View Full Version : He won't stop crying!!!

03-21-2012, 08:20 PM
So, it's been three days that this little boy (11 months) has been coming to my home. He starts full time next week, and since he's so young and has never been babysat before, I suggested he come for a few hours last week and this week. Last week, I suggested he come for four hours. I had to call his mom to come get him an hour early because he cried the ENTIRE time. He cried for an hour, fell asleep from crying exhaustion, woke up and cried for an hour. This past Monday, I suggested he only stay for 2 hours. Cried the ENTIRE time. Today was a little better, but he still cried for 3/4 of the time. WHAT DO I DO?? He's coddled at home, like his mom never lets him cry. She just gives him whatever he wants so he won't cry. I'm not like that. If you're gonna expect to get what you want, you're not going to get it. Simple as that. Problem is, the only time he stops crying is if I disapear. If he can't see me. But I have my own son, and that means disapearing from him and he gets insecure and uncomfortable after a while. ALSO, this little boy has no schedule at home. Is it plausible to expect him to follow our schedule? AND HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP CRYING!??

03-21-2012, 08:38 PM
I'm not a seasoned provider here but I would definitely ask the parents to prepare him for this transition by following your routine for as long as they can before the child starts. CONSISTENT routines are so important to these little ones. Stress to the parents that it's VERY important for the CHILD to be prepared for childcare. They will transition so much happier this way! Ask them to begin trying to let him play independently. Setting rules and boundaries will only benefit him and the parents need to be on board.

Good luck!

03-22-2012, 03:05 AM
The fact that it DID get better (even just a little) is a very encouraging sign.
It is very scary for some little people to be in unfamiliar territory, but most of the time they get better and you never have to look back.
If he is going to be full time, it is not unreasonable for you to ask for consistency between your home and theirs. Ideally, you have the parents starting to adjust the schedule about a month BEFORE care starts. But you can absolutely begin to familiarize him with the routine now. Talk him through the day. "Let's wash our hands, and then it's snack!" He probably isn't very verbal yet, but he will start to get an idea of the general routine of your home.
Some kids take a couple weeks to settle in, some only a couple hours. But it should be gradually getting easier, for everyone. Good luck!!

Sandbox Sally
03-22-2012, 01:01 PM
Horrible horrible! I am right there with ya. I have a new dcg every day but Thursdays, and she pretty much cries all day long, AND...just to be sure that I don't get a day off the screaming, I started a dcb part time last week as well, who does the same for me on Thursdays. :) I seriously feel like my head is going to explode. I am holding dcb at the moment while he naps, as it's the only way I can get him to stop screaming. HUGS! Hugs? lol :crying:

03-22-2012, 01:32 PM
Ugh, I've been there many, many times. I've been running my own daycare for 11 years now, so this isn't new. It will get better, I promise. He's already showing some improvement so you're well on your way. I had one little girl who was very coddled at home and cried here for weeks. I didn't think it would ever get better, then suddenly, it just changed. Don't worry, he'll adjust. Unfortunately, you're just the first to have a crack at him. It'll be easier for others in the future, which is what makes you so important for him.

One thing I've found useful (and helpful) with a few others who had difficulty adjusting.....I took them out into a new setting, with new people and experiences. A trip to the mall, a park, a friend's house for tea....whatever. In this new situation, YOU become the object of familiarity and comfort. This will allow you to hold the child and really instill that sense that you'll take care of him, protect him, etc. I found that worked well with several kids. However, it's not for the faint of heart. If you've got a yeller, it could be uncomfortable in busy, public places. Worth the effort though.

Good luck :)

03-22-2012, 04:19 PM
Been there, done that! Part-timers are slower to adjust, but 11 months is the age for them to pull that trick for sure. I've just made it through two little criers and now they are happy at 14 & 15 months of age, whew! But the same thing, when I left the room they sat at the doorway gate and cried like they were heart-broken. It's happened to me many, many times, but the transition phase is always a different amount of time, days or weeks or months.

03-26-2012, 09:12 AM
But what do I do? Do I coddle him? Do I ignore him? He's doing the avoiding thing. Won't look at me, won't let me touch him. When I try to pick him up, he tries to climb off of me. It's at a point of ridiculousness. There's so reason for him to be like that and I'm at my wits end! How do I handle it? Everyone says it'll only last a little while, but in the mean time, how do I handle it?

03-26-2012, 10:33 AM
Can you try to 'force' him to be held? but I mean it in a good way LOL
My brother hated to be held or hugged, even as a baby! So at times my mom would have to actually hold him and MAKE him calm down.

I'm at a lost....sorry hun. All I can say is I hope your day is better than the last.

Inspired by Reggio
03-26-2012, 10:51 AM
....It's at a point of ridiculousness. There's so reason for him to be like that and I'm at my wits end! How do I handle it? Everyone says it'll only last a little while, but in the mean time, how do I handle it?

