It happened to me again :(

[Mamma_Mia]

Friday came and went and I gave dckids their gifts...dcmom watched them open it, thanked us very much then she handed over my envelope and wished all a Merry Christmas...

I opened the envelope and it's the weekly fees...nothing else. Not a card, not a chocolate not even something for my DD. Nadda. I got nothing.

Booo to me :(

[gcj]

bah humbug.

[mimi]

Don't change Mamma Mia because clients don't reciprocate. You have a generous nature and enjoy giving to your dckids. All kinds of people make up this world. Some having a giving, kind nature, some are self involved, some selfish, some oblivious to social graces etc. This client should be grateful she picked you and found someone like you with a loving heart. Merry Christmas to you hon.

[Momof4]

Ah, it happens to me most years too. I know there are providers who get hundreds of dollars in cash and gift cards and I find it a little challenging to keep my chin up because my clients don't have a lot of money. I get small, thoughtful gifts and they say thank you and give me lovely cards. It's ok. I didn't get anything at all from 2 of my families either, not even a card.

I just want you to know you are not alone MammaMia. Merry Christmas.

[kidlove]

Have a Great Christmas any way!

[apples and bananas]

That sucks! I'm so sorry. I always got my daycare provider a $50 gift card and I always got something for their children. Not a lot, just something small. My kids were friends with their kids so they exchanged gifts.

I'm so sorry... chin up. I hope you have some good time off.

You should send out an email to all of your clients thanking them for the lovely gifts and wishing them a merry christmas. That will probably make at least a few feel guilty. ;)

[jodaycare]

Sorry to hear that. It happened to me as well. I got gifts from all but 1 family. This is the family that I have worked overtime for most days lately and without charging extra. And to top it off, they picked up late on Friday and Dad brought my money sometime after 6 pm, not sure when cause I was out. I am not pleased and will be thinking up a way to stop the late pick ups in the New Year, not sure whether I will be raising their fees or just charging my late fee. Just proves once again that being nice doesn't pay. I hope despite your disappointment, you have a wonderful Christmas.

[dodge__driver11]

Hey Mamma_Mia, Chin up...It happened to me too, I have a mom who is a challenge, and she never says thank you for any of the gifts I give her son, but hey when he gets them he is so happy!! I have yet to get a gift from her :(

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

Hugs to you Mama Mia - I too got nada from two of my four families. No cards - not even a thank you e-mail for the gifts that I put together for their child. =( One Mum gave me a small gift - Olive oil and balsamic vinegar (not really my thing, but the thought was very much appreciated) and my star Mum gave me a gift certificate to a Spa. Very generous gift card ($50) but I'm in a bit of a conundrum because everything on offer at this spa is very expensive - a manicure is 90 dollars. Yikes ! So I don't know if I'll use it or not - I kind of hate to have to spend a lot of money on something that I wouldn't ordinarily spend on, just to "use up" a gift card. She really should have just bought me an ornament for my tree or a box of candy. I totally get (and agree!) that she should not be gifting me 200 dollar gifts, but now what do I do with this darn gift card ?Ah well....keep your kind heart Mama (despite the scrooges out there) and here's hoping that Santa is good to you ! =)

[mimi]

regift it m2f mama to someone you know who would use it. :)

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

Good idea Mimi....:yes:

[Serendipity]

The easiest way to avoid being hurt and sad at this time of the year is to recognize the fact that we do a job. We are paid for these services. If we choose to give gifts to the DCK's and have big parties and lots of festive fun, it should always be because we want to do it for the kids NOT ever because we expect something in return.

Receiving a gift or a card from families really shouldn't be something we should expect. I guess I don't understand why so many providers do this to themselves every year.

I realize that we are caring for other people's children and the job we do is important but why does that mean it should come with a gift or card? I look at this business very differently than a lot of provders as I would NEVER expect my daycare parents to buy me a Christmas present. I feel that parents show their appreciation to me by following my policies and being respectful about timely payments.

I don't spoil my own children and family members with tons of expensive gifts and view Christmas more about the reason than the gift giving. If I do things for my daycare kids during the holidays such as special activities and gifts, I do it from my heart because I want to not ever because I expect something in return.

I am continually amazed at the number of forums that have venting threads from providers complaining about the gifts, cards, and thanks they feel they didn't get. :unsure:

[Momof4]

Serendipity, I agree with you and didn't expect anything from my clients at first and still don't EXPECT anything. But then on all the forums you have the providers who get the wonderful gifts start the thread usually to tell about all their hundreds of dollars of gift certificates and great presents. Then the rest of us who don't have the kind of clients who can buy gifts like that must remember not to get the least bit jealous!

I will continue to do exactly as I've done this year and will buy the children gifts for their birthdays and Christmas and next year we will craft our little fingers off again to make nice presents for the parents.

[Serendipity]

Serendipity, I agree with you and didn't expect anything from my clients at first and still don't EXPECT anything. But then on all the forums you have the providers who get the wonderful gifts start the thread usually to tell about all their hundreds of dollars of gift certificates and great presents. Then the rest of us who don't have the kind of clients who can buy gifts like that must remember not to get the least bit jealous!

I will continue to do exactly as I've done this year and will buy the children gifts for their birthdays and Christmas and next year we will craft our little fingers off again to make nice presents for the parents.

First, I want to say I am NOT saying ALL providers but I do think that a majority of the providers who are posting about the HUGE gifts they get are the same ones who fill the forums FULL of complaints, vents and threads about issues they have with either their parents or the DCK's themselves so if they have to deal with all that during the year just to get a huge gift in the end, no thanks. I prefer to have wonderful, respectful and policy observing clients than those who are the root of vents all year round any day.

I also call bull on a lot of providers who "say" they get these huge cash bonuses and gifts from clients. I am sorry but I just don't buy it. I have been in this business for 25 years and have worked in lots of different capacities as well as being on several different forum boards for caregivers, teachers and ECE workers and I think the threads started about some of these gifts are bogus.

