Thoughts? Would you terminate?

[michellesmunchkins]

Good morning Ladies,

So in my head I am debating immediate vs giving notice termination. Here is the back story:

I have had a little guy in care for almost 10 months now. His mom works at a job where she has to 'bid' for her shifts meaning every 3 months his schedule changes according to her job. Originally he was here 6:30-4, then the next shift had him here 8-5:30. With this bid she decided not to take an early shift that would fit into my working hours as she didn't like the days off so she CHOSE to take a shift beyond my closing hours. I told her she would have to find new daycare as her shift was 10-7 and I close at 5:30

After reading her numerous posts and listening to her cry about how she can't find someone she trusts and blah blah I felt bad for her (she's a single mom) and told her I would keep him beyond my closing hours to help her out for JUST this 3 month round but that she would have to chose another shift next time within my hours.

I have also reduced my rate for her because she is a single mom. Never have I done this before but again felt bad for her...trust me lesson learned.

So here is the situation that is causing me to think termination. My family and I have bent over backwards to help her out and I had to remind her today that he son needs to be here no later than 9am as everyone else arrives at 6 and we need to get our day going. She sends me a text complaining about it, arrives at 10 after 9 crying about how now she will have to be at work early and she works too hard for the company to be there 30 minutes early for free and blah blah...

So I say to her, how about you sit in the nice lobby at your job and read the newspaper, have a coffee and enjoy some quiet time during that half hour as I really do need him here by 9, its just not fair to the others to have to wait until later for snack and organized activities...she tells me she can't afford to get a coffee and how unreasonable I am being...and now she's upset because she has to give me a months notice (as per my contract). She gives her son a hug/kiss and walks out SLAMMING my door in my face and in front of all the little ones! That is what is pissing me off. Complete disrespect.

So, am I being unreasonable by asking her to have her child here by 9, reducing her rate and working an additional 1.5 hours basically for free???? Ugh..and do I just terminate her effective today like I want to or give her the months notice I require?

[BlueRose]

BooHoo.
She can still drop off on time, she chose her hours her fault for being there early. She doesn't need to have a drink well she reads a book in the lobby. I used to be at work one to two hours early to have my oldest son at daycare on time.
Slamming of the door is disrespectful, grounds for termination at my daycare.
She is just using the single mom bit to get what she wants, since she is not getting it she is throwing a fit. I know many single moms who can still get their kids to daycare on time and pay the full fee. I also know many single parents who do what she is doing, but have more money then my family has. They just cheat the system and give single parents a bad name. Its too bad too, not are of them are bad. I would not have lowered my rates for anyone. I wouldn't have stayed open that late either.

I would tell her that she has two choices:
1) she can pay your full fee and show up on time and pick up at your closing time (send someone to pick up if needed) If late, there will be a late fee. She must also apologize for her disrespect.
or
2) Good bye

Its your business not hers, you need to reminder her of that.

[michellesmunchkins]

I was a single Mom for 8 years too and always managed to pay my daycare full fees and would never have been so rude and disrespectful to the person who is practically raising my child! I am so angry right now. I never played the single mom card when I was one, but do understand its harder as I've lived it. Major lessons learned, don't try to help out anyone as you give an inch and they demand a mile!

My thoughts are: she KNEW the 9am drop off as its ALWAYS been there. She just ASSUMED that I would change that for her too. She has to get up a little early, poor baby. I'm working 13 hour days to help her out and yet she complains! Grrr. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

[mimi]

This has nothing to do with being a single Mom. She is spoiled and manipulative. She bid for her schedule knowing it did not match yours and didn't seem to care. The slamming of the door shows her immaturity and disrespect. I would give her the months notice and send her on her way. Lesson learned (as I have also bent over backwards for a client) that when you give a little, most will see your policies blur and take advantage. She is one of those types of people that you have to make them feel discomfort in order to learn what they did was wrong otherwise she will continue to do this to the next provider.

