Worst day so far...

[Bookworm]

First I apologize if this is all over the place.. but I need to vent to people who may understand.

Okay, so I just finished the worst week/day I have had since opening my daycare. Besides my daughter acting up and thinking that my disciplining her was funny, I had one of the twins bite three different children today! To make things even worse, pick up was a bit chaotic today as I had the kids outside playing with the water table, two parents came at the exact same time and both wanted to know how their child's day was while I was trying to watch the children with the water. So, in the chaos, I forgot to tell one of the parents that their child was bitten.
As I was talking to the parent of the biter, the parent whose child was bitten called me to inform me her child had a bite mark on his hand. Oops!
I feel horrible! This child has only been here for two weeks and he has already been bitten twice! Once by each twin. The parents of the new boy are not sure if they are keeping the boy with me as I am a possible temporary care person as his other provider is on bed rest due to an injury. This boy is soo sweet, has not done anything to provoke being bitten, and I would really love it if he stayed with me. Not looking so good for me now!
I called the twins' mother and told her that the twins are now on their last straw here in regards to their biting. I asked that they use time outs on top of their discipline (they spank), so that it is consistent. I felt soo bad talking to her, as she was upset, but really what can I do? The parents of the children who are getting bit, are upset (as they should be). I feel like I'm not doing my job properly as it keeps continuing, but honestly, they bite so randomly while playing that I would have to stay beside them both the entire day. They aren't angry, fighting or frustrated or even provoked when they do it. I think they just get excited or something and then bite.
So, moving forward, these two now have to be with me at all times. If Im perparing meals, then they are in their boosters. I'm not sure what else I can do?
Am I over reacting? Are the parents over reacting? How long do you let biters stay in your care?

On Tuesday, I will have to talk to the mom of the child who was bitten and apologize for my dropping the ball on telling them their son got bite and let her know that I am taking steps towards trying to curb this behaviour.
Ugh... I hate this part of the job. :(

[sunnydays]

I had a bad day today too, so it must be in the air! How old are the biters? It is pretty common and normal for toddlers to bite. I have a couple of biters in my daycare now and I have to watch them like a hawk and take them with me if I leave the room. Time-outs are given as well, but I have never found them to be very effective for biting. At the age they are, I think it normal...not terminating worthy unless combined with other factors. Chin up! Relax and breath. It is not the end of the world...these things happen. My own son once bit another child and drew blood in his daycare...and he was not a biter!

[Bookworm]

They are young, 16 months old. I agree that it is normal, and it has been good for a while. I just hate that the other parents are getting mad. I may email the mom of the biters and see if I can back peddle a bit... I'll have to think about it. It has been going on for quite a while on and off. I just dont want to look wishy washy. lol Ugh... yay for bad days!

[playfelt]

As weird as this sounds I have a child that only bites when constipated - she is 2 1/2 and was never a biter as a baby/toddler only in the last 6 months. This is at daycare as well as to her older sister at home so we have to compare poop notes to know when she needs to be monitored constantly and when we can slaken up a bit. Have never heard of there being a connection before. Assuming it is just a child not feeling up to par that gets overly annoyed and reacts in that way.

Biting till words come along is very normal albeit annoying. There is very little you can do because it happens so fast.

One of the things I did note in what you wrote was that the new child may not be staying and it will have nothing to do with the biting but with how fast their previous caregiver recovers. The biting might help them to make up their mind but likely won't be the reason they leave. I mention this because you are talking about releasing the twins that would be three people gone in a short space of time so take that into consideration before letting emotions take over.

Is there any connection to the fact the boys are twins. Does the one bite a child that the other twin was playing with instead of the twin as in is it done out of jealousy but a feeling horded up and only acted on as the opportunity arises. So therefore nothing seen to provoke the attack but what did provoke it was when they were all playing nicely earlier and the twins were doing different activities but possibly the one twin was feeling left out and jealous even if they were playing just fine with a toy in another area of the room. Might be worth keeping notes on who plays with whom when and any emotions you sense. Getting language helps a lot with the biting but it is also common for twins to talk late and have their own type of language with each other they don't share with the outside world.

