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Marie
05-16-2011, 09:14 PM
I need some advice regarding some parents that I don't really like and don't want to care for their child anymore...I don't know if I am being unreasonable or letting this get to me too much. I just started caring for their son last week part-time. Today the dad picks up his son and says that he noticed that since he's been coming to my home his son gets home starving and is super hungry. I took that to mean he is saying I'm not feeding his son enough. The thing is, I don't know why he would say that. His son is 9 months old and I KNOW I feed him enough. He eats, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and then goes home. By the time he is ready to go home it is close to supper time so wouldn't he be getting hungry anyways? I know my daughter is hungry at supper time. This was his first full day and really bothered me. I did not have a good feeling about them or like them to begin with, but needed to fill this spot. So I don't know what to do. I want the daycare up and running by early July so if I did let them go I might be able to find someone else by then...am I just letting this get to me too much??? I like their son, he is super cute and a good child. To add to all this, I just recently found out I am pregnant. I am planning on taking 2-4 weeks off. These parents had a problem with me having 12 days a year off unpaid so I am hoping that when I tell them I am pregnant they will want to leave on their own.
Thanks to anyone who reads this and has advice! :)

dragonlady3
05-17-2011, 01:59 AM
This is probably a fairly familiar story for many of us. My advice is to simply ask the father and mother if the real meaning of the statement was that they think you do not feed him. Maybe the dad is awkward. I do suspect though, that he was criticizing and that your instincts are correct. AND you can be sure that they will not like your taking time off to have a baby!! As if they wouldn't take time off....a whole year. It is terrific that their son is a real sweetie, but sometimes it is more important to trust yourself. Please don't doubt yourself....some parents just don't know how to speak to their caregiver in a respectful manner, some are mean-spirited people, but fortunately, most are good people and would never deliberately hurt your feelings. Maybe the father wasn't thinking, or was tired and hungry himself, and didn't intend to sound unreasonable. Maybe he is a real stinker. Either way, you are wise to consider letting them go and budgeting accordingly ...and advertising for another child...just in case your instincts are accurate.

Spixie33
05-17-2011, 06:32 AM
u say that you were already reluctant to take on this family from the get go and that you were sort of hoping they would leave once you tell them that you are pregnant so i would say go with those feelings.

You only get a week or two of trial time where you can politely say that this arrangement is probably not going to work out so do it now before you get too attached to the child or get in deeper with this family and regret it.

I have talked to providers who ended up stuck in bad situations and then they said they had sleepless nights and anxiety and there was no good time for them to terminate anymore.

Go with your instincts and like dragon said - trust yourself. :yes: Good luck

Sarah
05-17-2011, 07:48 AM
I agree that it is indeed important to trust yourself.

But if you make your decision only on this comment, I don't think it's really relevant of the parents personnality or intentions.

When my daughter was about 10 months I was sending her to daycare, and when I was picking her up, she was screaming to eat. At the daycare, she wasn't crying or anything. Didn't seem hungry at all. But she acted as she was starving to death as soon as we got in the car.

I did tell the daycare, wondered what she was eating during the day. And I said it like that:"What does she eat during the day? She's starving when she gets home"

The care provider didn't seem to take it personally AT ALL. She told me what my daughter was eating, wrote it down everyday, including the portion size, etc...

She was eating perfectly well. So we tried to find a solution and give her an extra snack at around 4h30. Honestly didn't do any good.

So I figured it out. My baby wasn't hungry for food, but for attention. And yes, she would eat a lot during dinner, but still I started to work with her on the "need for attention" more than the giving food.

Before making my dinner, even if it was late, I would sit with her for 15 minutes and play, and tell her that after playing and cuddling, I would go prepare dinner.

A week after, everything was back to normal...

Good luck with this!

Emilys4Guppies
05-17-2011, 08:18 AM
I do think it's also important to remember how hard it can be to fill that first spot. If you let them go and have an empty daycare, that won't be as appealing to future families. People always want to put their kids in an established daycare, rather than one just starting that doesn't have any children yet. It makes parents skeptical that you are a) committed to a job that you may not understand because you either don't have children yourself or don't have daycare children, b)how will they know how the daycare runs if they can't see it, even for a few minutes, with children.

It initially took me 6 months to fill my first spot but the rest of them filled quickly afterwards. Are you OK with waiting 6 months to fill that spot again? Know what I mean?

Play and Learn
05-17-2011, 09:06 AM
Just like Emily said, it takes awhile to get all your spots full. I had one child for a year now, but officially opened in September 2010. Got my second child in January. 2 b/a school kids in April. Will have a 12 month old boy come Sept/Oct. Now, I'm getting lots of hits for my open spots.

