Nothing is working !!!

[little rascals]

Parents and myself are having an extemely hard time potty training a almost 3 year old(turns 3 next month). We have tried every 30 minutes. Was trying to do it without rewards but I have tried everything I can think of and now use a chart. If she pees or poops in potty 3 times she gets a sucker. We started her this week on underwear thinking that she would feel more uncomfortable when wet but she still has no problem sitting in wetness. She used to tell me that she needs to go potty and now does not even do that. I would suggest that she is not ready and to stop trying until she is ready however dont want to because she is turning 3 and parents really want her potty trained. I have no idea what else to do. Any suggestions? I have helped with training many times and never had soooo much trouble. :o

[Bookworm]

Sounds like she is regressing because everyone is bugging her about it so much (not in a mean way, please don't take offense). Maybe try backing off a bit and then starting again? I know she is almost 3, but some kids take longer.
My one nephew wasn't trained until he was 3 almost 4, and it wasnt that he couldn't do it, he just didn't want to do it. It took a kid at the playground making fun of him for still wearing a diaper, for him to decide to use the potty.
Whatever method you and the parents decide to do, I wish you luck!

[little rascals]

Yes I think that may be the problem too. Her father is also away for long periods of time so I think that has something to do with it as well. They said that she was doing really well for a while. Was pretty much trained a few months ago but then dad went out of town for work and she stopped trying.

[Crayola kiddies]

I just trained my son and I used a sticker chart .... Every time he went in the potty/toilet he got a sticker and if he went in his pants he got an x .....I spent the week prior prepping him ... Telling him that diapers were going to be only for nap time and night time. I used the thick waffleweave training pants so if he did pee them they would soak up most of the mess. He hated being wet ..... The first day he went in the toilet once and peed his pants three times the next day he only peed his pants once and since then he has only had a few accidents .... You need to find the child's "currency" ...stickers, a smartie, gummy bear, a cracker, a chance to play with a special toy what ever makes them really happy and it has to be everytime not after three times or at the end of the week .... Sometimes you just have to resort to bribery cause some are more defiant then others. But I agree I wouldn't back off cause in my opinion they got ya then and the next time you start she'll do the same thing figuring you'll back off again .... Being potty trained is not an option .... I've heard of some care givers making the parents take a week off and keep their child home and train them if the child is not trained by 3rd birthday. I have one the is almost three and parents haven't started yet and changing that diaper is gross.

[sunnydays]

I have one who will be three in September and he is doing well at home and in underwear, but he won't go at my house :( I've tried everything! although I don't agree with giving treats for pottying, I did try it and although he REALLy wanted the smarties or the balloon, he would NOT pee or poop or even try. His parents have even promised him a party with cake if he pees at my house...but nope. Now we are just waiting. I don't know what else to do. It makes me feel like a failure though :(

[apples and bananas]

my daughter took forever to potty train. I just kept telling myself... "she won't go to college in diapers" She was almost 4. Kids will do it when they're ready. I bet if everyone left her alone about it for a while, she'd probably do it herself.

I had on child in care that trained successfully with jelly beans. 1 for a pee and 2 for a poo. But, she was obviously ready and didn't like to sit in a wet diaper. Whatever you choose to do, do it full force with consistency. I'm sure they'll catch on soon enough.

It's amost like watching a pot boil. It never does it until you walk away and stop watching.

[Dayhome Mamma]

