Group Dynamics...

[samantha3]

So I have had one little boy that I have had in my care for almost 2yrs now. Love the family and his sister is starting here in a month. BUT...

He has just been away for a week and boy did the group dynamic change... and in a good way :)

Everyone is so calm, quiet, play nicely together etc...

I also quite enjoy this child, he is just very 'excitable' so to speak...

So, would you ask the family to find other care for this child? It has just been so nice and calm the last week... I am almost dreading his return, lol

Just a question, and a vent because I cannot believe the behavior changes!

Thx :)

[bright sparks]

OOO This is a tricky one. I have had a similar issue myself. I don't think its necessairily grounds for getting rid of the child but not to say this hasn't entered my mind before when I have been presented with the same senario. I'd be inclined to try and transition him back in slightly differently. Make a point of enphasising the quiet calm setting. Depending on the childs age maybe the day he comes back have him sit back with you playing one on one quietly and observe the other children playing calmly with him and talk to him about how this is a much more appropriate way of playing. I know this might not work as it totally depends on the boys age and level of communication and understanding, but maybe trying to break his habit of "rowdy" play means not letting him come back full force in to the group without support. This would be the ideal opportunity to make these changes if possible after he has had a break from the group.

In additon, speak to his parents, even if you give them a courtousy call before he returns to care. Just give them the heads up that while he is a great kid, while he was away you feel the group has been much calmer and you would like to reintroduce him in to the group by teaching him to play more in this manner. Hopefully you will get their support and they may implement this calmer play at home to reinforce this.

If you try this it may work, but if not then as I have done in the past I suggest to parents that the needs of their child have changed and that I feel they would be better suited to a larger setting, say in a daycare centre versus a more intimate home daycare setting. That way you aren't saying that theres anything wrong with the childs behaviour only that the dynamics of your group no longer fit his needs. I have had to tell a couple of parents this for boys but never for girls so far.

Good Luck :)

[Dayhome Mamma]

I had a similar situation where i had a boy I loved grow to be a bit more of a hassle than I expected after about a year of care with us (I think a part of it had to do with his parents pressuring him into potty training which was part of the reason we had to part) Either way, i noticed the same things when he was gone....He wasn't a bad boy at all, he was super sweet, but a handful and very energetic and excitable. And as soon as he was gone, I felt like I got my house and dayhome back. And so did everyone else that lives here as well as both my assistants. Sometimes its hard to notice these things when you're right in it every day. But we sure did see the difference and we've been way happier and more peaceful ever since! I always say its your life, its your sanity, why make your life harder than necessary when you have the right to choose who you care for? thats one of your advantages as opposed to working for someone at a centre. I believe The job is challenging enough with a group of "well behaved" kids. But that's just my opinion. In the end it depends what you're willing to live or work with. But I would also think about how him staying is affecting the other children for sure.

[apples and bananas]

I had this happen to me today. This child gets everything he wants at home so you can imagion how he behaves here. He understands my rules are different and he does act differently here, but you can imagion the fight he gives me before he gives in. He went home before lunch today... and boy has it been nice this afternoon! Makes me dread tomorrow... but he pays the bills... so I keep going and count down the days until he starts JK.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I have one on the count down to starting school full time that I feel the same way about some days ... however the child is not aggressive or anything where other children are in 'danger' which is why the child is still here after all this time - generally cause it is just ME that finds her draining cause of the high maintenance behavior ... likes own way, sees glass as half empty, negative attitude type things that when they are 'absent' you realize how nice it is not to have to deal with that ;)

For me it would depend on how 'bad' the behavior was and the negative effect that it had on the program over all if I were to terminate ... I hate terminating because it can lead to conflict and well 'bad word of mouth' depending on if the client is reflective or not to see my side of things that this was 'best' for everyone!

[Cocoon]

I have one too! I can tell her parents spoil her and she is expecting me to do the same here but I don't give in. She wasn't here whole week and I found myself not saying "don't do this xxx, no claming there, don't touch this and that(she doesn't play with toys but explores my house, furnitures, cables, plugs etc.). Whole week was soooo easy without her. I've already replaced her as I don't want to have stressful days when she is here. And she takes so much of my attention that I can't pay attention to other kids. Couple of more months and she is gone. Yayyyy :)

Do whatever is best for you