She's just plain mean now

[Cadillac]

I have a 4 year old girl who used to be just the sweetest, most polite little girl I''ve ever met. Over the past 4 months her behaviour has become more and more rude and aggressive. She's sneaky, and only does these things when she thinks my back is turned. Laately I've been exhausted just trying to deal with her. The other children are losing the attention they deserve and I can't turn my back for a minute without someone being tortured in some way by this child.

I talked to the parents about cracking down on her. They said they were at home too. Time outs, sitting out, having toys and privileges taken away does not work. She just becomes more angry (that she got caught probably) and works harder at finding small sneaky ways to drive her friends insane.

Todayt a parent showed me a bit mark upon arrival. The child she did it to is quiet and does not cry so I had no idea. She bit this little boy HARD enough to leave a mark that was still quite visible this morning. Later this morning I caught her holding a two year old by the arms (hard) and shoving her face i nto the child, then she's stepping on the back of everyone's heels outside (she's wearing shoes and they are all in sandals)

I put her on a sticker program yesterday. She has ZERO interest in it no matter how I hype it up

I'm at a loss

I'm not sure what to do anymore. This family has two kids in my care that makes up 40% of my income. But, i can't continue on like this much longer.
How long do you guys think should give before I call it quits? Any new suggestions?

[dodge__driver11]

Hey!!

Too bad you had to come back to post something like this--I hope wedding plans are coming along.

Anyway, I know that this can be tough, but bitting and leaving marks? Uh no. I would give them 4 weeks to "demostrate change" Start advertising to fill her space(s), and then if nothing changes hopefully you'll be full and not even notice them gone.

If it were me, I'd terminate right now...but I said a month because of income...bulllying and biting are "deal breakers" for me.

[Cadillac]

WEDDING PL:ANS ARE GOING WAY TOO SMOOTHLY!!!!! I'm even staying within budget lol.


Sigh . . . . talked to Mom. She seems to completely understand and agree how much of an issue the behaviour is. She also seems to think that this is a phase. I will closely monitor and start to tell mom everything and try not to worry about her reactions (this is the mom that reamed me out a few months back)
I'll give her until the end of June to see a change. If there is none I guess I'll have to say good-bye

[Momof4]

Is there something going on in her home? Big changes causing the parents stress? Because children pick up on stress like that. Are they talking to her about school coming up by any chance and freaking her out? There is usually a reason for a behaviour change like you're describing if she used to be sweet. We adults have to remember to think like a 4 year old in a 4 year old world to figure out the root of their problem. We're so used to rationalizing everything on an intelligent level, but for a child it's basic problems, eat, sleep, poop, happy, tired, sad, YKWIM?

Good luck! This child may even be stressed about your wedding if she senses big changes are coming in your life and can't figure out in her little brain how to process the changes. Just a few things that crossed my brain. :blink:

[playfelt]

How old is the sibling again? If the sibling is now old enough to be in the way and parents are expecting her to change ie not play with certain toys on the floor cause baby will eat them or having to wait too much or whatever there could be a sibling jealousy at the root of it all. Think back to when the sweetness turned sour and what was going on at the time.

The fact it is at home too leads me to believe it has something to do with home. Children that are being molested will even act out this way which is hard because there is a big difference between that and wishing baby sibling would go back to sleeping all day and leave her alone to play which makes getting to the bottom of it all hard.

At 4 you would think she would be saying things verbally too along with the behaviour. Shadowing for sure and calling her out on - I can't trust you so new rules - I move you move simple as that.

[Cadillac]

I know there is something going on. Mom thinks she's bored with lessons here as she is the oldest. Perhaps this is true in some sense. She said that she would put her in camp twice a week during the week but I told her that she is in school three times a week now and her behaviour is still poor so this is not a problem solver.

I think this has a lot to do with mom going back to work full time. I think that she's not getting the attention she needs either (this child craves constant attention). these are both things that I can't change for her.

I might make her my shadow (man I'm going to HATE that) but at least I am assuring the safety of everyone else when I have to pee or make snack or something.

She is great with her sister who is one. She only picks on the children that a quieter and dont yell out right away when she does something. her behavior is very calculated and this is what bugs me the most.. she she does not speak while she is hurting someone.

[mom-in-alberta]

My first response was exactly what momof4 said.... something going on at home. Not necessarily anything traumatic, but kids act out due to all kinds of changes.
Being bored, if indeed she is, is NO reason for this kind of behaviour though. I find it hard to believe that if mom/dad are enforcing the no-tolerance-rules for these actions that it would still be getting worse.
I hate to say it, but I agree that the shadowing may be your best option. And if she is missing out on fun things because of it, make sure you are letting her know exactly why it has to be this way.

[playfelt]

And the shadowing solves the attention issue to in the sense of getting more of your attention or at least it will seem like that since the other kids don't get to accompany you to the bathroom or the kitchen for a drink of water or to look out the window - which of course you have to do lots of while having a shadow because they have to constantly be removed from the play area or it doesn't serve it's purpose. During these "alone" times you might actually be able to get the child talking about life in general and get a sense of what is upsetting her.

[Momof4]

Cadillac, I'm glad you figured out the problem, that the Mom is going back to work. At least that gives you something to work with and you can tell the child that her time with her Mom at night is special. Maybe you can suggest to the Mom that she set aside bedtime quality cuddling/reading, whatever to make her daughter happy? If you tell her about the acting out at daycare she should be understanding.