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Cocoon
08-11-2012, 01:03 PM
I bought a Chariot stroller couple of weeks ago and now I'm selling as it is taking up so much space and I live in an apartment. I didn't think it will take that much space. Anyway, I have advertised to sell it and I received an email asking me if I consider reducing the price. I'm selling it at a price I bougth but willing to reduce couple of $ just to get my space back. Anyway, I responded saying I may if the offer is reasonable. She then email me back saying" I'm a single mother and I can offer $100. By the way, I'm selling it for $450. Firstly, why do you mentioned that you are a single mother and what on earth were you thinking when you offer $100 for a $450 stroller.
I've sold some stuff on kijiji and I always receive emails starting "I'm a single mother" bla bla bla but I have never! Ever received one email saying "I'm a single father" :)

Im very skeptical whenever I hear "single mother". I have couple of male friends who went thru a divorce and those "single mothers" ruined their life. They looted them. They played the victim and got more then what they suppose to. Now, whenever I hear a "single mother" first thing comes to my mind is "rich mother" and I have NO sympathy for them. I know I should t think like this but from what I've seen and I have seen a lot! This is how/what I think. I know all single mothers will get mad at me but I'm sure you also witness or heard a divorce story where women looted and played the victim. I even had an ex friend who married with a loaded guy just to divorce him after a couple of years later and got half of everything he had. She now goes on holiday pretty much all around the year. Life eh?

I felt like responding her email " if you really are a single mother then I'm sure you dont have financial difficulties as I'm sure you looted your ex and plus you're getting decent help from the government." :) By the way, I checked her email address and found her on Facebook and I could see where she went for holidays! Single mother! My foot!!!

I'm no means of attacking single mothers, but i do not belive in their honesty.

Lou
08-11-2012, 01:47 PM
Hmmmm, I take offense to this. Perhaps someone is embarrassed to make such a low offer and feels she needs to explain. I was a single mother with my daughter...received ZERO child support, no government help and went through college then university. It sucks that since I was single people assume I was a manipulative bitch who drained my ex's bank account and lived the high life while garnering sympathy from all those around me? Um, no. I was a young girl who became pregnant by accident but fought my way through the years on an incredibly limited income earned by my part time job. It really is unfortunate that you would discriminate this way, time to open your eyes maybe.

Momof4
08-11-2012, 01:52 PM
I was a single mother of 4 for years and years and I worked 2 jobs to make ends meet and got out of my first marriage with absolutely nothing but our lives. I didn't loot my second husband, but at least he left the furniture for us. He had nothing to loot. He was a mail carrier!

But I don't take offence at what you are saying Cocoon because I think that woman has a hell of a nerve offering $100 for a $450 stroller! Playing the single mother card is stupid in my opinion.

Cocoon
08-11-2012, 02:45 PM
Lou, as I have stated on my post I dont mean to attack single mothers. And also mentioned that I checked her email and found her Facebook where I could see her holiday pictures around the world! by saying that she is a single mother and try to get sempaty from me wont work especially, after i have seen her pics. I would give a discount if it was a single father :laugh:

I have a single mom friend who recently lost her partner. All her friends offered her help financially and emotionally. She refuses to accept financial help cause she doesn't need it. And she is not playing the poor single mom card. I'm actually very! Proud of her and respect her even more!

You should not be offended by my post if you are not like them. I'm talking about the single moms who are manupulative and getting or try to get their ways by using their status.

And why Chariot? Can't she look for a less expensive one? If she is a single mom on a thigh budget then she should go for the cheaper option. I think this woman is mixing with her "needs" with her "wants"

Momof4, exactly! By playing the single mom card won't change my mind. If she was to ask a discount I would offer her but not after I found her to be a "single mom" who travels around the world. If she emails me again I may ask her how was the holiday in Maui? She might own the villa as she put villa picture saying "xxxxx villa" you never known I guess it depends how single mother she is :)))

KingstonMom
08-11-2012, 03:15 PM
I see both side of this, as I understand some single mothers have been left with not a dime to their name and no support and are forced to struggle to make ends meet for 1, 2, 3 or more children. I envy the mothers that are able to make this work on their own. When my husband works weekends and I am alone to be with the kids ALL WEEKEND, I almost lose my mind. I dont know how they do it 24/7
However, you do come across the single mothers who are recieving allowances, govt assisstance, and are now supported by a new partner, but still declare 'single' status.
Anyways, I too, sell many items on kijiji, and VERY often I get that email started by 'Im a single mother blah blah". Sometimes I think some of them use this statement a freebie card for them to make low-ball offers. Espicially the ads "Looking for kids size 12m clothes...I cant afford much as I am a single mother. I'd prefer Carters and Osh Kosh brand only please." Come on.
Anyways, only sell for the price you want, dont let that affect your price negotiation if you are not comfortable with it.

