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View Full Version : Burnout: do you ever suffer from it?



Spixie33
05-13-2011, 12:11 PM
I became a home daycare provider so I could be here for my kids when they needed me but I have been feeling a lot of burnout days.

There are times where 5:30 comes and I am just pooped. I can barely clean and vacuum or have energy to do homework with my kids. I also find it hard to have patience for my hubby and my kids at times because I feel like I have GIVEN of myself all day and just need to be left alone.

10 hours of nurturing, be happy, positive, energetic while also cooking, cleaning etc is exhausting and at the end of the day I feel like I have nothing left to give. Yesterday I was on my feet for about 12 hours before I got to sit down and just relax. Even during the nap I was tidying and doing dishes with only a moment or two to check the forum as I walked by the laptop.

Then I feel guilty for my own kids and hubby because this burnout defeats the purpose of why I am doing this.

I guess i am wondering if I am alone with this burnout feeling. It is almost like weekends I can partially come back to my family, be more relaxed and present with them and pay attention to my husband and connect with him but during the week I often just am focused on what needs to get done rather than the emotions.
:unsure:
There are awesome daycare days...days where my heart smiles because I see how anxious the kids are to tell me things or show me what they can do or what new shirt they got but even knowing that these kids are happy while they are with me doesn't solve this issue of me feeling burned out at the end of the day for my own family.

gcj
05-13-2011, 12:56 PM
I hear you! There are definitely days like that. I don't have a solution, but I can tell you that you're not alone! There are days when I don't even like the person that I become...and my kids are still in my daycare with me. So, I'm doing this because I don't want to send my kids to someone else, but then I don't even like who I become.
I find that the harder I am on myself the worse it gets. There will always be tidying to do, dishes piling up....sometimes, you just have to leave it there. I've lowered my standards and I find that helps! :p
I also am trying to put less pressure on myself. I know that I do way more and give way more than what these kids are getting at home. sometimes that's great, but if it means I'm going to burn myself out, I'm not doing anyone any favours. Kids are great at just playing. The more you leave them to their own devices, the more used to it they get. Not, that I neglect them, but they have learned to play much better on their own!
Hope it gets better! :rolleyes:

sunnydays
05-13-2011, 01:11 PM
I only started doing daycare two months ago, so I am probably not the best one to respond to this, but I just wanted to comment on what you said about not sitting down for 12 hours and not even during naptime. I also find it busy and tiring, but I always make sure to take some time to sit with a cup of coffee or tea in the afternoon while they are sleeping and relax a bit. I try to tidy up the worst of the lunch mess while they are still sitting in their booster seats (I ignore it if they complain or sing songs to distract them), then I make sure they all go down at the same time to maximize my free time. Once they are asleep, I quickly wash up what is left of the kitchen mess and then I sit down and relax (except for today since I am baking cookies). I think it is crucial for your own sake as well as for the kids' because you can't have the energy you need if you don't have a break. I also make sure to have some periods of time during the day when the kids are free playing and I can sit and watch. I am no expert since I am new, but I would suggest trying to put your own break time on the top of the list so that you avoid the burnout.

mamaof4
05-13-2011, 01:39 PM
:laugh: lol I just came here to post a very similar thread. yes. i do

lilac
05-13-2011, 08:20 PM
Yep! Same here, I try to take quiet time to sit for a bit, at least eat my lunch. I find it the hardest in the winter, I feel much better now that the weather is nice and we can go outside...

when I started daycare, for a while I felt guilty, like why am I doing this, my own kids are suffering b/c I'm not 100% theirs anymore, but once I figured out how much they love having their friends around, it made it so much easier, they have the best of both worlds, their friends with them AND their mom! While I still do get burned out, it makes it easier to pull myself out of it now that I know my kids are happy with haveing daycare in our home.

mom-in-alberta
05-14-2011, 10:14 AM
I guess I just ask myself if it would be any better if I was working a 9 to 5, and my own kids were in childcare. For me, I don't have the option of not doing anything at all, we need the extra income if we want our kids to play sports (or wear clothes, haha).
I think about it that way, and I realize that I would absolutely be burnt out if I was doing that. So if I am going to be dog-tired and have a messy home, I may as well spend the day with my own kids! Not to mention, then I would have to commute (in winter, ugh!) and find a place that I could trust to take my own children (not an easy task, for sure).
I know my older boys "suffered" a little at first, but it's really not that hard on them. It was just an adjustment. And my 3 yr old daughter has days where I know it's not the best thing for her, but there are also days that I am so grateful she is surrounded by kids to play and interact with. I also really make a point of taking a few minutes to sit down each day. It's a little easier to justify the more pregnant I get, too, hee hee. I think the thing that irritates me the most is the mess. I am not a natural housekeeper to begin with, and so it does seem to be compounding. A little bit worse each week! I am seriously considering having someone come in once a week to do floors, dusting and bathrooms. It might just be worth the money.... :P