You might have to wait awhile to fill up. Lots of parents are wary about sending their children to people (like me) who don't have kids of our own, or that don't have a 'full' house.

Personally, I would talk to the parents, and see what they mean by he's hungry when he gets home. Ask them when they have dinner - or maybe he's starving for attention from his parents. I would personally keep them, and then tell them you're pregnant when you're ready to announce. It might be a blessing in disguise, and they'll leave you then to find another daycare!

Good luck!

Judy Trickett
05-17-2011, 11:26 AM
The minute a parent starts to make unfounded statements that question the level of care you provide it is time for them to GO. And the reason is that those parents become a liability to your business, yourself and your family.

Daycare is built on trust. If they don't trust that you are caring for their child adequately then the two of you have no business continuing a daycare relationship.

Terminate and move on.

sunnydays
05-17-2011, 12:03 PM
I am a new provider, so don't have the years of experience that some of the others have here, but I would not terminate based soley on a comment or two. I would first discuss it with the parent to make sure they are clear that their child eats well with you and to clarify what they are thinking. Then if their attitudes are not good, I would consider terminating.

mom-in-alberta
05-17-2011, 02:17 PM
Hmmmmm. That's a toughie.
I, personally, would not terminate immediately based on a single comment. I would clarify with mom and dad whether or not they have any concerns. If they do feel that the baby is not getting enough to eat, be detailed about your communication with them. Do they want you to write down what and how much he eats daily? Think about whether or not you would be willing to do that. Don't take this personally; but maybe try giving him a little more? Maybe he eats more than your daughter does/ used to, and you just aren't used to the portions. It's tricky at that age, because they can't verbalize "more please", etc.
That being said; you say you didn't really like them to begin with? I usually use the first month as a trial period. If during a month, I was still very uneasy with a family, I would let them go. It's true that the longer you wait, the tougher it will be to say "this isn't working out". Keep in mind that the first few weeks are an adjustment for everyone! You, the child and the parents are all getting used to each other. I think sometimes we need a little more patience in the beginning.
So, I would talk to them first. If you really feel like his eating is fine, but they insist he is starving, I would say something like: "You know, I have noticed that right around home time, he begins to fuss a little bit. (Even if he doesn't, really!) I think maybe he knows you will be here soon, and is just antsy to see you! I bet he just can't wait to play and have a snuggle." Like the earlier post said, he may not actually be hungry, just anxious to be with mom and dad. If this is the first child, they may be mistaking these cues?
If after this discussion, things are still quite unsettling for you, then I would think about saying good bye. Perhaps you just aren't a good match in the end.

daycare woman
05-17-2011, 10:49 PM
My parents are the same and often say their kids are starved when they get home, but snack is at 3:15 and I try and make it a tad bigger than morning snack. However they have an hour to an hour and a half of free play till the parents come, my kids play hard! I find by thurs, Friday my kids are exhausted not to mention me even after their nap. They need to have their childs supper ready when they get home and the first thing they do is feed him. Who cares about them. I bet you'll find he's exhausted and should be in bed at 6:30 ish if not earlier because he's had such a "big" day! So of course he's hungry and tired dad, we've had a big day. You would be too!
The other issue could be a growing spurt, he's probably eating constantly or drinking milk constantly at home. You could always try milk before he leaves that is filling for him.
Another issue, my daycare kids are very rude and crabby and crying 2 seconds after the parents walk in at night. I always find that interesting. They are angels for me all day then the parents walk in and it looks like I'm a big meany all day cause they just break down and cry. I say to the parents "never cries with me, sorry." Attention attention, they know how to get it! I can't even talk at the door with the parents because the child is being so disruptive and rude. I try to calm them, but it doesn't work, so I talk to the child the next day and say how are we going to greet mommy at the door tonight, and we work on arriving "protocol". It has worked for me.

daycare woman
05-17-2011, 11:02 PM
I've also had 2 past families call me a night because their child has a bruise they've never seen before. Child was under 2 and not long walking..ya ok...I was really offended at first and then I thought about it, and I said to myself, self I'm not going to let this stress me out I may be the same if it was my child (not) anyhow, so I said to the parent, call me anytime if your wondering and if I know where it comes from I'll tell you, if not oh well. I wasn't sure what would happen after and there were some scratches here and there but they were good about it. Because I decided they were not going to put me down, so I said very casually, no problem kind of voice, Call me anytime about anything, I did assure them that I would always try and tell them first even if they had a little fall. It worked great for me, this is a really stressing phone call to get at night then I worry and worry. Not after this . I really felt relief. But if it continued I would have told them to go elsewhere.