I am sure there are a few providers out there who get thoughtful, well intended gifts from their DC families and that is awesome but like I said, I really think that is only a tiny percentage of the ones who post. The rest are...well for lack of better words...not being 100% truthful. For those providers who are truthful about it, good for you, I am glad you have those kinds of families but like I said, I just don't buy the rest of it.

[Momof4]

:laugh: I like what you said about calling providers on their BS! I'm sure some people get big gifts and have generous clients, but I'm a little tired of them bragging about it on forums because there are so many of us who do NOT get those kinds of gifts. I've never received anything over a $50 gift card and that was only one year. I'm so happy this year that my clients are giving me this week off all the way until Jan. 2nd with pay. This is my favourite gift ever! I'm tired!

[BrightEyes]

Awww Mamma Mia, I know it sucks. It would have been nice to at least get a thoughtful card! I know for me I really appreciate when parents acknowledge all that we do for their children. :)

[Other Mummy]

In the 2 years I've been doing daycare, I've only received a handful of small gifts from parents (chocolates, leg warmers (LOL),) this year, only one family gave me a gift....and it was a $50 gift card to Walmart...BUT WAIT....that was including my payment (I only care for their daughter one day a week) so...the gift was actually less than $20 which was still awesome...but I was annoyed that they did not pay me my fee in cash but included it in my "gift card".:blink:

[sweetiepia]

I totally agree with serendipity! For me the gift is having hte pleasure of taking care of their child!!

I mean come on, they leave us the MOST important thing in their life! their children! Yes, i agree it might be sad not receive a thank you card, but in the end, we are paid to watch their children, its not like we do it for free. If it were done for free, then hell yeah gimme something hahaha

I have been doing this for 11 years now, sometimes i get awesome presents, sometimes nothing. it depends on the relationship you have with your parents I guess!

anyways, for me, the pleasure is taking care of those little munchkins that I love so much! for me, that's my gift (but i do appreciate a thank you here and there once in a while)

chin up! as long as the DCKs are happy and love you and hugg you, that's enough!

[Momof4]

In the 2 years I've been doing daycare, I've only received a handful of small gifts from parents (chocolates, leg warmers (LOL),) this year, only one family gave me a gift....and it was a $50 gift card to Walmart...BUT WAIT....that was including my payment (I only care for their daughter one day a week) so...the gift was actually less than $20 which was still awesome...but I was annoyed that they did not pay me my fee in cash but included it in my "gift card".:blink:
I think you should send out a bill for the remainder of the amount owing for payment. Christmas or not, your fees are due in full every week and this is completely unacceptable. Put yourself in the place of other important service workers such as a doctor, lawyer, plumber and do you think they would accept this as payment for their bill? You deserve your payment in full. I hope you stand up for yourself.

[playfelt]

Unfortunately parents don't say thank you to us enough and while some would say they don't have to because we offer a service, they pay for it and that is the end of the transaction it is the things like being added to their Christmas gift list that sometimes is what we use to measure our value to the parents. For some parents they just aren't generous with anyone. For some parents it is also about being embarrassed to say thank you but they can do it at Christmas without having to get mushy and actually say it.

Do we measure our worth as a caregiver by the cards and gifts we receive no but as was pointed out we come on and complain about our parents enough that we owe it to them to give them kudos when they do something nice. Do I vary what I do for parents based on the year for sure. When I have parents that do little nice things all year I am more willing to do special things at Christmas whereas other years the bare minimum will suffice.

I have lived and done daycare in three different provinces and 7 houses over 28 years and some years I got gifts and some years I did not and sometimes from only half of my families. And sometimes it was the homemade cookies in the cheap tin that meant more to me than the lavish gift because I know that the parent could not afford a lot and shared what she was sharing with her family with me as if I was family. Just as fees vary around the country and in fact within a city so does the abilty to give gifts and the willingness to give gifts.

[mimi]

I also call bull on a lot of providers who "say" they get these huge cash bonuses and gifts from clients. Sorry Serindipity, I disagree. I don't get the feel that I am being BSed by members who post their gifts. Why would they do it? I received wonderful gifts from homemade brownies in a tin to $85.00 dollar earrings (dcd left the price on) The gifts we receive are as diverse as our clients. I look at their gift list as informational not bragging. Good for those providers who get spoiled by their clients.

[apples and bananas]

I have received everything from a tin of baked goods and a (obviously) regifted candle to a $100 restaurant gift card. I expect parents to treat me as I've treated my past providers. I don't hold it against them if they don't get me anything or dont send me a card, but I do believe it shows me how much they value me and the services I offer.

I give gift cards to the bus driver, to the teacher, to the dance coach, to the scout leaders... all because I value their involvment in my kids lives. I expect the same.

[mimi]

I agree apples and bananas. I can not complain about my clients. They are a generous lot. However, we do as well give gifts to persons who provide a service to our family. I even gave my mailman a gift. We see him most days on our walks and he stops a moment and talks to the kids and always has a smile and a wave to the residents in our neighborhood. I love the extra effort he puts in to be socialable and I reward and give thanks to him via a verbal thank you and a small token gift. He is so appreciative. That's just the way it should be with us providers.

[Serendipity]

You can disagree if you want to but I still believe that most of them are bogus. Why do they post about them? I don't know...to make up the "crap" they've had to endure or put up with all year long? To make themselves look appreciated and loved? Heck, I have no idea why they post about them but I surely don't see it as informational?!

How is hearing about the week's pay a provider got as a Christmas bonus informational? Especially when it is from a provider who two weeks prior was posting/complaining about how their families don't pay on time or follow any of their policies? (this was NOT in reference to anyone specifically)

Is the week's pay as a Christmas bonus a guilt payment for the bad client the parent was all year? I don't know but in what world do parents treat their care providers so bad all year round just to gift them a big gift at Christmas and figure that it is all good now? Not in my world.

