No listening to simple commands

[apples and bananas]

I have 2 children at the 18 month mark. Child A is a good listener, she follows basic commands like "stop" "clean up" "come over here" "please put that down" etc. Child B follows nothing. He doesn't stop (or run faster) when I call him. When we start to clean up, he sees that as time to take things out of the toy bins, I'm seeing no basic listening commands at all. He's a great child though. Very calm, very loving, not aggressive at all.

The other thing that concerns me is that when I come down to his level to speak to him he can't look me in the eye for any length of time. His eyes dart all over the place.

i'm wondering if there might be something there that's concerning... or maybe he's just a late bloomer. There is the whole boy/girl difference too.

Anyone else have the same issues?

[Momof4]

I can only thank you once but I would like to thank you a million times apples! I have the same boy right here making my days long and difficult. I've been suspecting and reading a lot about Asperger's Syndrome. Google and read up on it because it sounds like it could be the problem. But be very careful about saying anything like that to the parents. You are not alone in your frustration! I'm right there with ya.

[jec]

My friend has her little guy go to a daycare center. They pulled her in for a meeting to say that they felt that they felt based on their experience with the different kids in their care(they are not Dr's) that they felt her son was on the spectrum of Autism. Now my friend already has a son who has Autism so she took this very serious and it turned their world upside down. They did take him in to get assessed and it turns out the Dr (who also told them their other son has Autism ) said that this little guy is so far from the spectrum of having Autism. He is bright (as Autism has nothing really to do with intelligence ) but he is just developing different than her other 2 sons. He will catch up and that he has a speech delay which affected other aspects of his life.
Be careful what you say to parents. If your bringing up concerns-choose your words carefully.
I get your frustration too as I have one little guy I posted about the past weeks past about as I thought he might have some developmental delays and not showing 'normal' signs thinking that he might be on the spectrum but....I'm not a Doctor and based on what the daycare my friend's son goes to ..'with all their experience with so many children', got it wrong.

Good luck ~ something to think about

[Momof4]

I wanted to mention that some of the other caregivers I see on playdates feel that my little daycare guy is perfectly normal, but I'm the one who spends every day all day with annoying little quirks. It's too bad that the little things pile up one on top of another and another and another until we feel like we want to scream a bit. I guess it's a fine line between an annoying personality in a child and a physical problem.

[jec]

I hear ya ....it can be frustrating when simple requests for a little one at a certain age- can't follow directions every day, all day can make you want to scream. That's what you have us for as a sounding board....and wine at the end of the day ;)

[apples and bananas]

Thank you for your feedback. I will not say anything to the parents. All kids develop differently. it's hard to seperate them when you see them developing together every day. I'm working on him focusing on one thing for very short periods of time and repeating a lot of directions I give so hopefully he will catch on soon. It's just so frustrating to have someone act like they can't even hear you and it's not him refusing to do the request. It's almost as if he still doesn't understand simple words like ... stop... wait... slow down.. walk... run... down...

UGH! Oh well, we work with what we have.

[jec]

You never know, you could be right? If you feel that you want to talk to them about things- make it more of something that you want to work together with them to figure out a way to help him listen as he isn't listening to you at daycare.See what they say, it might open up their mind if they see that someone else sees that there is a problem with following instructions or you may find that things at home are too relaxed and he does what ever he wants at home and that could also be an indication of why he is the way he is.....???

[Littledragon]

ummm do you have my 16 month old? mine is two months younger but he's EXACTLY the same way! I put him on time out for touching something he wasn't supposed to. When I took him off time out, he walked right over there. Time out again. After time out, same thing. When I ask him to come to me, he walks half way and then turns around and goes the other way. When we clean up, he takes everything out! Even my 13 month old helps us clean up! He doesn't listen to ANYTHING I say...actually, he does respond to TA TA, but I think it's more of a game to him than anything else. But he does always look so proud of himself when he gives it to me - like he's happy he finally understood something! lol

I have NO advice, but I am thankful someone else has a child as frustrating as mine lol he is a good kid, really adorable and affectionate but DOES NOT listen to basic commands! Frustrating!

Just a thought: In my situation, I mostly chalk it up to his parents. They let him do whatever he wants. When she picks him up, she says "Are you ready?" If he doesn't come to her, she says, "No? Okay, maybe in a few minutes." She was like that when he was younger too. At 11 months, she would ASK him if she could change his diaper. Honestly, it was like a 10 minutes ordeal! Waiting till he was "ready". Maybe your little one just dones't HAVE to listen at home. Maybe he thinks it's a kind of game....

[Littledragon]

Thank you for your feedback. I will not say anything to the parents. All kids develop differently. it's hard to seperate them when you see them developing together every day. I'm working on him focusing on one thing for very short periods of time and repeating a lot of directions I give so hopefully he will catch on soon. It's just so frustrating to have someone act like they can't even hear you and it's not him refusing to do the request. It's almost as if he still doesn't understand simple words like ... stop... wait... slow down.. walk... run... down...

UGH! Oh well, we work with what we have.

