How do I keep the peace?

[FreshPrincess]

Hello,

I am new here. I am officially opening my dayhome in July but have been keeping 2 children part-time for acquaintances. I have been lurking for quite some time and have found many solutions to the problems I've had with my daycare children. (Thank you!)

Do any of you have children (your own) that have had trouble adjusting to your daycare? I had a baby last July. My oldest ds (now 4yo) had a lot of trouble adjusting to his new brother. It took quite a while before he decided that he wanted to keep him. lol. When I started keeping my first dck in February, my oldest ds was very pushy with him. This little guys is not even 2 year, so he is very wobbly when he walks. Luckily, no bumps or bruises have resulted from all the times this poor little guy was pushed by my son. My son also has trouble sharing any of the toys. I tried a suggestion that I saw on here and told him that all the toys in the toy room were 'mine' and that I am sharing them with the daycare kids. He seemed fine with that. He has toys that he does not want to share and normally will keep them seperate. Once in a while, he will take them out and allow the kids to play with them. My son is very touch-and-go.

I can tell that he loves having his new friends around (I've been keeping a 2.5 yo girl since April along with the 1.5 yo boy). He loves that they will do almost anything he wants to do. When they become too tired to play, he gets upset and pushes them around or will lay on them to stop them from moving. When they are asleep, he will make loud noises to disturb them. My ds has not napped since he was 3.5yo, but it now seems that he needs them again. He becomes a monster around 2pm. Because he is my first, I got into the huge habit of just allowing him to come to bed with me in my bed, or I would lay with him until he fell asleep. It is to the point now that he senses when I am not there and will wake up and come into my bed. I'm a heavy sleeper, so I don't wake up to bring him back to his own. Bringing him to his own bed has becoming next to impossible. He and my youngest share a room now (we have a third bedroom on our main floor, but I am not comfortable having any of my children on a seperate floor to sleep). Because of this shared bedroom, I can't let him yell or cry in that room. My youngest ds sleeps in there.....a lot. If I could get to the point... I can't get my son to nap because he needs me to lay with him. When I lay with him, he tosses, turns, sighs loudly, pretends to cry...etc.. until my dc kids or my youngest wakes up. Once the others wake up, I cannot spend the time to help my oldest son 'sleep'. From then on, he becomes something I've never seen before. Before our youngest ds was born, my oldest ds was a dream. He was sensitive. Never hit. Never pushed. Barely cried. He slept in his own bed (and was proud of it). He played independently. He was just a very very easy-going child. Since his brother was born, he has learned to scream, cry, hit, push...for attention. It does not matter how much attention he gets, he always wants more. He wants it all! I am so afraid to interview other parents because I know that he will misbehave during the interview. I am afraid that the parents think ds is the way he acts (at pickup time) all the time!. He isn't. They actually get along great all morning, at lunch time and during the little bit of time they have together before naps. When the dc kids wake up, my son becomes extremely upset. Do you think it's because he is tired of having them in our home? He seems to get tired of playing with kids after a little while. He has never been the type to want to play 'all day' with other children. He can play for a few hours, then wants to be alone or relax with his brother, me or my husband (his dad). Do you think it's because he needs his space? I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated! I want to get this under control before I interview more parents.

I'm sorry if my post seems all over the place. My mind is racing with reasons this could be happening, and I just can't seem to sort my thoughts. lol

[Mamma_Mia]

Please Take No Offence!!
He is 4 years old, if he was in daycare (outside of the home) he'd be sleeping in a sperate area from little ones if he was screaming or crying etc. I would have him nap on the main floor alone and either take him back to bed each time he gets out or get one of those door knob covers so he can't open the door and let him at it! *if you think he will sleep* if not then he needs a 'rest' time.

If this was a daycare child I'm sure you would not allow a lot of what he is doing, right?

Good Luck!

