Need to vent... Parents mad that I took 2 sick days this month

[Manue]

So this has been a bad month for sickness! Of course i clean/disinfect as much as i can but no matter what i do i work with kids and most of the time its them who bring it in and we all get sick. The first week of Dec i got strepped throat and had fever for 5 days, i only closed ONE day. Then this week both my kids got ear infections so i closed on wednesday so they can get some rest in a QUIET house.... Normally when my kids wake up with runny nose, slight fever, or anything like that i will call the parents and let them know what my kids symptoms are and its up to them if they still want to bring their kids as i do stay open.
Now this family I watch is ALWAYS lake picking up their child, usually 10-15 min late (after i close) so i sit at the front with their daughter and wait and NEVER say anything. I have always worked with them to make things easier for them. The dad has forgotten her lunch many times and i have always said it was ok i would give her something and have NEVER charged them for this. They always pay a day or 2 late, i have bills to pay too and those cant be late. Anyway i always go out of my way for this family and have never charged them late fee (pick up and payment) or for meals. The parents live with the fathers parents so there are 4 adults in their house. My contract states that if i have to close for ilnesses or emergency I am NOT responsible for finding alternate care as I dont have a sub, and they will get a credit for that day on their next payment. Now i have only had to close twice since they started in September. When I called on wednesday to let the mom know i had to close she kept telling me she was at risk of loosing her job over this, i apologized but i had to, then she asked if she could bring her another day and i said sure no problem so she came yesterday instead. When the dad picks up the little girl last night, of course late as usuall, he gives me a 10 min lecture on how this isnt ok, that because of me the wife was at risk of loosing her job, telling me if this happens again they will have to pull her out. That i wasnt thinking of them and how inconvenient this was. I explained to him that I am a mom and I also have to think of my kids and myself and that from the very beginning i told them if i had to close I didnt have anyone to take over, as everyone I know works mon to friday during the day. I tried to be sympathetic and listen but he just kept on, I was in shock and didnt know what else to do. What do THEY do when they are sick or their child is sick and they have to stay home?? They call in sick, and do they find a replacement?? NO. Plus there are 4 adults in the house, I am sure someone else can stay with the child. I cant believe they were blaming ME for the wifes job being at risk because I closed 2 days!!!! I was devastated...
What do YOU guys do when you or your child is sick and have to close?? I mean this IS our home too...

[Manue]

Oh and he called me a "babysitter" over and over :( I dont think Im just a babysitter...

[gcj]

First of all, I'd try charging a late fee....if you don't like working late, don't LET them make you.

And if you're sick, you're sick, right? Sucks, but I'm sure any logical person can get that. Even if you had a replacement, it's in their child's best interest to not be in that environment...

They sound disrepectful and maybe should be replaced. They're not living up to their end of things....

My mom often calls what I do babysitting. Sometimes I think it's the only word they know. I've never called my mom on it, since she used to "babysit"....

[Manue]

Thanx gcj, I just advertized for the spot. But to makes matters worse I just had my 2 part time kids (they are brothers) mother give me notice because they will be moving at the end of January :( So i have to fill up 2 full time spots and 1 part time spots. All this a couple of days before Christmas... Needless to say I am not having a very good week!!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Manue ... I am so sorry that you have a client who is giving you such disrespectful treatment ~ my advice is to CALL them on it and do not tolerate it!

Reality is that while there are so many awesome PROS to choosing home childcare this is the one and only CON when we close the CLIENTS have to have a PLAN for back up arrangements .... if they have a job that is not flexible, if they have no family supports or other people to draw on then my advice to them is that they seek CENTRE CARE where care is available basically 5 days a week 52 weeks a year regardless of staff illness or vacation with exception of Stat holiday closures because THAT is the level of care they obviously need if taking two sick days is going to cause them to 'loose their job'!

When I interview prospective clients a very large portion of the interview questions and conversation is around this CON of home childcare and do they have supports in place for my PLANNED ONES because I am closed for 10 stats, 10 vacation days and do they have BACK UP for a minimum of 10 unplanned sick/emergency day ones either in ample sick days and vacation of their own or support from family and so forth and if a client DID NOT than I honestly would not sign them on because I do not do GUILT TRIPS when I am sick or have a family emergency to deal with ... I have actually told prospective clients that 'if I have to call in sick or have a family emergency I am well aware it is 'inconvenient' to clients and it takes a lot for me to choose to close in the first place so in that moment when I call in the last thing I need to HEAR is unsupportive comments about how the timing sucks or what not and if I DO hear unsupportive comments it will be the last 'closure' they will have to worry about because our arrangement will be over. I worked in centre care too many years for bosses who were ASSES about calling in sick and would have staff in the centre puking in the bathroom or coughing up a lung or in dire pain while trying to care for a room full of 24 children barely 'there' because management was to self absorbed to come into ratio to allow staff to go home ~ not dealing with that in my own home!