Lou
08-11-2012, 03:50 PM
"whenever I hear a "single mother" first thing comes to my mind is "rich mother" and I have NO sympathy for them"

"" if you really are a single mother then I'm sure you dont have financial difficulties as I'm sure you looted your ex and plus you're getting decent help from the government."

"I'm no means of attacking single mothers, but i do not belive in their honesty. "

^^These quotes from your original post are not directed at the one women who made a ridiculous offer for an expensive stroller, but are general statements that apply to all single mothers. It's assumptions like this that make single parenthood suck for those of us who try our hardest to provide a decent life for our children. Always looked down upon. It's attacking the integrity and honesty of a certain social group and so yes, I am offended.
Our vehicle has been stolen 3 times by a certain ethnic group, but do I go on questioning the honesty of the entire population of that group? No way. A couple bad apples aren't representative of the group as a whole
I just think everyone needs to be a little more responsible before making blanket statements.

Toregone
08-11-2012, 04:20 PM
Ok so I would be ticked if someone lowballed me like that and tried to garner sympthay by saying she is a single mother. That I understand. But simpily don't sell to her.

However your further comments made me see red. I am not a single mother but was still so offened at your blatant discrimination against an entire social grouping. Based off of your seemingly limited exposure to single mothers (a couple of male divoriced friends) you tar all single moms with the same gold digging brush. Have you ever met a deadbeat father? Are all fathers without primary custody deadbeats?

I know people on all sides of this equation. The single father w/o support from the mom, the father w/o primary that would never dream of missing a payment or a visit, the dead beat, the gold digger, and the single mom w/o help from the father. I even have one good friend wherein the father refuses to be a part of the childs life (has never met him) but has never missed a payment in 10 years. That's the thing you seem to be missing... there are many sides to this and you are choosing to look at it in black and white "single mom = gold digging b*tch, divoriced dad = man to be pitied".

I agree completely with the above statement I just think everyone needs to be a little more responsible before making blanket statements.

Furthermore I think you really want too far checking out this womans facebook. Can you say privacy invasion? Again you are making snap judgements based off a few pictures on a strangers facebook. You have no idea if that was a trip that she saved for years to afford, a gift from a friend or family member, something she was obligated to do to attend a destination wedding, even something she won on the radio. You simpily have no idea.

Momof4
08-11-2012, 06:57 PM
I was the very, very poor single mother you are thinking about, trust me. I didn't sleep for about 15 years wondering how I was going to pay the next bill.

But I think Cocoon was smart to check out the woman's facebook and realize that she wasn't going to see to her because she's a scammer. And I don't think you ladies should be angry because we should all be able to express our opinions on an open forum and Cocoon has obviously had bad experiences with single Moms or has a reason for her opinion based on her experience and didn't know the single Moms in my shoes.

I just hope our posts have made Cocoon realize there are a lot of us who spent our whole lives working hard to make ends meet and still managed to get our children through university and into their own productive adult lives before having two nickels to keep in their purse and are still paying off their debts for raising these children far into their 50's after the children are gone!

mamaof4
08-11-2012, 09:06 PM
Ladies--- please??

Momof4
08-11-2012, 11:15 PM
Ladies--- please??

