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mamaof4
04-28-2011, 04:00 PM
Bear with me this entire situation is just awful.

A woman I am friends with in suburban Chicago just learned that the home day care at which she had been leaving her 2 young daughters has been providing negligent care, abusing children, etc.

-A parent stopped by one day and the provider was sleeping- leaving several children unsupervised

- Her youngest was given benedryl to sleep- so she would not fuss

- The day care providor's teenaged son has been accused of inappropriate behavior with the kids

My friend is destroyed. Her heart is broken, she feels like she has failed as a parent to protect her children. But, she needs to work. How can she learn to trust again? As a provider would have you have any special ways of making this family feel at ease?

Play and Learn
04-28-2011, 06:05 PM
Sorry to hear about your friend, and her children. One of my little ones was in somewhat of the same situation a year ago before I took her on.

Dcprovider was a rough, gruff, old woman (prob in her 60s). She yelled at the kids. Only let the kids use one square of toilet paper (even for a BM). Dcg (then aged 1) went to her doctor for her one year check-up, and doctor asked dcm what happened to her ear. There was a bruise on the top of her ear lobe, in the shape of a finger nail. Dcm went back to dcprovider and asked who was in her care the day before, and she responded just your daughter. So dcm asked her then how did my daughter get this bruise? Dcprovider said that her older sister must have done it. Dcm asked her 7 yr old daughter, and she said no. 7 yr old would do anything to save her little sister.

Anyway, because dcm is a friend of the family (more so, my hubby has known them for 6 years), and I wasn't working (but am qualified - ECE), so they asked if I could care for the little one until I found work. I therefore decided to open the home daycare (that was going to come at some point in my life).

I don't know how she's going to learn to trust again - as her children have gone through alot. Tell her that there is that 'perfect' provider out there somewhere, and that hopefully, she'll find it! Maybe they could hire a nanny? Tell her to make sure she asks for references, and then actually call them. To make sure they have a background check. Go to as many interviews as they can, and to not 'settle'.

Good luck, and again, am sorry for your friend and family.

Spixie33
04-28-2011, 07:39 PM
Wow that just breaks my heart. I am not sure what a provider can say to make them feel at ease. I am sure everyone would say they are trustable as a provider even if they aren't. That is the bad and scary part. I think it really just comes down to getting a feel for people and going with your gut.

Myrtah
04-29-2011, 08:19 AM
Very sad. I think it will take her a very long time to recover.
I am sure even acknowledging that this is not fair and most importantly telling her that it was not her fault will soothe her.
She must be blaming herself poor mom!
I think there should be some sort of monitoring because there are such bad ones out there.

As a parent I used to drop by unannounced which most providers are not comfortable with because their schedule is affected but what can you do if the day care provider is not a known girlfriend of yours?..It does take a long time to trust and takes a pinch to lose it all again.

playfelt
04-29-2011, 10:32 AM
Very sad situation and more common that we would like to believe. Other than being totally truthful with the new provider and that provider understanding that a bit more "hand holding" is needed there is nothing that will work besides time. The longer the new situtation seems better the more relaxed the mom will become. Also the older the child gets the more they will be able to tell about their day and that should help too.

I probably would ask permission of the new family to share their story with one of my families that had been in care the longest and then ask that mom to sort of act like a support system too for the family. There is only so much as the provider I can do because it is trust in my she would be trying to learn. Knowing that another family feels the situation is an ok one might help to take away some of the fear and guilt - spread it out so to speak.

She might also need a situation for a bit that is in a more regulated setting with several adults on site in a daycare centre. In theory the more people around there is more accountability. Not always but again if it puts her mind more at rest she may need to do that till she heals.

sunnydays
05-05-2011, 12:43 PM
I have a policy that parents can drop by unannounced anytime and they can feel free to peak in the playroom windows on the way in :) Nobody has done it so far, but when I had my kids in care I did drop by occasionally mid-day to check. As inconvenient as it mat be for the caregiver, I think the parents should have this right. They just need to take the child home when they leave.

Emilys4Guppies
05-05-2011, 03:32 PM
Yes....parents have the right to come to my care at anytime and pick up their child.

They do not have the right to sit around my livingroom and watch me work. Neither do they have the right to show up, make themselves known to their child and then leave.

dragonlady3
05-05-2011, 06:45 PM
I agree. I have operated my home child care for 15 years and have consistently told the parents to drop by (except for sleep time). In all these years, only 2 families took me up on the offer. A lot of problems can be avoided if parents are willing to utilize this opportunity. They should not feel like intruders, but should also understand the point above...if you let your child see you, he/she is yours to take home. It can take a long, long time to re-settle a child so be discreet!