[kidlove]

unfortunately with some people if you cut them a break they expect more, and you gave her more, then she wanted more and you gave her more....now out of the blue (understandably to me, but not to someone like her) you decide you will give no more, and she is like...'What?!' You are making the right choice, sounds to me like she has got the "poor me's" and needs to get over herself, you will burn out fast if you are always willing to do do do for everyone else at your own expense. She just need to suck it up and take what you offer or go somewhere else where they can give her what she asks for. You may want to remind her that IF she chooses to go somewhere else she will have to choose quality care or cheap care, because no high quality provider with a family or a sane mind will be willing to extend hours and over exert herself for others, not to mention lower the rate for someone who is always changing their shifts. you have gone above and beyond with this woman, I would charge her more due to the unreliability of the childs attendance. that puts a strain on you and all the kids in your care. not to mention her own child.

[michellesmunchkins]

Thanks Ladies. That is exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Guess I just needed some reassurance that I wasn't the unreasonable one. I have been doing this for years and have never had someone slam MY door in my face!

[DisneyPrincess]

I totally agree with the ladies. She plays by the rules or gets going.

We have such the tendency to ''feel bad'' for the parents.... g's I've been there too, well not a single mother, but a parent bringing my daughters to daycare. I never tried in the world to manipulate my providers... on the contrary, I wanted them to be as happy as possible with me as they have the life of my children in their hands while I'm at work. Why on this earth would I temped to get them mad.

Anyways, that said, I would sit down with her after the day, take the time to clear out the situation and lay down my ''laws''. If the mother doesn't agree, as my husband once told me to say to a parent, I will accept her month notice. If she gives me trouble because of that, then there is obviously no chance things will get better and I do not deserve that stress in my life, then give her the months notice. If I would get more trouble during that last month, I would ask her to pay at the beginning of the week considering there is no more trust. If it goes beyond disrespect, then terminate on the spot with no refund of the deposit.

Also, there is no way I change my schedule or fees for anyone. If they don't like, they find someone else to take care of their children. Its a tough world for me as well and I do have a life after daycare hours and I do have bills to pay.

If kids arrive later then usual in the morning, I never wait around. The day goes as plan : snack time as plan, going outside as plan etc. If they care about their child, they will give them the snack at home before coming (not allowed to bring food in the daycare), change their diaper before coming, get them dress to be outside if its the time for that etc...

;)

[BrightEyes]

Goodbye. No notice. She has been beyond rude, disrespectful, unappreciative etc The last straw for me would have been as you stated, how she treated you infront of the children.

[Crayola kiddies]

........next......

[Inspired by Reggio]

Sorry but as the ladies have mentioned she seems to think she is 'entitled' and needs to very clearly have the RULES reexplained to her that moving forward the expectations for service are THIS .... OR she can find alternative care TOMORROW the minute she steps outside those expectations!

This is why I have learned not to do 'special' in my business unless there is some benefit to ME for motivating me to doing so ... aka they pay EXTRA for it and enough to make it worth my while and to ensure they truly NEED that level of care if they are willing to pay extra for it ... the client rarely 'appreciates' the special the way you do cause for them it is is their new NORMAL and than when you try to go back to what WAS normal originally they suddenly feel like they are getting 'ripped off' and it never ends well!

This is no different than the client who is constantly late with payment despite having signed a contract that indicates that they risk of a fee but the provider 'waives' if the first few times thinking the client will appreciate that and get their act together but for them their new normal is it is 'ok to be late and the provider does not mind' and when the provider finally stands up and charges them a late fee the client has the nerve to get pissed and BLAME the provider for being unreasonable ... or when the provider lets the client be late picking up the kid and does not implement a late fee and than eventually gets tired and says hey if you are going to be picking up at X time daily we need to renogotiate our fee ~ and the client is the one that ends up angry despite the fact they were exhibiting what to the provider was rude disrespectful behavior it was their 'normal' and they do not see it that way what they see is suddenly the provider has these 'new inconvienent expectations' of paying on time, picking up on time and so forth ;)

NO SPECIAL ~ if you choose to waive a consequence to a rule to give the client a chance to 'learn from their mistake' than make sure you let the client KNOW that it was a one time thing and if the poor behavior is repeated there WILL be a consequence ... otherwise your contract and policy become akin to that parent who makes 'threats' to a child but than never follows through and than wonders why they have a kid who constantly misbehaves and does not listen to them ;)

[michellesmunchkins]

Entitled! That's exactly the word that describes her. I have written up her termination notice and she will receive it tonight. I have given her the month as I would hate for her to just stick her son with the first person who will take him. As much as she is rude, disrespectful and doesn't deserve my services, her son deserves a decent daycare...she has one month to find one.