[Dreamalittledream]

ter table, two parents came at the exact same time and both wanted to know how their child's day was while I was trying to watch the children with the water. So, in the chaos, I forgot to tell one of the parents that their child was bitten.
As I was talking to the parent of the biter, the parent whose child was bitten called me to inform me her child had a bite mark on his hand. :(
Something I do is have a cheap notebook for each child that goes back & forth. Pick ups get crazy & I forget to tell things, so if I simply jot it down through the day as I think of it...it's easier. Good luck with the biting:)

[Skysue]

I have a bitter too and she’s around the same age. Mine has done some serious damage, she bit a child on the eye and left a nasty mark it caused swelling thank God it didn’t break the skin. I have never had to deal with this before, so I truly sympathize with you. She also bit the same child on the hand and left a bruise.

You feel like the parent’s question where you are when it occurs and ½ the time it’s so out of the blue that you literally need eyes in the back of your head.

My suggestion is put the twins in a playpen when you are making snacks & lunch that’s what I do. They’re going to hate it but the other kids are safe! lol

[Mamma_Mia]

Little Tip: One of the little ones 12/13mos at our playgroup has started biting for "fun". We all watch him like a hawk and yesterday I caught him going in for a innocent girls arm, Well the other 15+ kids got scared as I yelled very loudly "**** don't you dare!!" he looked up and smiled. Grrrr Well 10 min later he ended up getting that little girl :( anyways........one of the providers said to put a good thick amout of diaper cream on it, within 20min the marks were gone!! Like Magic! FYI....but I hope you wont have to use it!

Oh and after he did bite her he was strapped into the stroller (or highchair if at home) and turned towards the wall...(but we can see him) so he can't see any of the fun. He was not happy, but neither are we with this happening every week!

[Bookworm]

Thanks everyone. I sent the mother an email this morning explaining my thoughts a bit better to her. I really hate talking on the phone so I just sent her an email saying that in no way did I want to terminate and that I am taking steps to prevent further incidents.
The boys bite for no reason. I was changing my sons diaper and one of the boys just grabbed his arm and went to bite it. They do it when frustrated sometimes, but mostly when they are playing. I think they get caught up in what they are doing and just bite (whether out of excitement or what, Im not sure).
Im going to talk to the mom of the bitten boy on Tusday when they come and explain my self then. Im not going to start beating myself up over this (which I pretty much did all Friday). :(
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. I just feel that this reflects on my ability to watch for the children. They are quick little buggers and most of the time I can stop them before they bite, but yesterday they got the best of me!

[playfelt]

I have noticed more issues with kids whose parents play and tease with them such as giving them raspberries on their tummies or arms. The kids don't understand the intensity issue nor do they have the mouth coordination to do it properly so end up grabbing on with their teeth and then the natural ooooh this feels good takes over and they bite. Does explain some of what goes on when they do it for what they think is fun as in they may truly think they are playing and not intending to hurt.

I have the same issue with parents that play wrestle with the kids. The kids do not understand that we pick them up and "slam" them down gently not for real. Once parents realize siblings especially are getting mixed signals about what is ok and what is not it actually got better.

[sunnydays]

This is interesting...I'll have to see if I see that link with the biters in my care. I've played that way with all three of my kids (raspberries, etc) and none of them has become a biter (although my youngest tried biting a few times...then decided to start biting herself when she got mad). I do agree that sometimes they are doing it not out of anger, but just as an experimentation thing and they have no concept that it hurts. I have one 16 month old who wrestles his friends to the ground with hugs and lies on top of them...he did it a lot when he first started with me at 12 months, but rarely does it now as I have consistently stopped him and told him his friends don't like it...he had no idea there was anything wrong with his behaviour. I'm thinking the parents find it cute and funny and since he wasn't in a group of kids all day, it wasn't a huge issue. Parents with first children especially tend to think everything their little ones do is cute and funny...even if they are being agressive.