What? We are ok! Just talking!

sunnydays
08-12-2012, 06:38 AM
I don't think this debate is anything more than a debtate...nothing worthy of removing the thread for! I htink this type of open discussion is very healthy and we need more of it in our society where everyone goes around thinking their own thoughts and not saying it for fear of offending...then we don't get the benefit of learning from others. I also found Cocoon's statements offensive, not because she decided this one woman may be a scammer and not because there are single mothers out there who are gold diggers...we all know these things exist, but it was offensive because it refers to singel mothers in general and the assumption is that they are all rich and their husbands are the victims. It goes both ways and I have known far more poor struggling single moms than the rich sort mentioned above. We all create our world view and assumptions from what we have experienced in our lives and who we have come into contact with etc...but I think we should ALL take the time to walk a mile in another man/woman's shoes and try to always see things from another perspective. I do think this is a healthy discussion to have and I am thankful to Cocoon for saying what she is thinking so that we can all talk about it. That is how stereotypes and discrimination gets broken down, not by forcing people to keep their thoughts to themselves so they never get the benefit of seeing things from another's perspective.

daycarewhisperer
08-12-2012, 06:49 AM
I just wrote a status update on my Facebook about his at the end of July We had a pretty healthy discussion about it but here are my posts:

"I've been getting inquiries for the day care and nearly all of them begin with "Hi, I'm so and so and I'm a single mom". I always answer back. "Hi, I'm a single mom too". I can't figure out what the deal is of why the parent thinks it's important to add that at all to the email much less as the intro line. What does being a single parent have to do with hiring child care? I would imagine there are next to zero providers who would only take kids if the parents were married so it can't be to test you out to see if you allowed children who don't have two parents at home. What gives? I don't see what it has to do with child care other than it may change having two people drop or pick up instead of one. Other than that it doesn't really affect the child care relationship. Why would the mom think it was something I should know from first sentence on?"

"In nearly two decades of doing child care I've never expected my clients to offer additional fees to me because I'm a single parent. It makes me wonder what the single mothers expecting some financial discount for being single are doing to offer special and free to other single moms? Is it just to RECEIVE special or do they offer special to other single moms?"


"Where else would they be purchasing service or goods that would give them a discount for being a single parent? That's what I can't figure out. Where are they getting concessions in regular life because of being a single parent? I get that they may get free child care or qualify for insurance/food. I'm just wondering what they actually PAY for that is dicscounted for them being a single mom. I'm a single mom and I can't figure out where to get the discounts. LOL"

"I can see offering a military discount. I would do that for sure. I can't see offering a discount for something as common as being a single parent. With all the subsidies, health care, food stamps etc. out there for the poor, I think that as a society we are offering quite a bit from the go. To extend that to child care that's supported by us seems a huge stretch to me. With a military family, I can see offering a Vet a discount to honor their service to our country. I can't for the life of me figure out why special consideration should be considered for someone who is parenting by themselves. It's really common, it's not something that is earned, it's not something that draws sympathy or compassion that would extend to a monetary reward. I just don't get it."

My new policy is when given the info of "I'm a single mom" I respond with "I'm a single Mom too. We welcome families of all kinds... single dads, single moms, foster and adoptive parents, and married couples. We only limit clients if they are unable to pay the fee or unable to follow the policies. We do not disciminate regarding the parents marital status.

Lou
08-12-2012, 08:35 AM
Oh, I'm not angry :) I'll be honest and say that I was miffed when I first read the post, but I completely understand that we all need a good vent once and awhile, and I know that Cocoon never intentionally meant to offend anyone. And just like she is entitled to her own opinion on the matter, I, too, am entitled to give my own opinions from my point of view. We all walk in different shoes and I think it's important to share our own personal stories to gain different perspectives.

mimi
08-12-2012, 01:13 PM
I fully support Cocoon's right to express her opinion and of course she is entitled to it. I am just surprised she chose this forum to express her views. Many members of this forum are single Mom's, were single Mom's and unfortunately will be single Mom's Lets us as women support each other as I have discovered this is done extensively through this forum. This forum is a haven for many of us to speak with others who understand are work and delimmas best. Women unfortunately can be a woman's worst enemy. Every single Mom's story is different and if they could change their circumstance most would do so in a heart beat. That said I was a single mom for 11 years. Wether your relationship with your ex is great and he is still a great parent or your ex is an intermittant parent, being a single parent can be a very lonely and difficult experience. Lets not profile or judge each other.

mamaof4
08-12-2012, 10:07 PM
when I was a single mom- I did offer that information to daycare providers really upfront, not because I wanted anything, more or less information.

playfelt
08-13-2012, 07:48 AM
It is an important piece of information as far as daycare goes because it indicates less flexibility. There is no one else to share the drop offs and pickups so if they are late they are late.