[gcj]

So, when did my son move it with you :laugh:
No, mine is now 6 1/2 and we made it through and you will, too! It's a difficult adjustment, especially when they're a bit older as he is. However, he is old enough to right from wrong. First of all, with night time sleeping, the extra room...how far away is it?? Basement? Split-type half floor away? I'd be thinking about changing him to that room and letting him cry it out. Right now crying gets him what he wants, so why stop?
As far as getting tired of daycare kids. Again, he is old enough that he could just go do his own thing in his room if wants. HIS toys are in HIS room...very important to separate his toys from daycare toys. Having a home daycare for a child means sharing their house, their toys, their mom....but it also allows them privilleges such as being allowed to go to their area of the house, which is not necessarily a daycare area. Involve him in decision making. What does he feel like doing? Which craft? Play in the yard or take a walk? Apples or oranges? Make him feel like he's calling some of the shots.
Sorry my thoughts are kind of coming out randomly..all over the place. For naps...again since he's 4, I'd put the others down then have some one on one time with him. If he seems to be needing a nap, snuggle for a bit. make that the time when you can lie down with him for 5, 10 however long you feel comfortable...
I need to reread your post, to see what else I can think of. I know my son was nuts at interviews and pick-ups....I always thought these parents must think it's like this all day. Then I made SURE he was doing something productive at that time of the day that he wasn't even interested in being near the door. And a little TV during interviews is JUST FINE! :yes:

[gcj]

yeah...the room is on the main floor. I wouldn't feel good about that either. I'd go for humidifiers or other noise-blockers and bring the little one in your room. He's disturbing the little one, so he gets the special treatment....not the disturber. Cry it out in his room. Charts for accomplishments...li ke staying in his room. After a certain amount of stickers, he earns some sort of treat....

[LittleGiants]

Be firm. Be very firm and consistent.

In my daycare I have two separate areas for play. My son is among the six kids I care for in the main floor of my home. I have the two 1 year olds gated away from the 4 toddlers and via versa. They know which area is for the babies and which is theirs. I also make sure my toddlers understand the rules in each area.

My son has nicer toys in his bedroom and I make sure he knows that. I also make sure other kids knows that those are my son's toys. The daycare toys does not mix with his and if it did (when my son brings downstairs to play with others) he is to share. No crying, whinning will help. That's the rule. This being said, I praise them a lot for sharing and I mean hugs, claps the whole nine yard. The child would get my full attention for 30 sec so other kids are envy of him for receiving such attention. Next thing you know, your kids will be happy sharing.

As for sleeping, get him to sleep with a toy. My son was very attached to me but when I let him sleep with his favorite toy he was okay to sleep by himself. At 2.5 years old most kids understand sequence. Let them know 'if they do this, this will happen' to get them to do things, ie if they can clean up before lunch they will get more apple juice for lunch.

As for pushing or playing rough... all my kids are boys so they are naturally rough. They love to crash, tackle and jump on each other. I let them have this time for about 10-15min before I call for time out and get them to do breathing exercises to cool off. LOL During this time if they got an 'ouchie' I will let them know it is apart of the game they 'signed up' for. But any other time our rules are: no harming others, toys, and themselves.

Good luck.

[FreshPrincess]

I do have a tendency to ramble, so I must apologize in advance. lol

Mamma_mia, if he were a dck, I would have fired him a long time ago. lol.