Marie
05-18-2011, 08:46 AM
I think you are right. If this was only his first full day and they already had a complaint, what will the rest of the time with them be like? I guess there are other things about them that bother me so that's why this comment really got to me. When I had told them I take 12 days off unpaid, the mom said ''do you have to take holidays? Because I don't have any other sitter''. She really expected me to never take a single day off. Then she asked if she could bring her son half the day on stat holidays because she is paying me for it, even though they don't work. I told her I don't keep kids on stat holidays and that's that. So yeah, this one comment annoyed me even more. I have a feeling as soon as I tell them I am pregnant they will hit the road. I'm planning on taking 4 weeks off and I'm pretty sure that's not going to sit right with them. The other two families I have are great and have no problems with any of my rules. We'll see how this goes!

Myrtah
05-18-2011, 09:25 AM
You can try to talk to them if you think they are just paranoid ( which is common with most parents). If they are unreasonable then it is better to end it.
I think since you do not like them very much it is better to part ways.

sheri
05-18-2011, 10:48 AM
If you do not care if they pull their Child I would tel them flat that you did not like it and then maybe write down on a daily basis what the child ate how much and the times of the meals and the snacks. Give this to them on a daily basis and this shoudl shut them up and if not then I would tell them you do not derserve this kind of treatment and that they can find alternative childcare. parents do not realize how difficult it is to take care of children and they should be thankful when they find a good child care provider. I have been there times in the past and just came out and told the parents how I felt and that they could take their child elsewhere etc.. Where there is on family there are 2 more families looking for childcare.

daycare woman
05-18-2011, 01:17 PM
So they sound like they are going to pick and pick no matter what you do. I hate confrontation and having to kick people out is not easy for me, however I've found that saying this arrangement just isn't working for me, us whatever.. and I've always given my parents other provider names in the area who may be interested (or not), or write on a nice piece of paper to look on kiji, used ott, and daycare bear, this way I always felt I was helping them to transition elsewhere with a bit of ease and it made me feel a bit better about saying "see ya". Or you use your pregnacy and say guess what I'm pregnant and I'll be taking a large amt of time off, here's a list of names or sites you can use to find another provider:) good luck!!
Just so you know it seems fairly slow for daycare calls so it may be a while before your able to replace him. There are alot of providers looking for kids right now including me in the very east end.

Spixie33
05-19-2011, 10:37 AM
I think you are right. If this was only his first full day and they already had a complaint, what will the rest of the time with them be like? I guess there are other things about them that bother me so that's why this comment really got to me. When I had told them I take 12 days off unpaid, the mom said ''do you have to take holidays? Because I don't have any other sitter''. She really expected me to never take a single day off. Then she asked if she could bring her son half the day on stat holidays because she is paying me for it, even though they don't work. I told her I don't keep kids on stat holidays and that's that. So yeah, this one comment annoyed me even more. I have a feeling as soon as I tell them I am pregnant they will hit the road. I'm planning on taking 4 weeks off and I'm pretty sure that's not going to sit right with them. The other two families I have are great and have no problems with any of my rules. We'll see how this goes!

Whaaaat? I don't know whether to laugh or grimace at her suggestion that she could bring her child for half a day on a stat holiday Wouldn't she or her husband be HOME to be with their child on a stat? That is kinda crazy to think that you should work on a stat whereas the parents are home and paid for the day without working half of it. I have never heard anything like that.

Also....don't these parents want to take any time off from their job during the whole year? usually my parents tell me when their vacays are and we try to build something around those days so I am off when they are off if we can make it all work. That way it works and everyone has time off. There is no purpose staying open if a few of your families are on vacation the same week.

It sounds like they are just very inexperienced with daycare and what to expect. :p

Marie
05-19-2011, 10:56 AM
This is their first time dealing with a daycare of any kind. The feeling I get is that they really want to make sure they are getting their monies worth. I'm thinking that's why she asked if he could still come on the stat holiday, seeing as she is paying for it. I understand money can be tight and no one wants to get ripped off but I am only one person caring for all these children so it's not like one long weekend is undeserved. They've also made the comment that I'm lucky I get to ''stay home all day''. This bugged me so much but I just bit my tongue and didn't say anything. They have said money is tight for them and I think maybe that is making them bitter about paying for childcare...I don't know.

