How do you handle this? (Once again, really long)

[Littledragon]

Kids are messy, right? They get paint on their pants, jam on their shirts and dirt between their toes. When I first accept a child into my care, I send home a supply list for all the things they will need at care (hat, sippie cup, CHANGE OF CLOTHES...). This change of clothes is for emergencies only. For example: if a child pees through their diaper, a child gets sick all over himself, a sippie cup accidentally opens and spills all over them, ect. I have a little boy who is drooling like you wouldn't beleive due to teething, so I do change his shirts often (or take it off all together).

However, I don't change their clothes if they get a little bit of paint, if their shirt gets a bit of food on it, or if they get a little dirty. My kids ALWAYS have clean hands and faces. I never take a child out of their highchair unless their hands, faces and tray are clean. I wipe down their shirts and pants for left over food and will use a wipe if there is a drop of something on their shirt, but I don't change them.

So, one of the things I discussed with *psycho* mom was that she felt her son was always coming home dirty. I, myself, cannot think of a time that he was exceptionally dirty. Her exact words were, "I expect to pick him up in the same shape as when we dropped him off, I don't think that's an unfair request." :ohmy:

I always had it in my mind that babies are dirty. And there have been times that I have sent kids home with some raspberry juice on their shirt, but I always apologize when that happens, and I have never had a parent say anything about it, but now I am second guessing myself. Should I be sending the kids home clean? Should I be changing them before mom and dad come to pick them up?

When mom picked him today, she asked for the extra clothes. This is like a major issue for her. I tried to explain to her that those clothes are for emergencies, they're not for everyday use. She said she was planning on supplying a bag with an extra change of clothes everyday, but she wanted to take the other clothes with her. I don't understand her issue. (In the beginning, I mentioned to her that he wouldn't eat his lunch so she brought him a lunch and I put it in the freezer on the off chance that he absolutely refused to eat it. Two weeks later, mom asked if she could take it home. I thought it was really weird, and was confused about why she wanted to take 2 week old frozen food home, but I let it go. Now it seems to be almost the same thing with the clothes). I didn't want to argue over something so trivial, so I gave her the clothes. But she sort of "got away" with going against my rules.

Anyways, I'm a little peeved about it, but I'm really resentful with her, and the pick ups are already uncomfortable as they are. I'm just not going to make a big deal out if it, and if his second pair of clothes gets dirty, I won't be making a fuss about it. He WON'T be getting any of my son's clothes. (I've done this in the past and never got them back).

Anyways, (as always I probably made this longer than it needed to be), what do you think about this?

[Toregone]

Kids get dirty. I try and avoid super messes (ie taking the messy eater out of her white shirt before we eat spaghetti) but extra clothes are just for emergencies. I make sure the childrens noses are wipes, hands and face are clean, and they have a clean bum before pick up as I want them to look thier best. Whatever mess happens to be on thier clothes... well that's life. Deal with it, it just proves I fed them and did activities with them :)

[playfelt]

I do use bibs at the table for all kids up to age 3 so food goes on their trays and in the pocket of the bib rather than the floor - assuming most of it goes into the mouth. But yes changes of clothes are for the exact reasons you said - emergencies. IF she wants to bring some clothes for every day fine BUT she must still leave something at the daycare for emergencies per the rules. It's the same with soothers or shoes coming every day. There is bound to be a day it gets forgotten or not replenished and there are too small pants or two tops and no bottoms or whatever.

[Crayola kiddies]

She's just showing you who's in charge .... Maybe one day she'll forget the change of clothes and that will be the day he soaks thru his clothes and he will have to go home naked ; )

[Littledragon]

She's just showing you who's in charge .... Maybe one day she'll forget the change of clothes and that will be the day he soaks thru his clothes and he will have to go home naked ; )

Dad drops him off everyday and forgets everything! That's going to be the day that he pees through his diaper lol I don't know what to do though. I can't communicate with her by email because she takes everything I say and twists it. She won't speak to me in person, she never says anything when she picks him up, doesn't say bye. I am thinking about talking to the dad. He's SUPER reasonable and really nice, and has even admitted to me that she can be a bit of a psycho (no doubt why he's excited for her to leave). I just don't want her to find out about it and flip out even more. I wish I wasn't so worried about money. I would just provoke her tomorrow and when she throws a fit, tell her not to bring him back the next day. Should I email the dad? I guess if she finds out and flips out, I could just tell her to f**k off and not come the next day.