Like I said, I am sure there are lots of great parents who give heartfelt gifts and thank you's all the time to their providers and that is great. What I said in my original post is half of them are BS'ing us. I also think happy thoughts for the ones who are being honest, but the rest....well...you can believe it all you want.

It is just really sad that we measure things in life by the cost or price tag attached. (note: your mention of the price tag being left on) Does that price tag signify how much that family appreciates you? Well then why didn't they spend $100 instead of only $85?

Does this family say thank you on a regular basis to you? Do they always follow your rules and policies? Are they always respectful to you? If so, then why the need to tell us about their "expensive" gift to you? Why not say that the family that is awesome all year was appreciative at Christmas time and leave it at that?

Why brag about the cost of the gift? Does it help, support or influence providers to do anything differently? How is that at all informational to other providers? What information does that give me that is of value? How does YOU getting an $85 Christmas gift make me or anyone else a better provider from that information?

My point in the first place was it IS nice to be appreciatd but I just dont believe that all this appreciation(in the form of expensive gifts) is real or true because if it was....we wouldn't have so many venting/complaining threads and posts on child care provider forums.

I prefer the "real" appreciation over the store bought kind any day.



I also call bull on a lot of providers who "say" they get these huge cash bonuses and gifts from clients. Sorry Serindipity, I disagree. I don't get the feel that I am being BSed by members who post their gifts. Why would they do it? I received wonderful gifts from homemade brownies in a tin to $85.00 dollar earrings (dcd left the price on) The gifts we receive are as diverse as our clients. I look at their gift list as informational not bragging. Good for those providers who get spoiled by their clients.

[Mamma_Mia]

I have personally seen some providers receive $50 Keg gift cards, $100 salon card, bottles of wine etc. She was "spoiled" and good for her!

It's not about WHAT the gift is or HOW much it was....really it isn't.......but a LITTLE thank you would have been nice! I mean, she knows I'm pregnant, give me a box of chocolates!! I'd be so happy :laugh: It's just the "low blow" of not even a xmas card. Nothing to say thank you...This family doesn't do 'anything' above & beyond...they're late often, don't have propper supplies on them, constantly forgetting something etc. So a thank you to me of some sorts would have been nice for all the times I've helped them out. That's all I'm saying.

[mimi]

Serendipity, I do not get the sense providers post's regarding their appreciation gifts are posting to show how much they are loved - as if it is a competion. We seem to be a mature bunch who don't need to stoop to childish behaviour. I am sorry you see it this way. Not one gift that I received did I perceive as a "guilt gift". I hope I never stoop to that level as a gift recepiant. I don't measure my gifts. The dkd who gave me the 85.00 dollar earrings is the kindest parent all year. He is also really absent minded, so when I saw the price tag on the gift I laughed as I knew that was so like him to forget. Why wasn't it a 100.00 gift? Really? I appreciate the home made brownies as much as the earrings and all gifts in between.
We complain about our dc parents because while most are great, they can do dumb things which grate on our nerves so we vent here. It is a perfectly healthy thing to do. Yes, I see the gift lists posted as informational and not bragging. It is nice to hear about providers being appreciated especially this time of year and I love to read what others receive. If a provider received a HUGE gift, I wouldn't have the attitude that my gifts pale in comparison, it would just be good for you!!!

I don't measure life by cost or price tag and most folks I know don't. I am sorry you have the idea that this is the norm. Thank you for your perspective, but please don't make assumptions about people's motives, especially at this time of good cheer, and call some liars. Not nice.

[Serendipity]

Serendipity, I do not get the sense providers post's regarding their appreciation gifts are posting to show how much they are loved - as if it is a competion. We seem to be a mature bunch who don't need to stoop to childish behaviour. I am sorry you see it this way.

Stating I think the online or public boasting is bogus is not stooping to childish behaviors... :rolleyes: I'm simply stating an opinion. Which everyone seems to think we are all entitled to do...unless of course it is something that goes against the grain or isn't what everyone else thinks. :eek:

And please, don't feel sorry for me. I am not being childish or vindictive. I am saying what I know other providers think but don't say.

I am happy in my career choice and in the behavior of the clients I serve. I have wonderful families and have zero issues with any of them.


Not one gift that I received did I perceive as a "guilt gift". I hope I never stoop to that level as a gift recepiant. I don't measure my gifts.

Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself? Again, I simply said I don't believe that all these big cash bonuses are true. If these gift givers (daycare parents) cared so much about their providers, then why are they so inclined to not follow policies or be respectful when it comes to making payments on time the whole rest of the year?


The dkd who gave me the 85.00 dollar earrings is the kindest parent all year. He is also really absent minded, so when I saw the price tag on the gift I laughed as I knew that was so like him to forget. Why wasn't it a 100.00 gift? Really? I appreciate the home made brownies as much as the earrings and all gifts in between.

Then why the need to post the amount? The point you were making didn't require an attached dollar amount....why did you feel the need to post it?
I said "Why wasn't it a $100? because YOU stated that the value of the gift meaning that YOU value the gift at a specific amount and if the value of the gift was so important or meant something significant, then why wasn't it more.


We complain about our dc parents because while most are great, they can do dumb things which grate on our nerves so we vent here. It is a perfectly healthy thing to do.

I don't. I don't complain about my parent behind their backs. I don't post things they did online nor do I openly vent about them. Do I have problems now and then with them...absolutely! But the difference is I tell them. I bring my issues to the person or persons who can change them.

Asking for advice on how to handle a situation is NOT the same thing as simply venting and complaining about them.


Yes, I see the gift lists posted as informational and not bragging. It is nice to hear about providers being appreciated especially this time of year and I love to read what others receive. If a provider received a HUGE gift, I wouldn't have the attitude that my gifts pale in comparison, it would just be good for you!!!

You keep saying that but you don't say how. HOW is posting about gifts others get informational? How is it helping me or anyone to know that you got earrings? How does it make me a better provider? How does that information support, guide or help other providers?


I don't measure life by cost or price tag and most folks I know don't.

