Perception is everything...rumors! !!

[Dreamalittledream]

I sit here stunned. This may be a long one...will try to keep it brief. We live on a tiny dead end street (3 houses). The front of our house faces a school yard (my 7 year-old goes there). I just went to pick him up at school (he's in an after school program which he loves). A woman stopped me and asked for a private/quiet conversation...(back story, I have talked to same woman about 4 times...each time had an underlying complaint attached...example: "Is that your cat; there've been complaints of it scratching people"...nope we have no cat..."Is that your child? He should really have a hat on". I open my hand to show the hat my 7 year old will not keep on). Honestly, we've moved to a rather well to do area and I have felt since day 1 'lululemon Mom' as I call her in my head has looked down her nose at me. But, I am sweet as pie to her and thank her for her 'advice'. So...today (not so quietly may I add...as I'm trying to hold back my 3 year old from the cool craft the others are doing) she hits me with this: "I've heard several complaints from the Moms in the school yard that as soon as your husband comes home he yells and he is very bossy to the children. I understand that you run a daycare and have heard nothing but wonderful things about you and the daycare, but I just wanted you to know". My chin must have hit the floor...I stammered something out like "My husband is a drama teacher and what you often find in our house is a Dad really happy to see his kids and usually a loud chase round the house or front yard re-enacting a pirate battle or 2. I really appreciate you sharing that though, lots of people wouldn't have." And I proceeded to speed walk home, not really remembering the journey. WOW! A silly rumor like this could not only ruin my business, but compromise my husbands job as a teacher. Sigh. If you could only meet him; a gentle giant who would never even think of yelling or whatever to any children (can you guess who the 'heavy' often is in this house?!). I could cry.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Good lord ~ I HATE gossip ~ seriously what was her purpose in sharing that?

Is she willing to give up the names and contact information of these 'moms' who supposedly shared this 'ditty of a complaint' cause if it is not true that is worse than 'gossip' that is slander!

I honestly would be tempted next time you see her to say 'I have reflected on our conversation and I really need you to provide the names of these 'women' so that I can set the record straight as this is slanderous and untrue and potentially harmful to my business and my spouses career and I cannot let it go. They have either mistaken my husband with someone else in the neighborhood or for some reason are outright maliciously spreading rumors about us and I need to get to the bottom of this and set it right.'

Than see if she will give up the names and if NOT than I would call her on it ~ she should not have said anything to you unless she was prepared to give you the tools you need to respond and deal with it cause now all you can do is 'worry' about who has it out for your husband and how is that HELPFUL?

[cfred]

What a lovely piece of word lulumon Mom sounds like. Unfortunately, there are people like her in everyone's lives and, so they say, it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. I'm so, so sorry she's upset you like this as I'm willing to bet that was her intent. Some people just have to make others feel insecure in order to feel good about themselves....I believe we called them bullies in school :)

Do NOT give her the satisfaction. This is not going to ruin your career or his. I'm also willing to bet that most people who know her probably recognize her gossiping, conniving ways as well.

Keep your head up, keep doing your job as well as you do, let your husband keep his wonderful rapport with the children and don't waste a moment's concern on busybodies intent on stirring your pot.

[dodge__driver11]

I agree w/ Reggio wholeheartedly. Part of overcoming my fear of my business was going to be ruined was to:

1. Consider the source
2. Confront (sp) the rumor "speaders" Why are they telling me these things? Ask for names

As I say to my dck's is this to help your friend or to hurt him...? They generally pause and walk away.

Head up.

[BrightEyes]

I am so sorry to hear this dreamalittledream :( Some people have nothing better to do than cause drama and ruin other people's lives. I agree with Reggio. Although I am shy and would be nervous doing so, I would still go back to her and say what reggio mentioned. I have a feeling she is the one starting these rumours and hopefully you standing up to her about it will get her to grow up and spend more time taking care of herself and her own family.

[Momof4]

Dream, let it roll off your back and don't make eye contact with this woman ever again. Avoid her at all costs. I do that when I really can't tolerate people, just take the long way around her next time to your child. I would NOT talk to her and I would stay far away from her. Petty, abusive, manipulative, mean, spiteful, feeling some kind of sick power by putting somebody else down, there are a lot of people like that. Don't let it affect you because you don't deserve it. Can you put earphones in your ears and pretend you don't hear her even if it isn't attached to anything?

[Cocoon]

I bet there are no rumours at all! but her BS ing. Some people make up things so that you will be thankful to her by telling all the "gossips" about you to you. Do NOT worry, this cow( excuse my language) is just looking to get attention from you and trying to be friendly with you but unfortunately not a pleasant way. Stupid woman!

I ones had a friend! who would tell me all the BS people are talking about me. I ignored her BS if I didn't I wouldn't have any friends left. At the end it turned out to be that she wanted me to be her best friend and she thought if I didn't have any friends left we will spend more time together. No she wasn't a lesbian and she was in her early 30's :)

[gcj]

omg! Don't know if anyone used to watch this, but I'm just picturing the two blonde bit%#@s on The New Adventures of Old Christine.

[jobabs]

I could cry! someone is going through the same thing as me! the stories I could tell! it has affected my buisness! I am down to 2 children from 5. I am considering getting out of the business because of this...I know it would be the easy way out and I don't want to do it but these particular women are relentless! they steal kids from eachother....hasn't happened to me yet but they have tried...wish I could offer some advice but even I am at a loss...

[Dreamalittledream]

omg! Don't know if anyone used to watch this, but I'm just picturing the two blonde bit%#@s on The New Adventures of Old Christine.

Oh my gosh...EXACTLY!!!!!! You nailed it:). It's this same clique of 3 or 4 moms in the school yard. School ends at 3:15 and these same moms stand and chat for about an hour after. Or, I see the same moms hanging out on the benches at our park on weekends. How sad that they have nothing more informative or positive to chat about.
It just came to the first time I ever 'met' Lulemom...I was about 6 months into my daycare and a woman I had never met before approached me at the park in need of Childcare (she actually made the comment that it was refreshing to see a mom that didn't just plop herself on the park bench while her kids played). I reached for my cards explaining that I really appreciate the feedback being a new daycare provider and all....guess who jumped up from her park bench...'Lulemom' stepped right in between us saying she knew someone that had been in the daycare business a long time...at that point I got busy with my child and just let them have their conversation. The other lady came back to me a few minutes later...and asked for my card (by the time she did contact me, I had filled my last space). Goes to show you the personality of Lulemom though.

[Dreamalittledream]

I could cry! someone is going through the same thing as me! the stories I could tell! it has affected my buisness! I am down to 2 children from 5. I am considering getting out of the business because of this...I know it would be the easy way out and I don't want to do it but these particular women are relentless! they steal kids from eachother....hasn't happened to me yet but they have tried...wish I could offer some advice but even I am at a loss...

So sorry, it just sucks. If you could have all seen the look on my husbands face...broke my heart actually. I'm hoping for some Karma;)

[playfelt]

Not that it helps right now but the longer you are in business the more families there are out there that can spread a positive word for you either because they have been in your daycare or because their friend was and raved about her caregiver.

It is hard to take the high road though. Sometimes we need to turn negatives around and use them such as mentioning your husband's job as a drama teacher and therefore pretend and make believe and an introduction to drama are part of your program. If it is something your own children enjoy with him then I'm sure it translates over into their imaginations in play.

Also being ready with some responses such as when annoying mom stepped in saying something like just because they have been in business longer doesn't mean their program is better it just means it is older and then turn to the parent and hand them your card. Try not to be intimidated by the woman - I know easier said than done but that is also part of coming off sounding and looking professional being able to take back control of the situation. All of the talk about bullying going around these days is aimed at empowering the victims to not take it and really that is the only word to describe this mom. I am the type that would probably call her on it sometime and use the exact word - does it really help your ego to play the part of the bully of the playground/school yard parents or something to that effect and see what she does. On the other hand a true bully would just escalate the rumours but at least you would know who they are coming from and in time so will others as her negative reputation will become well known.

[Dreamalittledream]

Sadly, I am so one to think of clever responses an hour later...

[sunnydays]

I am so sorry you are going through this! Obviously she is out to cause trouble for whatever reason...one of those permanent highschooler types....I see them around too :( The thing is, even if your husband were "yelling" or being "bossy" to his own kids...so what???!!! I mean serioulsy...being "bossy"??? Isn't it our job as parents to tell our kids what to do and not do? If that is what she meant by being bossy then I am the queen of bossy...and guess what? I have been known to yell at my own kids on occasssion...does that make me a bad mother? I think not! And my husband also raises his voice, otherwise known as "yelling", occasionally to get our kids to listen...and I would be willing to bet money that this "lululemon" mom does it too! This is the ridiculous unsupportive crap that makes it sooooo hard to be a parent in this modern society...and is why there are so many unparented brats out there! My son comes home from JK every day and tells me about another 4 year old who hits, kicks, punches, and bites him! Maybe if this kids parents were to occasionally "yell" at him or heaven-forbid, be "bossy" and actually tell him what to do, he wouldn't be such a brat! Just let it roll off...she is having exactly the effect she wanted.

