Whats your take? Terminate or stick through it?

[PJHD]

Hello everyone.

I currently have been watching a brother and sister. Boy is 5. I have him 3 days a week and b4/after school on 2 days. I watch his sister full time and she is almost 3. They are neighbors to me and I made a mistake a year ago of accepting into care without meeting the kids. (WHY DID IT DO THIS? In fact I asked for the mom to bring the kids and her answer was "i would prefer not")

Anyway the boy is very hyper but doing MUCH better with me then when he first started. He really isn't too bad except for the fact he is hyper at times.

His sister.... Brought to me when she just turned 2 and she was violent. Hitting. MASSIVE attitude. Spitting (sticks out tongue and spits) follows my 3 yr old around the house with her hand over her head like she is about to hit. She is out of control.. Anyway after months in my care she seems to be getting better but sometimes regresses and goes back to this awful behavior. She hits somone at least twice a day.

I use to serve breakfast but made a decision not to anymore as it was getting too close to snack time so sent an email saying I am no longer offering breakfast. The kids mother writes to me.."its okay they dont really eat till 930 anyway..."

Today mom comes and drops the kids off. The kids walk into my house and the 3 yr old has a Fiber one bar in her hand. (this is the kids breakfast???) She tells the girl to go to the table and finish it. ????? Are you kiddding me! ALSO the kids were in there PJ'S. The boy says "Why arn't you wearing PJs? My mom said it was PJ day" Then his mom give me a bag of clothes to change them into..... This has happened many times before... Seriously I am able to feed my two children and get them changed and ready for the day before all the kids come to daycare... why can't she??? So the kids are still in the pjs now. I am not changing them. :) Any takes on this???

[apples and bananas]

lol... I don't have much input, but, this morning I had a mom drop her kids off with a bag of cheese balls in the 5 year olds hands. She tells me the 2 year old and the 5 year old both had a cheese string and the 2 year old has had his milk. LOL.... cheese balls... really??? I'd be embarrased to drop my kids off like that... but some parents do it.

At the end of the day it's your business... if you're not happy, cut your losses and move on to a family that respects you and works with you.

All the best.

[Crayola kiddies]

Hmmmm..... My contract states all children must come dressed with clean face and hands and have had breakfast and be ready to begin the day.....soooo if that child walked in with a food item and the parent didnt bring enough for the rest of the children then I would have said " no go back outside and finish that before you come in". When the parent arrives tonight to pick up the kids she would be getting her bag of clothes back along with a term notice. She is just plain rude and maybe she thinks because you are neighbors you should put up with it.....good luck with what ever you decide

[Lou]

Darn, I had a big response typed out and now it's gone :(
To sum up, make it clear (in letter/email form always works best for me) your expectations. Say in no uncertain terms that food must be finished before coming into childcare, and children must be dressed and ready for the day as to not interfere with your childcare routine. I would also address the little girl's aggressive behaviour and positively suggest to "to work together" to create a more peaceful atmosphere. If after a week, things aren't changing, buh-bye.

[Dreamalittledream]

Actually I would have to say that I'm lenient on the PJ thing (in fact every Friday is PJ day for us). With 2 young children of my own I all too remember those hectic mornings. Right from the start though, any food they come through the door with got bagged up and sent back at the end of the day; that stopped it (not fair to the other ones who have to wait until our snacktime). Sheesh the aggression and attitude though...wowza, so hard to stay on top of that every single moment. Tough call. Do you have any potentials to fill the space?

[Momof4]

Oh no, I had a 5 year old boy here for the summer in my first year and his 2 1/2 year old sister who was exactly as you described, violent and I'm really sorry to say this about a child, but just plain evil! The little boy was pretty good, nothing like his little sister so I could not figure it out. I asked and asked the Dad because he did the dropoff and pickup and I never saw the Mom again after our initial interview. She even agreed to termination by letter. I couldn't even reach her on the phone and she didn't answer the emails I sent asking for guidance and suggestions for her daughter. The Dad was clueless!

Anyway, RED FLAGS were definitely learned about in that situation and I lasted two months, then terminated to protect the other children in the daycare from the violent 2 year old girl. It blew my mind! After that family I made rule for myself about having the parents agree that we are a team working together or you are doomed. I tell parents that in the interview and really believe it.

