Thoughts on what is causing this behavior...

[samantha3]

Hello,

I have a child who comes into daycare lately (31/2 yr old boy) very tired as he has been going to bed at midnight... mom says that she is trying to stick with their regular bedtime schedule for 8pm, but he wont go to sleep, he will just get up and run around.

My problem is that she is blaming this on him napping here for two hours during the day (she is not asking me to not let him nap, she just seems frustrated as she thinks if he didnt have a nap at daycare it would solve this problem).

I believe that this behavior is caused due to a lack of routine/consistency in the household as even at pick up time I can see that he gets pretty much anything that he wants... bribes of candy in the car to leave etc..

Can you think of anything else that could be causing this behavior as I would like to address this again with mom tonight at pick up time and would like to have more to say other than 'routine and consistency are really important. blah blah blah...'

Thank you :)

[samantha3]

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that his lack of sleep in the mornings makes him a nightmare to deal with behavior wise as he is grumpy, crys on a whim and does not want to listen to my words so not having a nap is out of the question! lol

[Inspired by Reggio]

It is called "Sleep resistance" - goggle that and give her some articles on dealing with it - sadly the common blame is nap because if they are exhausted they have lest resistance however this is not HEALTHY way to deal with it ... children this age need 12 -14 hours so unless he is getting that at night which I doubt if his regular bedtime is not til 8 ;)

[samantha3]

Thanks Reggio, I found some great articles and I have forwarded one to the family. I hope they find something in there that works for them (if they choose to put the effort in) so we can get back to a better sleep routine! Thanks again for all your help :)

[Inspired by Reggio]

You're more than welcome ~ protecting sleep is a passion of mine!

You would be surprised how much of the 'negative behavior' families see in children is because they just do not have healthy sleep patterns and expectations ... and not just in children sadly anymore ~ much of the depression, road rage, shoppers rage and violence in society is from lack of 'healthy sleep patterns' in adults as well!

[treeholm]

So true. We are in a society of constant sleep deprivation, and it is scary. I make sure to get 8-9 hours myself, and have for many years. I admit I pulled all-nighters as a university student and as a young Mom. Unfortunately, those two situations often went together. Only for my MBA were my own children actually all sleeping through the night LOL

[Mamma_Mia]

Samantha3 - looks like you have my dc family & child's TWIN! down to the ge of the child too!

Her parents let he get away with murder and blame naps, this kid today at 1pm was YAWNING and asking me when was it going to be nap time? She was asking me! She's been down for 2hrs now.....parents are idiots who are afraid to go into their rooms at night and say "get to sleep and don't you DARE make another peep!!!".

[samantha3]

Mamma- That is too funny that you have a child like this too, lol He is also my best napper, he will sleep for wayyy longer then two hours if I were to let him... what can I say other then he rules the roost at home and it has gone on for so long now that to correct it would take a bit of effort and I dont think that this family is willing to put any in :( Very sad.

[Inspired by Reggio]

LOL ~ my best nappers are also children who rule the roost at home and have not napped at home since they were 15 months and mom would prefer them not to nap here because apparently if they do they do not go to sleep until midnight ~ so now they just 'rest' here and suddenly they are in bed by 8 without any issue .... ironically they rest so deeply you would swear they were sleeping ;)

I am evil cause every once in a while I test my theory that it is a matter of 'perception' on the part of the parents and I will change the word 'rest' to they slept today and suddenly the next day I get the 'oh my they were up until 11 last night not wanting to go to sleep so please try to just let them rest cause the sleep disrupts their evening routine and they fight us so hard' ..... ummm sure I can do that and we go back to the 'they rested really well' so well in fact that they mimicked rapid eye movement to a tee :o

Sometimes you just need to tell them what they want to hear so that everyone's needs are met .... IME over the past 20 years with 'please do not let my child nap' is that when they think they have not napped parents do not 'put up' with bed time resistance behavior and stand firm that 'you are tired you need to get into bed, stay there and go to sleep' so the child DOES cause that is the expectation and it is clear and when they think they napped and the child is resisting bed parents think 'oh crap he is never going to stay in bed cause he napped for 2 hours today and now is not tired' and they do the bribing to get them to stay in their bed or let them up to get more 'tired out' and so forth and so the kid stays up later and later every night because the 'resistance' worked so lets see what ELSE we can get from mom and dad and so forth.

[Mamma_Mia]

Yup! As far as dcmom knows little girl naps for only 30min.....LOL add another 2hrs to that! And she's so happy to see that it's "working" <<eyeroll>>

I feel torn now, its been too long of my 'lying' to tell mom that dcg does in fact nap so KNOCK IT OFF.....but because of my white lies mom now truly believes that dcg doesn't need naps and the days the kid doesn't get them and is nasty parents think something is wrong! vicious cycle I tell'ya

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree ~ Mamma Mia is it s a fine line ... bottom line is if the child was 'nasty' when she did not nap I would still bring it back to 'perhaps she did not get enough 'rest' today' because sometimes they do not need to actually 'sleep' but at least rest their bodies for a period of time in the afternoon to calm their minds and so forth ;)

[Mamma_Mia]

Thanks Reggio, I like the wording....I will do!