Sometimes I think we need to be professional and assertive about what our expectations for treatment are because some people in society treat providers like a 'slave' for lack of a better phrase like we have no rights and should just be grateful when they pay us ... and basically we need to stand up and 'demand' to be treated in the manner we think we deserve ... personally any man who treated me like you are sharing here would be DONE in my program that day ... it is rude and disrespectful ... their termination notice would come with care if terminated effective TODAY and here are some 'centre contacts' for them to consider as better able to suit their needs!

Life is too short not to wake up every morning being passionate about what you do and no amount of money is worth being treated like a door mat!

[Momof4]

Three different issues here:

You have a right to close your daycare with notice when you are sick and parents are always supposed to have a backup plan. We are human! It isn't like you are trying to charge them money for it and I bet the parents have sick days at work. If they already used up all their sick and vacation days for the year then that was bad planning on their part, wasn't it?

Secondly, YES, start charging a late fee every single time and never let people walk all over you like that.

Third, a lecture from a parent? If that happened to me I think I would absolutely terminate on the spot and rework my budget after the fact, money be damned! NOBODY should be talking to you like that! That's horrible! I'm shaking I'm so angry for you right now!

[Manue]

Thank you for all the support, I was in tears about it all of yesterday and it is still weighing heavily on my mind. I am so bad with confrontations, its like all of a sudden I loose my brain and cant say much more then sorry I was sick, then I spend all night thinking about what i should of said and done. Saw the dad in the morning but there were other parents around so i took the child and said goodbye,it was very awkward and I shouldnt feel that way around a parent. The mom picked her up and she acted like nothing was wrong (maybe he didnt tell her??? Or she thought it was ok??) Anyway i couldnt talk to her about it as there was another parent around picking up her children. I was to write her and let her know how hurt i was and that if they were not happy with my service that i will miss their child dearly but i feel disrespected and that i will probably have to take another sick day in the future. My husband tells me I should wait until the holidays are over and talk to them when i see them next on the 2nd (as I am closed from today until then). Do I write or not??

[Inspired by Reggio]

Personally I would try to let it go for now and focus on enjoying your holiday and family - if it helps to write it all out NOW to give yourself and outlet but than had it to them for the New Year and deal with it and their reaction than!

[Momof4]

Thank you for all the support, I was in tears about it all of yesterday and it is still weighing heavily on my mind. I am so bad with confrontations, its like all of a sudden I loose my brain and cant say much more then sorry I was sick, then I spend all night thinking about what i should of said and done. Saw the dad in the morning but there were other parents around so i took the child and said goodbye,it was very awkward and I shouldnt feel that way around a parent. The mom picked her up and she acted like nothing was wrong (maybe he didnt tell her??? Or she thought it was ok??) Anyway i couldnt talk to her about it as there was another parent around picking up her children. I was to write her and let her know how hurt i was and that if they were not happy with my service that i will miss their child dearly but i feel disrespected and that i will probably have to take another sick day in the future. My husband tells me I should wait until the holidays are over and talk to them when i see them next on the 2nd (as I am closed from today until then). Do I write or not??

I'm sorry, but I would DEFINITELY write a warning letter and give it to them the next time I see them. I understand exactly what you are saying. When I'm really mad at someone I can't forget it or let it go or sleep and that's not healthy. So I tell people when I'm mad and work it out OR NOT, I'm honest and open, I don't have a phony bone in my body and what I feel and think shows on my face. If I can't work it out with people then I cut them out of my life. It's important to know when it's time to do that.

This is BUSINESS. This is not our heart or feelings, it's strictly BUSINESS. Don't ever forget that and learn from this experience. I've been there and done that and learned the hard way so I can tell you that we have to separate our hearts and our brains completely. It's difficult, but the way I look at it is that the children get my heart and the parents get my brain!

Anyway, I think you should write a letter outlining exactly what must be followed according to your contract, late fees must be paid even if they are ONE MINUTE LATE, NO ABUSIVE LANGUAGE TOWARD YOU WILL BE TOLERATED, PERIOD!

Please advertise, interview, find a replacement for these people. If you really think they deserve one more chance then tell them honestly that they only have one more chance in the letter of warning. When we demand respect we GET respect. But in the meantime let this family know that you have options, you have a waiting list, you do not need them as much as they need you because you are providing them with an excellent service.