Spixie33
05-16-2011, 11:33 AM
Thanks guys. I am happy just to hear I am not alone. It is just wearing on my some days more than others and by the end of the week I am just like a walking piece of cardboard - drained.
Mom-in-alberta...I think the same thing some time about whether it would be beneficial to work outside the home and be gone 8-9 hours a day from them. On one hand I think I might come home more relaxed and stimulated but on the other hand I am worried on who I would use to watch my children, the gas money and how I would still be at the same income plus lose the time with my kids so really no further ahead.
On the positive my house would probably look cleaner since noone would use it during the day but I always feel bad that to be at the same income I would lose a few hours with my own kids after the bus comes.
It just sometimes feels like M-F I go into survival mode...prepared for the running noses to be wiped on me, the drool that will fall all over me, the diapers, the feedings and fights and crying and how to deal with it all with a smile on my face. Some days by the end of the days I want to go into solitary confinement with padded walls to keep out all noise and people who want something more from me. I feel less patient with my own kids and snap at them when they keep asking me for something or repeating themselves.
Moms are great at guilt and then feeling like they are just not good enough which I inevitably feel on those days

playfelt
05-16-2011, 03:48 PM
Remember what the meaning of "free play" is. The kids are free to play with whatever I have set out for them and I am free to do what I want to do within reason. So if that means I am going to sit with a cup of tea and glance at a section of the morning newspaper that is what I do. It is important that while we are overseeing the children that we are not hovering over them all day or directing their play. Also there are times when it is ok to rethink the work we do after hours such as can you skip vacuuming some day and just clean the kitchen and bathroom. If all the kids are in diapers and no one is potty training do you even need to sanitize the bathroom every day - maybe just the sink from all the hand washing. My point is to find compromises that allow you to get the breaks you need. One of the reasons I stopped doing daily reports was because the only time to concentrate enough to do them properly was during quiet time which is also my quiet time-lunchtime.
One trick I found worked really well was that as soon as the last child was gone - go take a quick shower and change your clothes. Always did that when my own kids were little so that I wasn't the one spreading the germs from the daycare kids to my own. And I always felt so much recharged after the shower.

Spixie33
05-16-2011, 06:54 PM
Playfelt - I took the shower advice tonight and that was actually nice. I used to do it just before bed time but doing it earlier in the day once the DCK leave was actually a nice escape while I was still semi-alert.

I have been doing more free play. Up until a couple of months ago I felt guilty leaving the kids alone in the playroom or to play by themselves. I felt like I should be there every second. However...you are right...it is great when you can just let them play sometimes and they really don't need you every second. The last couple of months I have been using some of the free play time to prepare snacks and clean up a bit after meals but of course inevitably someone always calls me and tells me that so and so took a toy or there is crying because someone grabbed a toy, etc so those moments are still a work on progress. It has made the kids happier that I am not constantly hovering (In My opinion) because they can relax more when a grown up isn't constantly right beside them watching what they are doing. I think I was making them nervous and they were starting to think of me as this warden rather than their fun, happy daycare provider.

I do have a great bunch of kids and I really do try to have a sense of humor and laugh when things go crazy during the day or when it seems like utter caios has taken over my house but I do think this job is more demanding than people realize.

I used to be a parent who left my child with a daycare provider and I thought to myself that she had it pretty easy because she must love kids, got to stay home and had time with her own family and made a decent living. I never realized just how time consuming and all consuming emotionally it is.

I think I also put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel like I have to live up to the expectations of these parents and deliver them an amazing daycare experience and feel bad telling them we didn't do much that day.

And thank goodness for this forum because it is a lonely job. My hubby doesn't understand or want to hear the details of the day and he gets stressed when I vent about a bad day and none of my friends do daycare so it can feel like I am all alone with these feelings.

Spixie33
05-16-2011, 06:57 PM
Oh and clean the bathroom sink every day?? :p lol.....no can do. I am lucky if I get to it once a week :eek:...the laundry....well that is even worse to talk about. It piles up ! I am so lucky and happy if by Saturday I can see some square footage of my counters again and the laundry room - lol
By the time the daycare leaves, I cook or get dinner going, do homework with my kids or take them to their activities it is a crazy time where I can barely run the vacuum and mop if I am lucky. Mopping is almost a daily thing here. I hate sticky floors and I feel every day the floor is sticky once the dck leave.

mamabear
05-16-2011, 08:09 PM
I used to feel guilty too just letting the kids play, but then I realized something. If we "train" them right, they learn the rules and learn how to play nicely, then our jobs can be quite...simple at times. I find I can sit and watch them play, I don't have to hover or constantly be on the floor with them.

Definitley put your feet up while they're napping! That's my favorite time of day...have a cup of coffee and enjoy the silence...hopefully.

I was talking with my sister about working outside the home and I know I'd be more tired that way. While I'm home I can keep the house relatively clean and have supper cooked for my family. Not to mention no commuting, coffee whenever I want and sitting in the backyard in the summer! When it gets you down try to remember the perks!

sunnydays
05-17-2011, 12:14 PM
My dck's are all under 2, so I do have to be there with them and watching all the time, but I do not feel the need to be interacting with them at all times. I do try to teach them things and spend a little time with each child throughout the day, as well as sing songs, read stories, etc. However, not only is free-play good for us, but I believe that kids NEED it and need lots of it! I think that's how they learn most, not through circle time and adult-directed activities; it's not that I am against that, but I just think that until 3 or 4, it is not necessary as everything they do is a learning opportunity.

jam560
05-17-2011, 03:55 PM
I have been doing daycare for 25 years now so I can hear all of what you are all saying. I have raised three of my own daughters now and they grew up in daycare. They are well rounded, laid back and successful in careers now, and they even thank growing up in a daycare for that. They are unselfish because they have shared everything their entire lives, even their Mom. I have a daughter with a degree in Fine Arts presently going to do her Masters Degree, I have one that just graduated as a Teacher, and another that is so successful in public relations. They all thank the upbringing they had, although not always happy having a house full of kids especially in those teenage years but the education they received was like no other. I am a strong believer that there is only one time in your life that you have the time to develop your creativity and social skills and that you can do things without a schedule (eventhough I keep a schedule) and free play is underestimated. Keep the organized play and craft times when it works but I have had the same experiences with the different age groups...I now do "special times of year" crafts rather than try and squeeze out a craft every day when the others are sleeping! I have had parents come in asking me to keep up with their alphabet and numbers and push on education at all times....guess what...what they learn socially in those first three years is like no other time in their lives and it takes them a long long way. Social skills are just as important as academic skills especially in the earlier years. Burn out yes...but the grass is always greener. So many times I though of changing careers but you know what, the rewards are every smile and hug I get, its worth it, and I love it! hang in there everyone, there are up and down days in every career! well I may have 25 years in a daycare but this is my first time on a forum so hopefully I am doing this right!

sunnydays
05-17-2011, 07:08 PM
Thanks jam560; it's so nice to have confirmation of my own beliefs from an experienced provider. I feel like there is way too much pressure on parents and daycare providers to create super kids who can read, write and create works of art before they are toilet trained:ohmy:

mlc1982
05-17-2011, 07:46 PM
Lately, I have been feeling the same way --- burnt out! I often wonder if I am doing the right thing by keeping my daycare running but know it's the best thing for my kids.

I think part of the problem is that I have put too much pressure on myself to be the person to teach the kids academic skills or keep them occupied with crafts/activites. With my own kids, I have an age range of 9 months - 2 1/2. I am slowly learning that free play is wonderful and there is no harm in it. Knowing that I am not constantly thinking of a new activity or craft to do with the kids has taken a lot of the stress away. I will do something the odd time but for the most part, we do a lot of indoor and outdoor free play. I wish the parents could understand more that this is a good thing for their children.

playfelt
05-17-2011, 08:26 PM
Laundry is one thing that works well during daycare - worked better when I had a basement playroom and a basement laundry but with it on the mainfloor I work it around our day. I put in a tub as we head to the basement. When we come up an hour later for lunch I put it in the dryer. It dries while I cook lunch and I fold it while they eat. Put in the second load, it goes in the dryer and comes out and gets folded before they get up from snack. With four kids and one of them in sports and one special needs the baskets piled up faster than I could wash them but clothes during the week and all the bedding on the weekend.

mom-in-alberta
05-18-2011, 09:07 PM
TOTALLY WITH YOU ABOUT THE FLOORS!!! :)
I don't know how it happens, but.... ewwww. We also just got 2 dogs (in springtime!!) so all of a sudden I feel like both my carpet and kitchen flooring are dirty ALL the time.
On that note, I forgot to say; sometimes I am cleaning while the kids are around! Everyone is in their booster/high chair finishing snack, and I will run a vacuum over the living room real quick. I can see them, they can see me, we sing a silly song if someone doesn't like the noise.
I like to call it multitasking. :)
And yes, never forget the value of free play. You would never leave 3 one year olds to their own devices unattended, but that's why naptime is awesome at that age.You can usually get an hours or two that way. But 2 and 3 year olds can begin to play independently for periods of time, absolutely.
What a great idea about hopping in for a quick refreshing shower. Looking back on the times that I have done that, I agree that it helps big-time. Everything else be damned, "Momma" needs some me time. Then the rest of the evening can go on with a more calm and relaxed parent.
PS> Yes, this job is way more demanding, both physically and mentally, than others give it credit. I think everyone thinks of their one or two children, who have grown up together, and are in their own environment, and goes "Hmm, can't be that tough." But double (or triple) the number of kids, and you get ten times the amount of mayhem, hahaha!! Plus, these kids are not siblings, they are strangers in a different setting. Totally different equation. SIGH... thank goodness for this forum, indeed.

Spixie33
05-20-2011, 10:35 AM
Playfelt - I admire your ability to do laundry during daycare hours. i used to be able to get a load done during the nap but in my part of Ontario we now have Time of Use pricing so I can no longer do laundry during the day. I could only put away stuff I have washed and dried the night before. The rate for electricity use during the day is pretty steep now.

I do occassionally manage to hang some of my kids' clothes while the dck are playing but rarely. They come find me pretty quick and get in the middle of it or say they want me to come and see something etc

Mom In Alberta - not only do the sticky floors bother me but I almost have an anxiety attack when dck arrive wearing white socks. It is a lot of pressure because I worry that their parents will look at the bottom of these socks and judge how clean my floors are !!! :woot::ohmy::ohmy:

gcj
05-20-2011, 01:40 PM
Jam56, wow. I want to keep this handy for the tougher days. Brought a tear to my eye. Thank you infinitely!

foxybrown
06-02-2011, 01:01 PM
After 7 years of doing home daycare, I feel the same way. My daycare day used to begin at 7 and end at 5:30, and now I open at 7:30 and close at 4:30. It's a tough job. I found that I was losing patience with my youngest. My sister has a home daycare as well, and thankfully, takes my dude a couple of days a week, which gives me a bit more 'me' time. I try to clean up while the kids are awake as well, to maximize free time. Hang in there!!

playfelt
06-02-2011, 01:44 PM
When I was first a caregiver I spent my days doing elaborate crafts and fancy lesson plans and we were always doing something including cooking and baking etc. I had a single mom lament to me one day about how hard she found it on the weekend with her 3 year old because she really had no choice but to do laundry, cleaning etc since she spent evenings with her child and was exhausted herself by the time he was in bed. The kicker was when the child made a comment to the mom one day and this was her lament when telling me the story but the child said he wanted to come to my house because all I did all day was play with him. And he was right.... which got me to thinking. Part of our role as a daycare provider is to teach the children the realities of the world and that means that when tables get dusty we clean them off, when something gets spilled we clean it up, that our work must be done before we can play. After that I started working one task into our day such as dusting and gave the kids a cloth to "check" my work so they polished the table I just dusted or whatever - that way they didn't just scatter dust. Later that developed into free play being just that. When they are free to choose an activity I am too. And if I want to sit and stare at the ceiling that is my choice and they need to respect that just as the child who wants to look at a book when their friend wants them to play a game. Learning to make choices, stick with their choices, respect someone's right to choose something different than you, learn to play alone when necessary, be responsible for their own happiness so to speak are all lessons that come out of me doing a household task or sitting for a break. I remind them that I didn't have snack when they did so now it is my turn. Some days we just need more me time than others and we should not feel guilty.

Skysue
06-18-2011, 06:45 AM
I hear ya and that is why you need to have take out day or dinner dates with your family! When I feel like that I do a power clean of my space then I get out of the house! My daycare is on the main level of my home so I don't get the luxury of shutting a door and entering a new space.

Get a way to de stress even if it's going for a walk in the woods to getting a manicure/pedicure. Don't burn yourself out have a movie day with the kids. We are not montisouri Schools we are daycare providers. I am not paid to stimulate the kids every minute of the day! We do craft, playtime, book reading, songs and games everyday. If I'm tired we watch a movie! It's that simple!

Good luck

mumstheword
06-19-2011, 05:01 PM
I have been doing daycare for 15 years. I feel burn out at least once a year. Usually in the spring after a long winter indoors. I have learned to allow myself a couple of weeks of burnout. Where I may not do as much with the kids, they may get more tv time or free play. I don`t feel guilty about it anymore because I know it will pass and I`ll be back to my awesome self again soon :D
When I have felt tired and bored and stressed for a couple of weeks I usually plan something I know the kids will love and I enjoy too. It brings the kids out of the cabin fever and after a day of smiles it reminds me why I do what I do.
I will also hire a maid service for the day a couple of times a year. It is money well spent. I arrange for them to come on a Saturday, send my own kids to the grandparents and go to the spa and get a mani pedi and massage. By Monday I am soooo relaxed and happy and I have a day planned for the kids where I don`t have to worry about house work and I use paper plates and a disposable table cloth. It is a stress free fun day.
Sometimes I let the laundry pile up for a week, then take it to the laundra mat and get it all done at once. I sit with a cup of coffee and a magazinee and relax. leave the kids with hubby. It`s also kinda expensive but makes for a less stressful week.
It ain`t an easy job and less thankful than most. You really have to reward yourself and not feel guilty for not being perfect all of the time!