I have noticed more issues with kids whose parents play and tease with them such as giving them raspberries on their tummies or arms. The kids don't understand the intensity issue nor do they have the mouth coordination to do it properly so end up grabbing on with their teeth and then the natural ooooh this feels good takes over and they bite. Does explain some of what goes on when they do it for what they think is fun as in they may truly think they are playing and not intending to hurt.

I have the same issue with parents that play wrestle with the kids. The kids do not understand that we pick them up and "slam" them down gently not for real. Once parents realize siblings especially are getting mixed signals about what is ok and what is not it actually got better.

[apples and bananas]

You really have to own that time at pick up. Parents always want to know how their day was. I always make sure I give little eye contact, they are not my priority, the other 4 children running around in my yard are. They often get the hint and move along. If they need to speak with me and I'm unable to, I offer to call them after dinner and speak with them then, or make time at drop off the next morning.

Biting in a horrible thing, but it happens. You have to remember that YOU'RE not the one biting, your can't be held responsible for a 2 year olds behaviour! If the form of discipline at home is spanking no wonder the kids are aggressive.

Don't feel bad or guilty. All you can do is do your best with what you have.

[Skysue]

If the form of discipline at home is spanking no wonder the kids are aggressive.


Sorry but that is B.S about spanking, parents who spank their kids for the most part do it out of love. The lack of discipline these days is due to kids being extremely aggressive.

“Ok little Johnny I know you set the couch on fire so please go sit on a time out”, 2 minutes is all that’s needed.”

I’m extremely afraid for the future of this world due to people thinking that spanking is abusive and leads to abuse. There is a big difference between beating and spanking!

Spare the rod spoil the child!

I’m not trying to disrespect but my daughter who gets spanked is one of the best-behaved and most un-aggressive children you will ever meet!

In my 2 years since doing daycare the most aggressive kids I have met so far have zero discipline at home!

Most toddlers who bite does it out of their lack of being able to filter their emotions, most also have delayed speech!

I know I'm goign to get bashed for this!

Anyway in running a day home you can't spank as there not your own children and that is something I would never do to anyone elses children. With that said you need to find out a good time out method that will be effective for the child.
High chair in the corner sounds like an effective method to me!

[playfelt]

No bashing from me.

That is how my children were raised and I can tell easily which kids coming to care know right from wrong in no uncertain terms and which kids come to care unsure. It is the unsure ones that don't know how to set personal limits for themselves. When every offence is treated the same with a few minutes of sitting it does not teach limits.

[dodge__driver11]

I am probly going to get told too, but meh.

I swat my son every now and again(with my hand on his bum)....And he knows why. He is polite, friendly, and is not agressive towards other kids (but he has his bad days) I am sorry, but I too do not agree with that statement. Kids need healthy limits, and as playfelt said time outs and naughy spots do not always teach them.

[Mamma_Mia]

I come from a very european family and you know what I was spanked and my DD gets spanked when its needed. I'm not ashamed or afraid to say so....and you what what, like what you said SKYSUE - DH, DD and I went to a buffet for dinner on Staruday and there were many families with yonge kids and lots of seniors....some of the kids were just brats! and the parents couldn't care less...some were doing the 1...2...3........4.. ...5.. <<eye roll>>. As we were paying I had 4...FOUR different couples come to us and say that we should be proud of ourselves. Our DD listened and knew when you used a tone to stop it NOW. One was a very elderly couple and they said 'thank you for having contol of your daughter so that we can enjoy our meal as well'.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....I'm a "mean" mom and I'm proud!

That kid needs to lern who's boss & fast. I'd NEVER hit a dck but they wouldn't dare cross my line, but are terrors when the parents show up, why? they ALLOW it!

[end vent/rant]

[Mamma_Mia]

I just want to add....I do believe in spanking but I firmly believe there is a line that goes into abuse. I openly say that I was abused as a child/teen, when objects are introduced to cause pain, or closed fists...its PAST that line. So I would never want that for my own daughter but when NO 100000x and removal of everything & time-outs just don't work. A hand slap or bum spanking does.

