Stress with hubby since opening

[loads'o'kids]

I opened my home for daycare in June. I also have 4 kids of my own ranging from teenaged to 3 yrs old. I have been a stay at home mom since my first was born. I am having a problem getting my husband to accept that I am working really really hard all day long with my 3 daycare kids. I guess the stress comes from me not feeling like I should have to do everything now that I am working too. I work longer hours than my hubby, but am still expected to cook dinner, do laundry, do baths, tidy up, do shopping, deal with all banking, get my own young ones ready and in to bed, etc etc., while he sits on the couch evenings and weekends. Grrrrrrrrrrrr
I am so mad. I guess I just need a place to vent...so thank you, but was wondering if others have gone through this and how you get through it. I am also so resentful because he takes week long vacations with the guys and leaves me to do everything.

[crafty]

Yeah I get it, my husband was kind of the same ...' Well your at home...' was how he put it. Yeah but not to be your maid. I told him once that I would send him a bill for my services. That's when he listen to me hahaha. My husband is cheap LOL Seriously he does work long hours and weekends however so what we did is devide the chores. Ofcourse I have more to do than him but the things he does REALLY REALLY helps me out and since everyone does what is expected than there is no fighting. I've had to sit down and have serious talks with my husband and say things that were difficult but talking really is the best way to be heard right ? However, now my husband as seen what I do in a day and he admits now that my job is hard and he knows why I am exhausted sometimes :)

Ask him to give you a weekend at the spa.... by yourself for your B-day or Christmas or just because ;0)

Anyway good luck.

[Crayola kiddies]

My husband works two jobs and When the daycare opened I still looked after everything. Like everybody else my first year was slow but just as I was entering my second year I filled up and all the kids started within two weeks of each other ... So I told my husband that he was responsible for getting our kids up and dressed for the day and the school age ones on the bus as I will be down in the daycare. He does cook diner on the weekends and I am always harassing him to put his dishes in the dishwasher to help me and to set a good example for the kids ..... As far as the house work is considered he helps with the laundry but little else ( he is chronically Ill ). So to relieve the stress from me and to give me back some of my weekends I hired a cleaning service .... Currently they come every two weeks but I am debating on upping it to every week. I'm tired of stressing about it ... Tired of not having time to clean.... Tired of my feet sticking to the floor.... So I took it in to my own hands and hired someone and for my time and sanity it's worth the money .... My husband is actually the one saying we should increase to weekly .... We will when he's ready to pay for the extra week.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh hon ~ men are from MARS!


I empathize ... when my spouse and I were first together and I worked outside the home (in a childcare centre doing exactly what I do now BTW just outside the house) my spouse was AWESOME with helping out without being asked ~ he did all the laundry, washed dishes, cleaned bathrooms and so forth and he got home from work first so he prepped and started dinner we had this natural team work thing going on with each just 'stepping up'.

As soon as I started working from home it STOPPED and all off a sudden I was supposed to be this June Cleaver who was suppose to be meeting him at the door with his slippers and a pipe or something while dinner was waiting for him on the table ... he would get snotty and bitchy if there was a crumb on the floor in the kitchen or if the kids didn't flush the toilet or if he tripped over a toy that was missed at tidy up time .... I was going to KILL him :cursing:

I admit that I myself thought being home would be 'easier' and in many ways it IS because I can toss a load of laundry in on my 'lunch break' or I can get dinner started and I get to do way more baking of things from scratch during nap time and so forth but there is a difference between being able to make life a little easier for BOTH of us and all of a sudden everything domestic being MY JOB and feeling like I am working TWO full time jobs ... I finally had to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about feeling like I was DROWNING in work all the time if it was not the 'daycare business work' it was the 'shared housework' of the house even going on a 'holiday' was no longer fun for me because it meant I had to rush around prior or after catching up on groceries, cleaning and so forth before clients came back to the house ... and he eventually stepped up but it is a constant 'reminder' thing now of me having to say 'hey need more help over here' which frustrates the bloody hell out of me because for the first 3 years of our partnership I never had to ASK and do not feel I should have to now!

It is that double standard that when we work OUT of the house it is easier for them to remember and visualize that we do indeed WORK so they need to help out around the house but when we work FROM the house suddenly they start forgetting that we are still WORKING cause all they see is we are 'at home' and in their little pea brains we should be able to be getting these things done between eating bon bons and finger painting with the kids!

I know the one thing that really helped open my mans eyes was I made him cover for me while I went to a DR appointment .... seriously the kids were sleeping for most of it all he had to do was get them up, do washroom routine / diapers, feed them snack which I had PREPPED and ready to go, wash up sunscreen them and go outside with them .... I was gone less than TWO HOURS over an hour of which was NAP TIME still and I came home and every bloody toy was strewn on the floor, the kitchen blew up all the snack dishes were still on the table the wash clothes tossed on top and foyer carpet was all twisted and he is outside sitting in a chair looking like he'd ran a marathon. He took one look at me and said 'I do not know how you make it look so EASY' ... um ya no shit Sherlock I work HARD to make it look so easy to you ;)

[Connect]

Hello,
I am with you. While I was working full time 5 days during the week my hubby was working Friday, Sat, Sun, Mon. With 3 days off in between. My children were in full time daycare, I was working as a full time daycare employee and had to take care of finances and responsible for anything related to the girls in school or daycare such as finding out dates for parent teacher interviews and signing permission forms along with making dinners and doing laundry. I was a mess! So in comes as no surprise that I crashed and decided enough was enough and quit! Literallly, I quit everything. No laundry, no cleaning, no full-time job. All gone. Well it took this for hubby to come to realize that there were reasons why I used to give him things to do during his time off. This summer after some down time for myself we actually got some renovations done! There is no money now but better than having leaky roofs and walls. My goodness he works in renovations! Anyway now he is a little better but I have come to understand that somehow I have conditioned him to be spoiled and that needs to stop. SOME can be so weak! We women are strong and yet they are seen as harder working just because they work outside the home. Albeit I know that he also is a great father and sometimes a better cook since he did cook a little but still I felt everything was on me. I think you may need to write down responsibilities for each member since you mentioned you have teenagers they need to pitch in too. Including the three yr old who can help by placing dishes in the sink. I have resorted to having TO DO signs for most used areas in my home due to people "forgetting." So for example, I have a sign on how to change a paper roll. This was needed because I would see paper rolls on the floor and bathroom tissue on the toilet instead of the paper roll holder!

[Crayola kiddies]

I hear ya I went on a course one Saturday and I left before anyone was up .... When I got home at 530 dinner was made but we could not sit down at the table to eat it because the breakfast and lunch dishes were still there .... The dishwasher was full of clean dishes and the counters were full from one end to the other. The kids were still in their pjs and my husband was laying on the couch .... I took one look around and with my "mean face" I said "this better be cleaned by the time you go to bed". And I sat on the couch and waited for dinner to be served : )

[mimi]

After the d/c kids leave it is straight to prep for supper. My husband will help when asked. I would just like to have him show some initiative so I don't have to manage him. I've managed all day and don't want to do it with my family at this point in the day. I also pointed out to my husband he has the drive home to chill, listen to music and wind down and I go from one job to the next with no break. I have to say though, when he comes home, he does lend a hand with the kids like playing with the young ones so I can do some clean up. These guys need to be told what to do and then most will lend a hand I just wish I would hear the words "honey, let me make dinner tonight" sigh

[Toregone]

The other day my hubby got home and I asked if he could cook supper because I was wiped. Before he could answer his buddy called and during the phone call jokes were made about "Yeah, home all day and still asking me to cook!" I didn't say anything but yesterday he happened to have the day off from work so I got him to help me take the kids on a field trip to a far away park for a picnic. He was exhausted by the time we got home and all he had to do was help me supervise.

My hubs is usually stellar about helping with housework and understanding that I do work even if I am home but even he needs reminders every now and then.

[kidlove]

He's a M-A-N. Your not, so you will NEVER understand, (nor do you want to):) Men think no...Men Believe they are "God's gift" to all, including the "fortunate" woman they chose as their, love slave/super slave. !!!!!!!! ;) word to the wise: if you are married to a man anything like my husband or the average "puffed chest, I am MAN hear me roar" you are better off beating your head against a brick wall, rather than trying to change him in any way. IF you did all the housework, raised the kids (alone pretty much) made every meal, paid every bill?.by yourself before.......then CONTINUE with AAAAAAAAAAALLL, that AND your new job, dont forget to don the black nighty every once in a while too, cuz hon!!!!!! theres no changin a M-A-N. :) I tried.

[Cocoon]

Actually, my husband is the opposite. He wants to help with day home like tidying up the toys, books etc. He works outside too in fact he has a very stressful job it even effected his health. But I tell him not to touch anything as I want him to rest. He comes from work and cooks too and because his delicious foods I put on weight at least 8kg, now trying to loose :)

I don't let him do any household chores unless I'm sick. We both trying to reduce the work load from each other. But again we are newly married with no kids yet. I'm just hoping he won't change :)

[kidlove]

oh cocoon! Here's Hoping!!!!!:laugh: JK! sounds like you have a great man! :)

[momof2cuties]

I have been just a stay at home Mom for 3.5 years so now that I am doing daycare at home, Hubby is very grateful that we have a little income coming in..but it still is hard work. It sure would be nice just to have one day just one without constant housework and kids hanging off me LOL!!

[kidlove]

Doesn't it feel so good to know how needed you are? :)
(would be nice to get a "little" break every now and then though)

[Cocoon]

Kidlove, I know that's why I moved across the Atlantic to be with him :) Girls, try not to ask your hubby's to do chores. I know you will struggle for awhile but I'm sure they will get the message and will help without even you asking. Who knows :)

[ilovetolive]

ahhh....reminds me of my ex husband. I started off as a stay home mom, but then opened up my dayhome when my kids were one and three years old. I was expected to do all housework and any child related work such as changing diapers, feeding, baths ect. It was also me who had to get up all through the night with the kids (who didnt sleep thru the night) He felt that my job wasn't "real" work and that he worked harder. He also felt that since he earned more money, he deserved to have his weekends and evening off. He even went on vacations while I stayed home with the kids and worked. In the end, I decided that I didn't want a husband who treated me so badly, and we are now divorced. My suggestion to you is to make sure your husband treats you as an equal partner, and that includes dividing up the work appropriately.

[mimi]

Here's an hubbyism as I call them. I had made a new crock pot receipe and was quite impressed with the results. I asked my hubby what he thought and he murmurred it was good. We had the leftovers the next day. As he ate he said enthusiastically 'This tastes sooooo much better the second day!" He really thought he was giving me a compliment and couldn't understand the glare I was giving him across the table :rolleyes:

[Cocoon]

I actually feel the same. Food taste better the next day. Especially, crock pot dishes.

[kidlove]

hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha haha!!!! :laugh::laugh::laugh ::laugh::laugh:

Cocoon! Recognize how super fortunate you are to have a hubby to "DO" for you with or without being asked. I love love love my husband, BUT he never, washes the dishes or takes out the trash or cleans anything...no I take that back, in the 12 years we've been together, he has vacuumed the floors about 2 times and washed the dishes once to my recollection! :) He will even go so far as to separate HIS clothes from mine and the kids to get HIS stuff washed. But dont bother ours Dad. :)
can't complain a ton though, he is handy handy handy, and really sexy when he's doing handy work!:o
so the trade..I guess..is worth it!!!! I have learned one thing being married to a man like him...if anything happened to him?...I think I would fair quite well. I have def "pulled my own weight" over the years enough to know. I love him anyway!!! ha ha ha

[Cocoon]

I can't complain kidlove :) he is making dishes from around the world! I don't like cooking, I'm actually good at it so friends, family's and even my husband says but I like to cook when I feel like cooking:) and that brings the best out of me I guess.

But again, we are only married for a year, :wub:things might change hahhah which i hope it won't. :)

[Pip_Squeaks]

This whole time I thought I was alone.

My husband thinks that since he didn't make any of the mess, he doesn't have to help, which is fair I'll admit. Except he doesn't do ANYTHING else. He can't cook, he can't clean (and when he tries, it takes him three times longer than if I were to do it. I think he does that on purpose), he can't do laundry, and he is NOT handy with any tools. He just flips on the TV and I clean around him. Well, I reached a tipping point one weekend. I completely flipped out. I have never in my life released so much negative energy as I did that day. I screamed like I was the Hulk and ran into the backyard. I kicked over the garbage can and ran down the street in a rage. I silently cried for 3 hours and he didn't say a word. From that day, he's been a lot more helpful. He even bought a laundry hamper for each kind of wash load so he can do the laundry (because he won't read the labels or sort it on his own). I just hope it lasts.

[mom-in-alberta]

Seems like we all have the same complaints... hahaha.
Actually, I cannot complain. My husband works really hard, in 2 different careers (day and night most of the time). He still finds the time to coach both my boys' hockey teams and spend quality time with all 4 of our kiddos. He has never been the daddy that doesn't change diapers (I would NOT let that happen, lol).
Having said that, he had NO idea how trying running the daycare can be until he had to "fill in" for me a few times. I really felt like he had a new appreciation for the work involved.
And unfortunately, I think sometimes we expect our spouses to just KNOW what we want from them. So we stay quiet, waiting for them to just do it. And then we lose our mind one day and go bat$#% crazy.
If you can get them to do what you do for a day; I wonder if it would change things? If not, I would suggest having one of those long, serious talks. Failing that.... yell, scream, and then have a big glass of wine.
;)