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Judy Trickett
07-31-2012, 01:08 PM
This is a poll so you have the ability to be completely anonymous while answering honestly. Something a dcparent said in passing yesterday made me go read a study and then that study got me thinking and well, here I am asking your for your honesty.

Please be HONEST as this is an anonymous poll.

This is in regards to your OWN children - NOT dckids.

dodge__driver11
07-31-2012, 01:13 PM
Hey Judy,

What was this study, and what did dc parent say?

kidlove
07-31-2012, 01:14 PM
What do you want to know? Do we spank our own kids?

dodge__driver11
07-31-2012, 01:16 PM
yes, that is what she asked :)

kidlove
07-31-2012, 01:17 PM
figured that out, :) thankyou :)

Judy Trickett
07-31-2012, 02:34 PM
bumping thread

Mamma_Mia
07-31-2012, 02:38 PM
Yup I would if I've had to!

Thankfully at 2.5yrs I haven't had to give a big spanking. When I use that TONE it's enough for her to listen. Lately though she's been testing me so much more and I've had to ask DH to take over because I don't want to get to that limit unless it's something REALLY bad.

Do I consider a flick of the mouth, tap on the bum or tap on the hands spanking....no. That's me telling her after the 1000th time to stop screaming, spitting, touching etc.

I'm being honest :mellow:

Dreamalittledream
07-31-2012, 03:27 PM
Yup I would if I've had to!

Thankfully at 2.5yrs I haven't had to give a big spanking. When I use that TONE it's enough for her to listen. Lately though she's been testing me so much more and I've had to ask DH to take over because I don't want to get to that limit unless it's something REALLY bad.

Do I consider a flick of the mouth, tap on the bum or tap on the hands spanking....no. That's me telling her after the 1000th time to stop screaming, spitting, touching etc.

I'm being honest :mellow:. Oh boy do I relate!!

Starshine
07-31-2012, 10:28 PM
I don't spank my own child, never have, and can't imagine doing it ever.

mlc1982
07-31-2012, 11:11 PM
I'm same as Mamma Mia. I haven't had to spank my kids but have given a little tap or flick on the mouth or a smack on the hand. I honestly don't think I could bring myself to give them an actual good spanking.

Dreamalittledream
08-01-2012, 06:06 AM
I don't spank my own child, never have, and can't imagine doing it ever.
I understand this; but you've never been SOOO frustrated that it's entered your mind? And I guess we all have different definitions of spanking; for me it's a 'tap' on the bum.

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 07:39 AM
IMO, nobody "has to" spank. I wasn't spanked, and I don't spank. If your child is a toddler and is doing something dangerous, a loud noise is just as effective. Just my opinion.

ETA: I also ask about discipline during interviews for daycare families, and I will not accept a family into care if they spank.

Yarnlover
08-01-2012, 08:25 AM
Spanking has never even crossed my mind with my own child. It just doesn't factor into my thinking at all. I was spanked here and there as a child, nothing major but I fail to see any positive benefit to the action of hitting a child.

If children learn from us then I think we have to ask what they learn from us when we spank them. I certainly don't want my daughter thinking that something she had done has caused her to "deserve" a physical punishment. In my opinion if a child is old enough to understand then you explain consequences, if they are too young to understand then they are too young to be hit anyways.

I get that a tap on the hand isn't the same as a spanking, I am not trying to condem anyone, I just personally don't get it. I don't have to make a conscious effort not to spank, it literally just doesn't enter my mind at all.

Dreamalittledream
08-01-2012, 09:32 AM
It's an interesting debate for sure; not that I am being an advocate for any form of physical punishment (tap on the hand or whatever)...but it could be argued that a loud voice (yelling) is just as damaging? It's all about what choices you make for your family, your children. I can honestly say that none of my children have ever been spanked in any way whatsoever..but boy it was a huge challenge with my last son (now 3) to get him not to hit (go figure?!). And I admit it; I would get so frustrated a spank of the bum did enter my mind...just didn't go there.

Littledragon
08-01-2012, 09:40 AM
This is a SUPER sensitive issue for me. I don't see ANY REASON to spank EVER! All it teaches is that it is OK to hit when they are upset and it teaches them aggression. I don't see a difference in slapping them in the bum or slapping them in the face. I think it should be outlawed and doesn't help the situation AT ALL. All it does is create fear for pain and aggression, rather than fear for ACTUAL consequences like time outs and so forth. There have been studies done that link spanking to low self esteem, anger issues and so forth. IMO there is NEVER good and appropriate time to spank. I remember being spanked when I was young, and I remember felling very violated and uncomfortable - expecially when it's done in front of the other kids. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone, but I don't see a reason for it and I think spanking is wrong.

