose this business for some very valid reasons. And in my mind, those reasons outweigh the "toughness" that your children are going through. As a mom, you are probably going to feel guilty no matter what you do, it's just the curse of wanting the absolute best for your children in all ways!! But if you think through the alternatives, like working outside the home yourself, you will probably find that this is the LEAST guilty alternative.

03-19-2012, 05:06 PM
Having a dedicated daycare space helps a lot I think and I highly recommend it if it's at all possible and allow your kids to treat your home as a home and not a daycare if possible too. Both my kids are in school f/t now so really don't have a lot to do with daycare anymore. When they come home, they are free to go anywhere in the house, it is their house after all, and they are not required to be part of daycare. It's important that their toys be kept separate from daycare toys and also that they have places to go away from the other kids if they want. I have never "made" my children be part of daycare. This is their home and they are free to do whatever BUT if they are playing with something that is not a daycare toy, they are required to play with it away from the others.

Some jealousy will happen and it's important to let your kids know that even though these "other kids" come over for you to take care of, that they are special. I would always whisper in my dd ear that I loved her randomly through the day and it always put a smile on her face. It made her feel secure that I was HER mom and loved HER and never told the daycare kids that I loved them...EVER! I also tried to spend some extra time with my kids during "off" hours doing something fun and special. When I started doing daycare again (took a leave of absence) my dd was 3.5 and I explained to her that I do daycare so that she can stay with me and be home to play with her friends and toys whenever she wanted to. If I had to go to work, she wouldn't be allowed to do that during the day. This usually convinces them that daycare isn't so bad and she gets to see me a lot where the daycare kids have limited time with their parents.

03-19-2012, 07:56 PM
Hi! I think I'm probably different from most of you in that I consider my daughter to be in daycare.....just super lucky to have her mommy there all day!!! She is almost 2 and I have had the daycare for a year so she really doesn't know anything else! The dc kids are already here when she wakes up and after daddy gives her breakfast and gets her dressed he brings her into the daycare. I honestly think she believes the kids are just there to play with her....she even looks in the playroom for them on weekends! The daycare area is not used in the evening or on weekends and all the toys in there are 'mine' so she has not given up anything. I'm sure things would be different if she were in school but so far there is no jealousy, she gets tons of attention from mommy all day and friends to play with. I have never felt guilty....I could not bear to put her in daycare and am so thankful that I can spend every day with her!!!!

03-19-2012, 08:18 PM
My girls have always been considered a part of my daycare ~ but if they need a break from the younger kids I have now then they can go elsewhere in our house as my daycare has a dedicated space in our home. Our girls play in the daycare playroom during the weekend and evenings but have their own toy room with separate toys of their own that they don't have to share. Having said that, anything they bring in the daycare playroom everyone plays with.
Both girls had a hard time sharing Mommy with the daycare kids. I made special time with both of them to do during the week and weekend after work...one on one so that felt extra special and time dedicated just for each of them. If there are nights that I'm too pooped, we still have special cuddle time.

03-19-2012, 09:52 PM
My dughter just turned two and like pposter she also feel that the kids are here to play and asks for them on the weekends. She does have her days where if I'm giving a hug to one because they fell or are missing their mommy - she will then climb into my lap. She's not normally jealous, doens't act this way when I hold babies but like I said its only a few days here & there.
My own kid is the one that doesn't sleep the full "nap time" so when she's up and the others are sleeping we colour or watch a tv episode that she really likes together. Evenings are just her....SOME days she will go into to daycare to play but mostly she stay with us then we have our special routine for bath, story & bed.
I think she's coping well - she's adjusted so well and hasn't had any issues.....daycare has even encouraged her to potty train - she wants to be a big girl too! lol

Good Luck hun.....

03-20-2012, 06:34 AM
I have 2 little ones a bit older that were the same way adjusting and they are both part time. Is your little one full time or part time?

Mine both took brace yourself 3 months to really adjust fully. It was about 1 month before they stopped crying the most. One started in Oct and they other Jan so it’s been an interesting few months.

My best advice is to not cater too much by tiptoeing around them because then it will be another shock to their system when you stop catering to them too much.

Just carry on with your day the way you usually do, hold them during circle & story time, maybe a short while during a video or at music time. I don't recommend sitting with them at naptime, it's your time to get stuff done just check in as you usually would.

Your going to bun yourself out & when do you have time for the others? When I held my newest addition to make her happy during a video I had all the kids fighting to sit on me. It was hilarious.

I know the crying sucks but they will come around. It's such a shock to there little world.

My latest addition still cries at drop off and I know that will end soon what a great day that will be!

Hang in there it will get better.


03-20-2012, 07:20 AM
I have to admit looking back the biggest challange was with re: to toys. My daughter had a LOT....basically my daycare was all hers. She was the newest baby to a very big family....I have 5 aunts/uncles + cousins who are married, my own parents are the worst, brother & then the inlaws side of the family means each couple or 'family' gave a gift toy+clothes. Yes I'm very lucky!

Anyways #1) I wasn't going to re-buy all those toys #2) where would I put "her" stash? LOL
So having to share toys or her babies etc was hard at first but I've been at this f/t for 3 full months now and shes a-okay!

03-20-2012, 01:12 PM
My kids never really showed jealousy except for my 3 year old son sometimes seems jealous of the 2 1/2 year old boy I have in my care. The toy sharing has never been an issue and I started my daycare when my daughter was 8 months old, so she doesn't know any different. She is a really good sharer for a child of her age (21 months) and I think it's because she has always had to share. I actually find that there is less need for special quality time now than there was when I worked outside the home because then I didn't see them all day. Now I am with them all day, so I don't feel bad if I am busy with other things in the evenings and they tend to want to be with their dad more anyway as they haven't seen him all day. I have NEVER for a moment felt guilty in any way for having a daycare in my home. In fact, quite the opposite, I feel that they are really lucky because 1) I am home with them instead of going out to work and leaving them with a stranger and 2) they always have other kids to play with and they get to learn how to get along in a group, share, compromise, etc which are all extremely important things to learn. I actually think that one mom with her own kids alone at home is not necessarily the "normal" way of doing things. In most cultures, kids grow up with many other kids and relatives around them all the time so they don't grow up with this over inflated sense of "me" and "mine" that our kids end up having. I cannot afford, nor do I have the energy to have 6 or more kids of my own, so for me, this is the next best thing and I truly feel my kids will be way better for it :) End rant now lol :)