How much crying do you tolerate?

[sunnydays]

I know this has probably been talked about before, but I have to ask, how much crying doing you tolerate and for how long before terminating a new dck? I have been doing daycare for 1 year and a half now and have definitely had some crying from new babies here and there (especially naptime), but I have a new 12 month old who pretty much cries all day (we are on day 4, although the first two days were half days)...ironically he is okay at naptime. I guess I've been lucky that so far I have never had one cry so much...but I am just wondering what the rest of you do? Do you tough it out for a few weeks, months? Do you terminate in a week or two if they keep crying all the time?

[Bookworm]

For me, it would depend. Did the parents get the child ready for daycare? Do they coddle the child at home, or are they working with me to help the child settle? Does the child eat/sleep? It is constant crying or are there times when the child actually engages in the daycare?

If the child was non-stop crying the whole day and didn't seem comfortable at all. I would probably give them two weeks to adjust. However, if it wasn't constant, and the child was otherwise happy, I would probably give them a month, but have the parents know that the child was on notice.

[Lou]

I give it longer...I like to see improvement over a 4 week period. If it's still ALL day 4 weeks later, then I would consider moving on, but I generally just want to see that it's getting better. It's scary for those little guys! And they're all so different.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I cannot tolerate crying at all ... makes me physically ill to listen to infants cry :o

For me it depends on the type/reason for the cry and if they are consolable for periods during the day and are only crying during transitions and 'scary points' in the daycare day where things are changing/new verses actually crying non stop no matter what is going on or how you try to console them.

Personally when I have a newbie infant if they were crying for more than two hours straight without being able to be consoled in anyway because they were not prepared for 'daycare' than I would be cutting their days back to part time until they were coping better and the client would either have to work with that or 'terminate' themselves ... I am a firm believer that it is not healthy for infants to be distressed that long without any breaks from said stress :( Cutting them back to a short time frame away from the parent where they can 'cope' and weaning back up to full days would be my approach.

Thankfully since working from home and having control over how I transition infants into program I have never had a child who was not able to wean in successfully so that by the time they were here on their own a full day they were easily consolable and rarely cried ~ but I only take one infant at a time so it is easier for me to wean them in and so forth.

[playfelt]

I've gotten pretty good at just tuning it out. If it gets to the point of annoying the other kids then I just pop the crier into bed to give us all a break - most of the time they fall asleep which is often part of the problem. I am putting my new one down about 30-45 minutes after getting here, she naps and then is much better when she wakes up. I have the most success with my other one year old by ignoring him. When he sees me he realizes I am not mom and starts. When I get busy with the other kids and ignore him he settles to play by himself. He isn't very social at all with any of the kids which is weird cause he has two older brothers at home. I have had them cry for up to 4 months and stuck it out as long as it has dwindled to only sometimes, the child eats and sleeps well and I like the parents. Having said that I have advertised and replaced after a month of it not working and I got the feeling the parents were undoing everything I was trying to do - ie child needed a nanny for constant one on one not group care. Everyone has their own tolerance levels and mostly it comes down to how it is effecting the other children. I like that I am transitioning two right now since they can cry it out together and the other two I have are happy to go off and do their own thing.

[Judy Trickett]

Four weeks. If the child is not transitioned with no crying (or mostly no crying) within 4 weeks then I start to think about terminating. Usually if a kid is still heavily crying at the end of week 2 I start to chat with the parents about what they are REALLY doing at home, example - picking them up a lot, responding to every whimper etc. And then I tell the to cut it out because it is hampering his progress in group care and they usually get it and get on board.

[sunnydays]

Thanks everyone...I expect some crying on and off and especially during transition times as Reggio mentioned (those times become a bit chaotic with new babies..but not much can be done about that), but this child cries even when I am holding him. He has some periods when he is okay (when we are out at the park he is usually okay...hence long park mornings this week!)...but other than that he is crying a lot. I will keep trying throughout next week and see how it goes...then I might have to warn the parents if it doesn't improve by then. I guess it was bound to happen to me sooner or later...I've just never had a crier like this yet! Usually it is for brief periods at transitions or naps and after being dropped off....but not all day! I find it does effect the other kids as they get irritated and it sets them off...and I can't hear them, which frustrate them as well. I've tried igoring it, holding him, putting him in a carrier, distracting him with toys etc...sometimes these things help briefly and then it's back to crying. If I ignore, he crawls around after me and clings to my leg. Poor little guy!

[sunnydays]

Thanks Judy! That is exactly what I was thinking. I do have a 4 week trial period in my contract, but thought that if after week 2 he is still crying a lot, I will have to start giving the parents a heads-up.

[Momof4]

I had a child who took 2 months, one who took 4 months (but he was in pain because his parents wouldn't believe he was lactose intolerant) and one who took 7 months. They are all still here because the parents worked with me. I had one child who screamed for 1 month and was terminated because the Mom made me furious and wouldn't work with me. So I keep trying and trying if the parents are working with me, no matter how long it takes.

[apples and bananas]

I had a child who would walk to the front door and cry all day. It didn't matter if I held her, distracted her, moved her ... nothing did it. All day every day for 2 weeks she would just sit at the front door and cry. She would eat ok and she would scream through her nap. But by the third week she only walked to the door for the first few hours. And she started sleeping better. By week 4 she was walking to me when mom dropped her off. It was like a switch one morning. I thought of terminating her several times. I talked to mom about how much I could handle and how much the little one could handle. She has now been with me for over 6 months and I just love her! She comes right to me and is happy all day. She's my best sleeper and my best eater.

