View Full Version : Helping parents understand
Hey everyone,
I've got a new one 12 months who joined me this Tuesday and great first week. Yes, she needs to be up in my arms a lot but then she is getting her sense of security with me. She eats well, smiles and what I think is a great first week.
Nap time however has been a challange. Her parents have asked me to keep her sleep schedule at home the same here to help with her adjustment to daycare and I have no problem with that but I fell she needs to go down early but, they know her best so I'm going with it. I've been getting comments of how horrible she is at night and it's not sleeping here that is the reason. Today I had to put her down for a nap at 11:30 with the rest of my crew who is sick ( cold bug my own kids seemed to have passed on) they all were off yesterday but today seems to have hammered the other 3 I have and they all needed to nap early. The little one 12 months was just screaming while eating her lunch. I really couldn't calm her and then when Ipicked her up, she put her head down on me. So...I did what I think was best for her and put her down and within 5 minutes out. BUT then woke up at 40 minute mark. Now just standing up looking around. i'm not going in the room she is in- seperate from the other kids as I hope she can fall sleep.
I'm feeling a little bad that I didn't follow the parent's suggestions as I emailed them to let them know about the cold bug going around and that she might catch it...and that i put her down early and why....and I got an email back saying that she was cranky last night and hope that she sleeps or they won't be able to put to her to bed tonight:unsure:
I just find that the dad first time I met with him at the door for first day of drop off and we chatted the second day- every time I said something he seemed to be defensive and cut me off :no:
and now I'm feeling uneasy about making mistakes. any suggestions on how to handle it ladies.
Crayola kiddies
08-10-2012, 12:11 PM
Is this 12 month old still napping in the morning ? I have one that's almost 16 months and still needs 1 hour in the am or she can't make it to 12:30 and lunch time is a nightmare so she gets one hour in the morning but no more then that cause she won't sleep in the aft. So maybe she needs a little nap in the am and then the reg nap in the aft ....
parents want her down for 9am and then again at 1:30. so she goes in the morning for an hour here vs 2 at home. again in the afternoon for usually 40 minutes vs 2 again for her afternoon nap
being first 4 days though
apples and bananas
08-10-2012, 12:24 PM
First of all, parents work around my sleep schedule, I don't work around thiers. For example, I'm transitioning a new 1 year old in. Mom says he sleeps twice a day but the times vary. I've asked her to wake him up as if they are going to work so he's used to the morning wake up. Then put him down around 9:15 after a quick snack, but wake him up 45 min later so he goes down again no later then 1pm. This way he starts to loose his morning nap and we can back up his afternoon to noon with the rest of my crew. They work towards my schedule. I have 5 kids some days. CAn you imagion working on every one of their individual schedules? I'd constantly be up and down the stairs!
I'm flexible to work little ones in for the first while until they move into our schedule. I'll start waking her up after she gets more comfortable with the changes going on. I make parents aware that they do have to work into our schedule.
Everyone else is sleeping and it's just her that is up- only for the next little while until she gets more comfortable.
Just second day- and I met the Dad the first time Tuesday morning at drop off, he kept cutting me off as I was saying things. I felt he was almost confratiatonal -spelling there
and I just shut it as I'm not aruging with him. I feel like I'm on egg shells now :(
apples and bananas
08-10-2012, 01:08 PM
Sounds like they may have the perception that you work for them. It may just be a personality that doesn't go with yours. Give it time, that might work itself out. I find that parents are often defensive at first, until they develop a trust. Especially with their first born.
Littledragon
08-10-2012, 01:09 PM
And I agree with AandB. People work around MY schedule. I CANNOT be expected to work around every single child's individual schedule and I make that clear from the beginning. You need to explain your hours and the way it works in your daycare and that they need to make some time for asjustments. She's probably not sleeping at night because she missed her parents.
Secondly, DO NOT worry about making mistakes. You run your business they way you want to and the way you feel comfortable and confident. If you give them room for suggestions, or room to judge, trust me - they will. You need to seem like you know what you are doing, even when you don't, otherwise, parents will see it as an opportunity to take advantage. If they don't like how you're running the ship, they can find another daycare that better meets their needs.
Littledragon
08-10-2012, 01:12 PM
I'm flexible to work little ones in for the first while until they move into our schedule. I'll start waking her up after she gets more comfortable with the changes going on. I make parents aware that they do have to work into our schedule.
Everyone else is sleeping and it's just her that is up- only for the next little while until she gets more comfortable.
Just second day- and I met the Dad the first time Tuesday morning at drop off, he kept cutting me off as I was saying things. I felt he was almost confratiatonal -spelling there
and I just shut it as I'm not aruging with him. I feel like I'm on egg shells now :(
I have a confrontational dad too. And unfortunately, I just have to be confrontational back. Either I back off completely and say "I don't know why you're getting so frustrated" or I get my back up and say "let me finish please". Stand your ground! DON'T let your clients make you feel inadequate. You deserve better than that!
