Offering a Second Choice?

[KingstonMom]

If you had a picky eater in care would you offer a second choice whenever they didnt like something?
Part of me wants my picky eater to not wast food and be open to trying new things and part of me hates to see her go hungry when she turns her nose up at something. (which is mostly everyday)

[Dreamalittledream]

It's so hard seeing them not eat. My philosophy, no second choice. For mine there is usually something they like at one of the snacks if they don't like lunch. I started out offering a second choice...and word to the wise; toddlers will always want what someone else has. I am also very clear about this to parents; my goal for my daycare children is to learn and be exposed to new things (that includes food). I had one parent offer to bring in food from home...don't do it. I read wise words on here once "it's simply our job to OFFER healthy food and snacks, not our job to force it in them". Little things that work for me, give them something to dip into & very small portions...by that I mean 2 tiny pieces of things.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Nope ~ I do not cater to picky eater syndrome cause it only makes it worse!

Children are provided a wide variety of healthy nutritional choices at regular intervals during the day, they are invited to the table and expected to keep us company ... if and how much they eat while they are there is their choice and if they choose to not eat than they are truly not 'hungry' enough to eat.

Honestly IMO children in North America need to be TAUGHT that they are lucky and blessed to have the option to have healthy nutrition foods to choose from .... to 'turn their nose up' at something and wait for the next meal hoping it is something more to their liking is a first world spoiled habit .... do we honestly think that our ancestors had 'picky children' and that after days of hunting and gathering and all dad came home with was another 'squirrel' that the little toddlers at the table said 'ew gross I am holding out for a chicken nugget'??? Or today with all our advances in agriculture and WASTE in North America do we think that children in third world countries are PICKY eaters ... that their half rotten rice and meat if they are lucky gets turned away?

I honestly do not understand why in North America we worry so much about a child missing 'just a meal or two' cause they CHOOSE not to eat something like it is the end our their world? Our children have no CLUE what it means to be truly HUNGRY which is why they CAN choose to turn their nose up at something ... IMO the worst thing we can do for our children is allow them to grow up basically starving from malnutrition but thinking they are FULL and therefore their hunger need is met because we allow them to fill up on crap processed foods that are easy to palette and actually addictive in their sugary natures rather than allowing them to go a wee bit 'hungry' a few times so they can learn to palette healthy foods that will allow them to thrive for a whole lifetime!

[Crayola kiddies]

No I don't offer other choices

[playfelt]

No options on lunch here but having said that if what I made for lunch didn't go over so well then I plan a more substantial snack for after nap to somewhat compensate with the idea they don't go home starving.

[gcj]

No. No second choices here. They have to do their best. When I know it's a not a favourite for the whole gang, I'll plan a heartier dessert....always healthy, but something like a banana instead of an apple....
One guy really can't stand tomatoes. He's tried and tried and just can't do it, so he'll get extra cucumbers on those days, but that's about as flexible as I get.

[Other Mummy]

I'm pretty much in the same group of thinking..."no second choices here either". I serve them healthy nutritious meals. Once in awhile we will have chicken nuggets or pizza. If a child does not like their lunch then they need to wait until snack. I have one dcb who hardly ever eats his lunch. No matter what I serve. He is starving come snack time. He wakes up from nap asking for snack. That's fine. I don't do "special" here. If you don't like what I serve, you need to wait for the next snack/meal.

[playfelt]

Another issue too is what is served for snack is the same portion size as everyone else so if you are "starving" because you didn't eat your lunch it doesn't mean you get a double serving to make up for it.

[gramma]

I ask parents to fill out a form telling me foods their child will not eat and I try to avoid those things to make life easier because i too stress over thinking a child is hungry. I will be more flexible in the beginning as I determine what foods a child likes and dislikes. Kids are no different than adults and will have foods they dislike so why feed it to them if you know they dont like it. After the initial transition has taken place I dont offer alternatives. I currently have a 2 y/o girl who is the pickiest eater i have ever had. She will eat pasta with tomato sauce one day and clean her plate and then refuse to eat it the following week. she does this with everything. One day i made grilled cheese and she ate so fast, i was amazed because she is also a very slow eater so I thought I'd found a winner. Next time i served grilled cheese she wouldnt even touch it. she has a very stubborn streak in her and i refuse to play eating games, so i offer her a smaller portion of food and if she eats and wants more i give her more but when she refuses to even take a bite i dont stress over it and at least i'm wasting less food.