That does not mean that it is the most important piece of info to be given in every transaction. Whether you are single, in a same sex relationship, married or living with your parents has nothing to do with whether you wish to purchase what is being offered for sale. The only reason to divulge such information is to garner sympathy in my opinion and that is what the OP was objecting to. I belong to our local freecycle group and no matter what I offer there is a flood of oh woe is me and my lot in life please give me what you have to offer cause I deserve it and I so dislike those pleas. I am the parent of a child with special needs and know that I could use that to get stuff I want to cause that kind of information does get people to at least consider me but I won't do it.

I think too that if the offer had been reasonable the information could have been useful rather than an excuse for bad manners. Offering someone that low a figure is like a single mom coming to us and saying I am single and can only pay $10 a day for my two kids and then being miffed when we send them on their way.

I get the sense from the posts that we are getting a few emotions and feelings mixed up. This was about selling something and someone trying to get it for a steal literally - maybe even to resell themselves for money which I have again seen from my freecycle group. OP has the right to be upset for the lady even bothering to take up her time.

Crayola kiddies
08-13-2012, 08:25 AM
Yes playfelt I agree with you in the sense that this "single mother" felt an entitlement because of that status. I too see the ads on kijiji saying single mom looking for free clothes gap, carters, and children's place only Please and can you deliver it too . I just shake my head thinking my kids don't wear that stuff .... I think it was insulting offering $100 for a $450 item. As the OP said there are other less expensive Strollers available that would be within her budget. Does thus woman call the hydro company and say I'm a single mother so I can only pay half of the set price for each kwh ... No the price is the price .... Seriously I was a single mother at one point too but I didn't wear it on my head like a crown..... another thing I have noticed is young girls having children .... I know a pair of sisters whom within 15 months of each other moved in with their boyfriends got pregnant had the child and by the time the baby was three months old kicked out the dad and went on welfare ... Now these girls are second generation welfare users and know they get a ton of money from the government cause they are "single mothers". One of these girls is back with the dad but he doesn't live with her cause she doesn't want
to jepordize her money ...... One Facebook post by her sickened me .... It was nearing Christmas and her post said "was going to go Xmas shopping today but the government screwed me again they were supposed to change my marital status but didn't so I didn't get as much money as I was supposed to " ... I'm sorry this girl works full time and made the decision to have a child why does the government owe her ??????

Sorry rant over ;(

Cocoon
08-13-2012, 02:49 PM
I was going to explain again for the ones who don't understand my post but changed my mind. I'm glad to see that most of us can understand where I'm coming from. And to the ladies who are offended by my post. I can only say you shouldn't IF you weren't the type of those "single moms" I personally wouldn't if I wasn't a manupulating, pity minded sempaty seeker single mom.

And regarding me looking at her Facebook. Darling, I did not invade her privacy it was there, open. It's not like I went my way to break her password and got on her Facebook account. And please, don't tell me that you don't look at other peoples Facebook. And to be honest, I'm glad I did, otherwise how would I know about this poor, helpless(sarcasm) single mom:)

Crayola, I have seen those ads too. It makes me wonder if there are people who help them. Give them what they want? Some people!

Inspired by Reggio
08-13-2012, 03:16 PM
I.... And please, don't tell me that you don't look at other peoples Facebook!

I will be honest I do this with perspective clients before booking an interview ~ the minute I have an email address and full name I 'google them' to see what pops up and make sure they are indeed 'clients seeking care' and not some whacko trying to get info on when I am home or not home to rob me or whatever!

Plus well if their FB is public or any other info is public than I am free to use that information in my decision making process ;)

As for using your parental status or employment status or what not to get 'deals' on things ~ everything comes back to FAMILY BUDGETING in life .... same with people who claim they cannot 'afford' childcare but drive a nice fancy car, have cellphones, tattoos, family vacations and other things they have figured out a way to 'budget for' and now have nothing left for 'childcare' .... IMO if you are truly 'poor' and in need of help you qualify for services through United Way and other agencies that are designed to HELP people who are truly in need!

