My letter to the parents

[Littledragon]

I don't know if this is familiar to anyone but I have a little boy (he's my first family) three full days and three half days every week. I didn't realize when I agreed to them that half days (afternoons) are complicated. Since the beginning, I've been "suggesting" that they do their half days a certain way because it's easier for the daycare. But they're not listening and today was the last straw. I asked that they arrive at 12:30 so we can kick off the afternoon routine together. His father was previously bringing him in around nap time, so they would play for like 20 minutes and then go down for a nap. Well, today, he showed up at one with the kid "half" fed saying "he will probably be hungry later". So not only did my son have to wait an extra half hour to eat but the kid would most likely be hungry during nap time. I was told his lunch was in his bag, so I thought I would feed my child and give the other child a little bit so he wouldn't end up hungry later on. I went to get his bag and he had the clothes he'd worn yesterday, curdled milk and NO LUNCH. I was pretty upset, I feel like I need to nip this in the bud. The reason why I am struggling with saying anything is one: because i need them and two: because at the moment, it's only the three of us, but HOPEFULLY, it won't be like that for long. So I wrote them a letter and I was hoping you guys could read it and let me know if i'm coning off as unreasonable or bitchy.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am having some issues without half days. They've been an issue since the beginning but I chose not to say anything since it isonly the 3 of us at the moment, however, I am beginning to notice that even though it's only the three of us, the hald days are still difficult.
I suggested in the beginning that he arrive at 12:30 on his half days. I'd hoped it wouldn't have to come to this but now I am going to have to insist. Our days follow a pretty strict and consistant schedule. When we arrives late, it interrupts the flow. For example, today I assumed [the child] would be here at 12:30 unfed. So, i waited to feed [my son]. Instead, [the child] was dropped off at 1 - having eaten "some lunch but might be hungry later". So, not only did [my son]have to wait an additional half hour for his lunch, but [the child] may possibly get hungry when its time for nap. He also arrived without food, curdled milk and yesterdays clothes in his bag.

As I said, we follow a pretty strict schedule and arriving even at 12:30 is probably difficult and confusing for [the child]. Arriving at the same time every half day would make it much less difficult for everyone.

Here is our schedule:
8:30 - breakfast/snack
10-11:30 - nap
12:00 - lunch (on half days it's pushed to 12:30)
1-2 - outside play
2:30-4 - nap
4- snack

So, as you can see, if [the child] shows up after lunch, the next chance he would get to eat would be 4.

i know all this probably seems strict and unnecessary especially considering it's just the three of us I implemented this schedule for a reason. It gives them consistancy and confidence in their day. When the schedule is interrupted, it throws everything off - including myself. It's really important to me that the schedule stays consistant. Once i have more kids (I have three interviews next week) this schedule will be - for lack of a better word - non-neogotiable.

I hope i don't come off as bitchy but I just want you to understand how imporant this is everyone's well-being. If you have any questions or concers, please voice them.


That's it. What do you think?

[Lou]

You will definitely get your point across! However, I would definitely leave out "bitchy" in an email to parents, as it may come off as unprofessional. I'm bored, so I took a crack at it from another angle :)

Dear Mom and Dad,
This letter is in regards to the half days that CHILD spends here with us. As previously discussed, it is imperative that he arrives no later than 12:30pm. We follow a consistent schedule throughout the day, and in a better attempt to keep the transitions seamless, his scheduled arrival for lunch would be in everyone's best interest.
I neglected to insist upon the 12:30 drop off at first, as it has been only the 3 of us but I am finding the late drop offs to be disruptive to our schedule and it is a happier and smoother environment when everyone knows what to expect next, as children thrive on consistency and routine.
The 12:30 drop off time is in effect immediately, and I appreciate your understanding.

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns,
ME

[Momof4]

Go with Lisa's letter samroo, it's good! When sending a letter to the parent never be emotional, always businesslike. Don't be wishy washy, be firm and let them know that it is your rules, your house and you are not up for negotiations. The clients will respect you more that way. If they know they can push you around and you won't stand up for yourself how can they respect you?

[sunnydays]

I agree...Lisa's letter is short, to the point and professional and leaves less room for misinterpretation or emotional reaction. I would go with that too. Good luck!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree with the others ... I personally always right one 'rage letter' to get it out of my system and then hit delete and rewrite my letters without the emotional component and just the 'fact' so to speak and what I NEED for the program to thrive.

Lisa's shorter to the point letter should get the point across without creating an emotional response from their end and escalating the issue instead of resolving it.

If they do not RESPECT the letter and continue to arrive late than you can write an additional letter of WARNING that states 'as discussed in my letter on April 17th I require X to be at the program by 12:30 for the benefit of not only his transition into the program but the transition of the entire program into our afternoon routine. If this expectation is going to be an issue on your end I am afraid I am going to have to withdraw the half day option from my service as of X date. The option will to be full day only each day or I would understand if you need to make alternative arrangements for childcare in a program where the later drop offs do not affect the overall flow of program for the other children.