Yarnlover
08-01-2012, 10:26 AM
Huh, I thought spanking was illegal....I just looked it up and I was wrong, 24 countries have criminalized spanking and Canada is not one of them; I have to say I am surprised!

monkeymama
08-01-2012, 12:08 PM
I will be honest. When I was pregnant, I swore I would never spank. 4 years later, I have spanked my daughter on occasion. She is, to put it mildly, a very difficult child to discipline. She is 12 yo in a 4 yo body, basically. Spanking has made a huge difference in her behavior, and for the better. However, it is a last resort when dealing with her and a "spank" is a hard tap on the bum, never with a belt or anything of that nature. That is wrong IMO.

sunnydays
08-01-2012, 12:28 PM
Judy, I would really love to have a link to the study you are referring to! This is an interesting and sensitive debate to have.

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 01:18 PM
It's an interesting debate for sure; not that I am being an advocate for any form of physical punishment (tap on the hand or whatever)...but it could be argued that a loud voice (yelling) is just as damaging? It's all about what choices you make for your family, your children. I can honestly say that none of my children have ever been spanked in any way whatsoever..but boy it was a huge challenge with my last son (now 3) to get him not to hit (go figure?!). And I admit it; I would get so frustrated a spank of the bum did enter my mind...just didn't go there.


I hope you didn't imply from my post that I am a yeller. When I said loud voice, I mean more of an "OH!! and then in a quieter voice, ohhhh no, ohhhhh dear that is scary...that hurts <insertnamehere>." I can't write it down properly....but it startles instead of shames or scares. In my opinion, this is far better than physically hitting a child.

Frustration is frustration. No parent, no matter what end of spanking debate you're on, should hit out of anger. That's abuse.

Judy Trickett
08-01-2012, 01:22 PM
Judy, I would really love to have a link to the study you are referring to! This is an interesting and sensitive debate to have.

You can google it. It's actually the study they did back in 2003 (I think that was the year) when the spanking issue went to the Supreme Court of Canada. About half of Canadians think that parents should have the right to spank their own kids. And another 31% of the population think that caretakers should also have the right to spank.

Just google it. I don't have it bookmarked or I would just link you to it.

kidlove
08-01-2012, 01:25 PM
Thats just because their not old enough yet. I was raised as a "spanked" child so on and so forth. Didnt screw me up!!!! :) I believe firmly in "spare the rod, spoil the child" with ALOT of thought and under the right circumstances there is Nothing wrong with correcting your child when they have made an improper choice, by spanking. It's not for every child, its not for every parent, and def not for every circumstance. But, that being said...IMO spankings are a proper way of raising your child. (under correct circumstance only) mind you: my kids are 9yr and 11yrs. didnt have their first REAL spanking until about 4. did get the typical butt swat for getting into things they shouldnt and such. but real spanks began around 4. :)

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 01:40 PM
Thats just because their not old enough yet. I was raised as a "spanked" child so on and so forth. Didnt screw me up!!!! :) I believe firmly in "spare the rod, spoil the child" with ALOT of thought and under the right circumstances there is Nothing wrong with correcting your child when they have made an improper choice, by spanking. It's not for every child, its not for every parent, and def not for every circumstance. But, that being said...IMO spankings are a proper way of raising your child. (under correct circumstance only) mind you: my kids are 9yr and 11yrs. didnt have their first REAL spanking until about 4. did get the typical butt swat for getting into things they shouldnt and such. but real spanks began around 4. :)

I wasn't put in a car seat, either. I am not screwed up. I would NEVER think of not using a car seat with a child. This type of logic is not a valid argument.

I fail to see how hitting a child is sending any kind of positive message. Children do not NEED to be spanked, therefore, why on earth would you choose to inflict pain on your kid? I don't understand...

