Terminating a child for no real reason

[Toregone]

Has anyone ever done this? I have no real reason to terminate DCB but I want to so badly. There have been behaviour issues in the past but mom and dad tried very hard to work with me and those are becoming resolved.

I just dont like him. He is the complete opposite of self sufficent and it drives me crazy! He needs me to help him do anything. I understand that it is partly his age (only 15 mos) and partly doting parents but I just don't want to help him with every little thing. For the simpliest tasks he just stares at me blankly. I've been trying to coach him to put his own legs back into pant legs at diaper change time... he makes his legs go limp. I show him how to hold his spoon and bring food to his mouth.. I stop helping and he drops his spoon. I try to get him to independantly walk over the threshold of my home to outside... he stops and just looks at the ground and then looks at me, then back down to the ground.

Because of this I have actually changed my ads and policies stating I will not take younger than 18 mos preferable a year.

Anyone ever terminate a child simpily because they decided they didn't liek working with that age group?

[sunnydays]

I'm not sure if you have worked with this age group before, but what you are describing sounds quite normal to me. It all depends on the child's personality, but at 15 months they are still babies...they need your help for A LOT of things. As they get up closer to 2, they can do more and more things for themselves. I have a 17 month old who can't even walk or eat with a spoon..there is no rushing him, but he is sweet and cute and gentle and sleeps well, so it doesn't bother me. Only you can decide if you are really able to care for this child or not, but if you do terminate him, definitely don't take on any more young ones.

[Momof4]

I'm actually going through this too but I didn't terminate him, I talked to the parents about doing absolutely everything for him so that he doesn't try to learn. I encourage the parents to help him learn to do things himself and tell them that the sooner the better because I am a very busy woman.

Remind these parents that they have one child and you have to care for ?children every day so you need all of them to be as self-sufficient as soon as possible. My daycare parents are now working with me because they saw my exhaustion and frustration and knew I was getting to my breaking point with their son.

I admit it. He makes me so mad daily with a hundred little things that I would be embarrassed to list, but none of the other children make me roll my eyes and want to scream! I hear ya!

[Toregone]

Kangaroo Mama - I stated that I understood it was normal for his age group but that I have discovered I didn't like caring for children this young and wouldn't do so in future. I was simpily wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and if they terminated the child or just stuck it out until the child got a bit older.

[Littledragon]

I have a 15 month old, and he's just like that. They're still building confidence and motor skills, they can't feed themselves with a spoon yet and they don't have the ability to steo from inside to outside without falling on their face. HOWEVER it sounds like (not tyring to be hurtful) that you're finding reasons not to like this kid because you're simply not bonding with him. I have a little boy who started on Monday and I am having some issues bonding with him as well. As long has he been with you? It could just be that you're not meshing well. If it hasn't been to long, you could just term and tell mom that the relationship just isn't working. He has no major behavioral issues, but you just don't think it's going to work. i don't think it's anything to feel bad about. I realized too that I don't like caring for OLDER kids (over 2), luckily, the 2 year old I DO have is awesome, but I won't be taking any more. I don't think it's a bad thing to let him go based on that. It's your daycare and you need to be happy. There are plenty other daycares for mom to find :)

[playfelt]

Good that you have determined your preferred age range for the future but just remember this 15 month old will become 18 month olds before you know it and in the time you would need to give them for termination notice and advertising for a replacement you might be better off to just hang in there with this child and keep working on the skills but remember for next time what your minimum requirements are for admission in terms of self sufficiency.

[Mamma_Mia]

Hey we're allowed to just not "like" a child. They are people too and sometimes personalities don't mesh well. If we say we don't like a co-worker it's ok but if you say a child it's all OOOoooOOOoo :laugh: if you don't mesh then get out of it. plain and simple. :D

[apples and bananas]

I had a child like this... for a year! His parents weren't working with me and he was not bonding with me. I don't think I had any more then one good day with him... but he paid the bills. I continued care not only because I committed to it, but because it's a job and hes part of the job.