Obviously you do.....or you wouldn't have posted the amount of your gift. You must not know the folks on this forum then because ALOT of them have posted values and prices of their gifts. They have also complained about the cheap or low cost gifts they got. That says they DO measure things by monetary value.


I am sorry you have the idea that this is the norm. Thank you for your perspective, but please don't make assumptions about people's motives, especially at this time of good cheer, and call some liars. Not nice.

I didn't make assumptions. I made a statement about what I believe. That might not be perceived as nice but hey, if it bothers you there must have been some truth to it.

It may also not be nice but so is gloating, bragging and boasting about gifts you received (or venting about gifts you didn't receive) at this time of good cheer! That is NOT at all what this season is about. :no:

[Momof4]

This thread has taken a strange turn. I see what you are saying Serendipity and I hate the liars and phoneys as much as the next woman, but I think Mimi is on the level and being honest.

I agree that it means the world to me that my clients are absolutely wonderful people and appreciate me all year long. I speak to them honestly and on a daily basis to tackle ongoing issues with their children, but I'm really careful about the clients I sign on now that I've learned enough lessons to weed out the 'red flag' people. There is definitely a learning curve to choosing the best clients who will work with you, not against you.

Admittedly, I post a few personal issues I'm having with my clients on this site and it's possible they could see themselves in my posts. However, I'm not relating anything on here that the parents don't know about already and I don't say anything bad about them, just the facts. Other people might not feel that it is appropriate to do that on a public forum.

However, I want to educate other providers and parents who may be reading this site and thinking about daycare or having a problem with their provider. If we relate our stories honestly we are helping each other in the business and if we help parents realize that we are all doing is what their caregiver is doing then they know it's normal standards across the board. It's good if we all have similar policies.

Everyone has a right to their opinion! Now I have to admit that 4 out of 5 of my clients ended up giving me a Christmas gift and they are all paying me for the eleven days off that I'm in the middle of right now. I feel very blessed but the cards they gave me with the words of appreciation and thanks are the best part and I keep them all in a special box. THIS is why it isn't fair to the providers who haven't received any gifts or cards or appreciation. I'm happy for everyone who is treated well all year long. If you aren't - find clients who WILL treat you well. They are out there!

[sunnydays]

I don't believe anyone here actually made up untrue gifts just to brag. That is just ridiculous! I think posting about such things is meant to show our appreciation instead of another negative post complaining about something difficult. I have very few problems with my clients...they are mostly respectful, follow my policies, and even show their appreciation from time to time, and all of them gave me Christmas gifts and/or cards...some homemade, some gift cards...all varying in amounts, but I appreciated every one of them and most of all I appreciated that kind words of thanks written in the cards. I do not value the more expensive gifts more than others, but it makes me feel good to know that they all took the time to think about me and to show their appreciation. I don't know why I would make that up! And yes, I think I would feel a bit hard-done by if nobody took that little bit of time or effort to even sign a card for me.

[mimi]

Serendipity, I am glad you have the ability to tell what providers think but are not saying. :rolleyes: I stand behind what I have said and will not try to sway you from your negative stance. All the best to you in the New Year.

[Serendipity]

Serendipity, I am glad you have the ability to tell what providers think but are not saying. :rolleyes: I stand behind what I have said and will not try to sway you from your negative stance. All the best to you in the New Year.

Thanks for the insinuation but I am NOT clairvoyant. I am simply stating what I "see" other providers posting about on other forums. There are several and a few of them actually have threads more or less laughing at the fakeness of some of the providers boasting about their gifts.

So I am sorry but I cannot read other providers minds....only their words.

You keep saying you stand behind what you said but haven't elaborated. So deflect and detour by calling me negative. How is asking you to explain your words being negative?

Oh, and yeah we all like to be appreciated and even though I feel it is boasting or bragging and sometimes even completely untrue...I still do not understand at all how it can be informative for others.

My response about some of the gifts being BS was to the poster of this thread.
.....You know the thread completely started because the provider didn't get any gifts or thank you's from her daycare parents.......then only a couple posts in someone actually suggested making parents feel guilted into gift giving by posting thank you's publically :confused:

...which to me is shaming the parents who didn't gift someone they already pay for services.

I mean if getting a cash bonus or gift at Christmas time is something a provider HAS to have to feel appreciated, then why not just add it into your contract each year. Tell each parent what to get you and how much to spend. That would be just as shallow and childish as complaining/venting about not getting a gift or bragging/boasting about the gifts you did get.

Get real. :rolleyes:You can pretend that it isn't about the money or the presents all you want. This whole concept about providers even expecting gifts or cash bonuses is rediculously shallow and negative IMHO. But that's ok, you can call me negative all you want. I didn't start a thread bragging or complaining about gifts I got or didn't get from clients.

FWIW~ I didn't take this thread to a whole new level....I posted my opinion..... someone got their panties in a bunch because of it (because it hit home or who knows why) and now here we are.

[Mamma_Mia]

I don't believe anyone here actually made up untrue gifts just to brag. That is just ridiculous! I think posting about such things is meant to show our appreciation instead of another negative post complaining about something difficult. I have very few problems with my clients...they are mostly respectful, follow my policies, and even show their appreciation from time to time, and all of them gave me Christmas gifts and/or cards...some homemade, some gift cards...all varying in amounts, but I appreciated every one of them and most of all I appreciated that kind words of thanks written in the cards. I do not value the more expensive gifts more than others, but it makes me feel good to know that they all took the time to think about me and to show their appreciation. I don't know why I would make that up! And yes, I think I would feel a bit hard-done by if nobody took that little bit of time or effort to even sign a card for me.

exactly why I created this post....it was just a bummer

[daycarewhisperer]

IMy take on this issue is very different. I think child care providers should be compensated with year end bonuses comensurate with the years they have worked for the client. One weeks pay for a full year of service and two weeks of pay for service over five years. I think it should be in cash and it should be concomittant with at least a week of paid vacation plus the holidays at the end of the year and new years.

If the parent can't come up with a week salary at years end they should offer two to three dollars per week in addition to the salary to build in a bonus so by years end the provider has her paid week.

Providers claim they treasure the family pictures, brownies, and regifts but the truth be told MOST providers want CASH as an acknowledgement of their hard work. Not gift cards or spa days... cold hard CASH and paid time off so they can reboot.

I'm glad I live in a culture where providers are recognized by cash and time off at the end of the year. It makes a huge difference to my bottom line every year. I get two weeks paid off and a week of salary at the least and some years two. My staff assistant also receives equivallent to a week of pay or two depending on how many years she has worked here. Last year my helper was here for three years and received a weeks pay from the parents and two weeks paid off by me plus a xmas bonus from me.

The monies I receive are not compensation for poor behavior during the year. My clients are respectful of my policies and treat me with respect. You don't ever see me online complaining about them. They are good salt of the earth parents who work hard and recognize hard work. I would be crushed if the holidays came and went and they didn't take care of me financially. That's just me but I would be disapointed and hurt.

I do an amazing job all year long. I haven't called off of work in nineteen years. I only get 18 paid days per year in my contract so further compensation is in paid days off and year end bonus.

[Serendipity]

exactly why I created this post....it was just a bummer

Thank you. This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. WHY do you feel they have to give you anything? Why do providers feel that appreciation in the form of cards or gifts are something we have the right to expect?

Why is is so important to you (individually) that parents express their appreciation for your services by doing anything other than being respectful of your rules and policies?

That expectation is what is at the root of this "problem". When other providers start posting about their gifts and cards...they are basically saying "Look what I got from my parents...what did yours get you?" and then you automatically feel like you aren't appreicated or cared about if you didn't get anything....kwim?

It shouldn't be about the gifts, the money or the cards of appreciation. It should be about the respectful, professional relationship between a client and a service provider. You charge a fee for your services, set rules and boundaries for your home and business and clients pay in a timely manner and respect and follow your rules and policies. They stay long term and SHOW you how much they value your services and what you do for their children.

NO where in that formula is there a written rule or expectation that the agreement between the two you includes a card or a gift.

Did you give any of your clients a gift thanking them for their services? (I don't mean DCK's or the gifts you helped the DCK's make for their parents.)

Bottom line is Christmas to me isn't about getting anything. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus and I think waaaaay too much time and energy is spent on pissing matches about who got what and why.

I am sorry you feel unappreciated by your parents and that none of them gave you a card or a gift. I can't change that for you but what I was doing was trying to help you see it from a different perspective so that you can avoid the hurt feelings next year. I am sure your parents all appreciate what you do for their children and for the services you provide....if they didn't they wouldn't be in your program. Hoping you have a great holiday and a wonderful New Year!

[Mamma_Mia]

Thank you. This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. WHY do you feel they have to give you anything? Why do providers feel that appreciation in the form of cards or gifts are something we have the right to expect?

Why is is so important to you (individually) that parents express their appreciation for your services by doing anything other than being respectful of your rules and policies?

That expectation is what is at the root of this "problem". When other providers start posting about their gifts and cards...they are basically saying "Look what I got from my parents...what did yours get you?" and then you automatically feel like you aren't appreicated or cared about if you didn't get anything....kwim?

It shouldn't be about the gifts, the money or the cards of appreciation. It should be about the respectful, professional relationship between a client and a service provider. You charge a fee for your services, set rules and boundaries for your home and business and clients pay in a timely manner and respect and follow your rules and policies. They stay long term and SHOW you how much they value your services and what you do for their children.

NO where in that formula is there a written rule or expectation that the agreement between the two you includes a card or a gift.

Did you give any of your clients a gift thanking them for their services? (I don't mean DCK's or the gifts you helped the DCK's make for their parents.)

Bottom line is Christmas to me isn't about getting anything. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus and I think waaaaay too much time and energy is spent on pissing matches about who got what and why.

I am sorry you feel unappreciated by your parents and that none of them gave you a card or a gift. I can't change that for you but what I was doing was trying to help you see it from a different perspective so that you can avoid the hurt feelings next year. I am sure your parents all appreciate what you do for their children and for the services you provide....if they didn't they wouldn't be in your program. Hoping you have a great holiday and a wonderful New Year!

I can only speak for myself but the people I'm talking about aren't the ones to say THANK YOU for feeding my child dinner since I was 30min late AGAIN. Thank you for lending your daughter's clothes to my son since I again forgot to pack his extras, thank you again for being up at 7:30am waiting for me when I only show up at 8:30am becauce I forgot to tell you.....NO THANK YOU EVER so I would think that at the holidays would be a perfect time for someone to say or give a card (doesn't have to be a gift) to say an actual THANK YOU.

Another thing, you DO NOT have to understand how or why I feel a certian way. It's how I FEEL and I CAN feel it if I WANT to. You don't agree.....we get it (eyeroll at your constant 'trying to prove a point' which we got about 20,000 posts ago) You don't agree....fine. Let everyone else WHO DOES agree or at least understands do so without being attacked by YOU and how you feel they should feel. You made your point.... Thanks

[daycarewhisperer]

Thank you. This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. WHY do you feel they have to give you anything? Why do providers feel that appreciation in the form of cards or gifts are something we have the right to expect?

Why is is so important to you (individually) that parents express their appreciation for your services by doing anything other than being respectful of your rules and policies?

That expectation is what is at the root of this "problem". When other providers start posting about their gifts and cards...they are basically saying "Look what I got from my parents...what did yours get you?" and then you automatically feel like you aren't appreicated or cared about if you didn't get anything....kwim?

It shouldn't be about the gifts, the money or the cards of appreciation. It should be about the respectful, professional relationship between a client and a service provider. You charge a fee for your services, set rules and boundaries for your home and business and clients pay in a timely manner and respect and follow your rules and policies. They stay long term and SHOW you how much they value your services and what you do for their children.

NO where in that formula is there a written rule or expectation that the agreement between the two you includes a card or a gift.