Spixie33
05-19-2011, 11:13 AM
I used to have my kids in a home daycare and I would have to pay stat holidays. It never crossed my mind to see it as giving 'free money'. Sure you have a thought how nice it would be to save the $35 for the day and not have to pay but I knew that my boss was paying me and my paycheck was the same so therefore it made no difference. It wasn't as if I was paying $35 extra and getting a day's salary less from my job.
The way parents should think of it (or at least I came to think of it) is that you get paid, the provider gets paid and the bonus is you get a day to spend quality time with your child and be relaxed and enjoy each other. A stat holiday really makes no financial impact to a family at all. The salary they make and payment they give to a provider are the same regardless so it shoudln't even be an issue. The only difference is that instead of going to work that day and instead of the child going to care that day - they got to be together.
I really don't see how it should be a struggle for them.
I think parents should see what other providers offer and ask around what the general guidelines are for stats, sick days, vacations etc and they would find that it is all very normal and standard. I know that Durhamdaycare.com used to post polls where providers would answer average salary, whether they get paid vacays and stats etc and when I was looking for a provider I knew what to expect.
I have no idea in what sense they would think that a stat holiday is ripping them off or that you should have to work on a stat. Why wouldn't they want that time at home with their child to bond?
The stay at home all day comment - well....sadly not many people realize how hard it is to be a provider and give 100% every day to these young people, to keep them safe, busy, happy, clean, etc.
When I first used a home daycare I also thought to myself that this provider was lucky to be there for her kids and be able to make an income doing daycare whereas I had to go off to work and deal with a bi-polar CEO every day. lol Of course it wasn't until I became a provider that I realized how hard this woman must have worked !

sunnydays
05-19-2011, 01:05 PM
I had someone come for an interview once who didn't like the fact that he would still have to pay even if his daughter was home sick...let alone the fact that I take two weeks paid vacation and 5 paid personal days if needed, plus stat holidays. I am glad he decided to go elsewhere, becuase he was the type who would not value the work providers do. Seeing as we are with their kids all day, parents should want us to be well rested so that we have the energy to deal with them! I always felt this way when my daycare provider wanted to take time off, even though it was sometimes a pain to have to arrange our schedules around it. Many of the providers in my area take paid holiday, let alone unpaid, so good luck to that family if they are looking for someone who will not take holidays! And the half days on stats is just ridiculous! When I worked outside the home, I couldn't wait to have a long weekend and get extra time with my baby.

Marie
05-19-2011, 02:28 PM
I didn't think paid stat holidays were unreasonable so I'm glad to hear most people do this. I am planning on telling the parents this week I am pregnant so we'll see what happens. I don't think they mean to come across the way they do, but the impression they've left me with is that I am just a babysitter. The reason they have a problem with vacation time is because they've said I'm the only sitter they have, so if I can't take their son that day they have no one else. Whenever they ask for extra things they do it in an almost pleading way that makes me feel bad for them and I just want to cave in but I don't because I know if I do it will never stop. They've said more than once money is tight, they have no family help to watch their son if I am not able to...etc. And I don't like to be referred to as a babysitter but I'm not about to go into that with them. Not worth it!

lilac
05-21-2011, 10:42 PM
I've only been doing daycare for about 2.5 years, but I have found that it did take me a while to warm up to most of the parents, espeically in the begining, I was constantly worried they didnt think I was taking good care of their kids or that their kids werent happy, little comments I'd always get concerned about. One mom called me after 2 weeks of care, her daughter had pink eye, where could she have gotten pink eye from, was I allowing daycare kids to come to my daycare with pink eye? etc... my nose was really out of joint with that, but if I had terminated based on that, I'd be missing out, they have turned out to be one of my favorite families! I'll bet it goes the same was as a parent, it takes them a bit to get comfortable with us especically if its their first in daycare hence the awkward comments.
I too have witnessed the massive change in personalities of some of the kids the second their parents open the door. Quite amazing to watch if you ask me!! Good as gold all day long, but miserable, cranky, rude, and uncooperative as soon as mom walks through the door... all for attention....

playfelt
05-22-2011, 06:43 AM
What about asking the parents to supply an extra bottle of milk that you can give to the child. Many of my parents have a cup of juice in the car for the child and many have a snack the child gets for the ride home - even those that live only a few blocks away. Child has come to expect it and will ask for it even while dressing to go home like I didn't feed them all day as if they will fade into oblivion if they don't "finally" get some more food. It just makes me laugh most days and parents don't seem to question my meals. I will sometimes if a child is being over dramatic make a comment mentioning how recent snack was. The key here is if the child is to have an "extra" snack it needs to be provided by the parent because they have received the meal and two snacks they paid for. I think the rudest one is when the parent would ask me to fill a bottle or cup for the trip home cause the kid is hungry. That is where the juice in the car comes from. If I fill the bottle it is with water to combat thirst as that is more often the need since we were just playing.

