Really?!

[jec]

I've been a part of a couple different forums of daycare support. I have to say that honesty is always wanted and some times you hear things that you don't want to hear but we may just need to in getting a different perspective. I think at the end of it all needs to delivered in a way that isn't being rude of offensive to the person asking.
In my cyber travels around to a few different daycare provider sites I have found that there were more negative, daycare hating providers on it instead of just venting for those things we all experience from time to time. Yes, we all have the those days where we hate our jobs and or a child in our care is pushing us to our limits and or parents doing something against our policies and we need some support to vent. We don't have co- workers and lean on each other for that. I find it sad that so many providers out there hated their jobs, hated the kids in their care and felt that at the end of the day having the kids just fed, kept clean and returned in one piece is their goal and feel it's very sad.
It's true when I read here once that another provider put after they know what they do about daycare, they wouldn't put their own kids in care. So true you know and so sad!
We are all in daycare for different reasons, one not better than the other but today I thought how sad to have been reading so many negative things.

This site has some great positive energy and thanks for that!! I've always valued the different view on this one and other sites just I guess finding myself disapointed and we all wonder why parents take so long to choose a provider.......

[treeholm]

Well-said jec. I so appreciate the support and camaraderie on this site. I'm certain that being part of this site has helped me to have a relatively smooth transition to this career!

[Dreamalittledream]

It is truly sad that there is that element to home daycare (or any childcare/school setting, for that matter); those that are in it for the wrong reasons (warehousing for financial gain) are burning out or are just really unprepared to even think of starting or running a daycare. I had such rose colored glasses when I first had thoughts of starting a daycare...days spent in my 'yoga' pants, days spents painting, playing with playdough and crafting, sunny happy children all the time...and, most importantly having well behaved, well adjusted children of my own, all the better for having their parent at home. While all of that is true some of the time, I never imagined that this IS NOT EASY. There is so much more to this job. Honestly, it is always in the back of my mind, whether it be in an online forum, outside in the yard, inside with the windows open or with my little DCKs eyes & ears always at the ready, at the park...whatever...my actions, be it verbal or physical are being scrutinized & very clearly effect 5 little ones. If these people are so negative/hating their job in a open forum (where anyone can read it); what the heck are they like at home behind closed doors?

[playfelt]

If all of my daycare kids were mine and I had total control over their lives life would be great - at least most of the time. It isn't so much we don't like the kids or our jobs or any other thing that we can change. We are dealing with the results of someone else's parenting and while we can often find parents with similar values there will always be differences in how we approach everything from self feeding to learning to play etc. Even the complaints about naptime issues or toileting issues, or hard to transition are really complaints about another adult's parenting skills that is directly affecting our lives and that is over and beyond the late pick ups and late payments.

In any profession there are workplaces that are great and some not so great and around the water cooler and lunch room you will always find someone complaining about something. That is why many left their jobs to become self employed.

We all like to think we do the best job possible and because of that there is also the element if I do something different than you do that I am right and you are wrong and that is a natural consequence of different parenting styles. Yes it is necessary to be sensitive when posting but sometimes it is the provider that is their own worst enemy and once they know the real truth there is a hope of them moving forward instead of complaining over and over about the same situation.

We all start this job with values and ideals that are pretty much unattainable. Long term survival in any profession means finding the balance between ideals and reality and chatting with someone who has that long term perspective can help a newby overcome or avoid the earaly pitfalls in this business.

Check out some of the mommy forums and you will find the same negativity - we are afterall just moms with a whole whack of kids to deal with - including in too many cases adults that act like their kids or worse too.

I think too that by the time a provider can scrape up a few minutes to check the forum they are overwhelmed themselves before they even start to comment so a great part about what is posted needs to be read for what it is saying as well as what it isn't saying - the read between the lines sort of thing.

[KingstonMom]

I once met an older woman who was a Nanny for 2 older kids. We got to talking and she had told me something that always sticks in my mind. She said "Its a hard job being with children all day, but you have to enjoy it. The kids can tell if you don't."
I always think of that when I am having a crappy day, I try to not let it show. I will have perma grin and overly exagerrate happy happy tones!! When Im having a hard day, I gather the kids and I sing them songs that they love. the get smiling and dancing around, the babies are 'dancing' on their bums! It is so cute! The dishes are still in my sink and my floor is still not swept, but I find that I have to let it all go and smile alot to really enjoy doing what I do!

[jec]

I agree with you dream...it's a lot tougher than I thought but, like most jobs- any job it can burn you out if you let it. It's been a balancing act for me lately to find that middle ground where I'm running my business in a professional manner but, it's can't ways be my way or the high way. We are dealing with kids/families but I've come to learn through the help of other providers on this site and the others that I'm talking about, when it comes to our policies - we need to stick to them. At least for me, that rings truth.

I'm not perfect- far from it and I was on my way to burning out trying to do all that you said above. In my yoga pants ( actually still in those :laugh: ) painting every day, spending every day filled with lots to do. I found out that I'm going to burn out that way and not letting the kids be kids. I've been a work in progress and so is my daycare but my intentions are there and I wonder about some of these other posters who just seem to be so negative. I woudn't want to leave my kids in the care of someone who kept doing it because they just didn't want to work for someone else and or can't make this type of money somewhere else.