If you had a picky eater in care would you offer a second choice whenever they didnt like something?
Part of me wants my picky eater to not wast food and be open to trying new things and part of me hates to see her go hungry when she turns her nose up at something. (which is mostly everyday)

[jodaycare]

Nope, I only cook one meal, I am not a short order cook. I have two picky eaters and they have not eaten lunch for the last two days. I only ask that they try it but these two won't even do that so I guess they will be hungry. These are not new foods either. I have no patience for children that are 4 and almost 3 that won't even try something, instead they kick the table, scream, cry and flap their arms. Nope, doesn't work here.

[Starshine]

No, I don't offer other choices. You eat what I make or you can choose to be hungry. Catering to picky eaters keeps them picky.

That being said, I do ask parents when the children start to give me a list of foods they do like, and I try to incorporate those foods into our meals/snacks.

[mom-in-alberta]

No way! No alternatives here.
I really used to stress out about how Suzie didn't like this, or Joey wouldn't eat that. I still HATE throwing food away, but it happens on occasion.
I also have the policy that I make it, I serve it, they choose whether to eat it, and how much. I offer healthy foods with lots of fruits and veg. I limit the packaged stuff, but we have things from boxes on occasion. I do not make "exotic" foods. That is the parents job to introduce.
I will not force a child to eat, but I am also not going to cater to whims when it comes to food. I do understand that children will not "like" everything. Heck, I don't!! I know that they will not starve, and we will be eating again in a couple of hours. I do take note of foods that are consistently turned down by all, and take them out of the rotation for a couple months. Try them again later, but for now, I don't see the point of wasting food!

[kidlove]

No way, they eat what all the others eat or they go hungry! I am a firm believer on you making the choice for the child not the child making the choice for you! Who's the Boss?? I also, ALWAYS inform the parents of my beliefs, no child should refuse what is offered and should never get to choose what they eat, (puts the ball in the wrong court)...chances are...if they control the dinner table at home, they are controling in other areas as well....and that is not a healthy way to raise a child. Not to mention, missing a meal or two can be good for a "picky eater", maybe when the same thing is offered again for supper they will be more (hungry) willing to try it this time. :)
The shame in it is...we can only try so much to correct the problem but if the parent isn't willing to try at home, we have wasted our efforts. I don't dwell too much on picky eaters, although I DO inform parents of their lack of interest in the food that was served for lunch that day.
Once in all my years, I had a Mom ask for the lunch to get wrapped up for supper that night. I was more than happy to do that for her, and she got her daughter to eat her food. Not without a fight though!

[Pip_Squeaks]

I offer a second choice. It's always the same two choices; Grilled cheese or Grilled PB and bananas. I only have one kid who will take me up on the second choice and I always keep what everyone else is eating in front of him/her to curb jealousy. I also reward trying something new because it takes a lot of courage to do that, even if it's just a lick, the important thing is that he/she tried. I really don't care if my kids eat PB sandwiches every day and their parents can't complain about it either because the only other options are to force feed or starve and I don't think they want that happening. I know we work hard preparing healthy, nutritious meals and it hurts our feelings when kids refuse but they don't understand the cost or effort a meal takes but they do understand when you deny them basic needs. Most of the time, I find it's just that they don't want to eat that particular item that day. Maybe it looks too close to something they have tried before and didn't like. Also, I find that at the times you make a deal out of eating something or trying something, that's when they refuse the most so I no longer ask, bribe, or convince. I place their lunch in front of them, if they say they don't like it, here are your two options. It really doesn't take much time to whip up either choices. Relax and be empathetic. I hated onions, mustard, cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, mayo, egg yolks, tomatoes, beef, pepper, salt, and I'm sure plenty more when I was a kid but I turned out to be a healthy individual and eat all of the above now except for mustard. :D