Sounds like they may have the perception that you work for them.
I think your right....and I created it.
I need to learn to just shut it and trust my self as Littledragon says.
Thanks ladies, I needed a little empowerment :thumbup: I'm feeling better. I need to learn to not give out so much info!!
daycarewhisperer
08-10-2012, 01:17 PM
I don't try to adapt children into their home schedules here. I want them on my schedule. The only way to get them on it is to put them on it. I do it from day one with the exceptions of newborns (birth to four months). At his age he would go back to bed right when he arrived here and sleep till nine. Then up from nine to noon... then nap from 12:15 to 2:45.
That's the schedule from day one.
I think what has put me on guard is that I didn't meet the Dad until the first day at drop off. I normally meet both but it was the Mom who came for the interview and play dates but Dad who drops off and picks up.
I had a family I had to terminate that I never met the Dad and he turned out to be a real %^&#$@! and last day came to chew me out in my front hall when I home alone with my own kids to drop off final payment.
I think Im on eggshells as he reminds me of him. Moving forward I'm going to just keeping things quick with him at pick up and drop off and limiting how much I tell them. I might even be stressing them out more by giving too much info??
treeholm
08-10-2012, 01:41 PM
I think the reason some of the parents can intimidate us is because in order to choose this profession, we have to have a certain level of warmth and caring as personality traits. Those of us with that personality find it difficult to be assertive. I teach assertiveness as part of my third-year university communications course, and it is always the students with the "listener-style" personality profile (according to the personality profile system I developed) who have the biggest problem with assertiveness. I am a "split-personality". I'm very warm with the children (and with my students) but I can be assertive (many students over the years have been shocked to see the personality change when they ask for assignment extensions and get my alter ego LOL).
I guess what I'm saying is there is nothing wrong with any of us who hate confrontation, but we do need to learn the skills necessary to prevent us from being doormats. We're just the kind of people who give and give, and there are others who are happy to take and take... but only if we let them!
Inspired by Reggio
08-10-2012, 01:43 PM
My advice moving forward - never sign on a client where you have not met BOTH parents unless it is a single parent and you will never have to deal with the non custodial parent!
As much as it is nice to be flexible it is not always practical in GROUP CARE where you have to make decisions that are best for the GROUP overall.
Also children's needs CHANGE once in group care - they are ofte up earlier to get to daycare verses when home on mat leave and once at care they are more stimulated and engaged and therefore likely to sleep more or different .... parents need to accept that change and work WITH the provider through open communication about what's working in care verses at home!
Life is too short to work with people who do not respect your opinion or trust your judgement and make you feel small - stand tall and proud of your program and ability to meet the children's needs - his choice is to accept that or FIND ALTERNATE CARE!
Inspired by Reggio
08-10-2012, 01:47 PM
I agree Treeholm - you can be assertive while still being caring and nurturing - and it is vital to learn to manage both to be successful in business!!!
Those who know me, know I have no problem being assertive ;) !!
I`m always learning about my business going into year 3. The way I wanted to run my daycare and the policies I have in place are always evolving with experience with the different families.
The one thing I do miss from working in my office is having co-workers to talk with when you need someone to throw an idea off of- or get a second option that puts things into perspective.
I`m a wee bit sensitive today with a head cold and pms :o
Just this Dad made me feel like the last family and only that I had to terminate who left on such a bad note and left a bad taste in my mouth.
Your right Reggio- never again. I even mentioned to another provider before accepting this family that I never met the Dad and was uneasy about it and I should have listened to myself and insisted on meeting him before the first day of care. Always trust your gut!!
I learned a few things today, giving too much information isn`t good for either me or the parents. Yes, it`s their little one and I like to work with my parents but they need to trust me but as a Mom of 2...I don`t trust too many with my own
Thanks for the support ladies and the boost I needed ! have a great weekend.
oh and nobody can make you feel a certain way, only you can let them. Not easy all the time but the extra boost of confidence and support you ladies gave me helped me see that today :flower:
Momof4
08-11-2012, 08:29 AM
First of all, I find this really wrong:
Nap time however has been a challange. Her parents have asked me to keep her sleep schedule at home the same here to help with her adjustment to daycare and I have no problem with that
When I am interviewing a family and then signing them on, one of the most important things we discuss is that we have a very busy routine and that I want the new baby to be on our schedule as much as possible. I discuss times with the the parents and meet them in the middle so that the 4 children ALREADY HERE IN DAYCARE are nudged gently toward a time that will fit in with the new baby's afternoon nap. If the new baby still needs a morning nap then I ask the parents to try to get them in the habit of napping at the time they will be in the stroller while we walk to the park. It's a COMPROMISE! But we are BOTH working on making things easier for ALL the children.