[jec]

If all of my daycare kids were mine and I had total control over their lives life would be great - at least most of the time. It isn't so much we don't like the kids or our jobs or any other thing that we can change. We are dealing with the results of someone else's parenting and while we can often find parents with similar values there will always be differences in how we approach everything from self feeding to learning to play etc. Even the complaints about naptime issues or toileting issues, or hard to transition are really complaints about another adult's parenting skills that is directly affecting our lives and that is over and beyond the late pick ups and late payments.

In any profession there are workplaces that are great and some not so great and around the water cooler and lunch room you will always find someone complaining about something. That is why many left their jobs to become self employed.

We all like to think we do the best job possible and because of that there is also the element if I do something different than you do that I am right and you are wrong and that is a natural consequence of different parenting styles. Yes it is necessary to be sensitive when posting but sometimes it is the provider that is their own worst enemy and once they know the real truth there is a hope of them moving forward instead of complaining over and over about the same situation.

We all start this job with values and ideals that are pretty much unattainable. Long term survival in any profession means finding the balance between ideals and reality and chatting with someone who has that long term perspective can help a newby overcome or avoid the earaly pitfalls in this business.

Check out some of the mommy forums and you will find the same negativity - we are afterall just moms with a whole whack of kids to deal with - including in too many cases adults that act like their kids or worse too.

I think too that by the time a provider can scrape up a few minutes to check the forum they are overwhelmed themselves before they even start to comment so a great part about what is posted needs to be read for what it is saying as well as what it isn't saying - the read between the lines sort of thing.

I agree with what you say playfelt- at the water cooler there is always someone complaining about something and we are all here to vent and get support as I mentioned. I just find too many posters are really hating their jobs. I'm not saying that it's you directly- you mentioned that it's not that you don't like the kids or your job. I'm just saying ...there are too many that seem to hate their jobs and say so ....say it's OK to just just let them all be in one room by themselves and just ensure they are fed, cleaned and returned home OK.

I just recently found the site of one provider who protrays themselves in a VERY VERY different light on their idea of how to run a daycare- the vision of their daycare and then listening to them hate their job with a passion I guess struck a cord with me.

[jec]

This job is no different really than my last. I'm dealing with clients who paid late, didn't do certain forms on time, not following some procedures. Anyone can burn out at any job and like you said playfelt ~ ' Long term survival in any profession means finding the balance between ideals and reality and chatting with someone who has that long term perspective can help a newby overcome or avoid the earaly pitfalls in this business '

For myself, finding the support has been amazing and I'm not sure where I'd be without it.

[KingstonMom]

....chatting with someone who has that long term perspective can help a newby overcome or avoid the earaly pitfalls in this business '

For myself, finding the support has been amazing and I'm not sure where I'd be without it.

Same here :)
Whenever I have a problem situation, my husband looks at me and says: "better go ask the girls on your forum" :laugh:

[kidlove]

Wow! In my opinion this is not just a "job". I think that's why we all feel "under-aknowledged" when we are referred to as "babysitter" (that's a job) a babysitter does the job because they can "handle" a kid and they do it because at the end of the night...they get paid for it! Quick money! WE are Day Care Provider's, it is more than a job, it is a profession, I consider it a "trade" we do it because we enjoy it. It is a career not a job. It takes training and time to master. I take my position in my Day Care just as serious as my position in my Family. I am a Mother and a Wife and a Day Care provider alike, that is my career. I do it because I LOVE IT! I can't imagine anything else...I feel this is what I was meant to do and honestly feel blessed to have found this position in life. That being said....I am also human, I have weak points just as the high ones and am very greatful to have such a group of women to hear what I have to say, good, bad and ugly. I am not proud of myself at times for the things I may say or do in life but just like a "true friend" I FEEL like at the end of the day, I am in "common" company here. We all have our moments and needs to be heard, the highs the lows. BUT the one thing I know is: We all enjoy what we do!!!!! Although I have not yet had the opportunity to meet a woman who did this "trade", who didn't seem to love kids and do it for the right reasons...I know they are out there and all I have to say is...what a shame! If you don't enjoy it....don't do it. This is WAY TOO BIG of a role to take lightly, we are raising the next generations. That's Big!!!!!

[giraffe]

Jec, just because on "other forums" you may see some negative comments doesnt mean that they hate their job. "Other forums" are private and a safe place to vent the frustrations of the job. Just because someone is having a tough day/week doesnt mean that they are bad providers. What you should be thinking is "Wow isnt it nice that "other forums" are private and that i dont have to worry about being judged". Or how about "isnt it great that this provider is able to vent and recognise when thay are struggling with their job". Honestly, I am surprised to see you say this...

[paz]

Well said KIDLOVE, you put tears in my eyes!:flower:

[kidlove]

Wait a minute giraffe...do you know what jec had read or exactly why this post is up? if not, how can any of us have such a certain point of view such as your? Not siding either way, only agreeing with the fact that if we do this job we should do it for the "right reasons"......jec, can you shed a little light on this? can you even briefly tell us what may have lead you to this post before we decide to "judge" either way?

