Potty training advice

[mlle.coccinelle]

Helllo Ladies!

I have never potty trained before and I need advices!

I have this sweet 2.5 year old girl in my care. She has been potty trained for a while her mom says, almost no accidents at home and over night but in the past months we had LOTS of accidents... almost every other day at dayhome! She goes potty right before going down and most days she wakes up crying after 1:45 into the nap because she is completely wet.. ( and I mean WET!) I'm not sure what to do with that. I don't want to wake her up half way trough her nap to get her to go potty again... But it's a pain to have to wash the bedding every single time right!

So far we have tried, a sticker system... that worked for maybe a week then the wetting the bed started all over again. What else can I do? I'm just about to ask the parents for pull ups...!

[samantha3]

I would ask the parents for pull ups. Once she is able to communicate to you that she needs to go and is accident free for a minimum two weeks then the pull ups can come off.

[daycarewhisperer]

She's not potty trained. Most likely the parents are telling you she is doing great at home because they don't want to pay for diapers at your house. Please read this: http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/potty-training-letter-to-parents.htm#comment-1460

[mlle.coccinelle]

I have LOTS of reading to do, but this is GREAT! thank you :)

[Momof4]

My contract states that a child must wear some kind of containment all day every day, even if it's a pullup or plastic pants over underwear for 30 days accident free before they can go without at daycare. Then if they have an accident, I'm sorry but the 30 day rule applies again. I have a beige couch and beige carpets and am far too busy to be cleaning urine or feces from random horrible places in my home while caring for 5 children. What does your contract say right now mllec?

[mlle.coccinelle]

as a newbee, I had nothing in my contract about that... Except that I was willing to help them using the strategy they are using at home.... However, I am renewing in January and I think I am going to add your 30 day rule to it! I'm going to ask the parents tonight to cooperate with me on that one!

[playfelt]

Is she only have accidents at naptime? In that case it would be an idea to have an earlier lunch so there is more time for the food and drink from lunch to move through her system. For sure a pullup at naptime is in order. Make sure drink is limited to more than 4-6 ounces for lunch too. Have her go potty right after lunch and then do something quiet like books or puzzles and then go potty again just before getting into bed.

[mlle.coccinelle]

Yup, it's only at naptime, during the day she is really good at asking to go to the washroom. I did notice that recently she ask every 30-45 minutes where usually it was 1:30- 2:00. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. Anyways I will make them eat a little bit earlyer so she can have two potty break before she goes down! thx playfelt !

[Inspired by Reggio]

Is it possible she is sporting a UTI ~ that usually results in increased urination and accidents in children? Has she been on antibiotics recently that could have knocked her natural flora down there out of whack making room for a UTI to take up route?

If she is doing ok during waking hours I would just ask for a pull up for nap time until she is accident free than ... my practice is during 'waking' hours they need to be accident free for two weeks before a containment unit can be removed and for 'nap time' they need to be waking up dry a month before I will forgo the containment unit then .... containment unit is either a pull up or rubber pant put on over top of the undies during waking hours and a pull up UNDER the undies during nap time and than when they wake it up I just remove the pull up and their undies are on already!

I also agree that having a clear 'potty training policy' for clients about the developmental markers you have to be seeing AT DAYCARE before you will start the process ... aka ability to dress / undress, ability to get onto potty independently, ability to communicate need to go and so forth ... otherwise you will constantly be dealing with battles of parents who want to toilet train when the child is clearly not READY ... as well as a policy of a 'containment unit', how many accidents per day you are willing to deal with before you 'take a break' and try again later and so forth cause these are all things that every parent will have a 'different idea' about and you need to decide what works for YOU and have them follow suit cause you have 5 children in care and cannot be engaged in 5 different practices!