As you can probably tell, this makes me quite angry for you. There is no way I would allow a man like that to treat me badly in my own home and you should NOT let it happen! If he interrupts you next time, give him a glare and say Excuse me! You won't be the one being rude, it's him!
You have to tell these parents that you are caring for ALL the children and you are a super busy woman and YOU run the business and make the schedule and for the HEALTH of the children mealtimes and naptimes should be consistent day by day, yes, but they are with us 5 days a week and at home 2 days a week, so of course their little bodies are tuned to OUR schedules!!! Arghhhh!
Just wanted to give you ladies an update ~
I got a thank you from these parents for putting up with them as it was their stress of their little one going into daycare was getting to them.
they are open to my sleep schedule and easing the little one into it.
Thank you for the advice and you really did help empower me to stick to my guns and help out that back bone ( which is strange as in any other situation, I have no problem speaking my mind....I can be a bit outspoken if the truth be told :o ) I am really thankful to have you as a sounding board ...and another board I was seeking some advice on too. Your all like my co-workers!!
I really believe that it's not black and white in this business. Yes, it is our business and we have to stick to our policies and keep things professional. Keeping in mind though that our 'product' are families and kids-not a box on a shelf. Although this was a tough start, I still believe working with the parents to ease the little one in is best for the little one and can be tiring for the first week. It will however, down the road lead to a better, in my experience, working relationship and respect with the families.
I din't get an apology for this fellow being rude but, looking at it from the persective of how stressed he was for his little one starting daycare. We've all been there with our own kids for one situation or another. I won't however let him speak to me like that again moving forward. I free pass only ;)
Just my 2 cents but wanted to let you know about the nice email i got from them.....and thanks again for listening and being supportive:flower: - I love these little faces!!
Momof4
08-14-2012, 10:05 AM
A thank you is worth a million bucks, isn't it? I know it really makes my day. I'm happy for you jec.
Inspired by Reggio
08-14-2012, 01:16 PM
I agree a sincere thank you can go a VERY long way with dealing with a child's challenging behaviors and a spouses moody tones and hopefully they will be better in the future for sure!
kidlove
08-15-2012, 08:17 AM
Is this an only child? Sounds like the typical "high expectation" parents! you may have a little of a tough time ahead of you. Apples and bananas is right! you should, when you first meet a parent let them know that the childs sched has to at least be near your sched in the daycare or things may not work out. I always ask parents if the child naps and what time. if the time is dif from our nap time I suggest to the parent that the child be slowly moved as close as possible, for hte betterment of ALL in care. you cant have one up and crying while the others are napping, not to mention you also need a little break! Sounds like they may be a little controlling, i have had dads do the very same thing to me before, doesnt feel good when you feel like you are constantly being observed and overlooked! If I where you I would let them know the child (although young yet) does need to be on same sched as the rest of the kids, just gently inform them, you will do your best in every way pos to make her days like they are at home but let them know that there are some areas you really need all the kids to be on the same page, and nap is one of them. maybe you can attempt to push the others
30 min or so toward this childs nap time and meet in the middle? Dont forget to remind the parent also: daycare can be VERY stimulating to a 12 mo old all day long as well, resulting in some changes for the childs sleep pattern at night. maybe she needs a extra little efternoon nap to help compensate the extra stimulation?
kidlove
08-15-2012, 08:24 AM
Re: giving too much info. I agree, I am a BIG helper! When I have new parents, I always want to help them whereever I can.....some parents dont want your help. :) I have new parents right now, their daughter is 5 mo. and I have learned to keep my comments low and mind my own business. I just do what they ask and try and keep them happy, they too seems a little picky. I also feel a little "egg-shellish". I read them in the beginning an drealized the books they have read and the doctors advice is more valuable to them than my point of view, so.....when they pick up at night, I answer questions quick and let them know the babies last bottle. no more details than needed. they are just that kind of people, the more you say...the more they seem to question you. :)
They aren't new parents but, they have a 5 year old so it's been a while. They have however noticed that I"m being polite and saying quick hello at drop off and mentioning the little one had a good day and have a good night- good bye. I send a report at the end of each day with information for them but again, watching how much info I give out ;)
If they micro manage then it won't work....I got out of my last job for that reason. The email was lovely and I think the unknown some times can be stressful for parents- I've been there dropping my own off at daycare before. I don't see them being like that, I'm taking the email as a new start and so far so good :thumbsup:
Even more awesome is the little one is sleeping no problem and it's working! However...we will be taking a trip to drop off my kids at school which will be during the little ones' first nap but, they were made aware of it. Hopefully the little one naps on our walk or she will be moving to our schedule sooner than later