BCParent
07-06-2011, 08:19 PM
Bear with me this entire situation is just awful.

A woman I am friends with in suburban Chicago just learned that the home day care at which she had been leaving her 2 young daughters has been providing negligent care, abusing children, etc.

-A parent stopped by one day and the provider was sleeping- leaving several children unsupervised

- Her youngest was given benedryl to sleep- so she would not fuss

- The day care providor's teenaged son has been accused of inappropriate behavior with the kids

My friend is destroyed. Her heart is broken, she feels like she has failed as a parent to protect her children. But, she needs to work. How can she learn to trust again? As a provider would have you have any special ways of making this family feel at ease?

Wow. What an awful thing to happen. When I read that, it reminded me of when my oldest was just little - he was 6 1/2 months old at the time and in daycare when the provider asked me for a new bottle of Tylenol for him after only having him for a month. I was thinking she had lost it but when I asked why, she flat out said, she used it to help him sleep better at naptime. I was horrified and quickly found a new daycare after that. May I ask how your friend found out that her youngest was given Benedryl to sleep? Because I'm really not sure how one would tell unless the provider fessed up, you know? I'm curious what signs I may have missed nearly 12 years ago now...it still pops into my head and bothers me after all this time.

Has she found a better daycare now? Hope so.

Skysue
07-06-2011, 10:26 PM
That is so sad and it really opens up the debate over private care vs. centers. As a parent who has had my child in care all I can say is how did she not know? But the fact of the matter is when little ones can't talk how can you know. She must be beating herself up like crazy! It really sucks out there and it really makes our jobs all that more difficult as people have a God given right to be extremely picky. I can tell you she will never be able to trust again how can she :(

Parents should show up at unexpected times and be able to pop in. (none of us love this as it makes us feel weird but goodness its there Childs safety there looking out for and there comfort level) For me my parents can come in and go anywhere there kids go at anytime they are in my care. I let my parents know this right off the bat.

Have they asked you to care for there little one?

mamaof4
08-03-2011, 07:32 PM
I truly hate to bump this thread. But this daycare provider, operating illegally, had a child drown in her care. Thank goodness my friend removed her girls from this woman's care.

Judy Trickett
08-11-2011, 09:43 AM
Could you offer me the name of this provider, please? You can PM me if you feel more comfortable than posting it on a public forum.

I will tell you why I ask......because I keep an ongoing file of daycare deaths due to provider negligence and/or illegal warehousing of children etc etc. And I do this so I can find trends in this sort of thing. I use this information to help train and educate other providers AND parents on signs of a bad daycare situation.

I use info like this to educate parents what to look for and how to know to GET OUT. I also use cases of daycare provider abuse to teach other providers how to recognize triggers and situations that will increase their frustrations to the point of harming a child.

It's all for the greater good, trust me.

Hopefully you will PM me her name and city.

Thanks

sunnydays
08-11-2011, 12:52 PM
This is truly horrible and tragic. I wish people would just know when to get out if they are obviously unable to care for the children properly :(

Spixie33
08-11-2011, 01:39 PM
Yikes. Scary that they were giving the 6 month old so much Tylenol.

I think medicating kids to sleep must be more popular than most wuld think. My son was a crier from day one. He would cry in the carseat, the car, the crib, the stroller - everywhere for long periods of time. He was just not one of those quiet sweet babies that sleep all the time.

People would come up to me and suggest giving him Gravol to make him drowsy and so he won't cry. At first I thought they were joking but they weren't and even my older sister later suggested the same thing. I couldn't believe it. Crazy:ohmy:

Sandbox Sally
08-12-2011, 10:14 AM
Judy, google Chicago, 2 year old, daycare, drown, and she'll come up. I did this. Gross.

Emilys4Guppies
08-12-2011, 11:07 AM
Wow, that's aweful. Just aweful.

What happens in this situation? What will the woman be charged with?

mamaof4
08-13-2011, 07:26 AM
Judy- a lot of the investigation is still pending, but the situation gets worse and worse- really- it is possible.

Judy Trickett
08-15-2011, 10:36 AM
Ugh....just googled and read up on it. How utterly sad. But I gotta ask....WHERE the HELL was the provider in the time it took for a 2 yr old to go outside, climb up the deck stairs and then drown in a pool?