Little rascals and Crayola kiddies, I totally understand your techniques, and they are quite commonly used but I don't personally go or think about it the same way. I very strongly believe in following the child's lead in this case, and not the parents who really are wanting this to happen at a certain time or when their child gets to a magical age number in which they feel they must know by then. Every child is different, and their development is very different,(in potty training you have to consider both physical and mental, even at 3 when they fully understand everything) and I feel like potty training is a huge stepping stone which only they can or should be determining to do once they are ready. I think it is our job to provide them with the knowledge of how to do it by showing them the steps and reminding them that poops and pees should go in the toilet, but in the end I don't think a child is ready until they start feeling uncomfortable at being wet and/or asking to go themselves.
To give an example,
I've just recently had two situations with two different children. 1st child was being strictly guided by their parents to be potty trained (boy was 2.5) and the 2nd family wasn't even thinking about it. One family started in Nov. with their son going into pull ups, whom after 3 days I suggested that he was not ready, but they insisted on continuing. (i personally felt this was a waste of their money, the pull ups, because he was not reacting to them at all even with the so called "wet alert" they had. December came and they decided to go cold turkey to underwear. And they came a week later in New year saying he was fully trained.
This was BS. What happened was that they were fully successfull in training themselves at putting him on every hour. The boy himself had no interest in it whatsoever. But we went with what the parents wanted and did everything they asked. Weeks went by and I started to notice changes in his behaviour and more and more resistance(which i mentioned to the parents for a second time that I think we should hold off for a bit as he wasn't showing he was ready). So then the bribes came in. Which worked for a bit. but then, once he got used to them or bored of them, his negative behaviour increased. Resistance to being even put on the toilet became impossible. He would shriek against going at which point I mentioned to the parents for the 3rd time that I REALLY didn't think he was ready, to which they responded that I was trying to get out of it. So they got let go and had to find a daycare, where i am sure, that unless their boy asks, they're not just going to automatically take him to the toilet every hour as they have dreamed of someone doing. If he doesn't ask, and he has accidents every day, they just automatically tell parents their child isn't ready and thats it. They go into diapers.
So here's my second child. Around the same time this boy was acting out against it. This little girl decided to start asking her parents to go pee pee every time she had to go. Just like that. They had shown her once or twice before, they weren't training her at all, and she just demanded it herself, and she is the same age. So they just followed her lead. And she naturally started asking to go poop as well. They would still bring me her in diapers until after about 2 weeks of her having asked every time, I suggested that I work on it with her as well at our house cause she hadn't been asking me yet, and I suspected that she just needed me to tell her and show her myself that it was ok to go at our house to and to ask me to take her. So it took one day for me to show her, and she is totally there. And that's how I think its supposed to go. No stress. No mess. Just let them show you or tell you that they are ready. Its simple and gradual yet happens really quick once they get it. Kind of like when they learn to feed themselves. You show them a spoon, how to hold it and use it and scoop the food and put it into their mouths, but they are ultimately in control of learning how to feed themselves.

[samantha3]

I understand how you are feeling! I have two boys in my care, one is 3 and a half and the other has just turned 3. Both have no interest in the toilet and parents are starting to put the pressure on.

I believe that potty training is the parents job and the child will let everyone know when they are ready.... that being said I think I am going to have some children in diapers for a lllllllooooonnggg time lol

Does anyone think this is a big deal? (I have not had to really help 'potty train' before and do not like forcing children to do things.... for example be forced to sit on a toilet).

Thanks for bringing this topic up!

[michellesmunchkins]

I'm on the same page as Dayhome Momma. I don't force the issue and I don't train myself to watch the clock to ensure they are put on the potty at certain time intervals. To me, a child is ready when THEY tell ME that they need to use the potty...not when I ask them 100 times a day. My own children were trained both daytime and nightime in 3 days and THEY told me that they wanted to use the potty. My daughter was 2.5 and my son was a month shy of his 3rd bday. Neither one of them has ever wet the bed and they are 17 and 6 now.

I never push the potty issue because if you scare a child from it, good luck getting them back to it. Potty training can't be negative. I also don't do rewards with the exception of stickers. They get a sticker in their potty training sticker book and one to wear proudly on their shirt to show off their success :) They all do it eventually and they are only little once so why do parents want to rush them through everything.

[Emily3]

I agree with the above posters who say the child needs to be ready and take the lead. Sitting on the toilet every 20 minutes when someone plunks you there does not make you trained!!!! If you cannot recognize that you have to pee before it comes out and can not communicate that or get to the bathroom on time then you are not ready! My 2 year old daughter is fascinated with the toilet and I sit her there often but she can not tell me when she needs to go so I have no expectations, am simply letting her get used to the idea!

[little rascals]

I really agree with you dayhome mamma. This is the way I feel about it too. I don't think she is ready. She doesn't even tell me she needs to pee anymore. I don't really agree with rewards for potty training but they use a chart at home so I figured I would try to do what they are doing at home. It's just frustrating. I'm trying my best to help them out but I guess I will be when she is ready. Thanks everyone for opinions. It a hard task to deal with sometimes.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Ya - I am another one that 'pushing' toilet training with a child WILL back fire everytime!

There are only so many things in their life children actually get 'control' over ... what goes into their bodies and what comes out of their bodies being the two biggest ... and ironically they are the ones that cause parents the MOST issues because when children feel CONTROLLED in those areas they PUSH back to exert control and battles begin because kids KNOW we cannot truly make them eat or make them poop and so forth!

IMO once a child is about 18 months - our job is to role model what goes on in the bathroom on a regular basis so they can see how it is done and to offer and encourage them to practice as THEY show interest and are self motivated - children want to be 'like their parents' or 'like siblings' so if they see THEM going they will want to emulate this naturally .... and than with that regular role modeling and access to a potty or toilet it is the child's job to choose WHEN to master it .... in my program it is usually at about 18 months they start wanting to 'look in' on the other kids to see what is going in the bathroom so this is when I 'introduce' the potty to them - offer 'would you like to sit on it' and than as they start willing sit on it I change it from would you like to to 'its time to try the potty' before routine times to try to get more success ... .and when the child is having success on going on potty, is staying dry for 2 hours at a time, has the communication skills to let me know they need the potty THEN we make the transition to underwear with a containment unit over it .... this occurs at different times depending on the child!

