He won't stop crying

[bri]

I have a little 11 month old boy who started 3 weeks ago and he won't stop crying. He cries for 9 houirs a day with no break. I know he just started but most children show some signs of adjusting by now. It doesn't matter what I do, I hold him, play with him nothing works, I can't keep listening to him cry all day. Is this normal will it get better. I really need the money but for my sanity and that of the other children I do not know how much more I can take. any advice would be helpful and appreciated.

[Littledragon]

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you. But I feel your pain. Three weeks is definitely a long time. If he's crying but still carrying on with his daily activities, he may just be an emotional child. I know how irritating it can be and how quickly you lose empathy when they're crying like that. It should get better soon. If I could give you one piece of advice, even though it may be a little insensitive:
I had a child who cried insessently for the first two weeks. Now he cries at the drop of a hat. He cries at EVERYTHING. So, just know that his crying is something you will have to deal with forever, if you choose to continue. So, decide now if his crying is something you can or can't handle.

[Cocoon]

I feel for you. I had the exact! Same problem. Mine cried the whole day. Only time he stopped whnen he exaust himself to sleep. It lasted for 5 weeks non stop. At the end I had to talk to his parents and told them " maybe he is not ready for day home, maybe he doesn't like here etc. " the very next day he started to improve! And now he is my little prince who does not trouble me at all! And I just love him :) All I can suggest is to hang in there give him at least a month.

[Dreamalittledream]

How about just giving him some space? Do you have a highchair where he is kind of up away from the group & give him some activities and back away. I can imagine how intimidating it must be for these little ones, some who have been the only child in a nice quiet home....suddenly all this activity from all different directions? This way, he can observe from a distance for awhile? Hope that helps?!

[kidlove]

Just read your thread abt crying boy. Heres the deal, brings back reccent memories of a frnd I have who HAD a daycare about a year ago. Have known her for a few years through day care trainings a mutual friends, great girl..I helped her get her day care started. She ran the same way i did, had alot of respect for her program and choices. anyway, she had a new baby about 4 months old cried every day, she would call me sometimes to ask for advice or just strength. :) my advice was talk to the parents about it, and if it gets too bad, remove him for just a bit or remove yourself so you can keep your bearings. but more than anything else, know your limits and when you have reached them, call the parents. there is nothing wrong with admitting when you have had too much. Doesnt make you incapable rather makes you smart. She kept telling me she needed the $. heres the deal, her fiance ran the daycare with her :(, he too had a hard time and took things too far when he got upset and misshandled the baby. Crazy I know, and please dont judge me (think I'm some kind of dirt ball) for being friends with a person like that. NOT kidding she is a great person (cant vouch for him) but my point is this....no ammount of money is worth your sanity. Please just know when enough is enough for you! money or no money. thats my advice. oh BTW: she lost her Daycare and he is in jail. the wedding is off. All over the crying of a baby.

[Momof4]

Oh yes, I've been there! Last year as a matter of fact. I had a little 11 month old boy start and he cried all day every day. I started to wonder if he was in pain and it turned out he's lactose intolerant. He WAS in pain! So after about 4 months of screaming the parents finally switched him to lactose-free food and he calmed down, but I was getting close to terminating them. You can only take so much.

Then last fall I also had an 11 month old girl start and she had terrible separation anxiety because she and her Mom hadn't been apart for a minute before. So she cried for a few months too and it was rough, but we bonded and she calmed down much quicker than the little boy. Also, she is definitely a girl who needs her space and gets upset if the other children are not respecting that.

Every child is different, but the screamers really test your sanity. Ask the parents for advice and try your best to figure out how to make the child happy without ruining your whole day. Set a time limit for yourself if necessary, but the calmer you can remain the less stressed the child will be. Sometimes you just have to terminate.

[Littledragon]

How about just giving him some space? Do you have a highchair where he is kind of up away from the group & give him some activities and back away. I can imagine how intimidating it must be for these little ones, some who have been the only child in a nice quiet home....suddenly all this activity from all different directions? This way, he can observe from a distance for awhile? Hope that helps?!

This is good advice. Someone gave me this advice when I had my scream (maybe the same person? :laugh:) and it worked wonders. He wouldn't DO ANYTHING tho. He didn't even want me to touch him. Eventually, I noticed that if he was away and in a playpen where he could SEE and HEAR but no one could TOUCH him and no one paid attention to him, it make a HUGE difference.

[Judy Trickett]

Yeah, that is a LONG time to not have adjusted somewhat by now. Honestly, if, by the end of week two I don't start to see improvement I seriously start thinking about terminating them if, in the week following, they aren't 80% transitioned. By week two I start mentioning things to the parents to set them up for the possibility of termination.

Do you have a playpen set up? This is a MUST for every provider. When you get to the point where a child is just grating on your nerves then do not feel bad for putting in a playpen in a separate room and just walking away for a few minutes. NO ONE can listen to that for 9 hours a day without it having a physiological impact on their brains - and that impact IS what makes parents, providers, babysitters etc snap and harm a child.

We have ALL been there with a kid like that. It is HARD and do not feel bad for ONE second that you are wrong to feel the way you do.

[kidlove]

Amen! sister!!! :)

[Inspired by Reggio]

Ya ~ every child has a different 'adjustment' schedule based on personality and how much 'preparation' for being away from mom and dad they had prior to daycare.