I work hard for my family income, I budget carefully to afford the lifestyle we have and if I am asking $450 for a stroller that is because that is what I NEED to make selling it worth my while to meet my own family budget and if you cannot 'afford it' than look for a stroller withing your price range .... after all when I went looking for my van I did not go to the dealership and say 'hey I am a lowly home childcare provider who needs a brand new fully loaded van to transport my crew in safely but I cannot only afford to pay full price for it my budget is only $6000 so please give me a 'deal' cause I know you are rich and can afford to suck up the difference ... I bought a used van within my budget ;)

dodge__driver11
08-13-2012, 03:45 PM
I was a single mom too-meaning my husband and I were living apart, and still "dating"and engaged when I was pregnant and for the first year after my son was born.

We made choices so that our boy could have things, we wanted him to look cute as this would be our only baby....... I wasn't one to be embarassed or shamed because I shopped at Sally Anne or Vallue Village stores...even once upon a child...People would always ask me "Where'd you get that?" Id say where and the jaw would drop, and most often I'd be finger wagged and told... I'd never dress my child in that!( Meaning no second hand for them)

I never wore a sign on my forehead saying that was the case nor did I expect anything from anyone as a result. I dressed my boy nice, and in name brand clothes, but guess what they were given to me... or I had no problem going to value village or the clearance rack to find them...We could not afford daycare at the time so you know what we did?? We alternated shifts so one of us could be home, and guess what we did not have the latest gadgets, fancy things or whatever.....

mimi
08-13-2012, 05:34 PM
I understood your post Cocoon and can be offended without being labeled by your sterotype. I stand by my post.

dodge__driver11
08-13-2012, 05:44 PM
I need cheap childcare for my 9month old son. I cant afford to put him in a high class daycare thats why i am asking. i am trying to look for a job during the day as i am pregnant with my thrid child and need to makd extra cash. so if u know anyone please email thanks :)


I just saw this on kijiji unf. these are the moms that give the ones who try a bad name...Sigh.

Crayola kiddies
08-13-2012, 06:44 PM
Cocoon ..... I helped one of those hard done by moms once and offered her free clothes as she stood in my house holding the box she mentioned she was a nurse at one of out hospitals here in eastern Ontario .... I just about grabbed the box out if her hands .... Never again.

I know of another" single mom" and she is defrauding the welfare system cause CSA took her child away from her and she has gotten her new landlord to write a letter to say she is raising her child as a single mom to the welfare office and so she gets extra money each month for the child she doesn't even have as well as
the child tax credit and that other one where you get $100/month for each child under 6. She has been ratted out on. Hope she
gets a hefty fine and kicked off the system. I hope the courts give her little to no access to her kid also. She's a lousy mother. People like that make me sick. I think too much is being handed out by out government and I think if people had to look after
themselves and their children without all the handouts they would be thinking twice about whether to bring a child into this world ..... I have five kids and worked to make money to raise them

Quote:
Crayola, I have seen those ads too. It makes me wonder if there are people who help them. Give them what they want? Some people![/QUOTE]

Toregone
08-13-2012, 07:36 PM
Cocoon ..... I helped one of those hard done by moms once and offered her free clothes as she stood in my house holding the box she mentioned she was a nurse at one of out hospitals here in eastern Ontario .... I just about grabbed the box out if her hands .... Never again.

I know of another" single mom" and she is defrauding the welfare system cause CSA took her child away from her and she has gotten her new landlord to write a letter to say she is raising her child as a single mom to the welfare office and so she gets extra money each month for the child she doesn't even have as well as
the child tax credit and that other one where you get $100/month for each child under 6. She has been ratted out on. Hope she
gets a hefty fine and kicked off the system. I hope the courts give her little to no access to her kid also. She's a lousy mother. People like that make me sick. I think too much is being handed out by out government and I think if people had to look after
themselves and their children without all the handouts they would be thinking twice about whether to bring a child into this world ..... I have five kids and worked to make money to raise them



I know of people like this as well and it sickens me. Children are not a meal ticket. They are not to be used for money. I understand getting what you are entitled to but to defraud the system is not right. I know of several people that keep having more children so they gain additional welfare monies. One in particular has several children by several men and has admitted to lying to at least one of the men and saying she was on the pill when she was not.

Not everyone should be tarred with this brush but I will admit that there are reasons these stereotypes exist.