mom-in-alberta
06-02-2011, 10:39 AM
You know, after hearing all the other stuff that this set of parents have said to you; I honestly don't know if it is a family that I would work with!
Can the child come for a half day on stats? Seriously? Would YOU go into work that day for a half day? Your boss IS paying you, you know!
I always get really nervous when it is all about the money to mom and dad. I understand that childcare can seem like a big expense. But: a) that is the choice YOU are making by returning to work on a full time basis. Many other families work out other scenarios if they don't want to have that cost. b) When you factor for expenses, etc, we providers DON'T make THAT much money at the end of the day. I don't think I know of any 6-figure earning home daycare providers!
As for them not having any other child care.... tough. That is, again, their issue to deal with. Not yours! Don't let them play on your sympathies to get away with something for nothing. I always tell my parents to have back up care in place. I know it's extreme, but what if I got in a car accident or something? They would have to figure something out, right? May as well do that now. You never know what will happen. And the reality is; I get sick sometimes, and I deserve days off sometimes, and so on. The more pregnant I get, the more I am going to stress to my families that I will work until a certain date, but PLEASE have a backup plan, just in case!!
As for you being so lucky to "stay at home all day".... there is not much we can do to make these kind of people see how not easy some days can be at this career. If they think it's so easy, why aren't they doing it? Sigh. That is why I so value the parents that do take it seriously!!

foxybrown
06-02-2011, 02:02 PM
I definitely say follow your instincts. Being pregnant is such an important time and added stress is definitely not necessary. Do you have an probationary period? I have one of those in my contracts, and it protects against this stuff specifically...Good luck!

carma1780
06-02-2011, 04:47 PM
I think before terminating care a conversation should take place to decipher what the father's meaning and intent behind that statement was. I have 2 boys that come to my home and the older one, who is 4, started having anxiety about coming. His parents (who are great) talked to him about it and discovered that he was hungry at my house (I feed 2 good, scheduled snacks and lunch daily but more if the kids are hungry). This little guy had never once told me he was feeling hungry so I was surprised, told his dad what I feed the kids and talked to the boy about letting me know how he is feeling. Problem solved. Now he lets me know what he needs and what he's worried about and all is good. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to establish good, solid lines of communication between you and the parents. You all want what is best for the kids in your care, some people just aren't as eloquent or tactful as others. I appreciated that mine came to me with the issue instead of making assumptions about my quality of care and putting the boys elsewhere. That all being said, be aware of what your guts are saying when you broach the subject and/or keep a daily log of what you are feeding and portions so it cannot be called into question again.

Skysue
06-28-2011, 10:23 PM
I need some advice regarding some parents that I don't really like and don't want to care for their child anymore...I don't know if I am being unreasonable or letting this get to me too much. I just started caring for their son last week part-time. Today the dad picks up his son and says that he noticed that since he's been coming to my home his son gets home starving and is super hungry. I took that to mean he is saying I'm not feeding his son enough. The thing is, I don't know why he would say that. His son is 9 months old and I KNOW I feed him enough. He eats, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and then goes home. By the time he is ready to go home it is close to supper time so wouldn't he be getting hungry anyways? I know my daughter is hungry at supper time. This was his first full day and really bothered me. I did not have a good feeling about them or like them to begin with, but needed to fill this spot. So I don't know what to do. I want the daycare up and running by early July so if I did let them go I might be able to find someone else by then...am I just letting this get to me too much??? I like their son, he is super cute and a good child. To add to all this, I just recently found out I am pregnant. I am planning on taking 2-4 weeks off. These parents had a problem with me having 12 days a year off unpaid so I am hoping that when I tell them I am pregnant they will want to leave on their own.
Thanks to anyone who reads this and has advice! :)

Hi Marie,

WTF just curious but are they not sending food for there 9 month old? Parents should supply food until there little ones have enough teeth to eat a proper daycare meal. That is what I did for my daughter in daycare. She didn't get teeth until one and had a full mouth by 18 months, my daycare provider suggested I let her feed her when she was 2 due to the fact she was eating her food and not mune! LOL

Sorry I'm not saying your not feeding there child the right food but as a Mother I would be making the meals for my 9 month old so I know what they are eating.

I have been watching a little guy since he was 10 months and his mother sent food until he was 13 months and I now provide all his meals, but the choking factor can be scary if they can't chew!

I have a Mom who makes those comments to me as well and I just ignore her. I know 100% her daughter eats healthier when she is in my care. when she is with me she always has a healthy BM but after every weekend her BM's are always rock solid and I know this is from drinking way too much milk! I wish some parents would understand that milk is not a meal replacement.