[KingstonMom]

First of all, there is no amount of money worth being treated like that in your own home!!
She is sooo just trying to be in control. I would NOT email the dad, just keep as much infor between you and the person doing thje drop off or pick ups.
If they dont bring a clean change of clothing then oh well, if the kid gets dirty or wet then happily hand him off to mom or dad and tell them that the next day, if no clean clothes are brought with him, then you will NOt be taking the kid. and MEAN it.

I use the spare set ONLY when kids get super dirty from mud or food spills or super wet from the backyard water barrel or whatever else might happen.
I sent a girl home in a white frippy lace skirt COVERED in sand. It was brown all over. Oh well, I think by not changing her before she went in the sandbox, and allowing her to get dirty, it was sending a message to the parents, that kids should come in PLAY CLOTHES! I dont feel bad one bit about them getting dirty from playing!!
Dont fret about every little spill and food that is on their shirts, s**t happens. they can suck it up.
LOL!!
Let us know how tmrw goes! maybe it should be a spaghetti lunch and fingerpainting day if they dont bring a change of clothes!! hehe

[Crayola kiddies]

Do you realize this chick has you tip toeing around your own house and second guessing yourself??? Who's business is this again??? Oh ya it's yours!!! Take back control !!

[Momof4]

Oh good grief, another micromanager Mom, which of course means she doesn't trust anybody with her child or think that anyone will do as good a job as she can. So why doesn't she stay home and care for her own child? I'm getting tired of these Moms. It is your business, your rules, your activities, your fun with the children and so very, very much WORK! Parents who don't appreciate how hard it is to keep 5 children in routines, patterns, learning, playing, all the things we do with them to teach them and have fun with them really don't get our job.

The parents I accept in my daycare know that we have fun and that means getting dirty. I forget bibs half the time because I'm so busy. We play in mud and with playdo and finger paints and being messy with food is fun. My daycare is F.U.N.! Thankfully, I've never had a parent complain about messes and I remind them every autumn that when they buy winter items they should be dark coloured because sometimes there is mud under the snow. I would not put up with this kind of attitude from a parent.

[kidlove]

You are having a "battle" of who's in charge! I am willing to bet that you are a very "controlling" personality. (as you should be to an extent because this is your home and business) BUT, so is she. I had a Mother just like this once, you will not win with her. Isnt she the one that is leaving soon? Dont even put up a fight, thats what she wants anyway, just give her everything she asks for and she will have no reason to get upset. Sounds like she wants controvercy, and REMEMBER? I told you, she is going to pick you apart for the next few weeks, watchinf everything you do and looking for mistakes, dont be surprised if she uses it against you in the end!!! Have a funny feeling things wont end well with this one...just give in and let her "think" she has control. It's a done deal, shes a psycho, and theres nothing you can do about it! :)
It may not even be about the clothes, its more her trying to point out to you, "that she is in control", just let her be, and be glad when they are gone! They are leaving right?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh I hate micro managers ~ if I wanted a 'boss' I would have stayed in the workforce instead of choosing to be self employed!!!!

One of the things I tell parents during the interview as well as in my parent handbook is that 'my philosophy is that you can tell how much fun a child had and what I served at meal time by how dirty they are at the end of the day ~ please do not send children to daycare in their Sunday best because it WILL get stained during explorations. I also do not want to make extra laundry for you so I do not change clothes unless they are WET or become dirty to the point where it would transfer to carpets or furniture otherwise I spot wipe any 'spills' and let them continue on. If you want your child's clothes changed more 'often' than that than please make sure you provide extra clothes in addition to the two sets of emergency clothes I request on my list of what to provide as those are for the wet/soiled with bodily fluid reasons not for just 'spotted some paint or wiped my hands on my shirt at lunch' scenarios.