Special is no longer a service I offer ;)

[Inspired by Reggio]

:thumbsup:

[daycarewhisperer]

The single mom angle is getting old. Nearly half of the kids under the age of five in the US are being raised by single parents. It's time for single moms to stand up and take their rightful place as the parents of this generation and quit asking for special. They ARE todays parent. There is nothing special about being a single parent. We need to stop equating single parent as special parent. It's the norm now so it's time for single moms to become the leaders in parenting and start supporting themselves. They need to be the ones who offer the helping hand. They need to organize their own support systems and offer others the special they feel entitled to.

[Momof4]

Michelle, you are too kind and it's time to get tough. Do you have a renewal date for your contract? If you don't have anything guaranteed until a certain date then if I were you I would make a new contract and ask her to sign it and make it effective Feb. 1st.

Raise the rate, implement early/late fees for over a 9 hour day, add the policy that children must arrive before 9am. All of that is completely acceptable and it's in my contract and probably most of the other caregivers on this site have that all in their contracts.

As far as being a single mother, I was one of those but I never used it as an excuse to get anything for free. I worked my butt off to support my 4 children and keep us in a nice clean home, well dressed, well fed and off subsidized housing, etc. I don't like it when anybody uses the single Mom card either but that's beside the point and it's time for you to take care of your business.

If you make your new contract date Feb. 1st or March 1st, whatever is best for you, then you can start interviewing to fill the space and if she doesn't abide by all your new policies she can be terminated. I just wanted to give you another idea to think about.

Wishing you strength and determination to correct this problem!

[michellesmunchkins]

The 9am has always been in my contracts, she just assumed I would change that for her as I had changed almost everything else to help her. Everyone just signed new contracts last week and its all in there. I gave her notice last night as I will not tolerate parents disrespecting me, especially after everything I have done for her. She tried to deny that it happened and blah blah but I'm done.

She was going to give me notice as well because sleeping in an extra half an hour is more important to her than stability for her son. So now, she is going to try to find a daycare that will accept her constant schedules changes, late hours, not wanting to pay full fees, and basically wanting to call all the shots. Good luck to her. I would much rather wait to fill the spot with someone who will appreciate the services I offer.

[Inspired by Reggio]

... I would much rather wait to fill the spot with someone who will appreciate the services I offer.

:thumbsup: Good for you ~ I too would rather tighten the family budget belt and hold out for a family that brings joy to my program than have to deal with clients who cause me stress ~ this is one of the biggest perks to being self employed is we control who we attract and accept into care ... I did my dues of working with clients that sucked my passion out of my soul when I worked in centre care and I am done!

[daycarewhisperer]

The 9am has always been in my contracts, she just assumed I would change that for her as I had changed almost everything else to help her. Everyone just signed new contracts last week and its all in there. I gave her notice last night as I will not tolerate parents disrespecting me, especially after everything I have done for her. She tried to deny that it happened and blah blah but I'm done.

She was going to give me notice as well because sleeping in an extra half an hour is more important to her than stability for her son. So now, she is going to try to find a daycare that will accept her constant schedules changes, late hours, not wanting to pay full fees, and basically wanting to call all the shots. Good luck to her. I would much rather wait to fill the spot with someone who will appreciate the services I offer.

In times like these it's best to just tell them the real truth. "You need a provider who does as they are told. I understand that is what you need in a child care relationship and I don't provide that service. There are hundreds of providers out there who will work when you tell them to work, allow you to arrive and depart with the schedule that works best for you, offer you really low cost care, and care for your child exactly as YOU want. You won't have ANY problem finding many options. You can make all the decisions and have it your way all day every day. I know you guys will do great and finding care will be one of the easiest things you have ever done." :woot:

[kidlove]

Good for you! Didn't seem like this one was willing to change her ways, she does need to find someone who will bend for her, too bad most likely she will either have to pay more for it or take a downgrade in the quality of her sons care in order to get it! Oh well, not your fault, not your problem, just wish her luck and send her on her way! or as my 11 year old daughter says: "smile and wave boys, smile and wave!" :laugh: