Am I being too uptight about this?

[lilac]

My son and my one dcb are great friends (this again is the free spirit from my other posts) and they continutally get crazy wild and hyper together whenever he is here (which is every day afterschool). I feel like I"m always nagging them to settle down, stop screaming, I'm right beside you you dont have to yell as you talk, please stop being rude and crude in my house. I've come to accept that the two of them are just loud together.... but it still bugs me.

It drives me nuts, I hate hearing everything is about poop, or pee or his butt, or farting (I hate the word fart-I know its my own hangup! LOL!) or his butt crack or his armpit, or his "privates" which he usually doesnt refer to as his privates (the other day he made a joke about doing pushups... not with his arms... seriously? Hes 8!!!), or his sudden need to run screaming and pretent to smash into a tree, the wall, the portable, a car in a driveway, other kids, the stroller..... Also snickering at me or at my son when one or both of them are being spoken too about their behaviour. and it bugs me that my son behaves like this too when he is around. My son has his moments but for the most part is not like this when this other kids is not around. I just had 2 new boys start this week and first thing he did was instruct them to bug me every day on the way home from school about snack... to continually ask me over and over again about snack all the way home from school... like he does.... grrr....

yesterday I was up changing the baby and I hear him yelling downstairs at the top of his lungs a string of "POOP, BUMCRACK, PEE, BUTT, BUMCRACK!" and so on...

I know boys will be boys but its not an excuse to behave rude and crude... is it?

[apples and bananas]

I have 2 five yr old boys, one my son, and although it's not that bad, they do act up when they are together. I simply seperate them. If DCB is not going to behave the way we behave in my home then he will sit in the chair until mom comes. If he continues, the chair get's turned towards the wall, if he continues mom is called or emailed with the concerns.
If my son is the problem, he simply spends the remainder of daycare in his room. Children are not allowed to behave like that in my daycare and if my son wants to be a part of it, he better behave the way I expect.

I find the key to success is to not look like it effects you. Sounds like he knows how to push your buttons.

[gcj]

I don't think you're being u[tight. I think that that behaviour is unacceptable in your house and you have every right to enforce that. If it's unacceptable there should be consequences for their actions. Since the other boy is older, sit them down together. Tell them exactly what is expected and what changes need to take place. If they cannot remember these rules they will lose privileges or whatever you choose as punishment.
I have a 6 1/2 year old son and can totally imagine what you're going through. You have every right to want it to stop. Boys will be boys, but boys must also learn when and where is appropriate at to respect other people.
End it before you lose your mind! Good luck

[Judy Trickett]

Wouldn't happen here. He would keep his mouth shut about words like that or I would terminate him. My guess is he talks like this at home too and gets away with it.

[Crayola kiddies]

Um ya I wouldn't tolerate it either .... I would have a chat with the parent and your son should go to his room or sit in the living room somewhere that he would not be happy about.... I would find chores for them to do ... Very boring and unpleasant chores and I would also tell them if I hear one word about snack there won't be one. You'll have to take control back where your own child is concerned cause the other child would get bored of that behaviour if he was doing it alone.
I had a problem sort of similar with my son over the Xmas holidays. He is in school all day and so while he was home he was not abiding by the daycare rules and when I was putting food on the table he would push it away and say eww I'm not eating that ..... So when we were nearing march break I simply let him know that if he didn't intend on acting appropriately he would spend his time in a day camp .... He straightened up his act quickly. You have to know your own child's currency .... What makes his clock tick or not ... For my son he hates camp. I also have my daycare totally in my lower level except for naps and so I told him that he's not in daycare so he doesn't have to come downstairs but if he does he must abide by the rules.... Good luck

[Sandbox Sally]

I only do babies and toddlers for daycare, but I personally have an almost 8 year old son, and there is no way in HELL that he'd be screaming, yelling or talking like that. Period.

The potty words I get, but why does he have to yell? Not at all acceptable. He's is plenty old enough to understand this. And...just because potty words are age appropriate doesn't mean you have to let them fly. My son gets away with a few on occasion, but normally I just have to say, "oooohkay....come on now" and he gets it, and stops.

The running and bouncing off the walls I also get. My son is wicked hyper. Can you send them out back? down to the basement? They do need to run this energy off in some way, but my own kids and my 2 year old daycare kids all know that we do not run in the house or jump on my furniture.

Lay down the law. FAST. Good luck.

ETA - I absolutely hate the expression, "boys will be boys". That's all I'm gonna say about that ;)

[Spixie33]

I know it is hard to think about terminating but if it was ME I would give the parents notice at the end of teh school year that I would not be picking up care for their son after school or during the summer.

It is so hard to control who influences your child at school, what friends he pics etc so if it was a case like this where it was in my home and by my choice then I would definitely exercise that right and try to limit the time my son is influenced by this sort of child.

kids this age are all about their peers and being like them. My son is the same age and I shudder at some of the friends he has at school but I don't let them have play dates etc based on things I have heard or seen from them. He has a good set of friends too who seem to be from families more like ours and who seem to have manners and discipline and those are great.

If you get the chance to save your child time with the dcb then I would do it

[playfelt]

I agree with saying enough of this kid and end it at the end of the school year. If the parent questions you a simple he has outgrown my program is sufficient which is the truth. You do not need someone his age disrupting and influencing the younger children.

As far as the snack issue goes you will have a better chance of controlling the younger children than you will the older one. When he says to them to bug you about snack, turn to the little ones and tell them in that "don't mess with me voice" you mention one word about snack and you will go without then turn to the older one, tell him you have had enough of his rude behaviour and if he wants a snack he wil not say anything about it for the rest of the trip home and then carry though. Bet it only happens once for the little ones and then on future trips home only a reminder to not repeat what they what the older child is saying or there will be no snack should hold.

