Typical Two Year Olds...

[Sarah A]

I currently care for 4 kids under 3 years old. My son who is 2.5 yrs and two 2 yr olds and one 20 month old. I have been having the typical issues with them such as hitting, pushing, scratching, pinching and screaming.

Anytime this behaviour happens I say "WE DO NOT HIT/SCREAM/PUSH etc." and put them in a time out for a few minutes. I'm getting tired of the broken record and constantly on top of them for their behaviour.

Some days are better and then some days are like today where I want to have a really stiff drink when all the kids are gone lol!

I can deal with the hitting, pushing and all that...but its the screaming that really gets me frustrated!!! The kids I have now have started this thing where they will grunt and each other then start screaming at each other. They do this when they are angry at each other and sometimes just for fun (like at the table when we are eating lunch). It's become a game to them to grunt each other??? Has anyone dealt with this before?? I'm just really tired of telling them to stop this behaviour and wonder if I should just ignore it and maybe it will stop or keep on top of it.

How do you ladies deal with these behaviours?

[little rascals]

Sorry I dont have much advice bc I pretty much do the same thing you do. I try to be consistent with words and actions but still struggling with it. Your not alone on this one. I am
Interested to know if there are other ways to deal with this.
It definitely makes for a long day.

[mom-in-alberta]

Yeah, hate to say it.... but I don't know how much more you can do.
I think you need to find a happy medium when dealing with these behaviours. As in; don't ignore it outright, that sends the message that it's ok. But don't lose your mind over it either, or you will feel like all day long you are yelling NO- NO -NO- NO- NO -NO. LoL
When they are acting up, use your firm daycare-lady voice and remind them what you expect. "We do NOT growl at our friends, we use our words." Definitely don't respond to the grunting and shrieking. They are old enough to understand what you are saying, when you ask them to use their words.
As for screaming; I HATE that phase. Really what can you do, other than sequestering them so we can't hear it anymore??? I found that if they are doing it at the table, turning their seat around so that they can't see each other works on occasion.
I would absolutely continue with time outs, etc for hitting/ pushing and so on. Aggression towards others is one thing that I begin to give consequences for at a very young age. Under no circumstances is it ok to try to hurt our friends.
Having kids all the same age can be great, but this is definitely one of the downsides. They all seem to play off each other somedays, and bring out the worst!!

[Dreamalittledream]

Oh boy...I am so in your boat as well. I've just kept trudging along with the consequence/time-out. But wow does it make for an exhausting day. I do find that the behaviours escalate if it's been a few rainy days in a row and they haven't had as much outdoor play as they like...or they're bored, or sick, or sleep deprived. Some things that work for me...random circle times/storytime just to get them collected, focused and CALM. Really helps them to get in check and me to have a moment to recharge. Or changing around the playspace, or to just put the music on loud and dance!!!

[gcj]

As all phases...this too will pass. I suggest consistency and a glass of red wine when they're all gone home! :laugh:

[apples and bananas]

I have one that does it and I just quietly remind him to "talk nicely" "quiet voice" I've also been adding some LOUD and quiet games into my morning. "now let's do the song quiet" " now loud " I find it gets the loud out of them and gives them an outlet. It's also (hopefully) teaching them the difference between loud and quiet so when I ask them to be quiet I'm certain they understand what I mean.

[Sarah A]

So glad to hear I'm not the only one. I've tried everything and I think your suggestions are the best. I just have to keep being consistent with my discipline and hope that this phase will pass.

I have noticed that it's usually one little girl that initiates a lot of it so today I have separated her from the group a lot to play on her own. That has helped tremendously especially when I am not 100% supervising them (changing diapers, getting food ready).

A glass of wine does help on some days :)

Thanks ladies!

[Sarah A]

Quiet and Loud times...what a great idea!! Thanks Apples & Bananas!

[playfelt]

The random circletimes is my method too. IF they are all playing and engaged productively we even have days we skip circletime. But when things get a little too messy or too loud or too out of control or whatever is setting me off that day then we clean up for group time which could be a story or feltboard activity or an active game depending on what I feel they need at that moment. Then when we are done they go back to play. What is nice is since we cleaned up first - and that is rarely an issue cause they like circletime they need to start over again and it is nice to see the "problem" child choose a different area as if they were so caught up in in all the first time they didn't know how to leave and go play somewhere else that better suited their temperment at the moment.