[apples and bananas]

The amount of the adults in the house is really none of your concern as to assuming they have extra care when you are sick.

If a parent tried to give me a lecture on closing I would kindly let them know that this is my business and it is my descretion when to open and close based on the best interest of the kids in your care. If they are not happy with your policies they are welcome to find somewhere else to take their child. I would tell them that they are not welcome to come into my home and lecture me on sick days. I work for me, not them and if they are confused about that set up there is the door.

In regards to the late pick ups, no lunch etc. If you let things go like this then you are looked at as an employee and not the employer. You have set yourself up to be stepped on and talked down to. Review your policies with them and don't waiver a minute! Enforce a late fee for pick ups and for payment.

Oh... and post for a new client because you will not hang on to these people much longer... and you don't want them much longer either.

[playfelt]

I think if it had been any other time of year there wouldn't have been as much objection from the family but it is month end, year end and busy for many people at work not to mention seasonal activities and people at work also sick, etc. - just lots of factors parents are facing. That does not excuse their rudeness just explains it a little.

One of the downfalls of home care for sure is the chance of being left suddenly without care when a caregiver closes due to illness. Even though we warn them at interviews it always catches them off guard when it actually happens.

Leaving out the other issues you have with this family since they are separate issues just adding to the annoyance and anger at this point but I can see in a similar situation where my daycare parents might be upset if I decided to close just to have a day to cuddle with my kids. Yes your children have ear infections but as the mom of 4 I realize life has to go on when one or more of them are sick. That means opening daycare as usual. It means not doing programming and having lots of freeplay for the daycare kids while I sit on the couch and cuddle one of my own. It means turning on the tv or putting on a movie to get quiet. And in reality it is only 3-4 hours in the morning that you would have had to deal with because naptime takes care of the need for quiet in the afternoon. If your own children were up in the night then they probably would be able to be in their own beds in their own rooms for a quiet rest during the daycare morning. I guess what I am saying is I would question whether the situation warranted closing daycare or not too just like the parents did. Yes we stayed home to be with our own kids but if we are going to open a home daycare and be professionals it means there are days we have to "go to work" as normal and still care for our own children when they are not up to par. I also get that you have been sick and your strength was already taxed and for sure that complicates things in terms of meeting everyone's needs including your own. As I said at the beginning, had it been any other time of the year there might not have been as much objection to the closure.

[Manue]

I think if it had been any other time of year there wouldn't have been as much objection from the family but it is month end, year end and busy for many people at work not to mention seasonal activities and people at work also sick, etc. - just lots of factors parents are facing. That does not excuse their rudeness just explains it a little.

One of the downfalls of home care for sure is the chance of being left suddenly without care when a caregiver closes due to illness. Even though we warn them at interviews it always catches them off guard when it actually happens.

Leaving out the other issues you have with this family since they are separate issues just adding to the annoyance and anger at this point but I can see in a similar situation where my daycare parents might be upset if I decided to close just to have a day to cuddle with my kids. Yes your children have ear infections but as the mom of 4 I realize life has to go on when one or more of them are sick. That means opening daycare as usual. It means not doing programming and having lots of freeplay for the daycare kids while I sit on the couch and cuddle one of my own. It means turning on the tv or putting on a movie to get quiet. And in reality it is only 3-4 hours in the morning that you would have had to deal with because naptime takes care of the need for quiet in the afternoon. If your own children were up in the night then they probably would be able to be in their own beds in their own rooms for a quiet rest during the daycare morning. I guess what I am saying is I would question whether the situation warranted closing daycare or not too just like the parents did. Yes we stayed home to be with our own kids but if we are going to open a home daycare and be professionals it means there are days we have to "go to work" as normal and still care for our own children when they are not up to par. I also get that you have been sick and your strength was already taxed and for sure that complicates things in terms of meeting everyone's needs including your own. As I said at the beginning, had it been any other time of the year there might not have been as much objection to the closure.

Yes I do understand this is a busy time of year, but this IS the time of year where we get sick the most. If I or my children have just a cold, mild fever, sneezing, coughing etc... then no, i do not close the daycare, i let the parents know prior to their arrival what I or my children have and give them the option of bringing their child or not. But we were very sick, i had a high fever for 5 days, and was in alot of pain. My son felt the same way and I couldnt imagine him or I being in a room with screeming kids all day. Even if I do freeplay all day (which yes I do when I am feeling under the weather) they still make alot of noise because they are children.It wasnt just to cuddle with my child, i was very sick the first time and my son the second time. My husband could not stay home with my child away from the other kids as he was out of town for work. My little boy is only 2 and will not stay in his room by himself all day. I understand the parents frustrations, but to tell me that if i closed ever again that they would pull her out and make me feel bad... Im sorry that wasnt ok..