Did you give any of your clients a gift thanking them for their services? (I don't mean DCK's or the gifts you helped the DCK's make for their parents.)

Bottom line is Christmas to me isn't about getting anything. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus and I think waaaaay too much time and energy is spent on pissing matches about who got what and why.

I am sorry you feel unappreciated by your parents and that none of them gave you a card or a gift. I can't change that for you but what I was doing was trying to help you see it from a different perspective so that you can avoid the hurt feelings next year. I am sure your parents all appreciate what you do for their children and for the services you provide....if they didn't they wouldn't be in your program. Hoping you have a great holiday and a wonderful New Year!
With your theory then why would ANYBODY ever receive year end bonus?? Most of my clients work in companies where they receive year end bonus. My sister works for the power company and she gets a large bonus every year and so do her work mates.

Child care is a hard job and it's a personal service. It should be coveted and rewarded when the job is done well. As in many other businesses the time of year to offer bonuses is at years end. If I have a client that leaves before years end they normally do my year bonus with my last week of pay depending on how far into the year we are.


I do not give any gifts to children or families. I don't give any unpaid time off either. I don't want the tail waggin the dog here. I do throw a big party every year for the kids that go to kindergarten IF they have been here since birth. That's my gift to the kids... and it's a wopper. This year I rented a hotel conference room and had a big swim party with my current kids and the kids who have gone off to school who had been here their whole life. I do a reunion/kindy party for any kid who has been here for five years. This year the parents ALL helped me with the party by bringing food and giving me cash for the hotel bill. They did that without me asking. Other than that.. I do not buy any gifts for birthday or xmas.

[Serendipity]

Another thing, you DO NOT have to understand how or why I feel a certian way. It's how I FEEL and I CAN feel it if I WANT to. You don't agree.....we get it (eyeroll at your constant 'trying to prove a point' which we got about 20,000 posts ago) You don't agree....fine. Let everyone else WHO DOES agree or at least understands do so without being attacked by YOU and how you feel they should feel. You made your point.... Thanks


Yes, you can feel however you want. I don't have to understand (I don't) and you are certainly allowed to feel whatever you want when you want...but you are basically saying you have that right but I don't ???? Hmm...not really fair but whatever.

Don't be dramatic, I didn't post 20,000 times....LOL! I posted once. Then someone disageed with me and when I responded, poop hits the fan.

Jeez....you'd think I said that all providers were babysitters... or simply in this for the money

I wasn't telling anyone how to feel. I was defending my words and asking for the person who commented DIRECTLY to me to clarify their words....sorry if that was against the forum rules.

I won't try to prove my point any more. It is apparently not something you want to understand.

Again, I AM SORRY YOU FELT UNAPPRECIATED BY YOUR DAYCARE PARENTS!!!!



@Daycarewhisper....a s to not continue to try and prove my point....I have no idea why companies continue to give bonuses to their employees. I was talking about child care so I can't answer about electric companies and other corporations. My guess would be because your sister's work generated business or income for the company so they say thank you by giving year end bonuses.

[daycarewhisperer]

Yes, you can feel however you want. I don't have to understand (I don't) and you are certainly allowed to feel whatever you want when you want...but you are basically saying you have that right but I don't ???? Hmm...not really fair but whatever.

Don't be dramatic, I didn't post 20,000 times....LOL! I posted once. Then someone disageed with me and when I responded, poop hits the fan.

Jeez....you'd think I said that all providers were babysitters... or simply in this for the money

I wasn't telling anyone how to feel. I was defending my words and asking for the person who commented DIRECTLY to me to clarify their words....sorry if that was against the forum rules.

I won't try to prove my point any more. It is apparently not something you want to understand.

Again, I AM SORRY YOU FELT UNAPPRECIATED BY YOUR DAYCARE PARENTS!!!!



@Daycarewhisper....a s to not continue to try and prove my point....I have no idea why companies continue to give bonuses to their employees. I was talking about child care so I can't answer about electric companies and other corporations. My guess would be because your sister's work generated business or income for the company so they say thank you by giving year end bonuses.

No my sisters job doesn't bring money to the company. She works in report distribution. Been there thirty years and gets a year end bonus every year. One of my day care dads is an accountant and he gets a bonus every year.

WiI bonus out my staff assistant every year because she has a hard job and she shows up every day to do it. She's bringing up little kids which is a nobel proffession and deserves to be acknowledged with extra and special every year.

I'm happy I live in an area where day care providers are thought of at years end. I didn't even realize this wasn't common everywhere until I got the internet and started reading sad posts like this from all over the country. It amazes me that so many providers get nothing or just cards, pics, and regifts. I've always gotten bonuses. In fact, the first five years or so it was common for parents to add bonus money in my weekly salary just as a thank you. I would never know when it was coming and would thrilled to get it. Now my rates are higher and my clients just do end of service or end of year bonuses.

[Serendipity]

I'm happy I live in an area where day care providers are thought of at years end. I didn't even realize this wasn't common everywhere until I got the internet and started reading sad posts like this from all over the country. It amazes me that so many providers get nothing or just cards, pics, and regifts. I've always gotten bonuses. In fact, the first five years or so it was common for parents to add bonus money in my weekly salary just as a thank you. I would never know when it was coming and would thrilled to get it. Now my rates are higher and my clients just do end of service or end of year bonuses.

Like I said, I am not allowed to continue trying to prove my point. But I will respond to your post.

Your neighbor did not receive a single thing for Christmas from her parents. Nothin', nada, zilch. Not even a thank you so apparently receiving year end bonuses and gifts isn't the norm everywhere as much as some people think.

Maybe I am wording my thoughts wrong and this quote says what I am meaning better.......

"Our culture is changing. The way that most parents look at child care is that it's terribly expensive and "too much" in the first place.

All the effort and gift giving providers do for their families isn't going to be something the families translate into honoring the provider in the same way because they don't believe they should or they believe YOU (the provider) should be the one doing the celebration and giving. If that's what they believe then it may be time to believe them and follow in line to that belief.