This business is a learning curve for sure as you meet parents who have more varied values and expectations on what is 'normal' for child rearing .... this is one of the reasons why my parent handbook is gotten so long over the years cause I like to proactive address all these things in 'writing' as well as during interview so that they cannot say later they did not 'know' this was my practice and try to be pissy with me about something .... this way I do not have to deal with micro managers because I have already micro managed how things work here myself right down to ever little detail of the day ;)

[kidlove]

Dont feel bad about the freak control of keeping the kid clean, I think most of us have been there a time or two! I hada crazy Mom who was just like that, wouldnt have known that when I first met her though! I came to the conclusion thats how she "got" her nice, softspoken husband also...disception!!! (sp) :) After having her son with me for a while, she started turning "freak" (things didnt end well) :) ! she would say crazy stuff like, please keep ALL his "out fits" together, one day I changed his pants because they got dirty at lunch but didnt bother changing the shirt because it was clean, well, ...she keeps ALL "outfits" matching and doesnt mix them!! la tee da!! what a freak! she also brought me inside shoes, "these are hush puppies, his grampa bought them for like 50$ they are really expensive, please dont have him wear these outside" she bought a pair of sh**! shoes! at walmart for his to walk outside in, and provided me with oxiclean spray to spray and scrup the hush puppies if I forgot and brought those ones out. She also NEVER let me keep anything, even though it IS my contract to keep a cubby with extra clothes, diapers and wipes. CONTROL FREAK!!! She is the Mom who insisted his wipes couldnt be communal like all the other kids because his wipes are "special" she traveled 4 hours south to buy them. :blink: She asked me not to put any salt or butter on ANY of his food because SHE retains salt and "he may also". FREAK! the kicker was when SHE decided to pay monthly instead of every two weeks (because it worked better for her!) and when her month pay was due she became about 4 days delinquent so I called her with a notice and a 25$ late fee, she SCREAMED at me, swore at me in my home and said "I thought we were friends" I said, "no, we are not, this is a business relationship!" she told me she would take her kid somewhere else.....I said, WEW! O.K.! not gonna argue there, what a relief, love it when the asses decide to go on their own, so much easier for me. I have NEVER bent over so far to please a parent before, sometimes a psycho is a psycho is a psycho is a psycho! and theres nothing you can do about it, cut your loses with this one, and soon.!!!!!!!!! by the way two years later and I find out from other daycare parents (who work with her) she is STILL trying to get them to leave my care!!!!!!!! crazy FREAK!

[mimi]

We should all collaborate on a book- we all have some dousey stories to tell:eek:

[kidlove]

totally agree...it would be a first of it's kind. "What to look out for in a PARENT. A Daycare Providers Handbook" :laugh::laugh::laugh :

[kidlove]

OR..."Don't be THAT parent!" "a handbook by: Providers for: Parents :laugh::laugh::laugh :

[Littledragon]

haha!! I could write it! I am trained in writing after all lol

I am so emotionally exhausted from this whole thing. It's become a power struggle, and I know I am a little bit to blame. I ended up sending a letter last night, giving them a final notice - that if the behaviour continued, I would be letting them go. She did NOT like that. Her exact words were "Going forward, I advise you to act respectfully and rationally." WHAT!? Who the f**k does she think she is??

I cried myself to sleep last night. I realize it's not WHAT she's doing, it's HOW she's doing it - demanding things, not listening to my explainations and demands and the way she TALKS to me. I HATE IT!! There is no reason to be so condescending. That is a sign of disrespect to me, and I can't stand it.

Last week was so great! I really thought this daycare thing would be a good thing, but now I'm looking for full time evening jobs because I just don't think I can do this anymore. Whereas last week, I had enough kids to pay my bills, come end of September, I don't. This kid is definitely on his way out and another one is going part time because mom is having a baby.