Dreamalittledream
08-13-2012, 08:15 PM
My husband went through a nasty divorce (she quit her job, cleaned out their joint banks accounts out & maxed the credit cards and kicked him out all within 2 days). She, by law was allowed to continue to live in their marital home (a home he had purchased outright before they even met), while he was advised by his lawyer to keep paying all of the bills associated with that home. He rented a room in a dingy house (all he could afford). 8 months later, she left the house (trashed it completely) to move in with another guy. My husband and her have 1 child together and she had a child on her own before they met. My husband pays full child support for both boys as does the partner she split up with recently...so, she is getting full child support for 1 from biological dad #1 ($650/month), full support from my husband for step child ($1256/Month) & the son that is theirs AND get this, full child support from bio Dad # 3 for child # 3 that they had together & for the other 2 (because he assumed a step parent role to them) that she's already getting full support from ($1191).
That's over $3100/month of non-taxable income (in a town where the average 3 bedroom house rents for about $800/month)...plus all the other tax credits she must get for the 3 boys. Meanwhile, my husband, 10 years later has just been able to crawl out of the massive debt (legal & otherwise) that came out of this from an ex-wife who was smart enough to know the system.

And ironically, you would never ever see her on Kijiji...their boys saw me looking at Kijiji and claim that their mom said she "wouldn't be caught dead buying used crap".

Crayola kiddies
08-13-2012, 08:28 PM
I don't understand why people should be "entitled" to money because they had a child and weren't bright enough to think through how they were going to support this child. If having a child "entitles" you to money then I should be rolling in dough with five kids. ... I totally understand people lose their jobs or become ill and can not work and are forced to use the system and that's legit ..... But to feel entitled because you have a child ...I just can't wrap my head around that.

Crayola kiddies
08-13-2012, 08:44 PM
Dream .... Those are the kind if people I hate .... I'm not sure how one person can get child support from different people for the same children ..... That just seems so wrong.

mimi
08-13-2012, 08:54 PM
You do realize you are not talking about single moms now, but about fraudsters.......... ..there is a huge difference, please be able to seperate the two. Sometimes women make a mistake and find themselves as single Moms, they need the system to survive, we need to be there for them. There are many different aspects to the "single Mom" title. Lets be careful we do not paint everyone with the same brush PLEASE.

Inspired by Reggio
08-14-2012, 06:28 AM
Ya ~ I would define this behaviour as 'gold digger syndrome' and it has nothing to do with being 'single' or male of female .... people with behaviour like this behave the same whether they are single or not .... they look for ways to improve their lot in life by exploiting any means necessary including their kids if they have them ;)

Toregone
08-14-2012, 08:04 AM
My husband went through a nasty divorce (she quit her job, cleaned out their joint banks accounts out & maxed the credit cards and kicked him out all within 2 days). She, by law was allowed to continue to live in their marital home (a home he had purchased outright before they even met), while he was advised by his lawyer to keep paying all of the bills associated with that home. He rented a room in a dingy house (all he could afford). 8 months later, she left the house (trashed it completely) to move in with another guy. My husband and her have 1 child together and she had a child on her own before they met. My husband pays full child support for both boys as does the partner she split up with recently...so, she is getting full child support for 1 from biological dad #1 ($650/month), full support from my husband for step child ($1256/Month) & the son that is theirs AND get this, full child support from bio Dad # 3 for child # 3 that they had together & for the other 2 (because he assumed a step parent role to them) that she's already getting full support from ($1191).
That's over $3100/month of non-taxable income (in a town where the average 3 bedroom house rents for about $800/month)...plus all the other tax credits she must get for the 3 boys. Meanwhile, my husband, 10 years later has just been able to crawl out of the massive debt (legal & otherwise) that came out of this from an ex-wife who was smart enough to know the system.

And ironically, you would never ever see her on Kijiji...their boys saw me looking at Kijiji and claim that their mom said she "wouldn't be caught dead buying used crap".

Wow the laws must be really different in Ontario. I'm boggled that someone can get child support from more than 1 person for the same child. I really don't think that's right at all. And I agree with the above that this is a gold digger and a fraudster. Unfortunatly other single moms get painted with this image because cases like this are so horrible and they stay in peoples minds.

Home away
05-09-2018, 01:44 AM
I am guessing you don't have any friends who are single mothers.
I have been a single mother since my kids were toddlers ( which is why I opened up my own dayhome). I work 60 hours a week between my day home and another part time job to support my kids. I receive child support from my ex who makes over $100,000/yr and I assure you I am in no danger of being " rich". I also have had several single mothers who use/used my day home services, and like me, work very hard to earn an income to support our kids.