He was an only child until he was almost 3.5. I was off work during my pregnancy and for mat leave. He's had me home since he was 2.5 (just the two of us), so I think he got used to just being with me and having all the attention on him. When he finally adjusted to his brother, I had a dck come in. When he adjusted to the routine with the dck, another one came in. Now that I think of it, I think my 4 yo ds has trouble with any little changes in his daily routine. He likes structure. When I bring in a new dck that cries at nap time and needs me to constantly place them back in bed, this disrupts his 'mommy' time. We used to play games and cuddle when my youngest ds napped. Since my 2nd dck has come into my home, I have learned to just let some of the housework go until the dc kids leave or if they play nicely during free time, I may be able to get the dishes done or at least get them ready to be done. The layout of my house is not ideal for a daycare. The kitchen is blocked off from every room but the dining room. The dining room is blocked off from the living room. The perks of my house are that the bathroom and the toy room/nap room are right off the living room. I use the living room and the toy room as the daycare. The toy room being strictly for daycare hours only. Once the dc kids are gone, I put all the toys in there and my living room goes back to normal. At lunch time, I bring the children to the dining room to eat. This is the only time I really allow them to go to the back of the house, unless we are going through to get to the backyard. My 4 yo ds keeps his toys in the dining room (the ones he picks from his bedroom that morning) During the day, he is allowed to play in his room when my youngest ds is not sleeping. For the most part, he'd rather play with the dc kids (and the dc toys).
My real problems with him only start around 1:30pm. The 1.5 yo dc kid gets dropped off here at 1:30pm every second week. He is usually one week from 8am - 3:15pm, and the other week 1:30pm - 4:30pm. On the week that he is dropped off in the afternoon, it disrupts the routine. My 2.5 yo dck usually falls asleep around 1:15pm, and gets disrupted at 1:30pm because the little guy comes in (very cranky) and needing a nap asap. He is usually crying his little head off at this time. Mom & dad allow him to sleep in on the late drop off week, don't nap him in the morning and drop him off halfway through naptime at my place. I have told them several times to drop him off before 12:30pm. I've even told them why. I've even gone as far as telling them that I wouldn't charge the extra hour. Not only is my dck cranky because she gets woken up 15 minutes into her nap, my 4 yo ds is usually very cranky too. He hasn't had his quiet time yet! My youngest ds wakes up at 2pm. On the 8am drop off week, my 4 yo son is much better behaved. He still gets cranky but is usually resting during the cranky time. On the early drop off week, he gets upset when the dc kids wake up. I think it's more out of frustration because the youngest dc kid, gets picked up almost as soon as he wakes up from his nap. My son wants to play with them before they go, but they dc kids are usually too groggy or tired to play.

gcj, I've tried sticker charts for my 4 yo. I set out clear goals (even make illustrations of each goal) and told him he'd get a sticker each time he accomplished one of his goals. After so many stickers at the end of the week, he got to pick a prize out of a little box of dollar store toys. He was very happy with that and was proud of all his tasks. The only task I ever had trouble with was 'washing his hair'. I am starting to think my son has sensory problems. He hates having wet hair or having water around his face or ears. Every time we wash his hair, it takes a long time to recover from his fear of water. He has panic attacks. He screams bloody murder and his heart races. It takes a long time just to get him to take a bath again. He will not go swimming with other kids or go through sprinklers. He will happily play out in the rain though (probably because he controls how wet he gets) He'll play with a sprinkler if no other children are around to unexpectedly splash him. He has trouble with loud noises. My youngest ds cries loud! When he cries, it drives my 4 yo nuts. (another reason he sleeps with my husband and I). We have trouble going to festivals and big events where there are a lot of different noises and people. It is getting better as time goes on, but he still won't play on those bouncy things because the generators make too much noise. Family gatherings are hard too. Do you think a possible sensory problem could be the reason he sometimes acts out? Maybe I'm just grasping at straws...

[Crayola kiddies]

Hey fresh princess if my kid was a dck I too would have fired him..... He was colicky a an infant and I think he is just used to crying ..... He cries over everything .... At some point everyday I have to put him in his room just so I don't throttle him. I still have one more full year before he goes to school ..... Yikes

[Mamma_Mia]

Hey fresh princess if my kid was a dck I too would have fired him..... He was colicky a an infant and I think he is just used to crying ..... He cries over everything .... At some point everyday I have to put him in his room just so I don't throttle him. I still have one more full year before he goes to school ..... Yikes

HAHA

It's funny how our own 'drive us to drink' :laugh:
I had quite a few family members ask me over the weekend how the kids are in care and how things are going for me.....I got the "don't know how you can do it" comment........and my answer mostly was "Its my OWN who gives me the biggest fight! The others know better than to disobey or say no.....DD <eyeroll> has the dramatics on cue" LOL

[mamaof4]

Our own kids push us because they know we are always here for them. It is a good thing in terms of attachment and development. But it is also incredibly frustrating!

[FreshPrincess]

Thanks ladies! I needed to hear that! I didn't realize I wasn't the only one having more trouble with their own children. lol It was a better day yesterday.