Sorry, I should have read this before. Mine is like that too. If he has his back to me, it's like he can't hear me. For a while, I thought maybe he just didn't hear me or didn't understand. But one day, I caught him smiling while his back was turned. He was maybe 14 months. Ohhh I was mad. He was playing me. I have a feeling yours may be doing that. At 18 months, he definitely should understand these simple commands. My 13 month old does. Whether he chooses to follow them is a different story. JMO

[sunnydays]

I have an 18 month old who doesn't seem to understand most basic commands...but he is slow on all levels...not walking, not feeding himself with a spoon etc. People think he is about 10 months old when they see him. But he is so sweet, non-agressive, sleeps well, and generally happy, so he doesn't frustrate me at all. I just see him as younger than the other 18 month olds in my care and we get on fine that way. He makes eye contact and is social, so autism would not be in my thoughts...just slower to develop...but I think he will catch up one day.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree with being careful on labeling children ~ there are so many 'syndromes' out there these days that it is easy to do but the fact remains that all children develop differently for sure ... the challenge with children's development is that much of it is based not only on life experience in your daycare but OUTSIDE of it as well so just because they get the same exposure 9 hours a day 5 days a week there is all the time at home after hours and on weekends and so forth affecting 'development' of that child as well as their little personality traits and learning styles which are all different as well ... so if a child has parents who are very verbal at home and talk to their child frequently and give commands and simple tasks right from infancy it goes to reason the child is going to be 'quicker' to develop this than a child whose parents do not 'talk' to the child all the time at home and instead of giving commands just pick the child up and 'remove' him from situations and so forth ... throw in that the second child whose parents are not 'supporting' learning these things at home is also a hands on learner with a stubborn personality trait ~ it might take him months longer to master at your program because of that 'inconsistency' between home and the program confusing him and making him frustrated with the expectations?


The Nippising Screening Tools are a useful tool for monitoring and identifying 'red flags' in a child's development ... if a child is lacking in 3 or more of the things on these basic checklists than there might be cause for concern regarding hearing, sight, speech and other developmental spectrum issues .....if you are not already doing these they are a great conversation starter with parents about 'I was doing the screening tool with all the children today and noticed that Billy has 4 no's for his age range ~ just wondering if he is mastering these things at home?' and see what the parent has to say than ... perhaps they are not offering the CHANCE to do it than you can discuss how these expectations are precursers for other developmental mastery so if they could be working on them at home it would be awesome ... if the child is 'mastering' this at home than it could be a 'environmental' learning style thing where the child is shy and cannot perform in the 'group' so to speak and so forth ... but at least the conversation is going and in a way that is looking to support the child 'forward' verses starting out saying you are concerned the kid has a 'problem'.

You can get the screening tools for free from this website ...

http://www.ndds.ca/language.php

[kidlove]

ok first of all, no two kids are the same.
second, MOST boys take longer to mature (includes following direction) than MOST girls
third, maybe he has a little adhd or hyperactivity budding?
I'm sure you do, but i would just stick to it with him, if you have to walk over to him and gently use your hands to guide his hands at picking up or getting those tasks done.
He'll come around!

[Momof4]

Lots of good opinions. I agree that boys sometimes take longer to do things than girls. My problem boy is really advanced verbally, but his annoying habits of not listening or socializing with the other children and just talking nonstop about his own little world makes all of us frustrated, even the other children. I'm not labelling him with any physical syndrome yet, but it would be nice if there were a real reason instead of the fact that he is just plain annoying and frustrating. It's horrible to say this about a little 20 month old child, but he is disrupting our entire days.

[apples and bananas]

Oh thank goodness I'm not alone. LOL Just hearing your stories made me feel better about the whole thing!

[mlc1982]

I have a boy in my care who does exactly what you're talking about. He was 2 in April. He is very behind in my opinion and I often wonder if there are underlying issues. He doesn't use a spoon to eat. Actually he barely even feeds himself at all. He doesn't listen when I ask him to stop running, come here, help clean up, NOTHING. He tends to keep to himself while playing and if we're doing circle time or something he has a hard time sitting still. If we are out and about, if I happen to let him out of the stroller (which is not often anymore) he runs away from me and doesn't listen when I call him back. I believe some of it has to do with his home life but I still think about other things. I haven't really read up on many things as I'm not a doctor and don't want to improperly diagnose him. It's also something that I can't see bringing up with the parents until I'm positive there's something more to his 'problems.' It's just tough when I see other kids who are younger than him who listen and do things so much better than he does.

[mlc1982]

The Nipissing Screening Tools from the above mentioned site only seem to be free to residents of Ontario. I've searched for others (I'm in Alberta) but am having no luck. Is it possible to get a copy of this from elsewhere, that anyone knows of ???

