What to do, what to do...

[Sandbox Sally]

I am going to sound terrible, horrible and unworthy of a daycare career when I post this, but

I CAN'T STAND THE 6YO I AM CARING FOR!

They pay on time, have great hours, have done everything right, but every single time this kid comes, I am SO stressed, I wonder if it's worth the money.

He grinds his heels in no matter what I serve him. They've been raised on KD, hot dogs and nutella. If he's never eaten it before (which he hasn't, with 99% of the foods I serve), then he throws a fit and refuses to eat. If he thinks he doesn't like it, he won't try it. Should I serve him junk food and just be done with the issue? His parents don't care.

He is intensely moody, and throws things when I won't let him play his DS (he brings it every day). As I have posted before, he has punched me, and I have several times had to physically remove him from a situation. He's 6. He's not light. My back hurts.

His speech is severely impeded, and he often turns his back while he's talking to me, and will trail off so I can't hear him. I have to stop what I am doing, ask him to repeat himself before I can understand. He gets very angry with me, but it's really much less to do with his impediment and more to do with his volume level and that he walks away while speaking.

He has peed on my floor three times, and peed on my couch once. I have NO idea what to do here. His mother doesn't seem to think it's an issue.

If I ask him to stop throwing toys/yelling at his sister/grabbing things out of the 2yo's hand, he loses his shit, flailing and yelling and throwing things at me...

I feel awful for feeling so negatively about a 6 yo child, but it's pretty extreme stuff.

So do I suck it up and continue care for the next four weeks? They are summer only. We sorta kinda need the $$, but I don't know if I can take much more. He is ruining my summer. :no:

HELP?

[treeholm]

I'm not understanding why you don't terminate him... I know I'm a newbie, but I would be very worried about the effect of his behaviour on the other children. A 6-year old should not be acting this way. I know you need the money, and I think that is an important consideration, but I would be asking if the stress made the money even worth it. I am very sorry you are going through this.

[dodge__driver11]

First hon, That's part of your problem right there. The parents do not care, and that makes me so sad for the dck.

Second, peeing on your furniture @ 6, um no.

Third, not wanting what you serve? He'd starve here, I'd make sure he had water, and continue offering, but I certainly would not serve what he wants.

After all this i'd give them the walking papers, I know you need the money, but he is obviously grinding on your nerves, and IME when you try despite many warning signs..YOU will feel misrable, and burn out.

[Spixie33]

I have had kids that stressed me out and would make me cringe when I knew they were coming that day. It is normal not to like every one of them - although I try to see the good in every child.

I think it is amazing that you have had this much patience. You deserve an award.
Hitting you, peeing? :no: Is the child developmentally challenged/delayed?

The food situation is stressful enough because having 1 kid say "i don't want that" or "I hate that" makes other kids also reluctant to eat what is there....but I think you have good reason to say you can't do it any more to the parents.

I guess the part that sucks is whether you give 2 weeks notice and whether you are then only saving yourself two weeks of sanity or can you terminate sooner?

I feel your pain - I really do

[Lou]

Oh my gosh- absolutely without a doubt terminate him. That is unacceptable behaviour for a 6 yrs old. I would hand them their notice this evening at pick up- you should not have to be dealing with this! And I know that we usually want to keep the termination letter short and professional, but in this particular case I would be inclined to make a list of reasons why in HOPES that the parents might open their eyes even a tinsy bit.
- Damage to property- urinating on couches and carpets
- Physical abuse to caregiver
- Verbal Abuse to caregiver
- Unwilling to cooperate with daily program

[sunnydays]

Honestly, he would have been gone the first time he hit me! That would have been grounds for an immediate termination without notice. I guess you really have to look at your finances and if you can manage to limp by until September, I would definitely terminate him. In my contract I can terminate without notice if I feel the child is a threat to me or the other kids...I think this kid is! Don't feel bad...it is not your fault!

[kidlove]

WOW! cant believe you have made it this far? Not sure what to say first, I feel bad for you, or Why did you take this kid? I have been in your shoes re: not liking a child you care for and feeling guilty, and no it doesnt mean you are not fit for day care, it means you are normal. BTW (he's not fit for day care) you will get no where with this kid, he's too far gone and the parents arent offering any help. Sounds to me like he needs an evaluation by a doctor possibly. or just get cared for proper (better diet, no more DS, little disipline) but none of tha tis your job. so either grit your teeth and take the payment for next four weeks, or let him go and never take him back. This year is the first year I decided to not take any school age kids, every summer before, I have, and my summers were crazy and out of control. this summer I have had sooooo much peace. I feel for you. :)

[Littledragon]

OH MY GOD!! Don't feel bad! That would be difficult for ANYONE to deal with. I would honest...let him go. Peeing on your floor is ridiculous, as is punching you. I think the answer is easy here (well, to me anyways because I don't know the whole situation).

I hope you can figure it out because I KNOW how difficult it is to run a daycare when you're not happy with the kids/families you have

[giraffe]

The way I see it is if you wake up in the morning dreading your day because of one particular child then maybe it's time for that child to go. If i were you i would write up a letter of warning and have him gone at the next "incident".

In my books the violence is cause for immediate termination, so he would be GONE

[Momof4]

Oh that's so sad. No matter he's troubled, he has no nutrition in his body besides the food you manage to get him to eat. What is wrong with his parents? We can't like all the children, it's a fact. But it's something I just learned since opening my daycare. I thought all children were inherently lovable - WRONG!!! I've had a couple here that I do not miss at all.

We deserve to be happy and have relatively stress-free days and since we run the business and make the rules we can terminate when things are unacceptable. Another family will fill that space and now you know what to look out for next time.

[apples and bananas]

The minute he pee'd anywhere but the toilet he would've been gone. That's just not right. He's 6! I would expect that behaviour from a 2 year old learning to use the toilet. Nope... Not worth any amount of money to deal with that.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am willing to work with almost any challenge a child might present over their time with me ~ as long as the CLIENT is working with me 110% towards the same goal and objective .... I took on an older child my first year in 'home childcare' who had been terminated from other programs ~ but there was no 'holding back' with either of us everything was laid on the table about the challenges that kid had, my thoughts on what the root problem was based on initial observation and what needed to occur both in my program and at home for that child to thrive and be able to 'stay on here'. Had that child until 6.6 years old and she was in school full time ... parents were AWESOME about stepping up and 'changing' practices that had led and encourage the behavior to thrive at home and therefore other programs ... aka diet, sleeping, consistent realistic expectations and consequences.

Sorry but if they were that indifferent at the beginning of the relationship and there was this much trouble already and based on the age of the child ....I am not one to 'quickly' terminate someone but what you've shared here would be grounds for me to make that 'adjustment' to quick band-aid approach of 'sorry but after a trial period of this month upon reflection of X's needs and the programs needs I am afraid we are not going to be a match for permanent care arrangement therefore effective X care will terminate' ... you decide if you want to give them notice or if you are just done with being hit in your own home!

[dragonlady3]

Another thought....and this should help speed him out of your day care. He hit you and dis-repected your home and food and other children. How likely is it that he will hit another child...and maybe injure him/her...and you will then potentially face the consequences from a very distressed family who does care for their child properly. Quite simply, your other DC children are more at risk than you, and legally, you are definitely at risk if this child hurts another child while in your care, especially now that you have acknowledged how very unpleasant he really is. Call the family, tell them your DC is a non-violent zone, and they must remove their son immediately...and save yourself and the other children a serious injury. Hope this helps.

[Starshine]

Unless you need the money so much that you're going to miss a rent/mortgage payment without him, I'd terminate immediately. The violence is reason enough to not give two weeks.