[Inspired by Reggio]

That is a tough one for sure ... sounds like they are making progress in your program so there is HOPE but if it were me as a minimum I would be putting in place a 'behaviour and guidance action plan' with the parents - an amendment to the contract so to speak to help both child get some anger management skills and strategies in place and a TIME LINE for improvement for the aggression to STOP otherwise their contract will need to be terminated because the other children in your care should not be the 'punching bag' for these kids :(

[mom-in-alberta]

Well, I suppose hindsight is 20/20, right? When mom would "rather not" bring the children she expects you to care for.... not good. LoL

Violence and aggression would be the major issue for me. I am glad that she's improved, but the fact that she hits someone "at least twice a day" is not acceptable. Do the other children just cower when she comes near? I wouldn't blame them!! How did mom/dad react when you started dealing with this? What was their response? Clearly, it is allowed behaviour. That would be the deal breaker for me. You are responsible for the greater good of the group here, not just these siblings.
I hope you let them stay in the pajamas until they got home. I am not going to get your kids dressed for you. We have planned PJ days all the time, and on my days off I am rarely dressed before noon if I don't have somewhere to be. But I ask that children arrive dressed and "ready for the day". If you bring them in a state of disarray, chances are they don't have their teeth brushed or their hair brushed (am I supposed to do that? and what are the other kids doing while I am helping your child get ready for the rest of our activities?), and it's not too long before parents "forget" things like sunhats or winter mittens when they are lackadaisical like this in the morning.
I am fine with people sending breakfast with their kids, as long as they are arriving before 8:30am. I don't provide it, but I will turn away "junk" food (like Cheese Puffs, lol!). The fibre bar is questionable. I would let it slide, even if it wouldn't be my choice for the first meal of the day.
I agree with Lisa. Give them a letter detailing your expectations. Put a definitive time line on it, and if there is no improvement, terminate.

[PJHD]

Thanks everyone for your opinions and support!

Today at the park was horrible. The girl spit at me THREE TIMES while placing her in the stroller for a time out. Once she was calm and when I spoke to her about that behavior and she was out, it was soon after she threw wood chips at my face and again she was in the stroller strapped in but this time did not come out as she lost her park privileges.

As I live in a smaller town it may take a while to find replacements but then again there are so many kids in my community....

What else can I do with her????? I feel so bad as they live across the street.... but I have to think of whats best for my kids. Any suggestions on coping with her behavior till I find a replacement?

[michellesmunchkins]

Thanks everyone for your opinions and support!

Today at the park was horrible. The girl spit at me THREE TIMES while placing her in the stroller for a time out. Once she was calm and when I spoke to her about that behavior and she was out, it was soon after she threw wood chips at my face and again she was in the stroller strapped in but this time did not come out as she lost her park privileges.

As I live in a smaller town it may take a while to find replacements but then again there are so many kids in my community....

What else can I do with her????? I feel so bad as they live across the street.... but I have to think of whats best for my kids. Any suggestions on coping with her behavior till I find a replacement?

She spit at you???? wow!!! That would be a deal breaker for me. I'm all for putting up with, dealing with and correcting behaviour but spitting is disgusting. That's a learned behaviour and unacceptable!!!! Unless I was desperate for the money she would be gone effective immediately!

I refuse to take neighbours or friends kids just for reasons like this. Its much harder to terminate because you feel bad about it, but if they don't address the fact that she disrespects you to the point of spitting at you then they don't deserve you. We put up with some much crap and disrespect in this job that for me, spitting would cross the line. Maybe its just me, but it makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I'm so sorry you are going through this!!!!

[PJHD]

I know! when I say spit i mean stick the tounge out and spit while making a sound. that to me still counts as spitting. she is so frustrating...

[Nottellin']

Thanks everyone for your opinions and support!

Today at the park was horrible. The girl spit at me THREE TIMES while placing her in the stroller for a time out. Once she was calm and when I spoke to her about that behavior and she was out, it was soon after she threw wood chips at my face and again she was in the stroller strapped in but this time did not come out as she lost her park privileges.

As I live in a smaller town it may take a while to find replacements but then again there are so many kids in my community....

What else can I do with her????? I feel so bad as they live across the street.... but I have to think of whats best for my kids. Any suggestions on coping with her behavior till I find a replacement?

She spit at you?!?!

Nope, no way. Terminated today.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I know! when I say spit i mean stick the tounge out and spit while making a sound. that to me still counts as spitting. she is so frustrating...

Ya blowing a 'raspberry' AT someone specially in 'anger' is SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE and is not tolerated here either!

[Momof4]

You will know when you reach your limit and that will be that little girl's last day. It won't do any harm to tell the parents you find her behaviour completely unnaceptable and she needs discipline and rules would it?

[mom-in-alberta]

So what are the parents' responses when you bring up these issues? If you haven't yet, you MUST immediately. Give them a chance to fix the problems, but if they don't/can't/aren't willing, terminate.
Do you want the rest of the kids in they daycare picking up these habits? I am thinking no.... and it's not fair that they have to live in fear of being picked on or spit at (Yes, to me that is spitting "at" you, even if it's not a big loogie-spit).
Develop a specific action plan, as others have said. Include what the consequences of the behaviour will be and if mom/dad aren't on board, I say you need to be done!!!
**HUGS**