Hang in there for a few weeks and stay consistent with your routine.

[sunnydays]

Wow! i admire your determination! I will hang in there for a few weeks, but I know I could not handle months of crying...no way no how! The other kids are suffering too. I know it will very likely pass in another week, but if not, I will not go past 4 weeks without significant improvement. I just couldn't handle that...I can't do anything with the other kids with all the crying...I can't even hear them when they talk let alone do a craft or circle time. Fingers crossed the crying stops soon!



I had a child who took 2 months, one who took 4 months (but he was in pain because his parents wouldn't believe he was lactose intolerant) and one who took 7 months. They are all still here because the parents worked with me. I had one child who screamed for 1 month and was terminated because the Mom made me furious and wouldn't work with me. So I keep trying and trying if the parents are working with me, no matter how long it takes.

[Momof4]

I agree with you. It's really hard on us and on the other children when we have a screamer. I just really hate interviewing and transitioning so I'd rather keep going and get it over with, rather than start over from scratch. But sometimes you just know you have to cut the ties. I respect you for that completely. You have to know when you have reached your limit.

[apples and bananas]

I agree with you. It's really hard on us and on the other children when we have a screamer. I just really hate interviewing and transitioning so I'd rather keep going and get it over with, rather than start over from scratch. But sometimes you just know you have to cut the ties. I respect you for that completely. You have to know when you have reached your limit.

momof4 is right. Only you know what you can tolerate and only you know how stressful it is on the little one. Just make sure you're communicating honestly with the parent so if termination is in the future it's not a total shock. Sometimes it just does'nt work out.

[Big Hearts]

I have a little girl who use to do the same thing. This went on for a few weeks and it sucked. after a week i wanted to replace her but i needed the money. long story short she is still with us and a real joy now. it took a month for her to get in to it and now she is happy to see me and i never hear a peep out of her....Goof luck and remember IT'S FRIDAY!!!!

[busydaycarelady]

Oh my! I've had a serious crier once before. I got him when he was very, very young. He was only 5 months and I had him 3 full days/week. I tried for 3 months.......then I had to call it quits. He cried literally all day long. The only time he cried less was naptime(IF he fell asleep). Nothing physically wrong with him, he also did it at home and he was carried absolutely every second of the day at home, which, I simply could not do with 4 other kids running around. I saw his mom in the grocery store the other day, he is now 2, but she said he kept up crying like that until after he turned one. Mom and dad ended up working opposite schedules so they could stay at home with him and deal with his crying themselves. But, I digress, in hindsight, I'd have given it 4-6 weeks tops and moved on. It is sad to let a kid go sometimes, but, your sanity and that of the other kids is pretty important. If you can try for 2-4 weeks, I'd say that should give the kid enough time to get to know you and you to know him. Stay consistent with routines and how you deal with thiese crying episodes, ask parents how they deal with him at home, maybe he could bring a favorite toy to comfort him! Best of lluck to you!!!

[sunnydays]

Thanks for all the support :) It really helps to have it. The crier in question is not here today, so I am enjoying a very quiet Friday (in fact the other kids have commented on how quiet it is). I will rest up this weekend and brace myself for next week. It will be his first full week of full days next week, so I am hopeful that within 3-4 days he will have calmed down. I am being very open with the parents about the crying in case it does come to termination. I have others on my waitlist, so it isn't a problem financially, but I also feel obligated to give it a certain amount of time and see if he can settle in. I would feel really really bad for the parents if I had to let him go!

[Momof4]

I'm glad you are having a quieter Friday sunnydays. I was thinking that one thing I always do with new children is to ask that the parents send in the crib sheet and covering blanket and cuddle from home and I send it home daily in the backpack so it retains the smell of home. I really think that helps with naptimes. As for screaming the rest of the day, well if I can have my quiet break in the afternoon and all the other children get to sleep I can manage to recover and finish my day.

[Dreamalittledream]

Oh boy do I feel your pain. I have a 1 year old that has visited a few times with his Mom this week and is having his first day alone here today. So far he was okay for the first hour then screamed ever since. He has refused bottle, taken a little food between sobs and I've finally been able to get him to fall asleep. We'll see how he is when he wakes up but man that constant screaming is really unnerving & there's only so much you can pick them up. It's early on the game, I'm sure he'll be just find with patience and cuddles. It's so hard on them. This is his first time being left with anyone, so strange me, strange kids, lots of stimulation...poor little guy.

[sunnydays]

I know...it is really hard on them! And it depends on their personalities and experience how they take it. I started another 1 year old 2 weeks before this one and he has never cried at all except for a few seconds when his mom leaves. He is happy and easy going all day long...I totally hit the jackpot with that one! And I really want this new one to be okay as I feel bad for him being under so much stress. At least I know I am not alone!



Oh boy do I feel your pain. I have a 1 year old that has visited a few times with his Mom this week and is having his first day alone here today. So far he was okay for the first hour then screamed ever since. He has refused bottle, taken a little food between sobs and I've finally been able to get him to fall asleep. We'll see how he is when he wakes up but man that constant screaming is really unnerving & there's only so much you can pick them up. It's early on the game, I'm sure he'll be just find with patience and cuddles. It's so hard on them. This is his first time being left with anyone, so strange me, strange kids, lots of stimulation...poor little guy.