[sunnydays]

No second choices here either. I try to include 2-3 foods in the lunch, so they will usually eat at least something out of it, but I give small portions and then serve more if they eat it. I don't encourage them...just put the food there and they eat what they eat. Eventually they all come around and start eating what I serve. Today we had teriyaki salmon, quinoa and sweet potato fries for lunch....my new 3 year old didn't touch the salmon or the quinoa, but ate lots of sweet potato fries and some milk...I know in a few weeks she will be eating it all like the others do (I serve the sweet potato fries last because they all love them).

[sunnydays]

My feelings are definitely NOT hurt when a child refuses the food I have prepared. That is not why I don't serve other options. I just really believe that kids need to learn to appreciate teh food provided for them and that it is meant to fill their tummies and nourish their bodies and give them energy...if they like the taste that is a bonus. I also don't see how putting a plate of healthy food in front of a child is "denying them basic needs".



I offer a second choice. It's always the same two choices; Grilled cheese or Grilled PB and bananas. I only have one kid who will take me up on the second choice and I always keep what everyone else is eating in front of him/her to curb jealousy. I also reward trying something new because it takes a lot of courage to do that, even if it's just a lick, the important thing is that he/she tried. I really don't care if my kids eat PB sandwiches every day and their parents can't complain about it either because the only other options are to force feed or starve and I don't think they want that happening. I know we work hard preparing healthy, nutritious meals and it hurts our feelings when kids refuse but they don't understand the cost or effort a meal takes but they do understand when you deny them basic needs. Most of the time, I find it's just that they don't want to eat that particular item that day. Maybe it looks too close to something they have tried before and didn't like. Also, I find that at the times you make a deal out of eating something or trying something, that's when they refuse the most so I no longer ask, bribe, or convince. I place their lunch in front of them, if they say they don't like it, here are your two options. It really doesn't take much time to whip up either choices. Relax and be empathetic. I hated onions, mustard, cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, mayo, egg yolks, tomatoes, beef, pepper, salt, and I'm sure plenty more when I was a kid but I turned out to be a healthy individual and eat all of the above now except for mustard. :D

[Pip_Squeaks]

Letting them starve is denying a basic need. I refuse to let a child go hungry. I don't think it teaches them anything except negativity. Feeling hungry doesn't feel good and I want my guys to feel good all the time. They're here to have fun and learn.

[sunnydays]

But how are we letting them starve when they ahve a full plate of food in front of them that they are simply choosing not to eat? If we were to not offer any food at all, that would be denying a basic need, or even serving some hot pepper laced food that they obviously would have a hard time eating, but perfectly good food is provided, and they are choosing not to eat it. Plus, they have another opportunity a couple of hours later at snacktime...no child ever starved in the span of two or three hours.

[Pip_Squeaks]

Everyone's different. I just can't do that.

[sunnydays]

Fair enough :) I value all viewpoints, but do like a good debate ;)


Everyone's different. I just can't do that.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Fair enough :) I value all viewpoints, but do like a good debate ;)

Agreed ... seriously allowing a child to be seen as competent and capable to CHOOSE if they are hungry enough to try what was offered to them is not starving them!

Not to mention this same 'illogic' of I did not want to deny her what she wanted cause I was afraid she would starve was recently used by the mother in THIS story of the 17 year old child who collapsed of malnutrition in England after her mother catered to her picky eating of only having chicken nuggets for 15 plus years ... and the irony was she DID starve in the end anyway ;)

Honestly human beings need a variety of foods from all the food groups in order to get the proper balance the body's organs need to thrive ~ catering to picky eaters deprives children of that BASIC NEED!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Opps forgot to put the link in .... in this story

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2092071/Stacey-Irvine-17-collapses-eating-McDonalds-chicken-nuggets-age-2.html

This story hits close to home because my SIL fell into this same stupid parenting trap of only feeding my niece a select choice of things she 'preferred' ... waffles and applesauce for breakfast, chicken nuggets, fries and baby carrots and grilled cheese were basically her diet and at every damily function she was given a 'separate dinner' prepared before even being expected to TRY what was being offered cause the mom did not want to 'battle with her' ... at 10 she collapsed from malnutrition and ended up with juvenile diabetes and kidney damage from that 'limited' diet ... so despite the fact that her daughter never went 'hungry' she was basically starving from lack of variety and access to the vitamins and minerals needed from a healthy diet and the mom was almost charged with 'neglect of her basic needs' for having catered to that diet for years ... they had to agree to go into nutrition counseling and a whole vat of other things as a result.