If you are dealing with clients that have this belief system it may be best to just stay out of the Christmas loop completely and carry on as you normally do throughout the year. If you do a bunch of Christmas stuff with the kids and for the parents you actually may be setting a thought process in their minds that your ROLE as a provider is to GIVE to them. It may actually backfire on you and leave you empty and sad.

You don't have to do crafts, parties, gifts for the kids, gifts from the kid to the parents etc. You can go with the belief system the parents have and not do a Christmas between your kids, clients, and yourself.

If you really want a year end bonus or gifting why not consider building a paid vacation into the end of the year for YOU to look forward to? If you are already doing that then maybe another idea is to raise your rates two dollars a week per client and put that one hundred dollars a year per kid away and have THAT be your year end bonus. "

[daycarewhisperer]

Like I said, I am not allowed to continue trying to prove my point. But I will respond to your post.

Your neighbor did not receive a single thing for Christmas from her parents. Nothin', nada, zilch. Not even a thank you so apparently receiving year end bonuses and gifts isn't the norm everywhere as much as some people think.

Maybe I am wording my thoughts wrong and this quote says what I am meaning better.......

"Our culture is changing. The way that most parents look at child care is that it's terribly expensive and "too much" in the first place.

All the effort and gift giving providers do for their families isn't going to be something the families translate into honoring the provider in the same way because they don't believe they should or they believe YOU (the provider) should be the one doing the celebration and giving. If that's what they believe then it may be time to believe them and follow in line to that belief.

If you are dealing with clients that have this belief system it may be best to just stay out of the Christmas loop completely and carry on as you normally do throughout the year. If you do a bunch of Christmas stuff with the kids and for the parents you actually may be setting a thought process in their minds that your ROLE as a provider is to GIVE to them. It may actually backfire on you and leave you empty and sad.

You don't have to do crafts, parties, gifts for the kids, gifts from the kid to the parents etc. You can go with the belief system the parents have and not do a Christmas between your kids, clients, and yourself.

If you really want a year end bonus or gifting why not consider building a paid vacation into the end of the year for YOU to look forward to? If you are already doing that then maybe another idea is to raise your rates two dollars a week per client and put that one hundred dollars a year per kid away and have THAT be your year end bonus. "

Was the neighbor part directed towards me? I don't know who you are speaking of but I will take your word for it.

I do agree with the rest of your post. I don't do much as far as crafting and our xmas party is mostly home made stuff. When I do a party the parents are wonderful about pitching in. Some do cash and some bake or buy pizza for us.

I would encourage providers who don't have year end bonuses to set up some kind of weekly fund to go into a year end fund. I've suggested before things like a "party and paper" pot where the parents give two dollars per week per child into the fund which would cover any party expenses, craft expenses, and some leftover money for the provider at the end of the year. Each slot doing two dollars a week will land a hundred dollars per year per slot to cover celebrations and give the provider some extra coin at years end.

Ask for coins and have the pot in the arrival and depature area so parents can see it grow. Use the sorting of the coins as an activity once a month and stash the money away. That way you have money for little presents or crafts and a little something for yourself.

[daycarewhisperer]

Ok I would like to get one thing straight here......

I posted about my gifts because I FINALLY FELT happy and at peace with my year. It finally clicked for me that I am in the daycare business for the right reasons and that these daycare cliients do value me. But regardless of what I would have got,or not the year for me ended on a wonderful note, and I wanted to share my happiness with you all...Because I know that most of you like it better when your peers have something great to post.

I did not post out of a sense of "neener neener neener lookit me....."

It is important for me to share my victories and sarrows.

AND FRANKLY I WANTED TO SHARE MY VICTORY!!!!

As for the mom who didn't gift, whatever..didn't make or break my world. My goal is to make her ds happy, and he is, so that is my gift.

I thik it's wonderful that your parents came through. There ARE good clients out there that follow poliicies, pay their bills, and give woppin bonuses at years end. It's good to be grateful and to celebrate when it all comes together. The extra money is so needed at this time of year and it feels dang good to be celebrated in this job where we give so much thoughout the year.

[Momof4]

WTH? I'm not a charity, I'm a business! I don't have a donations pot at the door! That's insane! I raised my rates $2/week this year since I haven't raised them in a few years. Parents should have receipts for every dollar they pay me as a tax deduction for them and I should pay my taxes on every dollar of my income. This just blows my mind!

[daycarewhisperer]

WTH? I'm not a charity, I'm a business! I don't have a donations pot at the door! That's insane! I raised my rates $2/week this year since I haven't raised them in a few years. Parents should have receipts for every dollar they pay me as a tax deduction for them and I should pay my taxes on every dollar of my income. This just blows my mind!

Well that idea won't work for you then. :p

[Serendipity]

Was the neighbor part directed towards me? I don't know who you are speaking of but I will take your word for it.

I do agree with the rest of your post. I don't do much as far as crafting and our xmas party is mostly home made stuff. When I do a party the parents are wonderful about pitching in. Some do cash and some bake or buy pizza for us.

I would encourage providers who don't have year end bonuses to set up some kind of weekly fund to go into a year end fund. I've suggested before things like a "party and paper" pot where the parents give two dollars per week per child into the fund which would cover any party expenses, craft expenses, and some leftover money for the provider at the end of the year. Each slot doing two dollars a week will land a hundred dollars per year per slot to cover celebrations and give the provider some extra coin at years end.

Ask for coins and have the pot in the arrival and depature area so parents can see it grow. Use the sorting of the coins as an activity once a month and stash the money away. That way you have money for little presents or crafts and a little something for yourself.

Yes, I was referring to someone who is actually your neighbor. (She posted about not getting anything...not even a thank you) ;)

The concept of building the bonues or gift you want from parents into your rates is where my thought process started at before all of this got blown out of proportion.

I wanted to show the OP that having a different belief system than parents do about gifting and appreciation is exactly what is backfiring and causing her to feel so sad about it. She can't fault them for not seeing appreciation the same way she does.

So the easiest way to avoid the hurt feelings is to not expect anything and to build your bonus or gift into your yearly rates. Parents who respect those rates, policies and rules ARE showing their appreciation to the provider by being loyal clients who stay for years.

[daycarewhisperer]

Yes, I was referring to someone who is actually your neighbor. (She posted about not getting anything...not even a thank you) ;)

The concept of building the bonues or gift you want from parents into your rates is where my thought process started at before all of this got blown out of proportion.

I wanted to show the OP that having a different belief system than parents do about gifting and appreciation is exactly what is backfiring and causing her to feel so sad about it. She can't fault them for not seeing appreciation the same way she does.

So the easiest way to avoid the hurt feelings is to not expect anything and to build your bonus or gift into your yearly rates. Parents who respect those rates, policies and rules ARE showing their appreciation to the provider by being loyal clients who stay for years.

WEll I'm awful glad I didn't end up with her day care parents!!!! There's a day care about every four five houses where I live so it could be one of hundreds of providers within a two mile radius!!

I don't really understand what you mean that abiding by policies shows appreciation. I can't imagine mysister believing that her company abiding by their agreement with her would make her think they appreciate her. I think the cash bonus she gets every year shows their appreciation way more than them doing what they agreed upon in her employment contract.

What do you mean by that?

I

[Serendipity]

I don't really understand what you mean that abiding by policies shows appreciation. I can't imagine mysister believing that her company abiding by their agreement with her would make her think they appreciate her. I think the cash bonus she gets every year shows their appreciation way more than them doing what they agreed upon in her employment contract.

What do you mean by that?

I

Like I said before, I don't have any idea why your sister gets a bonus or why she doesn't. I know nothing about those types of businesses except that bonuses to CEO's has had a significant impact on our economy. In a way I believe year end bonuses to employees is much the same as rewarding a child for something they are expected to do in the first place. I mean why does the company have to show your sister any appreciation for her work? She has a job and she is paid for it. A while back someone posted on this forum that being paid was just a perk. So I am really confused by some of the comments now made in regards to Christmas gifts.

Are cash gifts an expectation? a perk? I don't understand at all.

I personally feel that parents who follow my rules/policies are showing their appreciation to me. They are loyal customers who stay with me for ALL their children. Refer their friends and family to me and never give me the kind of stress or trouble that some of the forum boards are over flowing with from providers. How much more appreciation should I expect?

[daycarewhisperer]

Like I said before, I don't have any idea why your sister gets a bonus or why she doesn't. I know nothing about those types of businesses except that bonuses to CEO's has had a significant impact on our economy. In a way I believe year end bonuses to employees is much the same as rewarding a child for something they are expected to do in the first place. I mean why does the company have to show your sister any appreciation for her work? She has a job and she is paid for it. A while back someone posted on this forum that being paid was just a perk. So I am really confused by some of the comments now made in regards to Christmas gifts.

Are cash gifts an expectation? a perk? I don't understand at all.

I personally feel that parents who follow my rules/policies are showing their appreciation to me. They are loyal customers who stay with me for ALL their children. Refer their friends and family to me and never give me the kind of stress or trouble that some of the forum boards are over flowing with from providers. How much more appreciation should I expect?

I view the year end bonus as a way to reward a provider for faithful service and to encourage the provider to continue the service in the future.

To me, it's really that simple.

I had a client start the second week of December. It was an odd time to start but I agreed to take the child a couple of weeks before my xmas break. I've only taken one other child in 20 years during this time frame because it means having to reintegrate the child twice in a one month period before and after my break.

I have my holiday and vacation pay built into my agreement where I earn 1.5 days of vacation and holiday pay per month. That pay is accumulated and paid out at the end of the contract such a parent leave before I have used up the accrued time.

With this client I had only worked two weeks so I had not earned any paid time off. The family included in their last payment both Christmas and New Years day as a year end bonus to me. It was a pretty hefty bonus considering the short duration of our relationship. I made it clear that I hadn't earned it and they said "no" they want to do it for me. Very cool and I appreciate it very much. Great way to start a relationship.

They did it to thank me for taking their child at a time I don't normally introduce kids into the child care and to encourage me to stay on with them next year.

I draw families with this mind set. I don't have a secret sauce. I think part of it is where I live and part how I work with families. I think they also see that I live a very simple life. I don't do much for myself. I drive a 14 year old car. I wear simple clothing. I have a nice spacious house but it is a fifty year old house in a blue class neighborhood. There's nothing fancy in my home except for the space for the kids and the equipment/toys for the kids. They quickly see with a tour that I give nearly my whole house to the business.

So when they bonus out at years end I think they see it as something for ME. Something beyond what it takes to operate this big of a house and business. They want ME to have special. When they bonus my helper it is to give her money for just her.

They are very generous and when I get extra paid time over and above my contract and cash bonuses I thank them and show them how much I appreciate it.

I have never viewed the bonuses as compensation for poor past behavior. Them abiding by my policies is a daily thing. That has NOTHING to do with year end bonuses. I've never even heard that before this conversation. I wouldn't want to keep a client that didn't follow policies much less endure them until the years end to get a hundred/two hundred bucks. That would never be worth such a small amount of money.

[DisneyPrincess]

One mom also gave me a card with the check in it for the weekly fees but she added 50$ as a gift to me though...

It was my first Christmas as a daycare provider and so I didnt want to expect anything but I did get pretty spoiled actually... I have to admit that if I hadnt even got a tiny 10$ gift card for Timmys for example at the very least, I would of been a little offended. We work so hard for their children no ?!? I always got something for my daycare provider when my children were in daycare !!!

Oh well Christmas is all over now, hope you have a wonderful New Year 2013 :X

[Skysue]

regift it m2f mama to someone you know who would use it. :)

Or hold out until the spa has some sort of sale or spring promotion, as they always do. Two of my daycare parents gave me alcohol and $75 to spend at the LCBO what do you think there trying to tell me.LOL