As for "spare the rod and spoil the child", I call bullshit. None of my friends or family spank. We are regularly told how great our kids behave. That's no coincidence.

kidlove
08-01-2012, 01:46 PM
i have noticed ALOT of concerns in these replies re: "hitting" and "anger" when reffering to spanking, if a parent chooses to use spanking as a form of discipline just as any other form of discipline you should NEVER do it ANGRY! if you are angry with your child for something they have chosen to do, you need to take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. it is the same with "yelling" at your child, you should NEVER shout at your child in anger, it IS just as damaging as physical discipline in anger. We are to set an example for our children, if we are getting angry and hitting them or yelling angry, we have the wrong "idea" of discipline. Disciplining a child is by defenition: training to act in accordance with rules. punishment inflictedby way of correction and training. to bring under control. and spank is: to strike on the buttocks with the open hand.
If any of you have ever had to resolve to a spank for punishment toward their child for making a poor choice or breaking the rules, you will know (if you didnt do it angry) after you spank your child and inform them their choice or behavior was against your rules or inappropriate, you will find the child has remorse for what they did and in the future that child will make better choices or think before they make the same mistake again. (given the circumstances of their choice) IMO: its the proper way to raise a child. NOT THE ONLY WAY THOUGH! :)

sunnydays
08-01-2012, 01:54 PM
Thanks! Well I guess this informal poll has confirmed that study as over 60% of us think it is okay to spank your own child. However, I am surprised that so many also think caregivers should be able to do it! I would never, in a million years, spank a child in my care regardless of whether or not I would spank my own children. That, in my opinion, would be totally wrong and also risky!



You can google it. It's actually the study they did back in 2003 (I think that was the year) when the spanking issue went to the Supreme Court of Canada. About half of Canadians think that parents should have the right to spank their own kids. And another 31% of the population think that caretakers should also have the right to spank.

Just google it. I don't have it bookmarked or I would just link you to it.

kidlove
08-01-2012, 01:59 PM
I live my life by the Bible alone, every question in life I have EVER needed answered is in that book. I have strong faith in God and through ALL my lifes trials and tribulations Gods word and answered prayers have always led me through. the MOST important job I have is being a Mother, although I do not do it perfect, I always turn to God in prayer and God's Word (the Bible) it is the only truth for me, not bull@&%$! sorry, thats just how I feel. Proverbs 13:24 states clearly : He who spares his rod hates his child, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (for me, that is spanking and firm guidance toward my children) for others it may be a firm talking or what not. But I dont regret it because I have two extreamly well behaved and very respectful children as an outcome. They never question my love or authority. just works for me! thats all.

kidlove
08-01-2012, 02:04 PM
If we dont have the freedom to raise our children how we choose, what do we have anymore?
As far as spanking someone elses child....it should be illegal! As it is in our country, and I completely agree, NO ONE should put their hands on someone elses child. It is the parents position to discipline that child, strangers dont have unconditional love for any child like the parent does, if a stranger spanks a child the child views it as a "hit" if the parent spanks the child the child views it as "correction". JUST MY OPINION THOUGH :) :) :) :)

Littledragon
08-01-2012, 02:05 PM
Thats just because their not old enough yet. I was raised as a "spanked" child so on and so forth. Didnt screw me up!!!! :) I believe firmly in "spare the rod, spoil the child" with ALOT of thought and under the right circumstances there is Nothing wrong with correcting your child when they have made an improper choice, by spanking. It's not for every child, its not for every parent, and def not for every circumstance. But, that being said...IMO spankings are a proper way of raising your child. (under correct circumstance only) mind you: my kids are 9yr and 11yrs. didnt have their first REAL spanking until about 4. did get the typical butt swat for getting into things they shouldnt and such. but real spanks began around 4. :)

How does a REAL spaning differ from a swat? I thought that that was what was supposed to be a spank - a swat. I hope a REAL spanking doesn't mean causing bodily harm - because then you're defeating the purpose. I just don't see how using AGGRESSION to correct a child is a good idea - or that it even works long term

Littledragon
08-01-2012, 02:08 PM
I live my life by the Bible alone, every question in life I have EVER needed answered is in that book. I have strong faith in God and through ALL my lifes trials and tribulations Gods word and answered prayers have always led me through. the MOST important job I have is being a Mother, although I do not do it perfect, I always turn to God in prayer and God's Word (the Bible) it is the only truth for me, not bull@&%$! sorry, thats just how I feel. Proverbs 13:24 states clearly : He who spares his rod hates his child, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (for me, that is spanking and firm guidance toward my children) for others it may be a firm talking or what not. But I dont regret it because I have two extreamly well behaved and very respectful children as an outcome. They never question my love or authority. just works for me! thats all.