[kidlove]

I do agree with what sunnydays had said regarding, the amount of things that are on the plate. The child may choose not to eat just one of the items because he or she truly does not like that one thing. that is totally understandable, everyone doesn't have to like everything. :) When this happens at my table, and the child loves the fruit I served, eats everything but the thing they do not like, then asks for more fruit? My response is.."eat the rest of the food on your plate and you are welcome to more fruit"...they ussually choke down the "unwanted" because the "want" for the fruit outweighs their attempt at "pickyness"....however..if I have a child that flat out refuses everything that is being served?......it's a cold day in you know where, before I offer up any more of my time to prepare anything else. That child needs to learn the concequence of their own choice, not manipulation. Some kids will take advantage, no wait...ALL kids will take advantage, IF we let them. They are choosing to "starve" not us choosing to starve them. :)

[kidlove]

wait a second........no starving takes place at the loss of one meal, even two. a child will live through a "picky" fit. ;) self correction!

[Momof4]

KingstonMom, I keep a journal for each child and under the title of Food I list the foods I serve at each meal and if they ask for seconds I note 2X and if they refuse the food I cross it out. I use this as a reference if I'm going to cook something and I can't remember if they all liked it or not the last time. But after a while you get to know all the children's likes and dislikes.

I had a boy who wouldn't eat combined foods and that was the worst because sometimes I was rushed when we were outside all morning so I used the crockpot. He wouldn't eat any of it, but I gave him lots of extra servings at afternoon snack. But sometimes I wouldn't even let him have his fruit at lunch because I made him sit there until he tried some food and 'did his very best'. That's my line with the children to try to get them to eat a little bit of the things they say they don't like.

Picky eaters, naptime, toilet training, these are our very special challenges!!!

[Harmoni]

Oh boy, I must be the meanie! hahaha For my kids here, if they don't eat lunch that is what they get offered for pm snack!!! Then I make something that I know they will really want to encourage them to take another try at their lunch. I had a 4yr old who lived on chocolate pudding at home because she just didn't like or try anything new! So when she decides something isn't to her liking, you can bet the other kiddos get pudding for snack! Even the 2yr olds say "you better eat your lunch if you want snack" haha I wonder when they will catch on that one kid not eating ='s really yummy snack for them? lol

[kidlove]

Harmoni, your no meanie (unless I am too :)) ha ha. I think it's a good turn of the tables......generall y when a child is refusing food it has more to do with control rather than their likes or dislikes, most of the "refusers" are a bit spoiled at home.....making their own choices more often than not. I also enjoy very much the "turn" of things, when one is crying at the table because I inform them they have to at least try their veggie before getting down, then I state to all the other children.."you are doing a great job, when you are finished eating your healthy lunch I have a yummy cookie for you" all the kids cheer for the cookie and finish their food, sometimes even making the comment to the "non-eater" "you better eat your food so you can have a cookie too!" :) too funny! if you sit back sometimes, the kids will do all the work for you.

[Robyn]

I love seeing I am not alone on the picky eaters!!!! I have several picky eaters and I serve Sneaky Chef foods I love watching them gobble down the mac and cheese that is full of carrots and sweet potatoes!!!
I don't make second meals and snack is usually unlimited fruit (to a point) and one granola bar per day or some other baked goodie (that has extra goodness in it!)
I have had children not each lunch for a couple of days and one little guy that never eats lunch or really any snacks. (Very stubborn and thankfully his parents don't get upset about it!) Funny enough not one of these guys have died of starvation!