[jec]

Jec, just because on "other forums" you may see some negative comments doesnt mean that they hate their job. "Other forums" are private and a safe place to vent the frustrations of the job. Just because someone is having a tough day/week doesnt mean that they are bad providers. What you should be thinking is "Wow isnt it nice that "other forums" are private and that i dont have to worry about being judged". Or how about "isnt it great that this provider is able to vent and recognise when thay are struggling with their job". Honestly, I am surprised to see you say this...

I agree that we all need places to vent and pour out our frustrations without judgement however ..some of the 'other forums' are just breeding grounds I find for negativity. I never said they are bad providers- they are after all ensuring that the kids are fed, changed and safe but- in MY mind a daycare should offer more than that. To read day in and day out that someone hates their job - hates the same things over and over again. Not giving any positive reinforcement to someone but yet lending advice on the get rid of them attitude, my way or the high way attitude. So this is not about saying that we shouldnt' have some where to go and vent and be open and not judged but I have found that some places are just breeding grounds for negative energy and honestly, I can't be a part of it anymore.
It's more than just a tough day/week - this job as others can be tough. Some are able to handle more than others- we are dealing with kids not a store and the boxes that go on a shelf and if someone can't get past the vent and or feeling that they hate their job and or resent too much, it's time to get out.
I have had a tough year- getting started up and running- getting a few families that truly tested my ability and every job will do that but, it's those who are constantly hating it and running their business as a place to keep them fed/clothed and sent home in one piece.
that being the way they run their daycare, it's not a place i would want to send my kids.

Some forums out there are just breeding ground for negativity and not just for venting and or find solutions

[giraffe]

I am not judging Jec but I am trying to shed light on the fact that sometimes providers need to vent. Most of us do not have access to co workers with whom to vent. A lot of venting is part of problem solving. Myself aswell as many others are more likley to vent more often on private forums rather than public "open" forums. I do think that some people are not suited for this job but I also think that sometime venting is just venting.

[mimi]

Jec, while I hear what you are saying, understand your perspective and appreciate your opinion, I have to say this forum and the ladies who are part of it have made me become a better provider and business person. :flower: The vents I read from some providers are women like us who are letting off steam to people who will understand where they are coming from - for the most part. We vent because we don't have the co-worker beside us or at the water cooler to roll our eyes and shake our heads with. Sure, some can get quite heated, but then we can respectfully say what we think too. We need to vent, it is healthy for us. As far as parents reading what we write on this forum, I am glad they do. The smart ones will understand where we are coming from. These parents, I am sure, have to deal with the public in their jobs to some capacity and understand that dealing with lots of different people and personalities can be a pain in the @ss sometimes and that they vent too. Check out the professional servers forum or a teachers forum, wow some of the situations can make most of ours seem so trivial.
I agree, we need to try to balance our discussions and I find we do. Some of us tell about good times with the kids and the funny things they say and do. I always always appreciate the suggestions for menu, craft and problem solving. When someone has a question or issue, I am always surprised how many of us respond with productive suggestions and insight with lengthy tales of how they coped or have a solution to a problem. Cudo's to them everytime they respond because I know free time is not abundant. Anyway Jec, thanks for bringing this up, I've been wanting to say thanks for a while now to the members of this forum.:)

[jec]

Wait a minute giraffe...do you know what jec had read or exactly why this post is up? if not, how can any of us have such a certain point of view such as your? Not siding either way, only agreeing with the fact that if we do this job we should do it for the "right reasons"......jec, can you shed a little light on this? can you even briefly tell us what may have lead you to this post before we decide to "judge" either way?

I've been chatting on a forum that to me does nothing but breed negative thoughts- it's all my way or the highway. Posts of not listening to what someone has to say but focus on something that the person replying may not agree and run on with negative thoughts and comments.

I've come read someone who constantly posts about hating the job and it's not just a bad day or week. We all need a place to feel safe to vent and get our frustrations around the water cooler but it was the every day negative tone and negative energy that lead me to just never go back onto this site and getting a feeling that certain providers really hated their jobs.
I don't need to go in any further details as I'm not outing anyone and or being any more specific...I just generally feel that there are some providers out there who need to realize it's time to move onto another profession. We all have bad days, weeks- me included and as I said, I'm not perfect, FAR from it but as someone who is looking to get support and learn- found in my travels it's not just a day or week sad to say.

[kidlove]

Agree completely Giraffe thats what we all come here for.....the support. When things are going "really well" you don't need support, you need it when things are not going well, therefor you vent in order to get the support you need. I dont think "venting" is the topic for jec...if I understand what her point was, it was more a comment of "how great this forum is" apposed to others out there. If I'm "picken up what jec's layin down" is that this forum seems to be filled with MORE positive venting and all around support than others she has experienced. thats all! It was her little "vent" on the whole, great forum/not so great forum topic. right? I'm just glad I found the "greater" of the two. :laugh:

[kidlove]

In adding....not sure if anyone else feels this way (i think it's just human nature) every once in a while when I feel the "balance" is off (a little too much negative dwelling in my day and with the forum) I feel like I should add a positive too..."so glad I have great kids" "so glad its friday" "funny things kids might say", seems more natural for our world to dwell on the negative, thats why the news amd media is so..."dreary" to say the least....no sun shine and roses in life, just clouds and weeds. I enjoy the vents cuz thats what we need to survive in this job, def can't take it out on the kids and parents (nor would we want to) but I def enjoy the positive posts and feedback as well. this is a good place to come for GOOD and BAD!!! I like it here. :)