I've terminated him since, but it was based on his parents not following my policy and not having respect for my time. I can't even tell you how pleasant my days are now! :)

In my opinion you need to know your limits and if this child pushes you past them then that's all the reason you need.

[mlc1982]

I am dealing with the EXACT same thing with one of my dhb's. He was 2 in April and basically does the same things. I have put up with it for a year now, thinking things would get better and they haven't. He is very babied at home and it's causing me a lot of frustration. I've talked to parents and they say they make him eat, clean up, etc on his own but I just don't see it. He still has a bottle at home, not here. He still goes in a baby swing at home, not here. He doesn't wear shoes at home and gets carried around. Here he wears shoes and doesn't get carried. But his overall attitude sucks and he's just a child that I don't like much. His parents are awesome as far as everything goes with me but I don't know how much more I can take of the kid. It's paying the bills and all but it's just draining on my sanity. I'm trying to find a way to terminate but don't know if I can bring myself to do it after dealing with this for so long. It's not like something just all of a sudden happened ... it's always been like this.

[Momof4]

Toregone, I was thinking of this thread when my little problem boy was picked up today. He was behaving horribly for his mother and he wouldn't dare behave that badly for me because he knows I would not allow it. If this is your situation, where the child is better for you than his own parents at least you can take pride in the great job you are doing to help the child learn good behaviour.

I really agree with the others who said that we can't LIKE every child or every human. It's so true.

[Toregone]

The thing that really bothers me is he acts scared of me. Im stern but not mean. When it's nap time I lay him in his playpen with a cuddle and a "good night" and his soother. If he plays around loudly for longer than 5 minutes I come in the room and say "Shh now. It's nap time. Sleep now." and lay him back down. But when I come back in the room he cowers in the corner of his pen.

He often cries for no reason that I can figure out and when I say "Ok, that's enough now. No more crying sweetie" He sucks it up and stops crying but then looks at me with his lip quivering and gulping back sobs. I never yell just use a stern voice. He doesn't even get time outs yet, just redirection.

He sobs at drop off, sobs at pick up. His parents must think he hates it here, and to be honest I kind of do too. He does not seem happy and I'm not happy with the situation. I just keep thinking I can try harder and he'll adjust. It's been 3 months and he had a brief period of good (2 week or so) in the middle but other than that it's been horrible.

Ever since I wrote this yesterday I've been thinking more and more about this child (he's part time and not here today) and something is bothering me. I don't think abuse/neglect at all at home. His parents are super loving and doting and there has never been anything suspisious. I just can't put my finger on what bothers me so much about the entire situation.

I have decided to be completely passive aggressive and raise the moms fees rather than terminate me as I know this will make her leave. She uses more than 25 hours per week (my cut off for part time) and 3 or 4 days on a varying schedule. She only pays part time fees as that was orgionally discussed. I have decided to charge her full time (because she USES IT!) and let her leave. She protests anything even the slightest extra (such as me charging her to open 1.5 hours early to drop off her child, or 45 minute late pick up) so I think either they don't have much money or they are just very tight with it. Either way I'm certian she will leave.

[apples and bananas]

If I were you i would probably feel frustrated that Ive tried everything and this little guy looks at me like I'm from outer space. It may just be that you're not mom. It will probably pass if you leave it long enough, but it's hard to work all day with someone that doesn't like you. Really, that's what's happening. You're forced to work all day with someone that just doesn't seem to like you. (at least that's the way it's coming across) It sounds like you should be raising her fee's regardless. I hope she understands and doesn't take it too hard.

I wish you all the best and I hope you can replace with a family that is amazing! Always another one around the corner.

[mlc1982]

From my experience (as posted) I wouldn't hold off for it to get 'better'. That's what I've done for the past 10 months and it hasn't gotten better. I still get the blank stares every time I ask him to help clean up or put on his shoes. I get the bouncing around at nap time and whining when I ask him to eat something or to stay out of a certain room. He totally freaked out today when mom got to the door and that's a normal occurence lately. For you, it just doesn't sound like a proper fit if you have 'that' feeling.