Home away
05-09-2018, 11:40 PM
I also tell the families that I interview for my dayhome that I am a single mom. Not because I want them to feel sorry for me or give me more money, but because I want them to understand that I am the only adult living in the house ( this tends to reassure some families who worry about abuse from a male spouse or relative).As well, I have a second job to go to after I close my Dayhome so I let them know that they have to pick their kids up on time! There is no other adult to watch over the kids when I leave for work!

Peacefulbird
05-10-2018, 05:26 AM
I also tell the families that I interview for my dayhome that I am a single mom. Not because I want them to feel sorry for me or give me more money, but because I want them to understand that I am the only adult living in the house ( this tends to reassure some families who worry about abuse from a male spouse or relative).As well, I have a second job to go to after I close my Dayhome so I let them know that they have to pick their kids up on time! There is no other adult to watch over the kids when I leave for work!

Wow! This is opposite to what a best friend of mine does. She is a single mother but she hardly uses this label. She feels that giving this kind of information is a very vulnerable subject especially when she is living alone with her own children and having estrangers visiting her house.

During interviews she avoids the question or explanation. She doesn't use iy as a pity she explains her clients that her childrens father has long work hours and also travels and no more explanation given. Also, she is clear to families that her daily commitment as mother with her own children's in her home or extracurricular activities do not allow her to spend any extra time in her daycare.

She has three children and she works three jobs, hardly time for herself but she is a woman that many of us admire she does it all. Never asked for help or felt sorry for her situation she is happy and strong. She told me once that her children look up to her and she is in the role of showing them that lives can not be shaped or lived for or by a "label" she is just a human as everyone else and she is a parent, never took advantage in fact she likes to help and support others.

She has never thaught her children to feel disadvantaged in any way, she focuses in reading and guiding her children to become strong and very well grounded adults.

Home away
05-14-2018, 08:49 AM
I dont feel that being a single mom is something to hide or be ashamed about. Nor do I consider it a "label" any more than being a " woman" is a label. I am honest and upfront about my situation . Many of the families that I interview ask about what adults are living in my house, because it is a safely issue for children. Some families have chosen to go with my day home BECAUSE there isn't a male living in the home (and I fully applaud and understand that decision as my sisters were raped by a male relative when they were 10 yrs old). As for safety, I have an alarm system and a really big dog!

garrry
07-13-2018, 08:25 AM
I'm a single mother and I live normally. The youngest son is 4,5 years old, the older is 21, he is a college student and now lives apart. I work as a teacher at the university and I earn well. When my youngest son turned 2 years old, I took work at home, I was working at essay writing service (https://writemyessayonline.c om/college-essay-writing-service.html). I put money aside for repairs in our flat, plus I subletting a one-room apartment and get paid for it. I have both parents, mom and dad, they help me a lot, now they are sitting with the baby while I'm at work. Everything is completely normal in my life, I even have a car, I'm not complaining about anything. I just think that you need to take everything in your hands and achieve your goals!

Suzie_Homemaker
07-14-2018, 03:11 PM
With almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce and with many more relationships between people who didn't marry, I don't think being a single parent is a big deal these days. In fact, odds are most people are a single parent at some time in their lives these days.

That said, most people remain involved in their children's lives and financially help in some way so although there isn't the two person household for the extras, I don't think it's a dire as some imply.

The people who I really admire are the sole parents. Those people who have lost a spouse, or whose ex no longer is involved in their child's lives or the deadbeat parents who walk away leaving the remaining parent with all the responsibility and financial burden. Those who are on 24x7, with zero support, no break every few weekends when the kids could have gone off to the absent parent, who run from school to work to activities on their own.

Single parenting is hard but being the sole parent must be incredibly exhausting.

There's a lady near us, who moved here from another country, who has no family on the Continent whose husband ran off with a younger woman and didn't want to pay child support so just disappeared. All the financial burden, zero support and in a strange country. Her youngest is off to Uni this year and her oldest is still living home but we've seen her struggle at times over the last 15 years. She's done an amazing job. Her children are the nicest young adults and so polite, kind and thoughtful.

Romeo
04-17-2021, 04:45 AM
It’s a pity that things are going this way.

BrendaOri
07-06-2021, 01:42 AM
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