I totally respect your faith, however, in the proverb you just wrote, no where does it say that physical punishment is OK. It says disciplining - you chose to use spanking as discipline...thats' not God's word..IMO

Dreamalittledream
08-01-2012, 02:41 PM
I hope you didn't imply from my post that I am a yeller. When I said loud voice, I mean more of an "OH!! and then in a quieter voice, ohhhh no, ohhhhh dear that is scary...that hurts <insertnamehere>." I can't write it down properly....but it startles instead of shames or scares. In my opinion, this is far better than physically hitting a child.

Frustration is frustration. No parent, no matter what end of spanking debate you're on, should hit out of anger. That's abuse.. Sorry, no offense meant at all. I was totally not implying that you are a 'yeller'...I guess I was trying to point out that there are degrees of everything (to one person using a loud voice is yelling or a 'tap' on the hand is spanking); to what degree is it damaging and is one more damaging than the other?

Dreamalittledream
08-01-2012, 02:43 PM
However, I am surprised that so many also think caregivers should be able to do it! I would never, in a million years, spank a child in my care regardless of whether or not I would spank my own children.
Wow! The study stated that caregivers should be able to spank? Not in a million years!!!!

kidlove
08-01-2012, 03:02 PM
littledragon, I also added after that (for me, its spanking and firm guidance toward my children) for others it may be a firm talking or whatnot.

I just believe very strongly in standing up for what I believe in as do all the others here. I respect all points of view and ALL parenting skills, I was just standing up for what I believe def not stating that anyone else is incorrect in their choice of parenting.

Maybe the opinions have gone a little far :) aggression anger frustration or any other negative emotion should never come into play when disciplining a child, as I stated earlier. When my children have done wrong (like really wrong, in the past) i.e. stealing something, talking inapropriate, or acting disrespectful among others, they are asked to go to their room, we talk about it, they get a spanking and its over. for me it works. thats all! sometimes a spank will wake a child from a "massive fit" or "verbal rank" they just need a reminder sometimes.

Very sensitive subject because there is a VERY fine line between discipline and abuse. :)

Yarnlover
08-01-2012, 03:28 PM
I am just going to correct you here
Very sensitive subject because there is a VERY fine line between discipline and abuse.

There is a very fine line between physical discipline and abuse

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 03:35 PM
I am sure that I will not be popular after this post...

Many Christians believe that the bible is referring to the shepherd's staff, not a switch with which to hit a child. Sparing the "rod", ie staff means that if you don't guide the child, you will spoil him or her...The rod was not used to hit the sheep, it was crooked at the end to guide the sheep, and keep them on the correct path when being herded.

I do not feel that spanking is one of those issues where everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I feel that hitting children NEVER ok, whether or not you hide behind the guise of "discipline".

Cocoon
08-01-2012, 03:36 PM
I don't want to say anything to upset anyone but I think spanking shouldn't be necessary. You can control/manage your kids without spanking. I belive parents who are frustrated and does not know how to deal with the situation spanks. And I don't think you are giving right message to your kids by spanking. They will learn that spanking is OK. Which is not. Hurting your own child or somebody else's child for the sake disciplining ....? Errrr no. They are children they don't know what is right or wrong and certainly your are not being a good example by spanking them.

And also, no disrespect to any religion but kidslove, did you know that in bible it says that you can kill children? It's in Hosaya, Im sure i spelled it wrong. So this means to me that Bible isn't always right. I hope I did not offend you.

dodge__driver11
08-01-2012, 03:47 PM
no one is hiding behind anything really--to to each thier own. I will swat my childs hand, but thats where I stop.

Judy Trickett
08-01-2012, 03:53 PM
I am sure that I will not be popular after this post...

Many Christians believe that the bible is referring to the shepherd's staff, not a switch with which to hit a child. Sparing the "rod", ie staff means that if you don't guide the child, you will spoil him or her...The rod was not used to hit the sheep, it was crooked at the end to guide the sheep, and keep them on the correct path when being herded.

I do not feel that spanking is one of those issues where everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I feel that hitting children NEVER ok, whether or not you hide behind the guise of "discipline".

Interesting interpretation to that old adage. I never thought of that before. I have read the bible in its entirety but never really broke it down that way.