[Momof4]

It's true that we have to try really hard to work even when we are sick. We have a lot of people counting on us and 10 parents and 5 children are inconvenienced when we take a sick day. I've only closed for one sick day in almost 5 years but I have booked off a few other paid personal days for doctor's appointments in advance. The day I decided to close I had such a bad chest infection I was afraid I was going to pass out so it was a safety issue for the children.

The point is that I want to have a really great reputation and grateful clients who know they can always count on me to be reliable and responsible. That is a big part of our job. However, I've worked a few times sitting in my recliner chair most of the daywith my box of tissues and garbage pail beside me and without a voice but it's because the cold virus was brought in by the children already that the parents left them here.

[Crayola kiddies]

I have never closed when my kids are sick and only once did I have to warn parents that one of my kids was vomiting but I didnt close and only one chose not to come cause in reality by the time a kid has started vomiting they have already shared it with everybody. I would never close for an ear infection and I accept kids into care with ear infections cause they aren't usually contagious.... As long as they can participate in the program and they don't have a fever over 101 they are welcome.
I would not stand for someone lecturing me in my home..... I had one family tell me they wanted me to change my illness policy to reflect their beliefs .... They are no longer part of my daycare. I would hand them a termination letter starting that due to a general air of disrespect towards my myself and my business I will no longer be providing care to xxxxx effective xxxxxx (whatever your notice is in your contract) .... Next !!!

[kidlove]

I've had many parents through the years like this...what is good for them is not good for you! They only think of themselves, they can leave you hanging after hours while they DO whatever they need ,and come to pick up with a new "excuse" every night they are late. But goodness, forbid you have to close every once in a while due to the fact that you are too ill/contagious to care for other peoples children (putting them first, due to the fact you don't want to spread your illness to the well families you provide care for none the less) or staying home to take care of your child ONLY because, the facts are....you are only one person and took this job first and foremost (willing to bet) for the betterment of your own family. but they can't understand that. These are the kind of people that will take take take until there is no more to be taken. The first thing you need to do is charge a Late Fee! every time they ar emore than one minute past your closing time, they MUST be charged. This way, IF they continue to "use" you, at least you won't feel completely used, you will at least have some financial compensation for their ignorance, not to mention...usually when you put money on an issue, all of a sudden you are heard. IF you start charging them each time they are late, almost 100% they will begin picking up on time. People will only push you as far as you let them! And in this field of work, we are generally very kind and caring women, therefor.....transla tes to "easily used"! Don't let yourself get used by rude people. You are worth more than that!
Lastly, IF they can't handle being "put out" every once in a while due to the fact that you do have a family and personal life, they may want to choose a Day Care center instead of family care, they will drop their child to one of many random people throughout the week and NEVER have to worry about the inconvenience of having the facility be closed for what ever reason. Maybe going to a Center they can be set straight on the fact that all care providers family or center based are NOT "baby sitters" but professional care providers with abilities and knowledge far exceeding that of a 12 year old girl, who comes to your home to watch your child watch TV. They sound like they need to be set straight or let Go! You deserve more respect, and this family is not giving it! if you can't make them respect you through a little conversation and a few late fees tacked on, please let them go and look for someone who values you, and the fact that you have values as well! Either way you choose to go! Let it go for now and enjoy the Holiday, but first day back......take care of the problem! Merry Christmas to you!!!!

[sunnydays]

While I know we all try very hard not to close our daycares when not necessary, I can certainly empathize with Manue. Sometimes we have to close for our own good or that of our kids. I don't think it serves anyone for us to get burnt out because we are so afraid to take a day off when we need it. I do mention it in interviews and it is in my contract (I do have paid personal days for illness etc) and while I hate to close, sometimes it is the right thing to do. I have never had anyone lecture or threaten to leave over this although I know it is very inconvient to them. And as Manue said, we all do tend to get sick at this time of year. The past two months have been horrendous for my kids and the dck's...one illness after another and then I had a family emergency (right after having had gastro) and had to close for an entire week so I could travel. It was terrible timing righr before Christmas and I felt really bad...but my family comes first and I did what I had to do. Nobody lectured or threatened to leave...they were all sympathetic although I know it caused stress on them as they had to scramble to make arrangements. If anyone had so much as complained, in the emotional and physical condition I was in, I think I would have terminated care on the spot. Yes, we are professional and need to be reliable, but we are human and one person cannot be everything to everyone at all times.

[mimi]

Well said Sunnydays :) When is it ever a convient time to get sick? I hope your family member is better.