[jec]

I am not judging Jec but I am trying to shed light on the fact that sometimes providers need to vent. Most of us do not have access to co workers with whom to vent. A lot of venting is part of problem solving. Myself aswell as many others are more likley to vent more often on private forums rather than public "open" forums. I do think that some people are not suited for this job but I also think that sometime venting is just venting.
I agree...a vent is just a vent but as mimi also put, it's the vents that help us put things into persective and become better and learn from them. Yes, they do!
I don't find the discussions on this forum like what I talk about at all....everyone here has been supportive as I mentioned and again, thank you for that.
Some times a little up roar isn't a bad thing either- having someone not agree with you isn't a bad thing- again, learning and seeing a different point of view only makes you view things and see things differently.
I need to vent like everyone else but for what I've been reading else where on a specific site- it's more than just letting off steam and it's a general vibe I get reading many of the posts. Not all providers on it are like I am saying, in fact, again I mentioned I learned from many of them too. Just I really do find this site to be more positive and helpful.

[jec]

Agree completely Giraffe thats what we all come here for.....the support. When things are going "really well" you don't need support, you need it when things are not going well, therefor you vent in order to get the support you need. I dont think "venting" is the topic for jec...if I understand what her point was, it was more a comment of "how great this forum is" apposed to others out there. If I'm "picken up what jec's layin down" is that this forum seems to be filled with MORE positive venting and all around support than others she has experienced. thats all! It was her little "vent" on the whole, great forum/not so great forum topic. right? I'm just glad I found the "greater" of the two. :laugh:

You got me kidlove! venting isn't the topic ~ and just the positive outlook you had on what I had to say and your just one of the reasons that i'm sure many come to this site.

[kidlove]

AAAWW! okay now I have tears in MY eyes. Big Hugs all around. :)
I have only been on this site for a couple months and have had days were I felt like maybe this "chat" stuff is no good, but.....I spent 10 years of "silence" in this field and can't imagine not having all you guys to turn to now. (whether we see things the same all the time or not) it is such a relief to read that I am not a psycho for feeling the way I do sometimes or here that I am not the only provider to deal with certain kinds of kids and parents, and just to find out that my point of view is not the only one. not to mention the fact that some of you guys are so "bold" to tell it like it is or disagree. I love it!!!!!!

[jec]

it is such a relief to read that I am not a psycho for feeling the way I do sometimes or here that I am not the only provider to deal with certain kinds of kids and parents, and just to find out that my point of view is not the only one. not to mention the fact that some of you guys are so "bold" to tell it like it is or disagree. I love it!!!!!!

Perfectly said! Have a great weekend!

[Momof4]

For me, it's the isolation of working alone in my home. My family doesn't want to hear my problems with little children who may have annoying habits or parents who may have ticked me off in some way. None of my friends understand. They all think I'm crazy!

So, I need to have a few different forums where I can reach out to the adult world where other women are caregivers and understand my special problems. No matter what opinions others may have it doesn't mean that I'm going to do what they recommend. However, sometimes I pick up wonderful bits of advice I can apply to my daycare and even to my life and that's why I love the forums.

Some people make me mad but once I get that vibe I don't read their posts ever. I respect a lot of people on these forums for their wisdom and experience and insights so I always read their posts. But I'm still going to do what is right for me and my situation and my daycare.

[playfelt]

I find that many of the daycare chat forums that are based in the US are more negative than one like this that is Canadian based. I do belong to many yahoo chat groups which is basically forum by email and most caregivers on there are US. I don't think we can even begin to imagine what it is like for some of them and what they have to deal with. Think of the worst agency you have ever come across and realize it is 10 times worse. The rules and regulations make little practical sense, there is a constant feeling of being spied on between food program visits, and inspection visits etc. On those groups there is a lot of negativity yes but when you put it into perspective you can empathise. We don't deal with the same issues at all. Yes the kids are the same but it is the job that is different. For the most part we control how our job is done and no one tells us what to do. Maybe if the negativitiy is an issue then sticking to Canadian forums for awhile would be a nice break.

[jec]

For me, it's the isolation of working alone in my home.

So, I need to have a few different forums where I can reach out to the adult world where other women are caregivers and understand my special problems. No matter what opinions others may have it doesn't mean that I'm going to do what they recommend. However, sometimes I pick up wonderful bits of advice I can apply to my daycare and even to my life and that's why I love the forums.

Some people make me mad but once I get that vibe I don't read their posts ever. I respect a lot of people on these forums for their wisdom and experience and insights so I always read their posts. But I'm still going to do what is right for me and my situation and my daycare.

The isolation was and still is the biggest hurtle for me too!
I agree with what your saying too ~ I always listen to what other's have to say and take what I feel is right for the situation. I don't know where I'd be either without the support of the 'co-workers' on the sites. I was a part of a good one on facebook but I closed my facebook account- not a fan of it and miss the site though.

[ladyjbug]

I am a member of many forums. They all suit a different purpose for me. I am a bit introverted, don't have a lot of friends on the "outside", and even less so since I stay at home and chat with toddlers all day. It is nice to have some adult interaction in my life while I browse from time to time during quiet points in my day.

