Have you ever been frustrated with your group?

[samantha3]

Hi,

Just wondering if you have ever been very frustrated with a particular group of children together?

Today the children frustrated me to no end! :unsure:

By 11am (all visible) I had two children outside on the deck, on in a room by himself, the other in the living room and the last one sitting at the snack table. Have you ever had to separate children because they were not listening, hitting and being genuinely out of control?

At lunch four of us sat together while once child sat at another table by themselves and everyone was yelling at each other.... I 'lost' it.... I never raise my voice and in this moment they pushed me over the edge. I yelled at the children telling them that 'this behavior is unacceptible and after rest we are all going to try again!'

Now I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself:( I do not know what to do now, any advice? Just feeling frustrated today...

[Momof4]

Do NOT feel alone! Sometimes I start yelling, usually when they have dumped every toy everywhere when I only went to the kitchen, you know? Then I have to stop and breathe and then I explain that I'm angry and upset and I used my angry voice. Then I solve the problem by giving each of the children a job to do to clean up. I think that's the only time I get mad.

Yes, I have had to separate children and I have a timeout chair in one corner of the room that is rarely used, but my rules are non-negotiable and I make sure the children understand all of them as soon as they can walk and understand language, so by 18 months of age. It's important to take charge of situations quickly and be consistent and never waiver. Hang tough!

[samantha3]

Thank you :)

I am just having an off day, now I am worried what these children will say to their parents, lol O well, I am only human I guess :)

[Momof4]

If any of the parents ask you questions just tell the truth, it never fails. You had a moment of anger but that's it. You would never hurt their children in anger and you can't show me a parent on this entire earth that hasn't yelled at their child! Don't feel bad or worry about it for another second.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yup - I have had days where my group is all sitting on a carpet square in various well spaced apart areas of the playroom doing 'alone' things because they are just NOT being nice friends and it was best for everyone to have some quiet time to calm down myself included - those Lord of the Flies days of mutiny where children realize 'hey if we all tag team we can gain the upper hand here' and you have to be extra firm with consequences to help they realize that you are indeed IN CHARGE here.

I agree with full disclosure as well - I always explain days like that to clients at pick up so that they are hearing it from ME first hand verses some child filtered warped perception of the days events during dinner time conversation ;)

[Skysue]

I have never ever felt that way about any of my daycare kids! LOL Are you kidding me my own daughter drives me crazy of couse I have felt that way.

We are human not robots!

Hope tomorrow goes better for you! Sometimes when I feel this way I get out the paydough or paint and let the kids go wild, if you can't "beat" them LOL then join them.

[mom-in-alberta]

LoL @ the Lord of the Flies comment! I retreated a bit and sat and watched the kids play a while ago (they didn't realize I was there) and virtually watched it descend into chaos. That is the exact movie/book that I thought of. It was just one of those days.....

Don't dwell on it. You are human. I doubt the kids will rat on you, and if they do and a parent calls you on it, just explain exactly what happened. Yes, you did raise your voice. And then you talked to the kids, and everyone gave it another shot after nap.

You can't tell me those parents haven't gotten frustrated and used a yelling voice!! If that happens to me, I try to use it as a teaching opportunity. We talk about how even grown ups get frustrated. I apologize, and we talk about how we should and shouldn't express our emotions.
It happens. :D

[playfelt]

We have so little options at our disposal for discipline that raising the voice is one of the few we can use. The difference is in how often we resort to doing it. If it becomes a constant thing then for sure you need to make changes either in the way things are set up in the daycare, how routines are done or even in the make up of the group. It is amazing how letting that one child go settles the whole group down.

My gang is used to me raising my voice and they know when I do that it is time to start to listen. i don't have to do it constantly but keep it in my arsenal for when we are having "one of those days".

Just like kids are rarely told "no" sometimes. They will get out into the world and no teacher is goign to go around individually to 25 kids and say time to clean up dear - he/she is going to flick the lights a couple times and talk loud enough that all can hear and it will seem like yelling to those closest to her. A boss is more likely to yell when he wants something than whisper. We raise our voice to be sure we are heard and vary our tone of voice to get our point across. Loud and stern does wonders. Just make sure you aren't loud and whiney cause the kids are less likely to respond positively since we dont' respond to their whiney voices. And no pleading. A firm please after the yell is fine - mostly when it is out of control just a loud firm "ENOUGH" brings them all back to reality and then we can talk normally about what we need to do or not to do.

[Momof4]

You are so right playfelt. There is nothing to feel guilty about if you have to raise your voice and let the children know you have reached your limit and you mean business. I agree that if you use a firm work like 'enough' or 'listen now' or sometimes I do a double hand clap to get my group's attention. The double hand clap works well outside at a park too when they really cannot hear my voice. They know it's me and they all stop and look at me for the next instruction.