Events outside the dayhome

[little rascals]

How do you deal with invitations to get togethers or birthday parties of the kids you provide care for. I was invited to a birthday party of one of the kids but don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to get to personal with the families as i want to try and keep things as perfessional as possible.
I don't want to just keep coming up with excuses to not go... how would you tell the parents that you cant go?

[mom-in-alberta]

Depends. You could flat out tell them that you are not comfortable blurring the lines between professional and personal.
Or, like myself, you just happen to be unavailable that day. Don't make up a story, just say you can't make it.

[michellesmunchkins]

I'm a firm believer in honesty! I agree that there should be lines between work and personal life too. Although, I do tend to get very friendly with my daycare families and would consider some of the Mom's as friends once care was done for their child...until then...I try to keep it as professional and friendly as possible. I do birthday parties for the kids at the daycare. We buy them a little gift and card from myself and my family...and then the little ones all make and decorate cards to send home a couple days before their birthday :) I would tell the truth, that as much as you would love to come to the party, you think its best that you keep daycare away from your personal life. Just my opinion though.

[Emily3]

Personally, I would go with mom in Alberta and just say sorry but you can't make it, if you do not want to go. I think that parents forget that we operate as a business and invite us to birthday parties because they consider our children to be friends since they spend everyday together!!! For toddlers, their daycare peers are the natural choice for parties! It is much easier when the kids are older and have dropoff parties where the parents don't stay, then the kids can be friends without you having to blur your business relationship.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree with respecting the lines of professional distance from clients you can have a relationship without getting TOO personal - you can be honest without being BRUTALLY honest ;)

I would also thank them for the invite and send my regrets that I am otherwise committed that day and leave it at that ... IMO that is the HONEST truth - you are committed to something else they just do not need to know the brutal truth that you are committed to painting your toes that day because you do not want to spend your weekend and down time around a bunch of kiddies at a birthday party ;)

[little rascals]

Thanks ladies. The thing is I don't even have any children of my own so makes it a little more awkward to go. It's just that this family has already invited before and have been saying no. I just feel bad just saying no all the time lol. I guess I am a bit of a worry wart and sometimes make a big deal about simple things lol.

[Momof4]

I think it is a wonderful compliment that they respect and care about you enough to invite you to the party! If you really don't want to spend your free time with the children I can completely understand that. We spend 40-45 hours a week with these little ones and care about them so much but we definitely need our 'me' time! Can you just say that you have other plans but tell them how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness? That's honest but polite. I'm sure you do have other things you have to do, right?

[Cadillac]

I am invited to the kids birthday parties. My personal experience is that it is SUPER AWKWARD! Last year half the ladies were like 'SOOOOOO youre the AWESOME caregiver ******* found' but little else was said. They gave me beer to drink which I BADLY wanted but felt weird drinking with them. I felt like I shouldn't be there. I went to another and the family was great but somke family members were giving me the 'whats the babysitter doing here look' and then all they seemed to be able to talk to me about was how ahead THEIR children are in development. After this last birthday party for a little one turning one and coming into my care, I drew the line. No one spoke to me or engaged when I spoke to them, I felt like I shouldn't be there.

Really though . . . . I shouldn't be there

It's such a weird relationship we have with parents. We have to be some-what close because we take care of their children and love their children but this is also a business and you have to help an air of professionally.

I have birthday parties for the kids here. I now tell parents that this is THEIR special time with their child and that should enjoy it with family and friends only. I joke that I steal enough of their child's time already without me entering their social/home life.

[Sandbox Sally]

I would not go to a daycare child's birthday party. Nope. I would be honest about the reason as well.

[sunnydays]

I wouldn't go either...thankfully I haven't been invited so far! In fact, I am thinking it may be something to add to the good old contract...so parents can read about the reasons ahead of time and not even have to invite you. I think sometimes parents invite us because they feel it is polite and that we may be offended/hurt if they don't. I remember being in the position with my son...wondering if I should or shouldn't invite his daycare provider. In the end I didn't, but felt kind of bad about it.

[Momof4]

One of my daycare families came to my grandson's birthday party last year because their son & my grandson were great friends in my daycare. It wasn't awkward at all because they are a really down to earth family and one in a million.

[mom-in-alberta]

Oh, I do agree that the family makes a difference, too! If you have already crossed that grey zone and are now "friend-ish" then it wouldn't be as weird. We were invited to a 2nd birthday for a little guy who had just left care (mom on mat leave) and we really would have gone, but were busy with other commitments that day. I love the mom, and don't think it would have been awkward at all. Other families.... I picture us, sitting in one corner surrounded by their family and friends and itching to cut the cake so we can get the heck outta there!!

[playfelt]

When my kids were little it was very common to invite the daycare kids that were their age to their parties and mine were invited to the daycare child's party. I have done a few first birthday parties - dropping in for a few minutes at least - it is good networking since they often invite friends that also have little ones so I have even gotten children for care from a birthday party - cake, ice cream and a space filled all for standing around is not a bad way to spend an hour really. I have also done a few christenings over the years - mostly back when babies started care earlier. I think it was more a chance for the parents to show me off to the grandparents etc.

Would they be my activity of choice no. Would I simply rule them out on principle no. Would it totally depend on the family and our dynamics yes.

Just as we are more attached to the children that seem to be friendlier with us being friendly with your daycare families can make it harder for them to want to break ties in the future. Not probably enough to struggle through one of their events but maybe.

Where I do draw the line is socially as in I have attended activities on behalf of their kids but not gone to things like an avon party or birthday for one of the parents as in the type of events their friends would be invited to. In that sense I do keep my distance.