As far as witholding the snack goes they can still get up to the table and have 4oz drink of milk or juice but no food. The drink will be enough to tide them over to supper. And I would be finding the nicest yummiest snack I could find to serve that day.

There is so much to be said for spending days with kids that can't talk. Tears are like white noise - after awhile it just becomes a white noise drone in the background.

[Mamma_Mia]

ETA - I absolutely hate the expression, "boys will be boys". That's all I'm gonna say about that ;)

That touches a nerve with me....so because they are boys they are allowed to be rough, rude and hyper? The rules are the same for BOTH boys & girls. My expectations are not based on gender, its on age and EVERYONE follows them. Be it cleaning up, running around, being loud, or rough housing - ITS NOT ALLOWED. Yes toy cars are still toys....I don't care, theyre still no crashing :P

I have 3 boy cousins all brothers ages 10, 7, 5 and you would never catch any of them speak that way or use those words. Heck I don't know if they even know "sexual" jokes!

So....NO you're not being uptight.

p.s. knowing 'me' I'd also make it clear to the parents that it's not acceptable and 100% his teachers don't allow it either, nip it!

[playfelt]

I was wondering what the consequences were at school for the behaviour. That might be one of the reasons for using at "home" is because they can't at school. Knowing what they do at school about it might help to give you some ideas of how to have similar consequences outside of school.

They only do it if they have an audience so put up two mirrors in out of the way spaces and send one to each mirror and say there you can be your own audience and make them stand there and talk to themselves till you let them go - a variation of sending them to the corner for timeout. At first it will seem like a joke to them but after the third or fourth time of you pointing and saying "to the mirror now" it will get old and reinforces that you are serious about there being non of it in play.

[mom-in-alberta]

No, you are certainly not over reacting.
I have 2 boys aged 10 and 8, and those words/ that behaviour is not even a little acceptable. Same as Alpha; yes, they get a little goofy, and yes, farts and burps are funny. But if they get too crazy, it's nipped in the bud. Sexual jokes of that sort are definitely not heard around here.
He's absolutely getting it from home, it's obviously okay there.
I would sit at the table with the two of them and figure this out. Explain in a very no-nonsense voice that you do not like the way they have been behaving. Get a piece of poster paper and make up a list. "We are expected to.... (use indoor voices, not shout; use walking feet, not run; use proper language, etc)". Post it up for them in a common area. When they get rowdy, point to the poster and remind them ONCE. After that, they get separated. If that means they both sit in a chair for the rest of the afternoon in different corners of the room, so be it! Make sure that they know exactly what will be happening. And (I say this hoping you don't get offended); please give them both the same consequences. I know that this boy's influence is what is causing his behaviour, but this is a great time to learn that just because the people around us are doing something, doesn't mean we have to.
Lastly- have you discussed this with mom and dad? What are their reactions/thoughts? If they are laughing it up at how "funny" he is, I would be having a serious chat. If they don't smarten up (and smarten him up), then he would totally be "outgrowing" my program at the end of the school year. Can you imagine doing an entire summer????

Some friends of mine have a BOYS WILL BE BOYS attitude. And it has turned their kids into BOYS WILL BE TOTAL JERKS. My two cents.... or did we decide it's a nickel now?
:p

[lilac]

I've talked to the parents on several occasions. I dont know that he behaves to that extreme at home because hes an only child, and he doesnt have the audience (my son) at home. His dad is on top of him when he comes to the door all flipping out and crazy, but mom just laughs at him. Granparents live there and think hes cute... he is playing on the same baseball team as my son this summer. I hope that they dont behave like that but if they do at least the parents will witness it... although then my kid is also the little puke at baseball!

We spend as much time out side as we can to burn off the energy but it doesnt seem to help. We have a bit of a walk home, and that doesnt seem to help; if we stop at the park, hes so friggin loud I'm kinda embarrassed (because then I have to get loud to get their attention), walking home from school when they are all worked up and yelling is embarassing too.

Time outs dont work, he'll do his time but then go back to what he was doing; usually; sometimes he can be quiet and well behaved but not as often as loud and abnoxious. Spoke to the parents on several occasions and they have a go at him at home but it doesnt seem to change. He and my son are extra worked up this week bc of the new kids started this week, a new audience I suppose. I have a few weeks to snap them into shape before I have to endure full days over the summer with him..... uggh...

He must have been doing some sort of discipline thing at school b/c for a while when his dad came to pick him up hed ask how many stars he got today... and if he didnt get 5 (or something like that) he wanted to know why, but they never shared that with me.

I hate to terminate him (although the thought is appealing) bc this is the only family that stuck with me over my mat leave, my kids would be devestated, and his parents are very flexible and its been almost 2 years....

At least I know now that I'm not being a stick in the mud. I'll just have to be tougher on he and my son.... now before the other 2 boys decide its okay to behave that way here!

BTW-I too hate the expression boys will be boys.... for the same reasons you all have listed above. I expect my own kids (a boy and a girl) to be well behaved, and they are other than during daycare hours.

[Momof4]

Oh you poor ladies! I'm really happy my cutoff is 4 years old before JK and I don't do school runs. I do have my grandson here for his PD days which are always Friday and I have an open space Mondays & Fridays so I can help my daughter solve that problem. Every time he comes here my daycare children learn a few new words but I remind him that he can't teach those words to little babies and he stops. He's just used to using those words every day at school now with his friends unfortunately. His Mom doesn't let him use those words at home either. THAT's the secret. Good Parenting!

[littlebugsdaycare]

would not be tolerated here at all, this is why I will never do school age care. I wouldn't allow my child to talk this way and I do not tolerate it with my daycare kids. The older children are here to also set a good example to the other children and this would not be the example I would want around my newly verbal toddlers. Potty mouth is not allowed!