Kidlove, how did you handle that?? The minute someone starts disrespecting me and not following my rules, the hair on my back goes up. I can't stand it when people don't do as I ask. This is MY business, and I don't work for them!! I know it's a control thing on my part, and I'm trying to work on it. But like I said, if she had had a calm, rational conversation with me about what she wanted to do, I would have been okay with it all. Every family is different, and I can't expect one thing that is easy for one family to be easy for another. It's just the way this all played out - it was bad and this definitely won't end well! I just need to decide when is the appropriate time to end it.

[kidlove]

NOW!!!!! Now is the appropriate time to end it! well actually about last week or earlier! :) ha ha
No joke....this is not going well, and it seems its only getting worse! From someone who has been there a time or two! :( (not proud to admit) but, this is NOT going to go any better than it is now...the nature of the job is to have "feast or famin" (sp). but keeping your sanity and good rep in tact is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT! dont be surprised if she tries to "drag you through the mud" by attempting to threaten you or trying to spread "bad things" to others, people like this are all over the world, us "good moral charactors" need to OVERCOME! these screwed up individuals! and not let them rule our "sleep" and days! Get rid of her NOW! Just remember....you are not making things any better by allowing her to continue her "ranting" AT you with her threatening words and ignorant comments. the last comment of "going forward, I advise you act act respectfully and rationally" is a threat.....thats where I would draw the line. Take the High Road! Let her know "her child was a pleasure and you can no longer provide care" wish her luck and have her take her child today and not come back!!!!!!!! let go of any further payment, money is not worth the abuse she is giving you.......NO MATTER WHAT, hold back ANY comments or responses to her ignorant attitude. Take the HIGH road! It takes a "fool" to argue with a "fool"...dont be a fool. I think I will be quite angry with you if you continue to care for this womans child, shes nasty and doesnt deserve your time a minute longer!!!!!!!!!!!! :yes:

I always have Faith.....what you need is always provided, you are NOT going to starve over the lack of one big creap!!!!!! good luck!

[Littledragon]

NOW!!!!! Now is the appropriate time to end it! well actually about last week or earlier! :) ha ha
No joke....this is not going well, and it seems its only getting worse! From someone who has been there a time or two! :( (not proud to admit) but, this is NOT going to go any better than it is now...the nature of the job is to have "feast or famin" (sp). but keeping your sanity and good rep in tact is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT! dont be surprised if she tries to "drag you through the mud" by attempting to threaten you or trying to spread "bad things" to others, people like this are all over the world, us "good moral charactors" need to OVERCOME! these screwed up individuals! and not let them rule our "sleep" and days! Get rid of her NOW! Just remember....you are not making things any better by allowing her to continue her "ranting" AT you with her threatening words and ignorant comments. the last comment of "going forward, I advise you act act respectfully and rationally" is a threat.....thats where I would draw the line. Take the High Road! Let her know "her child was a pleasure and you can no longer provide care" wish her luck and have her take her child today and not come back!!!!!!!! let go of any further payment, money is not worth the abuse she is giving you.......NO MATTER WHAT, hold back ANY comments or responses to her ignorant attitude. Take the HIGH road! It takes a "fool" to argue with a "fool"...dont be a fool. I think I will be quite angry with you if you continue to care for this womans child, shes nasty and doesnt deserve your time a minute longer!!!!!!!!!!!! :yes:

I always have Faith.....what you need is always provided, you are NOT going to starve over the lack of one big creap!!!!!! good luck!

lol well, I don't want you to be mad at me so I think I will terminate. My husband wants me to. He never liked the kid to begin with. The only thing is, dad is SO nice and reasonable, and of course, he tried to smooth things over this morning at drop off. I only see mom once a day for 30 seconds and they ARE leaving at the end of October, but I am so resentful, and so is she, that any little thing might set us off. It always is bad and you're right, it won't get better. It hurts me, but letting him go might be a good idea. I just got an email for a little girl for part time, which I don't usually do, but at this point, I don't think it's such a bad idea.