Hmmmm....learn something every day.

Mamma_Mia
08-01-2012, 04:05 PM
I'd like to add that I do believe there is a difference between spanking and beating your child in anger.

re: Spanking - It makes a difference on the type of child you have. I was the child that you could say stop it or sit there and I would. Now my brother was told to sit there 10 times and wouldn't listen, he'd get 'yelled at' and stay for two second, not until he was hit on the bum did he stay and not move. To this day he is the most stubborn person ever!

I was abused as a child....spanking was to another level....with belts, closed fists etc. and I would NEVER do that to my own children. But to spank them as a way to correct something, I admit I would...have I had to yet? nope

I do NOT agree that a caregiver can spank my child. I'm the parent and I will deal with it. Have I ever been so mad at a dycare child that I wanted to spank them? yes .......Did I - NO WAY!!

It's all a personal belief and it will never change even if it WAS illegal - you can't stop everything people do in their own homes. If we could there would be a LOT of things nowadays not happening anymore.

kidlove
08-01-2012, 04:37 PM
Wow, thanks Mamma mia was beginning to feel like I was on a sinking ship. was nice to here someone else feels similar.
Its all in preference and its all in what works for you as a parent, I would hope that none of us in this field were angry or abusive parents or daycare providers. Although, I must say I do feel a little attacked on my stance. however, I am so sure of my FAITH and full understanding of the Bible and what it stands for, I think I will exit with my Faith in tact. Thanks Guys! God Bless;)

jec
08-01-2012, 04:39 PM
I do not spank, tap or hit my kids. I'm not perfect and won't lie that I haven't been frustrated enough that the thought hasn't gone through my mind at the time as it has but- never acted on it. That is when I walk away and get composure. I have told both of my kids that nobody has the right to hit their body- not even Mom and Dad. It is their body and feel that there are other ways to correct behavior.

Momof4
08-01-2012, 04:47 PM
I think the issue is that there are too many parents who do NOT discipline or 'parent' their children and the child is running the household. It's everywhere. I've tried to guide a couple of my daycare families on this issue and my middle daughter. My grandson was allowed to make so many decisions and I gently suggested to my daughter that maybe she should take control and make more of the decisions and take charge of the family rather than letting him run the household with his tantrums. He has come a long way and she's learning to choose when he can make a decision and when she has to say, no I'm the Mom and I decide.

My children were not spanked and I was not spanked, but my youngest daughter was prone to tantrums and I used to give her one smack on the upper thigh to make her stop. Then she cried because I had smacked her but she stopped tantruming over whatever nonsense got her going in the first place when I had said 'no'. My own parents were beaten so never hit us except for the occasional one smack thing too when we really did deserve it. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I would be very angry if I saw someone hitting their child repeatedly.

We are not here to judge each other, we are stating our honest opinions as asked by the op.

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 04:53 PM
Wow, thanks Mamma mia was beginning to feel like I was on a sinking ship. was nice to here someone else feels similar.
Its all in preference and its all in what works for you as a parent, I would hope that none of us in this field were angry or abusive parents or daycare providers. Although, I must say I do feel a little attacked on my stance. however, I am so sure of my FAITH and full understanding of the Bible and what it stands for, I think I will exit with my Faith in tact. Thanks Guys! God Bless;)

I am sorry that you feel attacked. I really am. However, if you look at the poll, you'll see that more people agree with your stance than mine...lol I absolutely disagree with you, though, so I don't understand what other way I could word my posts without compromising the message.

You disagreed with me, and I don't feel attacked, or that I'm on a sinking ship. Even if everyone on this thread disagreed, I wouldn't feel attacked (unless someone called me a name). I am not worried about popular opinion on this matter, except in the context of when people disagree with me on this, it means they're hitting their kids. :(

Momof4
08-01-2012, 04:56 PM
Alpha, who are you talking to? Oh, never mind I see it.

Which brings me back to my post. Nobody should ever feel attacked when on a public forum. Just state your opinion and read other people's opinions and agree or disagree, but it isn't personal. I agree with Alpha, if somebody told me I was an idiot, then I would feel attacked, but otherwise, pfffffft.

Sandbox Sally
08-01-2012, 04:59 PM
momof, better? :D

Momof4
08-01-2012, 05:02 PM
:wave: Sorry Alpha, hehe.