I try to ignore as much of the screaming as I can since once words come it disappears and is for a large part just the child learning their voice and what it can do - just annoying when there are several of them at once.

If there is too much hitting/biting/shoving etc. then I spread things out a bit more. Put away some centres to make more room between those left as in no bumping takes place on the way past. Other times it means time to switch to more individual centres so there is less group play and more do their own thing play. I find if I change up the environment that that is a better way to control the behaviour than constantly telling them to stop. I rarely use time outs or whatever but when needed I have a playpen in the playroom which is where we go when we need to be alone and the older you get the more you hate it in there. A couple soft things and a small blanket for comfy to get recomposed is all that is in there - no fun stuff.

[jazmic]

I'm in the same boat too! I find a change of environment is what settles my guys. I have access to 3 separate rooms and I thank God for each of them. I just move them when things start getting crazy and that seems to settle them down really well. :)

[Momof4]

I have three children out of 5 who are 2 and under and the two boys are crazy loud! The 2 year old has been in a lot of time outs pretty much since the month before he turned 2 but I tell his parents about the tricks he's pulling and they are wonderful. They have been talking to him at home about the issues and he started to improve this week.

I would never suffer in silence, I always get the parents involved to solve the problems. At daycare I believe in consistency and it's exhausting to put children into timeouts or remove privileges constantly but it is necessary and it does pay off. Good luck to you!

[Sarah A]

OK, so it's been almost a month since I have written this post and it has gotten worse!!!

Now we have added BITING to the issues. I started caring for a new boy (he's 21 months now) at the beginning of May and the very first week he was here, he bit on two occasions but not out of anger, because he was teething and his mouth hurt. I've seen him a few times just playing with the kids and then goes to bite their arms. Needless to say the parents were concerned so I had talks with them and even emailed them my action plan with an article of why children bite. I said that I would closely watch the kids behaviours but my program suffered because anti me I had to do something, i had to take this child with me or sit him in his chair, very tiring.

Anyways, it stopped after a week and the kids went right back to their normal bad behaviours or pushing, hitting and screaming (screaming is getting better since I have really been on top of that one). I have been consistent with time outs/redirection when the bad behaviours start.

NOW....today the 2.5 year old little girl was arguing with the little boy who bit a month ago and then SHE bit him...right on the cheek. HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!! I absolutely do not tolerate this behaviour and I want it to stop RIGHT NOW!!!!

I understand that they are just toddlers and that this is typical behaviours but how do we keep running into the same issues.

Over the past few weeks we have read books like "Teeth are not for biting" and "Hands are not for hitting" and "Quiet Loud" which have been great but still having the issues.

Should I try to get all the parents together to discuss these issues and get some feedback or just send out an email saying what I will do?

Am I doing something wrong? Should I be doing something else?

I definitely want to be on the same page with all the parents but some of my parents have different ways of disciplining their children. I have even seen one of the parents "hit" and "flick" their children when they are being bad....monkey see, monkey do.

Sometimes I wonder if I have taken on too many kids?? But then I think I had the same pushing and hitting issues with the two younger ones already.

I currently have...
21 month old
2 year old
2.5 year old
almost 3 year old (which is mine, but he keeps to himself and has NEVER been aggressive to others)
two 4 year olds (part timers)

[Momof4]

I'm sorry, but that is not TYPICAL behaviour in my opinion. I don't tolerate any kicking, hitting or biting and remove the child who is misbehaving immediately and put them in time out again and again and again and talk to them about NOT doing it anymore. Especially if they are almost age 2 or over becasue they understand what you are saying. You have to be consistent and you have to make sure the parents are punishing the child at home and reinforcing your rules.

