Need to get this off my chest...

[bright sparks]

Thought I would have an early morning vent in the hopes that I can clear my head out and hopefully still have a good Friday.

I interviewed someone last Thursday. They were here for an hour and a half. We really hit it off. Its a Sept 2013 full time spot for a 1 year old replacing one of my kindergarten starters.

She came back last night with her husband to sign the contract. As soon as they came in the door she said she didnt have the deposit as after giving it some thought she wanted to be able to have a conversation with her husband before commiting. I understand this, but ultimatly her spot will not be secure without the deposit and they said it was fine.

I spent another 1 and a half hours with them going through each policy in my contract, answering additional questions from dad along the way. The only question mark that came up from them was my 1 hour time limit for pick up if her child was ill. Their family live an hour away and she is a teacher whose classes are 80 minutes long so this may be difficult. I explained why and dad even said that he imagines this is a standard policy with daycares. When everything had been signed they said that the mum didnt have a car tomorrow so the dad would drop a cheque in the mailbox early in the morning so I could do my banking today.

Great vibes, great people, great connection. I asked them before they left if their were any other questions or concerns and they said there was nothing they could think of.

This morning at about 5:15 the mailbox goes and instead of a cheque I find the copy of their contract and a note pinned to it stating the following....

"Hi ******
We have reviewed the contract furthur and discussed our options at length. Unfortunately, we are unable to make any concrete decisions at this juncture. We will continue to assess our options regarding ******'s daycare next year.
Best Regards
Mum & Dad"

Total shocker to be honest although the not coming with the deposit did wave a red flag. I plan to follow up with the mother today. Not to be awful, but quite honestly after giving up 3 hours of my family time for them who clearly weren't honest with me and their reservations about all of this, I think the least I deserve is a reason. They are entitled to their reasons and its good that they had time to discuss it and come to this conclusion sooner rather than later but it is an automatic response for me to try and find fault with myself when I know deep down that this is me and it works for some and not for others. I also know that a contract from an experienced provider can be overwhelming being so specific and thorough but I did explain that I like it to be that way so we all know where we stand and if we are clear on the business agreement from day one then it makes the experience of me caring for their child that much better.

I really didn't see this coming and I do hope it's nothing I said or did.

[sunnydays]

That's crummy! I am not sure why they signed the contract if they were not sure...they could have just as easily said, we'll take it home and think about it a bit and then if we decide it's a yes, we'll bring the contract and the deposit. Maybe they wanted to keep you on the back burner while looking into some other option? It't not you! It's just that for whatever reason, they were not the right family for you. Feel glad that they ducked out early...imagine if they had waited until September and all this time you are thinking that you have the spot filled? Take a deap breath and say TGIF!

[Wonderwiper]

Happy Friday!!!!! Totally has nothing to do with you!! Are they first time parents?????? September is a long time away. Their baby is maybe 3months now if will be 1 in September right? A new mommy trying to make decisions about leaving her brand new baby with someone else is terrified!!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Wow ~ this is one of those cons of the business having to invest our after hours unpaid family time interviewing for new clients and than have it be all for nothing :(

I will admit that I am too picky with red flags ... I do not interview unless BOTH parents are able to make the first meeting cause while I get they do not want to waste both parents time either MY TIME IS VALUABLE TOO and interviewing sucks up a lot of it sometimes and well I am not wasting my time basically interviewing 'twice' when one comes the first time to 'weed out' any who might not be a consideration for them ... I do an extensive phone interview and than either both arrange to come together or not at all!

Also I do mind a little holding of the hand of a newbie parent to get them comfortable but only with in REASON ... an hour and a half SECOND interview and they are still 'questioning' I likely would have decided that we are not a match cause they are needing a little more than I am willing to give.

Also ... having worked in centre care where you have to stay 'in ratio' until relieved I do not buy the I cannot get to my sick kid within an HOUR excuse .... honestly if she is a teacher with 80 minute classes I am assuming she is teaching OLDER children at a high-school or higher level so you get the call to come pick up your kid if the principal or someone else cannot step in you cancel classes and give the kids a spare that period ... happened on more than one occasion when I was a high-school student heck we even had one time the school Secretary came in and 'supervised a study period' due to a teachers family emergency!

Even in daycare if a staff had to REALLY LEAVE due to family emergency we made it work ratio wise to get them out of program even if we had to get the cook into ratio or move children around into different groups!

IMO no JOB is worth not being there for your own sick child in an emergency ~ sorry but that to me is an issue about VALUES and the fact they balked on how to make that simple and common sense requirement that KIDS COME FIRST work well than IMO we do not share enough of the same values to be a match ~ this is a blessing in disguise as to how many other ways their careers would come before their child and I would personally just let it go!!!

[mimi]

Bright sparks I had written in a previous post recently how the same thing happened to me. Mom looking for Sept care and loving my daycare and agreeing to my policies. Then nada. At least you heard back. I only wasted 11/2 hours as opposed to your 3! As Reggio pointed out it wasn't you and as Wonderwiper said they are terrified first time parents. That's the attitude I took when this promising interview and client went down the tubes.

[playfelt]

I would have put off that kind of an interview in the sense of shared info with them, offered to email them answers to any questions they sent me but would not do a physical interview till no more than 6 months before care was needed. The problem is they realize they agreed to sign too soon without visiting the other 50 daycares or so they will stumble across in their search in the next 6 months till spring.

[BrightEyes]

I would be glad they they decided now rather than later! (as much as it still sucks!)

[apples and bananas]

I think it's hard for people to put down that kind of money for a spot 9 months away. I won't take a deposit or do serious interviewing until 3 months prior, no earlier. And it's really for this reason.

I will meet with clients and give them the tour, but no contract or policies until 3 months. If they're still interested they'll be the first ones I call.

A lot can change in 9 months. They could move, change jobs... loose jobs... have a death in the family... the child can develop concerns/issues that you may or may not want to deal with.

It's not you! And it sucks that you invested all of that time into these people. At least they left you a note rather then just ignoring you all together.

So sorry this happened. On to the next one!

[bright sparks]

In my area there are less than 10 providers. That's including the providers who don't advertise and are strictly word of mouth. Typically I do not hold a spot for more than 6 weeks because I will always get lots of interviews and fill the spot sooner. This is why people look so far in advance and if they can secure a spot early, then they are lucky. It is only because I have kids leaving for school that I can offer this spot so far in advance. I would turn away so many inquiries if I waited till the 3 month mark to fill the spot and then run the risk of having less chance of finding a good match. I think its just about finding the right match.

Also, just to clarify, I never agreed to do a 2nd interview. It was agreed that it was a get together to sign the contract and pay the deposit. It was only when she got here that I found out this wasn't exactly what was going to happen. There's nothing I could do to foresee them doing this, and short of IMO pulling a really abrupt asshole move like asking them to leave immediately, how could I not go ahead and answer the fathers questions. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done the contract at all which would have saved time and just addressed his additional questions. I think I will adopt a new requirement like Reggio's for having both parent's present at the first interview and make that the only one while giving them the option to email me after with any additional questions that might come up.

[Sandbox Sally]

I'm sorry this happened. They sound like they just can't make up their mind enough to commit. I am sure it's nothing to do with the quality of your daycare. :glomp:

I just had a big disappointment too. The parents wanted to do the interview with the other provider, but said, "but to be honest, you are exactly what we're looking for", and yesterday I got an email saying that they were going with someone else. Sucky.

Here's to full daycares come 2013!

[mimi]

So I quess our lesson here is to not take the compliments parents give us during interviews seriously. :rolleyes: We get our hopes up and then the truth comes out via email or phone call (if you are lucky) or we never hear from them again. Just part of the business but it is difficult not to get our hopes up with most of our interviews. Heres to a successful new year.:thumbsup:

[jazmic]

I think it's also hard for people to let someone down in person. Almost like breaking up with someone. They find it easier to smile and nod and say all the right things in person, while high-tailing it for the hills on paper. :rolleyes:

[mustbenuts]

I always feel personally rejected when parents do this, even though I know it's not a good way to handle it. I just wish they would actually say what it is they do not agree with r what is holding them back. Not that I am necessarily going to change something just for them but I would love to know exactly why they are not signing with me, even if it's just so I can know and move on. I'm sorry this happened to you but like the PP said, it's probably for the best, though that's not much help I know. Chin up though, it's their loss I'm sure.

[Spixie33]

I agree with Wonderwiper. I think they chickened out of committing to a daycare that far ahead.

Maybe they had a discussion behind closed doors and mom brought up that she would like to stay home with the baby or she is thinking of a career change and doesn't want to commit the deposit and say 100% that they are going ahead with you because they don't know anything for sure.

It sounds like they like you and they aren't actually saying 'no' to you but they want to keep their options open at this point.

Maybe someone told them they were crazy to sign on for daycare that far ahead? you just never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I do feel bad for you that you spent so much time on them though.

Personally, I would not call them back or email them or ask for a reason because you don't want to seem desperate or chasing after them for their business. I would think it was their loss and move on. I probably wouldn't even sign them if they contacted me back next summer and said they wanted to go ahead because it seems like they are yanking your chain and didn't follow through on what they said they would do. Sure they have a reason for it but it would be a red flag for me.

[kidlove]

Make sure you think long and hard IF they come back at a later date for care! sounds like they might be the "worry" type, always watching and questioning everything you do with their child. IMO after a 1 and half hour meeting and full copy of contracts, they can't make a decision? something is up, they may be too worry wart, not easy to deal with. Consider it may be a blessing in disguise and move forward. :)

[mimi]

Darasmommy, I don't find it unreasonable for parents to want to have a few visits with a potential provider either and of course they want to be very sure they have picked the right person to care for their little one. The issue we providers have is the lack of honesty and the feeling we are being led on. We are a tough group and if a parent says they don't like an aspect of our daycare fair enough. Perhaps it might be something we might change or not, but either way we would learn from the honesty. Not every interviewee will be a good fit. That is for us to decide as well. I don't think it was clear the parents didn't feel comfortable with the provider, I think they are undecided as to what they are going to do and what they want. It isn't always the providers fault if it isn't a good fit dear.:)

[bright sparks]

It was really that they had said they wanted to come with me and they were coming to sign a contract and pay a deposit. That was the purpose of the visit. Had they said that dad actually wanted to meet me before making a commitment, then that makes complete sense but to have me go through an entire contract signing because they didn't speak up is a lack of respect for my time outside business hours. It definitely isn't a problem to give parent's more time to meet with me if thats what they need. Hence why I still spent over an hour with them last night.

I did call the mother a half hour ago. It went to voice mail and I left a message saying how I was calling to acknowledge that I had recieved the returned contract and their letter.(It was left in my mailbox just after 5am) I said that I understand it is a difficult decision to make and can be overwhelming and to wish them luck in the future finding the right provider for them. I finished my message by saying how it was a pleasure to meet them all and to take care.

She called me back not two minutes later obviously hearing my pleasent message and feeling comfortable enough to call and speak with me. She said how it was nothing to do with me specifically. They were ok with my contract, even the policy about pick up when sick, which is what she questioned. She said she understands thats how I have to run my daycare in the best interest of the other children as well as hers. She said that both her and her husband thought I was a great fit but they were very overwhelmed and it was one thing to talk about making plans and being well organized but it was just far to soon and having sat down and gone through the contract it became reality very quick and she just wasn't ready.

Whether people think this is a justified reason or not, I certainly think it is a good enough reason. I am glad we spoke, especially living within the same small town as her I want to be able to pass her on the street and have both of us feel comfortable to say hi. Yes she should have been straight with me prior to the first meeting but we are all human and as jazmic said some people can not deal with confrontation so avoid these situations as much as possible with an email or quick note versus face to face convo.

[playfelt]

And there is no reason given what the parent said that you can't say you will contact them in the spring to see how their search is going. Assuming they will visit a few more places over the winter here and there as opportunity comes up. But then I would send them an email about end of April saying you were in the process of putting up your ads and starting interviews for your September spaces and that you wanted to make contact with all families that had previously contacted you to see if they were still interested in interviewing for the space.

Generally you hear nothing back but sometimes you get a no we have found other care and often at least one family will want to interview.

As I said before this is what I would have told them if they had contacted me this early was to get in touch with me in April. I use the excuse that they need to spend more time with their child learning his likes and dislikes and what his personality is like so they can make a more informed choice. Reality is I find interviews done too early tend to be a waste of time because parents will always still be looking for something better and curious about what is out there.

[Momof4]

Ick, so sorry that they wasted so much of your time. I'm sure you had a lot of things you would have rather been doing with your family! That sux!

I guess you'll never know what went wrong but you know what? I would send them an email and ask them for a review for future reference in your interviews and for your experience if they would let you know what they would prefer in a daycare as opposed to your daycare and your contract. It might give you peace of mind and if they offer some constructive criticism great, but if not then you'll know you're better off without them.

At least you have lots of time until next Sept. so best of luck in finding a great family.