I don't wanna sound judgemental here but I can tell you I KNOW where ALL my dckids are at EVERY second. It's my JOB to know where they are and what they are doing.

It DOES upset me though that the news keeps going on and on and on about it being an UNlicensed daycare. Sorry, but licensing does NOT make you a better caretaker. It just doesn't.

When kids die in UNlicensed daycare the powers that be stand in front of microphones and say, "This is why all daycare should be licensed". And then when kids die in LICENSED daycare the powers that be stand in front of the microphone and say, "This is why it is the parent's job to be ever vigilant about whom they chose to care for their children."

So? What is it? Is it because daycares are not all licensed that kids die or is it because the parents did a bad job of picking the right provider?

Answer: Its ALL hogwash. Negligent providers are negligent providers. Handing over a piece of paper that says "Licensed" on it does not suddenly make a negligent person responsible.

I just wish the media would NOT put forth the ideal that if a provider is licensed then you can be assured that your kids are safe. NOTHING could be farther from the truth.

I don't like the fact that media paints the picture that daycare is dangerous. Studies show (I actually HAVE this study) that kids are TWICE as likely to die in the care of their PARENTS than in daycare.

Sandbox Sally
08-15-2011, 11:48 AM
But I gotta ask....WHERE the HELL was the provider in the time it took for a 2 yr old to go outside, climb up the deck stairs and then drown in a pool?

I don't wanna sound judgemental here but I can tell you I KNOW where ALL my dckids are at EVERY second. It's my JOB to know where they are and what they are doing.

RIGHT??? This is what I don't understand. The articles said that it was approximately 20 minutes from the last time she saw the little girl until she found her in the pool. How on earth can people let toddlers walk around unattended, either inside OR outside? Am I the only one who LOCKS their doors when dck's are around? It's pretty simple - If you're in charge of children who depend on you to keep them alive AND you have a pool in your yard, get a freakin alarm on your door. This astounded me about the case in Orleans too. How can a person have a pool in their yard AND be a child care provider, yet be so ignorant about pool safety? SO upsetting. This is a case of negligence. No way around it. Another senseless death of an innocent baby.

sunnydays
08-15-2011, 01:30 PM
I agree with the posts above that it has nothing to do with licensing...it has to do with the provider being negligent! My dcks are never out of my sight unless they are strapped into booster seats and I am in the bathroom for 1 minute! They are not wandering around in different rooms of the house let alone outside alone! But I guess if the lady was sleeping while dck's ran around, that would explain it! Disgusting and horrible and I hope she is charged for it.

Emilys4Guppies
08-15-2011, 02:31 PM
Studies show (I actually HAVE this study) that kids are TWICE as likely to die in the care of their PARENTS than in daycare.

Is there a link for that study? Is it because children spend more time in their parent's care?

Judy Trickett
08-15-2011, 05:15 PM
Is there a link for that study? Is it because children spend more time in their parent's care?


Link:

http://www.asanet.org/images/members/docs/pdf/featured/Oct05ASRWrigleyDreby .pdf

Here is an excerpt from that study:



The fatality rate in centers for children 0 to 4 years of age
is 0.11 per 100,000 children enrolled. Family
day care, offered in the provider’s home, is less
safe, with a fatality rate of 1.58. Care in the
child’s own home is the least safe, with a fatality rate of 2.06.

Sunflower
08-16-2011, 12:48 PM
I have only read a few pages from the study but so far it is very enlightening and sad at the same time. I think more parents and providers should see this.
Thanks for posting it.

cfred
08-17-2011, 05:49 AM
That's a terrible thing to have happen. It's going to take some time for them to recover from a blow like that! So far as helping her to trust again, it's hard to say what will work. In my centre, I run things with the parents very informally. It may sound silly, but I befriend the parents as well as the kids, and plan grown up and family activities with them off hours (BBQS, movie nights and the next is a horseback riding wknd for adults only). Often, they'll even come in during pick up and spend a chunk of time chatting, maybe having a coffee, etc, before collecting the kids to go home. Like I said, it may sound silly, but I like having that rapport with my clients as I think it really puts them at ease. When they spend time with me, they're getting to know me, thereby, getting to know the type of person I am and building trust. I have found this very successful and came about it haphazardly. I like my clients, they like me, we hang out, they see who I am and how I am with their kids.