[mom-in-alberta]

Well... I think it is a little bit typical of 1 1/2 to 2 year olds. They use their hands (and teeth, unfortunately) because they are still working on being able to SAY what they are thinking/feeling. And frankly, it's easier for a toddler to push someone than say, "Please stop, I don't like that."
BUT- that doesn't mean it's okay!! I can hear how frustrated you are, and I don't blame you.
I am a big fan of sending home information with the parents, also. I would put together a letter or email for all the parents (or all the parents of the 2/ almost 2 year olds) stating that you have seen an increase in aggressive behaviour such as pushing, hitting, biting etc. That you understand that SOME of that comes with the territory, but that you feel it has approached an unacceptable level, as a group. Let all the parents know what your discipline tactics are, and remind them that if rules are not consistent between home and daycare, these strategies will not work. You are basically writing up a group "warning". You could, if you wanted, give some sort of timeline for behaviour to turn around.
Is it any one child, or all of them as a whole? I mean, say it doesn't get better, what will you do? Terminate all of them?
Like anything, I believe that this too shall pass. It's just tough to be in the middle of it!!

[Mamma_Mia]

I would even not let them play together......playin g with your friends is a reward so you can sit with a book in a corner seperated from everyone else until you know to behave and play together.

My DD is 2 (28mos) and tonight alone she's been in time out 5 times for touching her mini-dvd player. (I know 2 times too many) Well it fell on the floor so now she's allowed one book and thats it. Lets see if tomorrow is a better night, if not, then again she'll get nothing.

[jec]

For myself I found that the constant no no no was driving me as much as the hitting and screaming.
I count to 3 and if the bad behavior doesn't stop, I pick them up and remove them from the play area and place them in another area in the playroom where there are no toys and or anyone else to interact with. A time out but, I say nothing. At this age, they know that they are doing something wrong. Yes, it is normal behavior to do all of these things at 2 but, they are also testing boundries and I'm setting mine as well.
For me and the group I have right now, it's worked. I have to count 1, 2 and then they will stop and walk away. Of course we are dealing with toddlers so it doesn't work every day but like the ladies said above, it's being consistant in your method.
I am very firm and remove them instantly from a situation - if it's stealing a toy, I get the child to give it back and then remove them.
I've had a biter and handled it as you are, we do not use our teeth to bite. It was to the point if I left the playroom that one came with me.
Talk to the parents about your concerns and they have to be doing the same at home however you both decide to handle it. Mixed messages if the parents are working towards correcting the behiavior.

[Crayola kiddies]

I had the biting problem last year but my child was the biter, and I put him in his bed everytime. He doesn't bite anymore. Now in my group I have two that clash all the time they are both 2. They have never bitten but they take toys, push, tip each other out of chairs ect. My patience has grown very thin and now they don't get warnings or counting immediately I take them away and stand or sit them beside me with no toys. They just have to stand there for quite awhile and when I release them I look them in the eye and say we don't xxxxxxx . They go off to play and if the behaviour repeats so do I ...

[playfelt]

Don't be afraid to raise your voice to emphasize the no - kids hate it. No one likes getting yelled at and sometimes they need to hear it back to realize it wasn't nice to be yelled at, have someone in their face etc. - what they were doing to the other kids.

It also helps to establish the when I say no I mean no rule in that when I am nice and gentle and speak softly you are playing well but when I raise my voice and get in your face you are not. Rule is don't let me get to that point or you won't like it.

Somewhat typical behaviours but still not acceptable. Make sure that the blocks of time they are doing freeplay are smaller so that you do a group thing or intervene - get out a new toy, or sit down in the middle of the room to read a book to anyone that comes. That will help them to break the intensity cycle - once they get started getting upset they have trouble stopping it till it has run it's course which means someone else generally get hurts.

Limit the number of children that can play in certain areas if necessary and make sure there are plenty of one child areas that don't have to be shared so a child can go there to play and know that no one can bother them - making a puzzle, reading a book, a matching game or certain toys like a shoe box (garage) and some cars so they can set up their scene and play.

[Sarah A]

I totally agree with everyone an I have plenty of room for the kids to play and plenty of toys but my problem is that the younger ones are always interested what the other is doing and they play a lot together. It's hard to have two of every toy but I do have a lot of similar ones.

[Momof4]

Oh Sarah, I agree that you can't have 2 of everything and the children really do have to learn to share. I have one little 2 year old boy right now who is taking toys out of his friend's hands all day long, but it's just a phase. I've only had one violent child in my daycare in over 4 years thank goodness and I was forced to terminate the family because the parents would not help solve the problem. That is my rule - the parents have to help.