[Crayola kiddies]

I agree ... As a child I'm sure I had my bum paddled a few times although I only ever remember being slapped once by my mother .... I sasses her and she slapped my face and I never sassed her again. I have 5 kids and all of them need to be discliplined differently. What works for one child doesn't always work for another. You have to know your own child's currency. But of course with dcks all we have is time outs, firm voices and consistency.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Spanking is such a personal belief system and journey of ethical decision making and your choice to do it or not is going to very based on your own upbringing and reflection on 'why' you think it works or not ... I was spanked as a child and participated in spanking other family members in my youth cause it was the 'norm'.

That said my own philosophies have changed on it over the years in this field based on discussions with other advocates in my field around the practice and people posing questions like 'What is the magic age when spanking is no longer acceptable form of behavior management?' 'What makes that age 'special'? Why is it ok to spank a certain age group but others it is considered 'assault'? 'Why is it socially acceptable to spank our own children but i our child misbaved in a park and another parent 'smacked them' we would loose it?' Why is spanking by teachers and educators taboo? 'If they have more children to 'control' spanking should be considered more of an option and necessity for them than for a parent with only one or two children to 'manage'?' ..... the answers to those questions for me posed 'conflict' because the only thing that it came back to was the in one circumstance the child 'belonged' to someone and in the other they did not 'so are children our property and do they have less rights and privileges than children who are NOT our property?'

It is important to have these kinds of discussions and reflections not to JUDGE but to grow as a society ... after all at points in our past there were MANY normal practices that people thought were just fine and dandy and WORKED so to speak .... for example at one time daughters were 'sold' to their new spouse as property via a dowery and they were treated like property that the spouse was free to beat, to rape and well treat as they saw 'fit' in order to break them in and teach them how to be a 'good wife' so while it was illegal to beat or rape a women who was NOT your wife your own wife was your's to do with as you chose .... but over the centuries we advocated and reflected and changed our 'views' on this being necessary because a women should have the same rights regardless of being married to a man or not .... so at this stage in our evolution it is natural for us to start 'questioning' the same practices with our children ... after all if you read history books man at the time that women gained 'rights and protections' there were men who argued there was nothing wrong with giving your women a smack if she forgot to iron your shirts the way you liked or if they were about to do something that would break a piece equipment on the farm or they questioned something they'd done ... cause it worked they would not make that mistake more than once or twice....and there are still men who think this way ;)

IMO the key to helping children or anyone for that matter develop socially acceptable behavior is CONSISTENCY in expectations and natural consequences for when they make a mistake .... and just like a housewife in the 1800's a smack might work as a consequences but there are also 100 other just as effective ways to help someone learn better choices ;)

[Inspired by Reggio]

....You have to know your own child's currency.....

This is so true ... spanking NEVER worked on my brother but it was the only currency my dad knew and as a result in an effort to make it work it escalated to spanking harder, introducing tools to help it 'sink in' including discipline us ALL whenever he misbehaved in hopes that fear of his siblings being spanked would work and as others mentioned about it crossed that barrier to what society considers 'acceptable levels of corporal punishment' to being 'physical abuse'.

[Crayola kiddies]

Yes Reggio it's ridiculous to use a discipline method that doesn't work .... But when we were kids there wasn't the tools that are available to us now .... Something even as simple as this forum that allows us the opportunity to learn different methods and get different ideas and perspectives in order to help us parent our children. One of my children needs timeout but only in his bed, which I never before agreed with, or the behaviour escalates, I am also one of those idiotic mothers that counts but I only ever have to say one and my kids feet hit the ground running. Another one of my kids needs to be promised (threatened) to have privileges removed or suspended. And yet another has to have the privilege of hanging out with friends taken away or the wifi turned off (gasp) .... I also have rewards for good behaviour and sonetimes that works even better.