Although it may be hard for us to remember being an infant - there IS a reason for it hon - he is scared, anxious and unsure of his new environment ... not matter how loving and awesome you are you are not his primary caregiver and do not know his 'cues' yet for being hungry, tired, wet, soiled and so forth so might 'misread' them so he does not trust you yet and the only way infants know how to express anything is to WHIMPER, than CRY and if the need is still not met is to SCREAM to try to get that need met ... however because we cannot 'wave a magic bottle or diaper or crib' to meet the anxiety need like other infant needs it is hard to fix it leaving us feeling so very overwhelmed too and all we can do is our 'best' to relieve that scared and anxiousness as quickly as we can - lots of pre-visits with parents in your home BEFORE being left all day long really do cut down on this at least the intensity of it - which is different for every personality but the feelings are no less 'intense' for the kid who takes 2 days verses the kid who takes 25 days :(

My suggestion is whenever possible to YES HOLD them and comfort them during this initial stage of bonding with you - this is important that they learn to trust you WILL meet their needs - and been doing this 20 years and it will NOT SPOIL THEM to do this or start a 'bad habit' in your program cause once they trust you you can quickly wean off the need to be 'held' cause as he gets feeling more comfortable and crying less you start by leaving the time before you 'respond' a minute longer and longer and just soothing with your VOICE that he is ok, safe, you are there and so forth so he learns to self soothe which he can now do cause he trusts his needs will be met by you and the anxiety is now gone!

If he is climbing off you making holding him hard I would try swaddling him and signing and soothing to help him calm - but if it makes it worse cause some kids just do not like to be TOUCHED by a strangers than back off and do the 'verbal' portions of singing and soothing and when calmer than try the 'sitting beside playing games' and so forth where you can occasionally 'touch' him to show him you are ok ... and each day I sort of 'stretch' how far that invisible cord of comfort gets for newbies ... initially on that first day I do not leave the room without them in tow even to the bathroom if I have to and than during free play I play games of peekaboo with blankets and when they are good with that and playing more as long as within 'sight' of me than take it up a notch and I go around corners and come back in a 'fun smiles and game' fashion the better this goes the longer I can stay out of sight without them screaming cause they learn that trusting and that I will return and so forth.

I find it takes about 1 week to get a child 'happily playing' all day as long as I am within sight and another week for me to be able to step quickly out of the room and return and them to be ok with it and about a month and with some kids before I can GO PEE without them starting to whimper or follow me to the bathroom door to keep them 'safe' from the other kids.

Children who adjust to childcare quicker have family who have helped them A) by leaving them in the care of family or others for short periods during their maternity leave so they learn that mom and dad may leave but their needs get met by others so they learn to eat and sleep for others and they trust that parents do return for them B) children whose parents are responsive parents but who have taught them 'delayed gratification' aka that while your basic needs ALWAYS get met sometimes you have to wait a minute meaning if baby cries you DO NOT DROP EVERYTHING to tend to them - you can verbal couch that need will be met by saying 'you getting hungry - mommy be there in a minute' but making them wait that bit and so forth to finish what you were doing as well as that sometimes just because you WANT something does not mean you GET IT aka sometimes they are not 'allowed' what they are wanting - aka you cannot pull hair, you cannot smack your mama, you cannot touch certain things and so forth they have had 'rules' starting to be implemented cause babies are SMART and they do quickly get that when they are gentle they are held more but when they hit, pull hair, bit a finger they get set down and a facial expression on the adult 'changes' to one not so smiley ;)

03-26-2012, 03:57 PM
But what do I do? Do I coddle him? Do I ignore him? He's doing the avoiding thing. Won't look at me, won't let me touch him. When I try to pick him up, he tries to climb off of me. It's at a point of ridiculousness. There's so reason for him to be like that and I'm at my wits end! How do I handle it? Everyone says it'll only last a little while, but in the mean time, how do I handle it?

Now that the weather is nicer can you go outside a lot? I find that newbie screamers are calm when going for a walk or to the park even if they just sit in the stroller and watch the other children. That worked well for me with my last daycare baby actually. It's really difficult if you get one of those children who don't like to cuddle. Cuddling is much easier for soothing. Can you rub his back and sing or talk to him to calm him?

04-05-2012, 08:17 PM
Update: HE STOPPED CRYING!! First he stopped crying a few minutes after his parents dropped him off, then he started gabbing and smiling. Now he doesn't cry even while being dropped off. He still cries randomly for new reason, but I'm still learning his cues. I've also yet to hear him laugh, but he's smiling a lot and talking a lot. He's even getting excited! Today, his aunt picked him up from daycare and he didn't want to go! He cried for me when I handed him over! Made me feel SO amazing!

I'm still struggling with him crying when he wakes up with naps and that doesn't seem to be letting up, but we'll figure that out. I have hope! Yay!! Thanks everyone for your help!

04-05-2012, 09:29 PM
Woohoo! Isn't that a great feeling when it finally happens? Some children take a really long time to feel comfortable at daycare, they are all very different.

I really believe that if you are patient and keep your routines consistent so the children learn how every day will transition for them they just fall into it naturally after a few months. I have a 4 year old boy who has NEVER ONCE napped for his parents but has napped every afternoon here for over 3 years. Why? Because he knows EXACTLY what to expect from me and from our days and routines. It's wonderful when everything runs smoothly every day.