[jec]

I really believe that labels are put on children too quickly without looking at the entire picture of that child's life. My friend I was mentioning before has a son with ADHD, Austism and her youngest now with a speech delay and all are getting help/funding through the goverment.
Yes, when a child has a label ~ as my friend and I chat about, they get funding and some help they need but my point and thought is, yes, some children do have these learning challanges and need the help but ~ so many could be just changing the simple things. Her oldest (since we don't know each other in person and or friends I can talk without you knowing who she really is ) is the one who controls the house...eats what ever he wants / when he wants and the junk food is crazy insane. My thinking it might have something to do with that, I could be wrong (that happens all the time ) just now he is on medication in my thought to help regulate the crap he eats and this medication is going to have an effect on his body for life.
Now...it's not my place to say this to my friend as she will no longer be my friend. I do comment about eating right but her answer- you listen to 3 screaming kids at you all day for food and you'll give them what they want too.

Only from my own friends, as I have a few of them, with kids on medication for different types of spectrum and or learning challanges-they all seem to have horrible diets! Just a thought. Just seems now a days, Doctors are giving out lots of medications and the drug companies are just getting richer.


OK rant over, just had to get it out

[sunnydays]

Do you all think it is our place to tell parents if we see that their child is not progressing like other kids their age? I grapple with whether or not this is a good idea or not. Parents can get very defensive adn then also I wouldn't want to make them worry for nothing if the child is fine. On the other hand, if there is a problem, I may notice it earlier because I see the child next to others his/her age. Thoughts??

[jec]

I think choosing your words is key!
If there is something that you feel needs to be addressed- approach it differently. Not so much as a possible learning problem but that you want to bring to their attention a behavior that you want to work together on with them.
eg. Not listening to commands sit, come here- they can say it's a normal kid/toddler response but then say he/she isn't looking at you when you get down to his level and these are requests that he/she has to listen to as the rest of the kids do...yes they are a toddler but it's our job to teach them life skills ~ ask how they handle it at home and tell them that you want to brain storm on ideas on how to correct it. When it isn't happening...might open their eyes if in fact the little one is having a genuine, not just a toddler, problem. ???
No parents want to hear that their child is anything but normal.

[Inspired by Reggio]

The Nipissing Screening Tools from the above mentioned site only seem to be free to residents of Ontario. I've searched for others (I'm in Alberta) but am having no luck. Is it possible to get a copy of this from elsewhere, that anyone knows of ???

If you PM your email address I can send them to you in PDF format for your reference :)

[Inspired by Reggio]

Do you all think it is our place to tell parents if we see that their child is not progressing like other kids their age? I grapple with whether or not this is a good idea or not. Parents can get very defensive adn then also I wouldn't want to make them worry for nothing if the child is fine. On the other hand, if there is a problem, I may notice it earlier because I see the child next to others his/her age. Thoughts??

I think it really depends on your comfort level and experience and trusting you can do it in a way that parents do not become 'defensive' .... so for me using a standardized checklist like Nippising for example and having them complete one for what they observe and home and one for what I observe in the program and than having a 'discussion' around areas where our observations differ and discussing ways to help the child be 'consistent' across the board ~ this way if we BOTH see red flag skills not developing that we can brainstorm is it time to 'get professional help' beyond either the parental role or provider role for the child?

I have no issue sharing 'advice' to parents about how to help their child get the best for forward in the early years because for me I could not live with the guilt of NOT trying if I truly felt there was something the child 'needed' in order to thrive .... from the interview, contract signing and parent handbook this is clear that monitoring development and setting goals for development and so forth is my 'role' as an Early Childhood Educator and the program is designed to help push them to next level of mastery.

However we can only lead the horse to water ~we cannot make them drink ;) I only make an observation 'once' that a child might need additional support beyond what the program has to offer and if the parent is not receptive to hearing it I have done my due diligence and just sit back and wait for them to 'be ready' and take the next step ... it is not my job to nag and push and so forth.

For example I had a child who at 2 had no language ~ just grunting' and more than 6 'nos' on the Nippising for the previous 18 month age group let alone reaching anything on the 24 month one ... I shared this observation with the parents who initially took the child to the DR and the Dr dismissed it as 'normal' all children develop differently and that was what they wanted to HEAR so they grasped onto that with vigor he was 'normal' ... well over a year passed with me trying at program to support the child with sign language and other forms of communication to support him and discussing with the parents about 'expanding' his language by not calling all food 'nummies' and so forth but actually 'labeling' things and encouraging him to parrot back ~ he was 3.5 and still had very little language and what he did have sounded like he was 'underwater' and anyone who was not 'familiar' with him had a hard time understanding him ... so now he is getting ready to start school and finally the parents were ready to revisit that the poor dude had some sort of language barrier to his ability to hear and communicate ... so yeah finally they are ready to 'accept' but now add to it they have to wait 9 months to get into a 'specialist' to look at his ears and by that time the poor dude was struggling in JK and getting labelled with 'behaviour problems' because he cannot communicate with the other kids so acts out ~ something that could have been avoided had at 2 the Dr just took the time to have his hearing properly tested verses basing an assessment on a 5 minute visit one on one in an office or had the parent continued to 'advocate' that their child was not only not at the same level as others his age but about a full YEAR or so behind :(

So yes it is fine line to want to advocate for the child and overstepping the parents right to 'do what they think is best' and than having to watch them learn such a horrible lesson and live with that guilt for the rest of their lives!