I like some forums for craft/menu/daycare design ideas, I like some for questions I have, some for venting frustrations, some for offering support, and some for pick-me-ups. I think every career has good or bad days, everyone vents about their "co-workers" from time to time. In this business, I have found that 90% of the job is totally awesome for me. But that 10% of bad (late payments, entitlement, screamers, etc.) seems to take up so much energy when a provider unfortunately has to deal with it that those posts seem to receive all the attention.

Usually when I have a problem like that, I go to my venting site first, get it all out, get some perspective, offer some support to someone going through the same thing on another site, get some ideas from my daycare design site to take my mind off of things, and then come on my positive site for a pick me up. It's possible that I could be judged as a negative provider that shouldn't be doing the job if you just read a vent. But I love kids, I love what I do, and every forum serves a particular purpose for me. I wouldn't necessarily judge every provider for every post. Besides not knowing them in person, it is very difficult to judge tone in posts so things often get miscontrued. Some one "telling it like it is" may seem absolutely cruel to one person and just what another person needed to hear to keep on with their day. Also, if you are finding that other forums are not helping you and only making you focus on the negative, there is no hard and fast rule that you have to be a part of every forum. Just use the forums that help you, and don't judge others for the forums that help them. Hope that helps you.

[jec]

Hey there ladyjbug- I dont' judge every provider for every post- I put in my other posts that not every provider is negative and I got a lot of support from many and thankful as you are for the support. I don't judge someone for a vent ...you should read some of mine.
I think you might have gotten the wrong idea of the reason for my post- at the end of the day, it's a great site here and the positive vibes help to keep me positive. It's like you said, different forums help you out- I love the positive side of this one. We all have bad days, bad posts- none of us are perfect

[BrightEyes]

I haven't had a chance to read what all has been said about this post, but here is what I have to say:

I have an extremely hard time trusting people to take care of my daughter because of things I have witnessed. BUT having said that, I can honestly say that I have come to TRUST the woman on this forum. If I were in the situation where I needed to find a home daycare for my daughter I would definitely be PMing the woman on here until I found a spot! ;) :)

[jec]

I haven't had a chance to read what all has been said about this post, but here is what I have to say:

I have an extremely hard time trusting people to take care of my daughter because of things I have witnessed. BUT having said that, I can honestly say that I have come to TRUST the woman on this forum. If I were in the situation where I needed to find a home daycare for my daughter I would definitely be PMing the woman on here until I found a spot! ;) :)

It's a great forum ~ with great providers for sure

[Momof4]

Jec, I think you had a really hard day and we all have those. As some of the others already stated, this is a PUBLIC forum and parents and providers alike can view it. I tell the absolute truth when I come here to help another provider with a problem and I post a lot of personal things about the children in my daycare and things I've learned over the years. But I'm not afraid of any backlash happening to me because what I post is the honest truth and I have nothing to hide.

I run my daycare with 100% of my energy and I'm proud of my program and my efforts. My families really appreciate me and that is proven by the way they recommend me to people all the time that I usually have to try to find somebody else for them because I'm full with a waiting list. But I admit it, I have one family who give me small problems and make me angry and their child has very annoying personality traits. Can I put the particulars of that on this forum? NO! So that's why other forums such as you described are really important.

But on private forums where only daycare providers can view it's easier for us to really vent about our frustrations knowing that if we have a child or parents who are giving us problems that we can tell it like it is just to get it off our chests, you know?

[jec]

When ever someone posts something on here, facebook or anywhere on where others read it, it's open to interpertation.
Please don't feel that I was judging providers for things they posted...this really is about negative vibes and there are people out there that are just that- negative and like ~ likes like and in any profession around the water cooler, you get those few that you can't stand to listen to as they take it that step further and are just negative people in general and are negative not just about the job and it's not just a bad day/week/month. My post was as kidlove said, a vent about some negativity out there and I'm not saying anyone is a bad provider, nobody doesn't has the right to vent, we all do. Yes, the private forums are a place to let it out all out and again, we all need that. There are other forums out there that I have been a part of that are private that don't have a negative vibe and trust me, I've got some rants myself! Just like any job, it can really get to us from time to time and need that place, safe place to vent. I get it. Just please dont think that I would say you are not being truthful or afraid of any backlash- as someone else posted, these are a great group of co-workers and at the end of my original post, it was to thank everyone and loving the positive environment.
Your right, I was having a bad day and was venting about some negativity that I felt was bringing me down even more

[Inspired by Reggio]

This is my take on negativity Jec .... the world is about finding balance ... we need a small amount of negativity in our lives as it has a place in this world because in order to appreciate the POSITIVE we need to remember that it could be worse ... this is the balance of the world ~ how could one truly appreciate the gift of life is there was no death, how could we enjoy the light if not for the dark ... it is basic science in life for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction!