I have had kids trained at 22 months completely in underwear except for nap time and others who took right until the last week of August heading off to JK at 4 years of age to finally be able to go two weeks with an accident and be able to be considered 'trained' and have no containment unit over their underwear! On average they are trained by 3 though and with minimal accidents or stress because with no 'pressure' from me or parents - what I call self trained with some adult support systems in place.

Honestly - been in this field for 20 years and can count the number of kids I have seen head off to school not fully trained on one hand and even if they DO go to school in a pull up the first week the PEER PRESSURE from the others of 'pooping' at school has them trained within a week or two anyway ... so why STRESS AND FIGHT to get this done cleaning up 100's of accident pants and being angry and so forth cause the plan fact is that more you push the more they 'rebel' .... step back take a deep breath cause honestly unless there is a true 'developmental delay' preventing training in the first place when we do not PUSH them to do it but rather just let them find their motivation they do get motivated on their own if not before school the minute they 'arrive' at it!

[sunnydays]

I agree that letting them lead is key. With the little guy I have in care who is trained at home, but not with me, I pushed him too much in the beginning as I was feeling pressured by his parents. It was disastrous! He ended up holding it for an entire day and writhing in pain! At that point I told parents we had to stop training at my house as I didn't want him to be in pain and it was obviously not working at all. Now it has been months and there is no progress at all although he is doing well at home. Now all I can do is wait and hope that sooner or later he feels comfortable trying at my house.

[Momof4]

Putting a child on the potty every 30 minutes sounds like kind of a bad idea to me, but also how do you have time to do that? I don't bother trying to potty train at daycare until the parents tell me the child is doing great at home and interested then I try really hard too but I also insist on pullups or containment. I'm way too busy to clean up accidents here.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Putting a child on the potty every 30 minutes sounds like kind of a bad idea to me, but also how do you have time to do that?....

Ya no kidding ...

Kinda like I have always wanted to learn how to speak French and someone said 'sure I'll teach ya' but than kept coming and interrupting me every 30 minutes and said 'hey stop what your doing - come here with me we are going to spend 5 minutes learning a French word ... ok go back to your scrapbooking ... oh nope been 30 minutes I am back again stop what your doing come over here here is a new word' .... would not be long before I was saying 'umm ya screw you - I do not want to learn French anymore it is a PITA'

I know back in the 'day' it was common practice to do the 30 minute thing - this was how we trained 'toddlers' in daycare centre ... and it SUCKED cause you basically spent all day sitting on the potty, cleaning up from potty and so forth but they had to be 'trained' in order to go into the preschool room back then ... that was not potty trained that was just LUCK .... if you sit on the potty that often you are bound to have 'success' in peeing on the potty just out of sheer statistics and yes you only have 'rare accident's' but it does not mean you are TRAINED in that you know when you need to pee before hand to go to the bathroom unassisted to meet that need independently ... it means if an adult forgets to TELL you to go to the potty every 30 minutes you PEE YOUR PANTS ... and I have a four year old boy in care who is just like this - he wears underwear but if you do not SEND him to the bathroom every hour and MAKE him go pee - he pees his pants cause he has no clue how to read his 'signs before hand' that he is going to go cause this is how he was trained at home - the parent put him on the potty so much he showed 'success' so they got rid of the diapers ... but he is not 'trained' yet and same with his poop - he poops around 4pm daily and if you do not TELL him to go sit on the toilet he will poop in his pants and not tell anyone or notice?

[little rascals]

I guess the 30 minute thing was just another way of saying that I have tried everything with this child! I think I am going to start from fresh this week and not put so much pressure on the poor girl. I will ask her if she needs to go and we will continue with the chart but will not time the potty time. Thanks ladies.

[playfelt]

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy that has been training since last summer when he turned 3. Parents were told the method was to just put him in underwear and expect him to use the toilet and yes he was to be put on every 30-45 minutes. We had tons of accidents and he just did not care. Finally I said enough and he was not allowed back into daycare without a pull up on. I would continue to potty train but I was not doing any more wet clothes - this was because he sat on my couch and peed it 20 minutes after he had peed in the potty. He never ever said anything about being wet as if he had no concept about what he was doing or the ramifications of it.

What I found was once he went back into a pullup that he did better with potty training because I was able to change my whole approach and give ownership of the task back to him. We still went on the potty at regular intervals but they were 1 1/2 - 2 hours as in before snack before circletime, etc. In between he was expected to ask. Once we stopped harping at him to go pee, asking him if he needed to go pee as in constantly keeping the thought of pee in his mind he started holding it longer and having much more productive pees when he did go. The pressure to not wet his pants was gone. He relaxed, we relaxed and while he is still in a pullup because he won't poop in the toilet he is completely pee trained.