[kidlove]

That is exactly who I was picturing in my head while reading this post. WOW! The only thing I can say is....1) don't let her "crap" get to you, perhaps that's all she wants. Maybe for some reason she is attempting to knock you down a peg or two. Don't let her....even in your mind! Keep strong when she talks with you.
2) rather than "taking it" respond to her with a "I don't care for this" comment next time she attempts to throw dirt in your face. Take the high road. :)
3) stear clear of her, be obvious...if she walks toward you at the school, pick your little one up and run for the hills like she's got the plague....maybe she'll catch on and find someone else to "rumor" too.
The hardest thing is ignoring the ignorance of some, if you figure how to do that......let me know!:laugh:

[mustbenuts]

Is this woman the complaint police? Why are people complaining to her? That is called gossip and there is no need for it other than to stir up shit, which is exactly what she is attempting to do when she talked to you. If your husband comes home and yells his head off, whose business is it? Maybe he has a reason for yelling. Maybe he just has a loud voice (I know my hubby does). Maybe he is fooling around with his kids being an awesome dad. Don't give this bitch another thought. Women like these show their true self by their actions, other moms will know what she is like as well and likely not believe all of her "complaints" either. Don't let her make you feel bad or worry about your business, it sounds like her yap is bigger than her brains. If she has any more "helpful suggestions" let her know that if someone has a problem with you or your husband, they should talk to you directly since you don't trust simple gossip.

[Dreamalittledream]

Ladies I can't thanks you enough for all of your kinds words and support!!!
Have to share how I chose to handle it and for the record....I feel so much better!!!
I just now went to my son's school, walked right up to the clique (Lulemom included). Here's what I integrated into the conversation:
"I just wanted to say that I really admire you all taking the time out of a busy day to just chill with your kids in the playground every day after school. I don't know how you all do it. I find by the end of the day the kids are tired and hungry, we're tired and rushed to get dinner going, get the kids ready for various activities. With 4 active boys suddenly home the volume seems to max out right at that time. My husband seems to pick right that moment for initiating a loud game of tag or some other game"
(Just then, my son ran by rushing to help a little guy up who has difficulty walking and had fell)
So... I continued..." I'm so proud of my children...I've worked so hard trying to teach them to be kind, understanding and to think of good things to say to people that will make them feel good about themselves. It must be a challenge having daughters (they all have daughters); having to deal with all of the talking behind their back, drama and gossiping. Thank goodness we grow out of that huh?"
~ And I walked away (and smiled all the way home).

[mustbenuts]

BAHAHAHA!!! Love it!!

[treeholm]

Awesome way to handle it, you go girl! And if she mentions anything again, just smile and say that no one who actually knows your family will believe it, and you can't worry about the petty women who make that kind of stuff up.

[Inspired by Reggio]

:thumbsup::thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Awesome and good for you for standing up for yourself with dignity while calling them out on their inappropriate behavior ~ no one should be allowed to slander your good name or those you love by making false assumptions or judgements and have you just bend over and take it!

Now you have closure having dealt with it and you can move on from the experience with your smile in tact that you are better than them for having stayed true to your convictions and values.

[Momof4]

Ladies I can't thanks you enough for all of your kinds words and support!!!
Have to share how I chose to handle it and for the record....I feel so much better!!!
I just now went to my son's school, walked right up to the clique (Lulemom included). Here's what I integrated into the conversation:
"I just wanted to say that I really admire you all taking the time out of a busy day to just chill with your kids in the playground every day after school. I don't know how you all do it. I find by the end of the day the kids are tired and hungry, we're tired and rushed to get dinner going, get the kids ready for various activities. With 4 active boys suddenly home the volume seems to max out right at that time. My husband seems to pick right that moment for initiating a loud game of tag or some other game"
(Just then, my son ran by rushing to help a little guy up who has difficulty walking and had fell)
So... I continued..." I'm so proud of my children...I've worked so hard trying to teach them to be kind, understanding and to think of good things to say to people that will make them feel good about themselves. It must be a challenge having daughters (they all have daughters); having to deal with all of the talking behind their back, drama and gossiping. Thank goodness we grow out of that huh?"
~ And I walked away (and smiled all the way home).

That's awesome! :woot: I bet you were very sweet and innocent while injecting just the right amount of cattiness and sarcasm. Two Thumbs Up!!!

[BrightEyes]

Dream, that is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so glad you said that to them!

[kidlove]

SPECTACULAR RESPONSE!!!!!! Bet you slept well last night? Now stay away from the "never grew up" Mom's and your life will have peace again!!!!!!! Good for you!