So yes human beings need to be able to vent and express frustrations so we can openly reflect on what went wrong, what the obstacle is and than to make changes towards being positive again to fix the issue this is suppose to be the purpose of 'venting' to let out some steam so we can focus on ensuring that what we are cooking in our lives turns out healthy for everyone .... however when venting becomes a way of life, when you are so surrounded by the negative thoughts that they are all you see and all you feel than there becomes an issue because well than no one wants to come near you or whatever you've go cooking in that pot cause it always looks like it is about to boil over with some sort of toxic brew inside it .... IMO if this is how someone is constantly venting about the same things over and over again it is time to reflect on if what you are seeing is truly 'reality' or have you spent so much time focusing and feeding the negativity that you have created a 'jaded view of the world' so to speak .... time to take a good hard look at what you have in that pot so to speak and if it is time to throw it out and start brewing a new reciepe!

I love this proverbial lesson ....


Two Wolves: A Cherokee Teaching
An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life...

He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil -- he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed".

Feed the wolf you want to be predominant in your life .... if you want to have a positive life filled with joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith than surround yourself with people, places and things where this is the PRIME focus because IME if you surround yourself with other people who are feeding their wolf a steady diet of fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego than those wolfs grow stronger and can overpower your sense of self because their negativity eats up everything in its path!

I have been in the childcare industry for almost a quarter of a century .... I can tell you that I have spent my entire career 'vacating' water coolers where the water has been so poisoned by others negativity that there was no longer any refreshment in it .... sad but true that this happens in the childcare industry .... if the water is no longer feeding and nourishing your soul and your attempt to chlorinate it with your positivity is being overpowered by continued pollution of others than it is no longer the place you want to be drinking from and its time to find a new water cooler that is more in 'balance' with your goals ;)

[ladyjbug]

Jec, if I am being honest, I did read the first post of yours as judgemental and this is why:

I do know the context in which you are writing. I didn't know you had a bad day, and I am sorry to hear reading someone's post made you feel worse. I honestly skipped the drama the first time I replied to that thread and actually had to go back and read it. Basically, I came on here, and read a vent about "other forums" that were full of providers that hated their jobs and bred nothing but negativity after I had just spent fifteen minutes trying to type out an answer to your question and understand the term that you were trying to discuss. First of all, I am not a negative provider, I love my job and I try to help others and I felt lumped in with your description simply because I subscribe and enjoy some "other forums". If that's not what you meant, that's wonderful. But that is how you came across.

Once again, I mentioned before that it is hard to judge tone on the internet. Maybe you really just meant a really positive message to these ladies on this forum that you appreciate them. I get that. They are great ladies and I learn a lot from them. It is a wonderful forum to be a part of. The part I don't get is to give a compliment you needed to tear other forums down. So I wrote to you and tried to explain that each forum might serve a particular purpose in a provider's journey. You may not necessarily know a provider's intentions behind a post. They could have had an extraordinarily bad day too. There are a lot of us that are members of lots of forums. When I post in a particular forum, I make sure I know my audience. There are some forums I won't post about a new parenting/daycare technique because I know what the answer will already be. And that's okay. I really respect the opinions of everyone on ALL the forums. They take time out of their very busy days to help me and even just provide the briefest of connections in an isolating job and I really appreciate it and try to return the favour as best I can.

Know your audience, is the best advice I can give. Hope you are having a much better day today. Cheers, it's the weekend!

[jec]

At the end of the day- it wasn't just me having a bad day.
This can go back and forth and I think that Reggio put things in a perfect light for me.

I'm sorry that you took it personally ladyjbug~ as I said things are always left up to interperation when you post something on a public forum of any type. It wasn't meant as an attack on you or anyone here specific as a negative provider. Thanks to those tho sent me the supportive pm's in knowing that I wasn't being spiteful and or negative or pointing anyone out here specific.

Have a great weekend everyone

[kidlove]

playfelt: where are the US forums? I am from the US and wouldn't mind looking in considering, some topics here are out of my knowledge (money talk and regulations) although simular...I wouldn't mind a US point of view as well.....however, a pleasant picture hasnt been painted re: the "negativity" are american providers really more negative? Maybe I need to take a look in the morror. :)

[Momof4]

kidlove, you aren't being lumped into a group any more than the caregivers in my city can be lumped into a group. It's just what we have noticed on some of the other forums as a general rule. You are a very positive person and we appreciate your opinions very much. I know for a fact not every caregiver in my city is doing a great job!

[playfelt]

The groups I am on are from yahoo chat groups - as I said forum/chat via email messages as in old style,lol. Been on them for years since we first had internet and they were the only option. Childcarecubby is a great one for getting all sides of issues as well as support for personal issues when needed.

[playfelt]

It isn't that US providers are more negative it is that they are more hounded by authorities and up against impossible regulations to meet in a family home. The hoops to jump through just to get licensed can take several months. The rules are a lot stricter than even for those of us with a Canadian agency. And made doubly worse by regulations about not being able to pick and choose who you take in for care as much as we can so not able to weed out the parents that come with a whole colour party of red flags waving around them. Burn out seems to be much faster. Then again I have been on that group for a long time so some of the caregivers that are there are just as old as I am and been in the business just as long and it isn't so much burnout as much as it is in any job where it is time to retire or change careers during a mid life crisis period or due to family financial circumstances which for many caregivers is by far the biggest issue they are facing.