I'll write out the term letter and they'll get it tomorrow when they leave. It sucks, and I hate not having money, but you're right. At this point, I'm like a prostitute. I'm selling myself out, and taking abuse, just for a bit of cash. Not good :laugh:

[kidlove]

Ha Ha. perfect example. Dont let people "use" you, your worth more than that. It is hard to swallow when bills are due but, no amount of money is worth the worry this woman is causing you. Sounds corny but, get over with it soon so you can start to heal! It does take a while to get over a situation like this, dont get jaded just keep your guard up in the future and I pray you never run into a "crazy" like this one again.

ps. prepare yourself for a mini-battle at the end of the day. Dont forget, (take my Mom's advice) just say only kind words, dont let the woman get under your skin (thats what she wants) just repeat yourself if theres any conflict "I have enjoyed your daughter thankyou for allowing me to care for her but this is not going to work out" or whatever you choose to say, but by all means, dont take part in her ignorance!!!!! DONT YELL! DONT ARGUE!!!!! good luck:thumbsup:

[Littledragon]

Thanks Kidlove. I'll let you know how it goes :unsure:

[Inspired by Reggio]

Hon ~ I would not be micro managed in my own home .... yes these are 'their' children we are caring for however we are offering a service, we have a contract and policies and procedures around how that service will be offered and if they want something 'outside' that service they do not come in DEMANDING it they come in respectfully sharing their point of view or idea and ASK if it is something that we would be able to accommodate and if we CANNOT than they respectfully accept that or they decide if it is a deal break and give notice.

I actually have a code of conduct in my contract with expectations around 'communication' for both parties and the way she has handled this would have been grounds for immediate termination here in my program and she would have forfeited her 'deposit' being applied to her last two weeks of care as a result ~ she would just be DONE!

I agree with Kidlove that no amount of $$$ is worth being belittled and disrespected in your own HOME.

[Littledragon]

Hon ~ I would not be micro managed in my own home .... yes these are 'their' children we are caring for however we are offering a service, we have a contract and policies and procedures around how that service will be offered and if they want something 'outside' that service they do not come in DEMANDING it they come in respectfully sharing their point of view or idea and ASK if it is something that we would be able to accommodate and if we CANNOT than they respectfully accept that or they decide if it is a deal break and give notice.

I actually have a code of conduct in my contract with expectations around 'communication' for both parties and the way she has handled this would have been grounds for immediate termination here in my program and she would have forfeited her 'deposit' being applied to her last two weeks of care as a result ~ she would just be DONE!

I agree with Kidlove that no amount of $$$ is worth being belittled and disrespected in your own HOME.

Is there any way that you would be willing to send me a copy of that policy? I was thinking I would do the same, but I'm not sure how to word it.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Sure ... this is my code of conduct and I bolded the wording for the reminder that 'adults must play nice'


Code of Conduct

All members of my home-based program are accountable to the Code of Conduct.

All will:

Treat themselves and others with respect
Be courteous, fair, kind and honest to others
Be respectful of others and their belongings
Listen to and respect others
Play safely and respectfully and follow the rules of the playroom and backyard
Use appropriate language with others
Problem solve by talking and listening
Act in a way that will facilitate a positive learning environment for all
Help care for and respect all toys, equipment, books, environment, etc.


Inappropriate / Unacceptable behaviours will result in one or more of the following depending on age / severity of the incident / or previous incidents or patterns of behaviour.
a) Verbal redirection and coaching on better choices
b) Quiet time away from peers but within play area followed by a verbal plan for future when ready to discuss
c) Written documentation of Incident / Parent Signed

If a child is experiencing a serious pattern of inappropriate & or physically dangerous behaviour a parent/caregiver conference with written action plan to successfully aid the child in managing the behaviour will occur, if all else has been tried and exhausted, I reserve the right to discharge a child. I reserve the right to terminate a contract, without notice, if the ADULTS in a family exhibit any of the above behaviors – inappropriate conflict resolution skills will not be tolerated…while children are learning - adults should’ve long mastered these skills!

[kidlove]

Love it! While Children are learning-adults should have long mastered these skills!!! ha ha