Not feeling connected to this child...

[Lou]

Has anyone ever had a child in their care that they just could not emotionally connect to? This is literally the first time in my 10+ years of working with children that I am not emotionally connecting to a child in my care. Obviously, he doesn't know the difference (I hope!!!) I still offer tons of cuddles and smiles, etc. and play with him as often as the other children. I just don't have that lovey feeling with him as I do with the other children. He's only been here for 4 weeks, but usually I have connected by now. How did these relationships work for you in your experience? Just keep on trucking? The only 'side effect' I've noticed, is that I become annoyed with him faster than other children when he is misbehaving, not eating, etc (but I don't show it, I promise, just feel it)

Thoughts? Experiences?

[kidlove]

Totally been in your shoes. had a child that seemed he had an "emotional disconnect" just didn't respond the way the average child does, never let me hug him or get close. If I rubbed his back he would almost cringe. Made it VERY hard to get close to him, had him for over 4 years. Just a different personality. Sweet kid, but after 4 years, I still had a "dis-connect" with him. Other children..I have experienced the same type issue, however, it always seems to work out. I just hit a day when I all of a sudden fell that love, whether its a cute smile they give me or maybe something happens they get hurt and have to give their trust to me in way of a hold or hug and everything changes. Makes me wonder if it has to do with a "tight" or "overprotective" relationship with their Mommy, not letting them or giving them the "desire" to trust or give that "special" love to another person.? not sure, but give it time.....it should come around. That is the ONE really hard aspect of this job I always tell "outsiders", the un-conditional love is not instant like with your own children it has to develope over time. That means we need to dig down deep when it comes to tolerance of these "wonderful" little people. :)

[Other Mummy]

If the dynamics of your group are working and you are still giving this little boy the same attention, cuddles, etc...I'd say "yes, of course, keep truckin!" You are doing a GREAT job! I believe this was said again and again on this forum...that this is a job and we are not always going to connect with everyone we work with. Unfortunately this is life. Yet, you still show him the same attention as the others. This makes a great daycare provider. But having said that, you might find over time, that slowly a connection will develop. 4 weeks isn't really a long time to connect with someone. I had a DCB who started with me 6 months ago. I also felt indifferent towards him. Felt awful about it, but did what you did, worked through it, and eventually he turned out to be one of my dck's closest to my heart.

[Momof4]

It's funny Lou, but I asked this question from a lot of my peers a couple of years ago. Why I cringed when I had a certain little girl coming for the day because of her annoying personality and now I have a little boy with different things that bother me, but again it's annoying personality traits. They asked me if I like every single adult I encounter which of course is impossible. But I had it in my mind that all children were loveable and they ARE NOT! It just surprised me. Sounds like it surprised you too.

[jodaycare]

I have one in care right now that has been with me for almost a year and I have absolutely no connection with him! He does not communicate very well, refuses to toilet train (he will be four next month) and he is very hard to teach. I have had a couple of children like this in my career and I think it is totally normal.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yup you are not alone and as mentioned children are just adults who have not finished growing up yet and we are not expected to 'bond' with every adult we meet but we are expected to treat each other with kindness and decency and respect and thats all we can do with those 'challenging or hard to love' personalities ~ over the years I have learned to 'fake it' with some children for sure ... I definitely am professional and offer them all the same experiences as the other children, encouragement and verbal reinforcements and so forth but without the natural bond / connection you develop with other children where it comes naturally for them and therefore for you to respond / interact with them ~ with some kids you need to make that mental effort to remember to do it daily and to remind yourself not to let them push your buttons!

[Lou]

So glad I'm not alone in this!!! Phew!!!!!! It really does make me feel horrible, because for the most part he is a sweet little guy. Annoying at times, but sweet. I just don't feel like connection! Hopefully, with time it will develop...and if it doesn't, hopefully he never catches on! LOL!