[kidlove]

Gotcha, playfelt. just wanted to make sure I wasnt placed in a bad light. :) ha ha I do agree with the fact that the negativity could very well come from the fact that in the US it does feel very much like a "thumb" is ON you at all times. Sometimes think that letting my license go and just running a "quiet" day care would be much more appealing, but...my morals get in the way, considering that would be "against the law". If I got caught would have 30 days to remove all kids in care or become relicensed. (which by the way, took me about 8 monthes when I started 10 years ago) All in all, I have noticed no matter where you live, if you do daycare you have the same goals, and motivations and the very same "problems". thanks ladies

[kidlove]

I do however have the right, to "pick" who I want and don't want in my care, even so much as to inform parents that I do not accept "state pay" families. didn't know that until I had been running for about 5 years, just figured it was some form of discrimination. But I can state "cash only" and i do, weeds out ALOT for me. :)

[Nottellin']

This thread is totally uncalled for. I know what forum you are referring to and you are wrong.
You have just started your daycare, the ladies on the other forum have been doing this for YEARS.
What might seem negative to you today, won't be that way if you stick it out for 5 or 10 years.
I also think the way you are "talking" about the forum owner is uncalled for. You have belonged to that forum for a total of a few weeks. You have not seen all her posts, or how she helps people. Everything she contibutes, her time, her money and this is how you repay her for the privilege of belonging to a private forum?

Just like you have bad days, so do ther people.

Sorry that people didn't agree with your post there, but to come here and bash another forum is childish and ridiculous.

[giraffe]

Well said Nottellin'

[country girl]

This thread is totally uncalled for. I know what forum you are referring to and you are wrong.
You have just started your daycare, the ladies on the other forum have been doing this for YEARS.
What might seem negative to you today, won't be that way if you stick it out for 5 or 10 years.
I also think the way you are "talking" about the forum owner is uncalled for. You have belonged to that forum for a total of a few weeks. You have not seen all her posts, or how she helps people. Everything she contibutes, her time, her money and this is how you repay her for the privilege of belonging to a private forum?

Just like you have bad days, so do ther people.

Sorry that people didn't agree with your post there, but to come here and bash another forum is childish and ridiculous.


Ditto!!! By bitching about another forum where people feel safe & secure to truly be themselves, you have compromised their privacy. Maybe you should have taken up your issue with the person you had the problem with - that's the grown up thing to do!

[Sunflower]

It is truly sad that there is that element to home daycare (or any childcare/school setting, for that matter); those that are in it for the wrong reasons (warehousing for financial gain) are burning out or are just really unprepared to even think of starting or running a daycare. I had such rose colored glasses when I first had thoughts of starting a daycare...days spent in my 'yoga' pants, days spents painting, playing with playdough and crafting, sunny happy children all the time...and, most importantly having well behaved, well adjusted children of my own, all the better for having their parent at home. While all of that is true some of the time, I never imagined that this IS NOT EASY. There is so much more to this job. Honestly, it is always in the back of my mind, whether it be in an online forum, outside in the yard, inside with the windows open or with my little DCKs eyes & ears always at the ready, at the park...whatever...my actions, be it verbal or physical are being scrutinized & very clearly effect 5 little ones. If these people are so negative/hating their job in a open forum (where anyone can read it); what the heck are they like at home behind closed doors?

Here's a thought, maybe those people are actually really great providers who are less stressed and more patient with the kids BECAUSE they have a place to vent instead of taking it out on the kids.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Umm ladies ~ not sure the details of the other forum or what went down over there to as she did not mention anything in her posts HERE to indicate what 'other forums' she was referring to or mentioning owners or anything my take was she was speaking very generally so only those of you who know her on both forums know what she is talking about the rest of us are in the dark so to speak so no 'privacy' has been breached?

However either way the experiences has obviously had a profound effect on her desire to network online at least at the moment because if you will look at the OP profile here she is no longer a member as her profile now reads 'guest' so her account has been deactivated .... so she is likely not reading this anyway and even if she is reading as a 'offline' option she cannot respond to your posts.

IME this is the cycle of public forums ... people come as long as the forum is meeting a need in them and when it no longer is meeting that need they get go and move on to find somewhere else that can meet that need again.

As for the 'negativity' thing the fact is that what is normal reality to one person can be extremely negative to another cause we are all on a different part in life's journey there is no 'right or wrong' there because it is based on life experience and perception .... she has the right to her perception based on her stage in her journey being optimistic and seeing the best in everything just as those expressing their opinions that were perceived as negative by her have a right to feel that what they were expressing was not negative at all but rather just the reality of how they see things based on their experience and why they protect themselves they way they do as a result!

Been in the field over 20 years and still do not perceive it the same way that others do who've been in it just as long and seen all the same things I have and so sometimes one has to just agree to disagree because we are looking at the same thing through very different lenses so to speak and until we can see through the eyes of others we are just never going to understand that perception ;)

[Judy Trickett]

Interesting thread. Let's just get it all out in the open. I have more balls than Jec does so I'll just ask her - WHY are you trashing my other site here on daycarebear? I hardly think this is the place.

Besides, YOU requested membership there. YOU came on and started thread after thread ASKING for help with your policies, guidelines and contracts. YOU asked for information dealing with difficult parents. And you know what? EVERY TIME you asked for that information someone on that forum was kind enough to answer and offer you FREE information to help you out with expecting absolutely NOTHING in return. Please, DO tell me where you are gonna find that in the world?