A child who has NEVER been in busy groups and NEVER been away from mom or dad is going to take WAY longer than a child whose parents took them to playgroups with other children during mat leave and who left the little one with family or babysitter a few times and so forth because the child has a that 'basis of trust' of prior experience that he will be safe and secure and parent will return.

I would be discussing with the parents the 'challenge' and than trying to come up with some ideas to support the little dude through this time to get him feeling more emotionally secure in the program.

Perhaps trying something that 'smells from home' that he can hold or keep with him as security.

Playing games in daycare and at home about object permanence ~ so he learns to trust that things DO come back when they disappear ... peekaboo with people, hiding objects under a blanket and getting him to find them again and so forth. Parents leaving the room at home so child is 'alone' for short periods and coming back in so he GETS that just cause they are out of sight they DO come back and so forth! Leaving him with a 'babysitter' in the evening for short times could be family but just increasing his 'practice' with the fact that they leave but come back and he is SAFE still!

The keeping the child 'contained' from the group so that he feels secure no one is going to 'run him over' at any minute is AWESOME advice specially if he is not crawling or walking yet so feels no 'control' over moving to keep himself safe ~ so the highchair as suggested or a playpen with activities in it and than having 'time on the floor' when you are there to support him and if you are busy than putting him back somewhere he feels 'safe' until he learns to trust the group.

I would actually talk to them about opportunity to shorten his day ~ crying for 9 hours a day without pause is going to do nothing for easing his anxiety and is not healthy for anyone specially if he is not sleeping due to the anxiety :( Once he starts having 'positive' time in the program than you can start stretching the days back out to full days!

When I have a newbie I go for LOTS of walks around the neighborhood to local parks cause 99% of the time the safety of the stroller combined with the movement and fresh air calms them down so we are all not listening to crying all day and they are 'calmer frame of mind' and can see that hey this is not so bad the other kids are happy and playing.

I would set a 'goal' and time frame with the parents for improvement so you both had a 'deadline' that if it is not improving they have a back up plan in place and so do you! As someone mentioned sometimes the minute you give that 'deadline' the kids anxiety shortens usually cause the PARENT starts taking the need to get them 'settled' more seriously and helps at home with the suggestions you've given ;)

[bri]

Thanks for all the awsome advise. It is nice to know that other people have gone through this as well. I did talk to mom last week to let her know that he is having an extreamly hard time adjusting and that it is not healthy for him to be crying non stop for 9 hours not to mention the difficulty of listening to it for 9 hours. We said we would give it one more week and than re-evaluate. I said that I would be happy with some sign of adjusting, that I do not expect it to be perfect. Mom is trying really hard and has shortened his hours at daycare this week. I have tried the high chair and play pen and both seem to cause him the most anxiety. He is happier on the floor but away from the other children. He is now at the point where there is usually a 20 minute period of not crying, but the majority of the day is still spent crying. Does this sound like he is making progress? I still do not know what to do. Once again thank you for all the support and advice

[Littledragon]

[QUOTE=Judy Trickett;20703]Yeah, that is a LONG time to not have adjusted somewhat by now. Honestly, if, by the end of week two I don't start to see improvement I seriously start thinking about terminating them if, in the week following, they aren't 80% transitioned. By week two I start mentioning things to the parents to set them up for the possibility of termination.

Do you have a playpen set up? This is a MUST for every provider. When you get to the point where a child is just grating on your nerves then do not feel bad for putting in a playpen in a separate room and just walking away for a few minutes. [QUOTE]

For my screamer, on his second day, I actually ended up turning on the TV in my room, giving him milk cup and putting him in a play pen. I just COULDN'T take the crying and I felt bad that my son had to endure it too. Anyways, he spent almost the entire day in there. He was quiet, and he just wanted to be alone.

The only thing that makes me worried about terminating a kid like that is that he's just going to have to do it again at another daycare. Maybe he's not ready for care, but most parents don't have the luxery of taking their child our of care and going to work when mom is 'ready'. You should talk to mom and dad, get them play seperation games at home (hello, goodbye, peek a boo, hide and seek) He's old enough now that he CAN be seperated, he just needs to learn HOW. I honestly don't think that there is such thing a child not being 'ready' at this age, it's the parents who aren't ready.

It will happen. It just takes time. The kid isn't going to cry for the rest of his life. Just relax, put him in a seperate room when you feel like you're going to blow and put him in a highchair or playpen away from the other kids. Stick a soother in his mouth if you have to. My screamer had a soother for the first 2 months he was here. It was the only thing that made him feel safe. Now though, he never has it.

Good luck!

[Judy Trickett]

The only thing that makes me worried about terminating a kid like that is that he's just going to have to do it again at another daycare.

This is NOT your problem. You simply can NOT take on the worries of every child. You will just die trying and eventually close up your daycare because you are not pleasing the one person who matters - YOU.

It should NOT matter WHY a child needs to be terminated or what happens to them after they leave your care. NONE OF THAT MATTERS.

ALL that matters is that you have a group of kids, who, every day, get along and are pleasant to be with and do not set you so on edge you have to place them in a playpen and walk away repeatedly. That is not fair to YOU.