[Crayola kiddies]

Yup you need a pull up for nap time ..... My policy is also a month accident free before we go to only underpants.... And I was also going to say check for a uti cause increased frequency in urination is usually a sign ..... Good luck

[daycarewhisperer]

If the parent insists that the child go in undies have them sign an agreement that they will pay for full carpet and furniture cleaning done by a professional company. Get a quote for an emergency clean from a company you believe can come out quickly and have the parents sign an agreement to pay and put a deposit of one cleaning down.

Once you attach money to the accidents they are usually willing to keep the cheapo diapers on the kid. Diapers are WAY cheaper than carpet cleaning unless you are not the one paying for the carpet cleaning. If someone else pays for it it is cheaper for the parent to do undies. Make wearing undies expensive and they will be more than happy to do diapers.

[monkeymama]

If she is doing well during the day and only having accidents at naptime, what is the harm in pull up at nap time only? My daughter is an extremely sound sleeper. She was potty trained by 2 but did have accidents occasionally during naptime because of this. I just used a pull up and a few months later she was fine.

[playfelt]

Another thing to look at is to check on her frequently in the last half hour of naptime. There is a chance given her age that she is not sleeping the entire time. It doesn't matter whether I sleep 3 hours, 5 hours or 8 hours I need to pee as soon as I wake up. If she is awake and just laying there she may be doing her best but can't hold it till the entire rest time is over. In which case a pullup will prevent the mess but you might also need to address whether a shorter time is necessary. Not all kids sleep two hours as in let her get up after the 1 1/2 hours and read a book or something after going potty.

[kidlove]

what are you doing before nap? if it's lunch, how much does she drink? and do you have her go potty before bed? I would also require a pullup for nap, if she keeps it fry thru nap then she earns a sticker. :) IMO 2.5 is a typical age for starting or even nearing the end of training especially for a girl, BUT even when a child is trained or near the end of training it is still up to the adults to make sure they go every so often, the child does not want to stop play to go potty and are always willing to push the peepees and poops to the limit, having lots of accidents. Until I am sure a child is completely trained I will use diaper or pull up for nap time only, you can't blaim a child for going potty when they are asleep. :) good luck!

[kidlove]

Playflet is right, a lot of times the child stays dry through the entire nap and will go potty after they awake, and for some kids it takes a little bit to fully awaken therefor peeing their pants could really be an accident, not fully awake a child doesn't have solid reasoning.

[kidlove]

If the parents insist on only undies even during nap time, you have two choices...let them go because who wants pee all over the floor after nap due to the fact that the parents are nieve and think their child is done training even though she clearly has a little longer. or...you could put a pull up on the child and not tell the parents. I purchased a bag uf pull ups over a year ago for nap time only kids and still have over half the bag left. If she blows through an entire bag in not a long period of time either she is not ready for undies or you are doing something wrong, most kids in training at the end stage, (if you have them go potty right before sleep and pay attention to when they get up and have them go right away after waking) should only have an accident every couple weeks at the most. :)

[mlle.coccinelle]

Well that didn't go too well. I told the mom that Starting tomorrow, she needed to bring pullups for naps because she had accidents on friday, monday and today as well. I said that she will need to be accident free for 2 weeks before the pull ups comes out and if she has an other accident again, pull ups for naps again....

She was SO upset about this. I told her that it was going to be in the contract starting january 1st and that if she wants her daughter to come to dayhome she need to provide pull ups or some kind to plastic undies because it was not acceptable... and she simply said no.

My problem is that this is my only full time girl, I really can't afford to lose her but i am sick and tired to have to bend over if you know what i mean...

[Inspired by Reggio]

Wow she refused to provide pull up for nap - if you are not willing to terminate over that not sure what to suggest - I would not tolerate peeing on things daily it is not sanitary in a group enviroment!!!

[Bugaboo]

I think you are going to have end this child care arrangement unfortunately. Unless you can have an honest talk with the parent and get on the same page.

I am more than willing and happy to help parents potty train their children when they are in my care but only if the parents are willing to work as a 3-way team (myself, child, parents). I am absolutely willing to assist training children in the washroom with all the steps and skills (helping with clothes, wiping, washing hands, etc.) and reminding or asking children if they need "to go", but I also work with my parents so that they understand that their child is not fully trained until they can do those skills on their own. The ultimate goal in potty training is not just getting the child to understand when they need to go but to help them be able to function in the washroom independently.

I also have a pull-ups rule for potty-training children and I disagree with anyone who says pull-ups delay potty training. They do not. When children are ready to be trained the process is quick and easy and usually relatively stress free. This situation doesn't sound like it is any of that which to me means this child is not ready, and that's ok. Maybe in two weeks or a month she will be ready, there's no race. If this parent can't be understanding of the sanitation concerns, I find that extremely disrespectful to you and to your other day care kids (whose parents would most certainly not appreciate their child being exposed or even contaminated with urine or feces). You have to look out for the safety and care (which includes sanitation) of all your children.

[Momof4]

Perfectly said Bugaboo and I heartily agree with all of this! Mlle.c you stand strong but you can be nice about it, but point out to the parent that they only have one child at home (I assume) and you have a houseful of children. It is unfair to all of the children that you have to take time from your fun and busy day to clean up messes.

[Crayola kiddies]

...... Umm she said no ???? ..... Next .....Oh and give her a bill for the damaged property in your home......

Well that didn't go too well. I told the mom that Starting tomorrow, she needed to bring pullups for naps because she had accidents on friday, monday and today as well. I said that she will need to be accident free for 2 weeks before the pull ups comes out and if she has an other accident again, pull ups for naps again....

She was SO upset about this. I told her that it was going to be in the contract starting january 1st and that if she wants her daughter to come to dayhome she need to provide pull ups or some kind to plastic undies because it was not acceptable... and she simply said no.

My problem is that this is my only full time girl, I really can't afford to lose her but i am sick and tired to have to bend over if you know what i mean...

[Inspired by Reggio]

mlle.coccinelle if this is just a NAP issue for training and if termination for not working with you is not an option for your financially and you do not want to go against the parent wishes and put a pull up you supply on the kid in case it causes more conflict ... what about requesting the parent supply a PEE PAD one of those things for incontinent pets or humans used in hospitals ... it can hold a lot of fluid but is not a diaper and it can be sent home for them to wash and return to you each day along with the kids clothes so that all the laundry expense and work is not being placed on you?

That might be a compromise they would consider? Allows the child to 'feel' that she's had an accident but contains it to the top of the cot and protects any carpet area or what not she might be sleeping on? I personally keep a couple of these on hand for that transition between when they have been 'accident free' in the containment unit of a pull up to moving to no containment unit just to give me added protection until I am very sure they are 'trained' cause all my cots are in carpeted areas and I do not want urine on them :(

[mlle.coccinelle]

Yeah, i think that I will ask her that reggio.... because she peed in bed AGAIN today! Obviously her mom didn't bring her pull ups and I don't have any so i have to do yet an other load of laundry! I'm actually thinking of closing down. Its not worth it, its putting a stress on my pregnancy, on my family and on my 14 months old.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yeah, i think that I will ask her that reggio.... because she peed in bed AGAIN today! Obviously her mom didn't bring her pull ups and I don't have any so i have to do yet an other load of laundry! I'm actually thinking of closing down. Its not worth it, its putting a stress on my pregnancy, on my family and on my 14 months old.

:(

Of course you have to take care of YOU first ... but please do not let one disrespectful client burst your dream of being able to do home daycare and be home with your own kids earning a viable income at the same time ... better to terminate this one in favor of finding another if she is not willing to find a compromise that works for BOTH of you!

[mlle.coccinelle]

Yeah, we had a better talk today. She will keep her at home tomorrow to see if its a problem with her daughter or a stress she is living at dayhome! ( day off for me tomorrow... YAY!) She will also bring a pee pad and beddings for her daughter that SHE will bring home to wash. that's a good start. right?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Sounds awesome! Glad you moving toward solutoin - if it's a UTI she needs treatment to help get over it so hopefully mom gets it looked at!