You know what, Jec, I have more respect for every single provider who bitches and complains then I ever will for someone like you who goes out and trashes other people behind their backs without ever having the balls to stand up and OWN your words right in front of that person.

Here's another thing............... ....daycare forums - especially those that are private where providers can come and complain or just cry and have someone else understand them SAVE KID'S LIVES. Do you even know how many kids died in a home daycare last year in North America? More than TEN! Yes, more than ten kids DIED last year in daycare. And I can tell you right now those providers who KILLED those kids felt alone and did NOT have someone to come and talk to and vent and feel validated in their feelings. I am NOT excusing the behaviour of anyone who takes the life of another - not at all. But I can assure you the LESS support ANYONE has in ANY job or life in general the more they are going to become jaded and feel helpless and alone and frustrated. So, while you see my forum as negative I actually see it as a positive. A LOT of providers - HUNDREDS - have benefited from the words written on my blog and the forum. And for every provider that was helped so were the kids in their care.

If every provider had a safe, PRIVATE place to post daycare would be better for EVERYONE. And, thanks to you, you just jeopardized that very same security they felt having a safe place to post. Congratulations - you have just made daycare harder for every provider out there.

You are newbie who has NO idea what daycare entails from a personal and mental standpoint. I love how you have the audacity to come on here and publicly bash another forum - the very SAME forum you felt was beneficial enough to TAKE all that free advice with regard to contracts, policies, and fees etc. How the hell do you think those providers came up with those iron-clad, very comprehensive contracts and policies????? Because they have lived, breathed and experienced daycare non-stop for years, decades. You can NOT take the great advice from them that you WANT and get yourself all set up nice and cozy and then turn around and bite the hand that feeds.

Good luck. You will do one of two things. You will either close up in a year because you realize that daycare, although a GREAT job, is not all rainbows and sunshine ever day OR, you will toughen up, realize we "negative" people were right and carry on. Either way, I can guarantee you that within the next 5 years you will NOT think what you do today.

[country girl]

Interesting thread. Let's just get it all out in the open. I have more balls than Jec does so I'll just ask her - WHY are you trashing my other site here on daycarebear? I hardly think this is the place.

Besides, YOU requested membership there. YOU came on and started thread after thread ASKING for help with your policies, guidelines and contracts. YOU asked for information dealing with difficult parents. And you know what? EVERY TIME you asked for that information someone on that forum was kind enough to answer and offer you FREE information to help you out with expecting absolutely NOTHING in return. Please, DO tell me where you are gonna find that in the world?

You know what, Jec, I have more respect for every single provider who bitches and complains then I ever will for someone like you who goes out and trashes other people behind their backs without ever having the balls to stand up and OWN your words right in front of that person.

Here's another thing............... ....daycare forums - especially those that are private where providers can come and complain or just cry and have someone else understand them SAVE KID'S LIVES. Do you even know how many kids died in a home daycare last year in North America? More than TEN! Yes, more than ten kids DIED last year in daycare. And I can tell you right now those providers who KILLED those kids felt alone and did NOT have someone to come and talk to and vent and feel validated in their feelings. I am NOT excusing the behaviour of anyone who takes the life of another - not at all. But I can assure you the LESS support ANYONE has in ANY job or life in general the more they are going to become jaded and feel helpless and alone and frustrated. So, while you see my forum as negative I actually see it as a positive. A LOT of providers - HUNDREDS - have benefited from the words written on my blog and the forum. And for every provider that was helped so were the kids in their care.

If every provider had a safe, PRIVATE place to post daycare would be better for EVERYONE. And, thanks to you, you just jeopardized that very same security they felt having a safe place to post. Congratulations - you have just made daycare harder for every provider out there.

You are newbie who has NO idea what daycare entails from a personal and mental standpoint. I love how you have the audacity to come on here and publicly bash another forum - the very SAME forum you felt was beneficial enough to TAKE all that free advice with regard to contracts, policies, and fees etc. How the hell do you think those providers came up with those iron-clad, very comprehensive contracts and policies????? Because they have lived, breathed and experienced daycare non-stop for years, decades. You can NOT take the great advice from them that you WANT and get yourself all set up nice and cozy and then turn around and bite the hand that feeds.

Good luck. You will do one of two things. You will either close up in a year because you realize that daycare, although a GREAT job, is not all rainbows and sunshine ever day OR, you will toughen up, realize we "negative" people were right and carry on. Either way, I can guarantee you that within the next 5 years you will NOT think what you do today.

:thumbsup: - well said Judy!! - This Newbie appreciates ALL of the help I have been given on this site AND yours in helping me grow my daycare business!

[kidlove]

Wow, as reggio said. we all see it as if with our own "lenses" not sure the "depth" of this one (seems a little deeper than I gathered) I still say thanks to the original post in the nature of "how I saw it" which was geared more toward the "positivity" of THIS site and not nec. the pure negativity of another. Have to go back in time a day or two, and reiterate here maybe the MOST important point, which was........this is a "great site" filled with "great people". Leave it at that ladies, no more battle, please!!!!! The "anger" I sense on this one is "making" it a negative site. Don't worry....Be Happy Now!!!!!:laugh: