Awkward decision...what would you do?

[sunnydays]

Have any of you ever taken a deposit and signed contract for a space and then had interest from someone else whose child prehaps fits in better agewise...and then had to make an awkward decision? I feel like as I have the conract signed and have taken the deposit and told a family the space is theirs, I have an obligation to follow through (their child doesn't start full-time until January). I really like family #1 and the child, but I now have two families with children close to my daughter's age (2 1/2-3) interested and I am having second thoughts because I really feel like she could use a friend close to her age (she has a 2 year old boy, but if I could get a little girl for her to play with, I think it would be great for her as the 2 1/2 year old girl I currently have part-time is leaving very soon and they play so well together). But would it be unethical of me to change my mind at this point? Any of you ever done this? Help please! I feel so bad even thinking of it!

[kidlove]

Do you not have room for both? I don't think there is anything wrong with changing your mind or having something else "come up". If these people are not starting until Jan. they do have time to find someone else, I wouldn't worry so much, just offer the deposit back and let them know you are sorry but you no longer have room for their child, let them know you will spread the word for them and give them a call if you hear of any providers in the area with openings. I always have to remind myself at the end of the day that "this is MY business" and I have to run it the best for ME, not my clients. Hard Pill to swallow for someone like me, but in the long run you don't want to regret not making the right choice, if you don't go with you r gut!

[Crayola kiddies]

Ya I think you should stick with the one you signed and took a deposit from .... I would be afraid of bad karma ..... I'm assuming you don't have a second spot to offer the other family?

[cfred]

That is awkward. I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'd be inclined to stay with the family who's already signed. I guess my feeling is that it's a contract, you've both committed to each other and money has changed hands. Maybe others feel differently.

[sunnydays]

No...I had four spaces due to relocating to a new neighbourhood and I filled them all in 2 weeks! And I have two interviews lined up now for space I don't really have. Two of the kids have not yet started, so I also figure there is a chance one may not work out during the first few weeks, so it's good to have other families to call if I end up having space. I wouldn't bail on the family that is set to start next week as that would be really bad...but maybe the one for January..sigh...I do really like them too though! I still have to interview both families with the 2 1/2 - 3 year olds, so I will see what I think of them, but just wanted to see if others think it would be terrible to make a switch like this! Thanks Kidlove for your response...I feel a bit better already :)

[Inspired by Reggio]

I can empathize with your plight and the temptation ... IMO you have to do what you feel is right for you and your business so that at the end of the day you are happy and thriving.

As for what I would do ~ personally I am all about karma and rely greatly on word of mouth advertizing as the cheapest and best form of keeping my business thriving .... so in this case I would suck up that I have made a commitment to this client whose signed a contract and paid a deposit and has done nothing 'wrong' in regards to their end of the deal aside from having a child who is younger than ideally desired.

I would do this because of karma ~ I would very upset if the shoe were on the other foot and a client had signed on with me, committed to me and than decided 'oh something betters come along and we want out of our contract now' so I would not want to put that energy out there to come back to me by treating someone else in the same manner!

I also would not want word of mouth traveling to my community to becareful of signing on with me because I terminate clients willy nilly if something better comes along ... I personally only terminate a contract if A) the client is not following it so I have legal grounds or B) the client or clients child poses a physical risk to myself / the children.

[sunnydays]

I know...this is why I feel bad even contemplating it. Although I do have a trial period of 4 weeks during which I can terminate or they can leave without notice...but I have never let someone go before they even started! Sigh...hate these decisions...


That is awkward. I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'd be inclined to stay with the family who's already signed. I guess my feeling is that it's a contract, you've both committed to each other and money has changed hands. Maybe others feel differently.

[sunnydays]

I believe in karma too...I wish I could take everyone! One other thing is that the one set to start in January had a reaction to eggs and has to be retested to see if she is allergic...I don't take food allergy kids so I am left with not really knowing until whenever she gets tested. I probably should have not signed her on because of that...argg...

[Inspired by Reggio]

When I am interviewing for a 'SINGLE/LAST' space I personally I do not 'commit' to anyone until I am done interviewing all my prospects ~ I tell each of them during the process that I am interviewing until X date and than will be making my final decision on based on the best match for the program ~ if I am their 'first choice' please let me know so I can keep that in mind during the process! If for some reason a client comes along whom I know is PERFECT and I want to sign them on even though I have other interviews lined up than I offer them the spot and if they accept, sign the contract and pay the deposit than I call and 'cancel' the other interviews rather than waste their time and mine interviewing for a space that no longer exists anyway and this ensures I avoid putting myself in the place of second guessing my choice if one of them seems even 'more perfect' in hindsight.

Personally if you no longer have a spot for the interviews you have booked I would call and let them know that so they can decide if they want to come tour still ~ I would not have them come assuming that they have a chance of coming to your program if they do not cause well IMO that's bad karma :(

[sunnydays]

They both know that I am full...they are coming to interview anyway in case something opens up...I have told them that if something becomes available then I would be in a position to offer them a space right away if I feel they are a good fit. I had another one come a week ago. I am not even advertising actively anymore...filled all the space a few weeks back, but I am still getting contacted and that is what is leading me to second guess. I really didn't know the demand would be so high!


When I am interviewing for a 'SINGLE/LAST' space I personally I do not 'commit' to anyone until I am done interviewing all my prospects ~ I tell each of them during the process that I am interviewing until X date and than will be making my final decision on based on the best match for the program ~ if I am their 'first choice' please let me know so I can keep that in mind during the process! If for some reason a client comes along whom I know is PERFECT and I want to sign them on even though I have other interviews lined up than I offer them the spot and if they accept, sign the contract and pay the deposit than I call and 'cancel' the other interviews rather than waste their time and mine interviewing for a space that no longer exists anyway and this ensures I avoid putting myself in the place of second guessing my choice if one of them seems even 'more perfect' in hindsight.

Personally if you no longer have a spot for the interviews you have booked I would call and let them know that so they can decide if they want to come tour still ~ I would not have them come assuming that they have a chance of coming to your program if they do not cause well IMO that's bad karma :(

[mimi]

First off congrats on being full! I wish I had your problem. :) Aside from that, I agree with the majority as well, you did sign a contract, collect a deposit and you do like this other family. IMO it is the right thing to do otherwise what is the contract for? Also, one thing I have consistantly noticed is that same age/sex kids don't always play together. From what I see, the kids who are more like minded/attitude come together so I wouldn't be so concerned to have another girl your daughters age.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Mimi so true ~ this past summer I had a 16 month old and a 4 year old thick as thieves all summer ... older one sharing his passion and expertise for trains with the younger one who shared the passion!

[fruitloop]

I would stick with the original family you signed on. You committed to them when you signed them on and they gave you a deposit. I don't think it would be morally right do back out on them because another family "might" be a good fit. You don't know if your dd and this other girl will get along...some kids are holy terror, some kids just don't mesh well with other kids. It's always a gamble. You don't want your name being dragged through the mud and being known as "the provider who doesn't hold up to her end of commitment". JMO.

[dodge__driver11]

I have my 4/yo and a 1 y/o.

My little guy often takes the lead, and helps her clean etc. He sees it as a "chance to teach" and loves to feel neeeded --perhaps there is a silver lining to this :)

[Cocoon]

If you believe that the other family would be better for your child then I would go with the other family and return the deposit back. It is your business and the best part is you are the boss. :) I also believe in karma but this has nothing to do with it. And the family you offered the place has time until January it's not like you leaving them in lurch. Good luck.

[playfelt]

How long have you had the deposit from the first family in the sense of would they be starting over completely to find care or is it very recent in the sense that they could probably recontact someone else on their list.

I have turned a family down in the past for similar reasons but it was the other way around. I had taken on an older child based on having an older child in care but without warning family decided to put child in daycare centre. I let the familly know that had signed using that as an excuse and gave them the out which they took. It allowed me to take an infant which is what I wanted to do at that point.

The downside to an older child coming into care is that they tend to come with baggage from a previous care situation and it isn't always good - as in be sure to get all of the details of why they are looking for new care or why they were let go from their fist care.

Business is business and if it was only that then honouring the signed contract goes along with that. But in family daycare it is all about our own families and their happiness too. If your daughter is losing her playmate and you have the chance to find her a new one then to a certain extent you owe that to her. If you did take the older child be honest with the signed family that due to changes in your daycare you now find it necessary to enrol an older child as a playmate for your daughter. Sure they will be mad but at the same time if they can't appreciate the importance of your obligations to your daughter then there is an element of selfishness on their side too.

If your daughter isn't happy with your daycare will you and the other children be able to be happy. On the other hand she will learn to play with whatever age mix you present to her and that is part of life too. I think the only reason it is ok in this case to change the contract is that there has been a change in your daycare since signing and that the family still has 3 months to find alternate care.

[sunnydays]

Playfelt, it has only been a couple of weeks...so no, they wouldn't be starting over completely and they do have time...although I know that I was their first choice and it may be hard to find what they want. I will see first what the other families are like and definitely I will be asking a lot of questions about why they are switching daycares. I just started another one who has been to two daycares before me (he has been with me three weeks now) and although he has a few bad habits, at 2 years old, it is actually working out quite well...he just hasn't been given the chance he needed to thrive. Otherwise I find him to be a very normal 2 year old. So it can work!