[Littledragon]

Thanks everyone!! I totally agree that Lisa's letter is MUCH better. I guess I feel like I need to be more personable because I'm an emotional person and feel like I need to portray that. I seem to be constantly needing to remind myself that I am running a bussines. I am just SO afraid of losing them! The only thing is, the dad seems to be a bit of a....tool lol he's not bright. I would like to put the schedule in there so he know what he is interrupting when he drops him off late and that he can't drop him off "half fed" because he doesn't have a chance to eat again until 4. Do you think that's ok?

[Crayola kiddies]

Why don't you ask them to bring him at noon so that he can have lunch as the next meal time is not till 4. That way he can play for a short time before being called to the table. If you word it like " I kindly ask that you drop Johnny off at noon on his half days so he has a chance to settle in and play before lunch as the next meal time is not till four pm when he wakes from his nap. It would make for a smoother transition for Johnny. ...... If you really don't want him there till 12:30 then maybe suggest they feed him a full lunch before arriving. I just think waiting till 1 is generally really late for toddlers to eat. We eat lunch here at 11:30.

[Cadillac]

Check your spelling and grammar and I would re-word as you are coming off as terribly rude. As much as this family is pissing you off you have to remain professional. In order to make your point clear you can put in consequences if your request are not met.

[Spixie33]

Don't refer to yourself as bitchy in any way, form or right. That is just a cop-out for people to degrade women and for you to put yourself down. Speaking up for yourself is not nagging or bitching....you are just standing firm for what you need. Not sure why women always have to be labeled when they are taking a stand as though it is wrong of them to be assertive.

Anywho...off my soap box. Just give yourself more credit and don't let yourself be put down that way. It is your business and you deserve to stand up for how you need to run it.

I like Lisa's letter and then you can still copy and paste your schedule in so they have a reminder of why the day goes the way it does.

I also like the suggestion that you offer to have him come for lunch on half days because otherwise it is confusing for a child to arrive and get put straight to bed.

I hope you see the changes you want with these parents. Good luck :):yes:

[apples and bananas]

i always try to make it about what's best for the child. "child" will adjust better to a consistent schedule. " it's best for "daycare child" to be here at 12:30.

If you make it about YOUR schedule, and YOUR routine, it may come off wrong.

[mom-in-alberta]

Agreed.... Lisa's letter, (less emotion, more to the point), DON'T refer to yourself as bitchy (you are not being unreasonable in the least!), and throw the schedule in there. Make it about them and their child, not you or your child. And yes, there are some spelling/grammar issues, possibly just fast typing on your part, but you don't want them in the final draft.
Good luck! :)

[Littledragon]

Check your spelling and grammar and I would re-word as you are coming off as terribly rude. As much as this family is pissing you off you have to remain professional. In order to make your point clear you can put in consequences if your request are not met.

That was what I was worry about. I don't want to come off as rude, just as being stern. I don't want them to think they have wiggle room and I want them to understand why I am making this request. I think I am just going to copy and paste lisa's letter lol

[Littledragon]

Here is the letter I ended up sending:

Dear Mom and Dad,
This letter is in regards to the half days that CHILD spends here with us. As previously discussed, it is imperative that he arrives no later than 12:30pm. We follow a consistent schedule throughout the day, and in a better attempt to keep the transitions seamless, his scheduled arrival for lunch would be in everyone's best interest.

I neglected to insist upon the 12:30 drop off at first, as it has been only the 3 of us but I am finding the late drop offs to be disruptive to our schedule and it is a happier and smoother environment when everyone knows what to expect next, as children thrive on consistency and routine.

I kindly ask that you drop CHILD off at 12:30, unfed, on his half days so he has a chance to settle in and play after lunch as the next meal time is not till four pm when he wakes from his nap. (Normally, our lunches are at noon but I have pushed them to 12:30 on half days as I realize DAD appreciates spending his mornings with his son. But having lunch any later is extremely disruptive to our day) It would make for a smoother transition for CHILD. The 12:30 drop off time is in effect immediately, and I appreciate your understanding.

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns,

Me

[Momof4]

Awesome! Good for you! Good luck and keep us up to date. Don't let your clients push you around. Be firm. It takes practice but you can do it!

[Spixie33]

Great. Hope the parents get on board and it is smooth sailing for you

[Lou]

Sounds great!!!

[playfelt]

Even if dad is spending time with his son there is no reason why some of that time can't be sharing lunch together so having a rule that if he comes to care after 12:30 he must be fed. To get lunch he must come before 12:00 ie you are all eating at the same time and child is either eating at home or your place depending on drop off time. Then there is a planned playtime after followed by nap. If child comes fed he is ready to play anyways.

Alternately for the sake of your own child and future children who will come having eaten breakfast before 7 am and want lunch by noon you are going to want to have a 12:00 lunch every day as you fill up so while this works for now you are going to want to back it up later. Might be better to do it now. 12:00 is lunch and I feed whoever is here. Meal of the day is only guaranteed if I know by 11:30 you are coming and NO you may not send your child lunch in hand as that isnt' fair to the rest of the gang.