Kind of a vent- parents change terms of care- Your thoughts?

[MonkeyPrincess]

I have agreed to care for a child requiring early start times. I will only be caring for the child for a few months. It was first to be 1-2 days a week but with a change in the dad's work schedule, it's now 4 days a week.

After further thought and evaluation, I spoke to Mom about early starts/burnout/ my own family's responsibilities, etc. and i think she understood, but i know she doesn't have back up care so i felt bad backing out of the agreement with only a few weeks left for her to go back to work. I told her i would do the best i could but if it gets to be too much then i will let her know. what do you think about my situation. What do you advise?

[Dreamalittledream]

Oh boy....I am just coming out of a similar situation. I would think there are several factors to consider. On the 6am mornings is there someone else in your home to take care of the morning routine with your own children/is new DCK able to independent play or play well with your own children while you attend to early morning or supper time needs? The reality is, as long as I have a daycare child on the house, no matter how well behaved, I am still 'on duty' and it has burned me out!

[mimi]

If it was me I wouldn't do it. I know the early starts would really contribute to burn out and it would disrupt my family's routine too much as our day starts an hour later. Being constantly exhausted will definitely take it's toll emotionally and physically. Don't feel bad for doing what is right for you, your family and your business.:)

[Other Mummy]

Personally, that schedule would burn me out. What time are you closed? Will you be working 12 hour days? For me no amount of extra fees are worth it. If it was me, I would continue to advertise until I found someone whose hours fit my daycare and who was going to be potentially a long term client as opposed to someone who only needs care until June.

[playfelt]

I do early starts but I roll out of bed just before. I am dressed but that is it. The child comes in and plays - comes fed. I eat my breakfast, check emails, get my daughter up, dressed and fed. I do all of the things I would be doing anyways if child wasn't there.

I take the same approach at the end of the day in the sense that I start cooking supper, put in a tub of laundry - whatever I want to do.

My daycare day is the same as the school in the sense of 9am - 3:30 (morning snack to afternoon snack). Before and after that is freeplay and I am free to be a mom in my house. I am watching them of course but not interacting with them. I am on duty till pick up but that does not mean I am their entertainer till then.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Personally I would not have agreed to that early a start time in the first place unless I was willing to do it 'regularly' because sadly one thing I have learned over the course of my career is that the minute you say yes to 'special' before you know it it creeps into being 'normal' for the client ... so I do not do special!

Personally if I had concern this was going to cause burn out and so forth I would just say 'sorry but our initial agreement was X and I am happy to stick to that but if you cannot than we are going to sever the arrangement ~ I am willing to provide service during the notice period provided you are able to stay within the agreed upon hours ... otherwise they would loose their deposit for 'altering' the contract!

[Skysue]

It all depends on if the child will be going back to sleep, I have one currently who comes at 6:30 am twice a week but they go right back to sleep until 8:30am. I couldn't do it otherwise, I did have a child once come at 6 am first 2 months and it killed me.

[BlueRose]

but i know she doesn't have back up care so i felt bad backing out of the agreement with only a few weeks left for her to go back to work. I told her i would do the best i could but if it gets to be too much then i will let her know.

1. its not your fault she doesn't have back up care. its also not your fault that the dad changed jobs. that's there problem. they need to work out how to make it work for you.

2. you are not backing out of the agreement, she is changing it, therefore the agreement is voided. you have the right to say no without feeling guilty.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Bingo BlueRose!

[Momof4]

My hours are 7:30-5:00. I'm not willing to work any earlier or any later so I wouldn't have accepted this family. They are very lucky to have you Lilywildcat! Make sure they know it!

Since this is a short-term agreement you will hopefully survive it, but be strict with everything. I hope you have a good contract. You mentioned that they are providing you with a schedule in advance and my rule is that once my calendar is marked that is written in stone, no changes, payment is due as per the scheduled dates.

If you really find that you can't do it then give them the amount of termination notice you have in your contract and don't feel the least bit guilty. That's a business decision. You have to take care of yourself.

[Daycare123]

I don't think yo should feel bad-you agreed to one arrangement and that arrangement has changed. I am open from 7:30-5pm-I will not take on a family that needs care outside of my hours-it is already a 9.5 hour day.

[gramma]

I have a 6:30 am start and I regret agreeing to it everyday. It has only been a few months but i am feeling burn out already. I go to bed frustrated because all I can think of is how early dcg will arrive. I will be terminating this family next month because i know that i cannot do this long term. I have guilt for sure but I have given it more than a fair amount of time and I honestly didnt realize how hard it would be. I also wouldnt take a child for a short term placement unless i absolutely had to. good luck

[kidlove]

If you are in need of the money or willing to just do this short term then go for it! but let me tell you, i open at 6:30 for one client and 7:30 for the rest, and although I do well now and it really is second nature to wake up at that time and I go all day no tiring NOW! it took me a good year or more to get here, getting up that early and running all day nonstop takes a toll, and going outside your hours can sometimes cause a little hard feelings! just go with your gut, do it if its temp, but dont do it if you have any second thoughts!

[playfelt]

I open for 6:30 cause hubby leaves for work at 6:20 so I have to be up and ready to go anyways so figure I might as well start my day and have the extra time at the end of the day since he also gets home around 4:30 so it works with his schedule too. Sometimes the hardest part is my 6:30 child now comes at 6:45 because brother's school daycare doesn't allow drop off till closer to 7 and it is hard not to sit while waiting and almost dose off. I don't get enough sleep because I deal with my own daughter's erratic sleep schedule - but that is a whole different issue.

[MonkeyPrincess]

Mom was worried that adding her one year old to my daycare would be too much for me to handle. She said that she was concerned about 'safety' and me being too busy and overwhelmed. I did appreciate her honesty because it gave me the chance to reiterate my concerns about early starts/long days, burnout etc, especially since it's not just going to be the 1-2 days a week as originally agreed upon, and the fact that it's going to be 11.5 hr days for me. I suggested that she have a talk with her hubby about finding other care for the child. In one way, we both feel bad that we're not giving the arrangement a fair try, but at the same time, i don't want to be overwhelmed and have to back out one month after caring for the kid. In my experience, if there are concerns (especially from both parties) it's best that we not enter into the daycare arrangement and the parents should find someone else. Better quit while you are ahead and before any feelings get hurt or before anyone is let down/stressed out.

I offered names/numbers of some DCP's in the area. Honestly, i really don't think i got a good handle on the extent of the need of care. However, both of us have our own concerns and we understand the other's concerns so i think the best thing would be for another DCP to care for the child.

[kidlove]

good for you, sounds like it worked out for the best!

[Momof4]

Lilywildcat, I just want to point out to you that the parents can read this forum.

[cfred]

I have always had 6am starts and 6pm closing. I provide that as so many don't but there are lots of commuters who can't swing the typical hours. I cater to those commuters specifically. Really....and I say this in all honesty, a 6am start, although not the bestest thing ever, is really not a big deal. I started my daycare when my kids were 2, 3.5 and 9, so I also had morning routines to deal with. I think it sounds worse than it actually is, but really, your routine just develops and you fall into a groove. In actuality, I enjoy the early mornings with those one or two kids who need early care. They usually lay on the couch and watch cartoons till 7 or so, I get some coffee on, check my email, start breakfast.....it just sort of allows for a slow start to the day. I've never felt even close to burnout due to early starts and it might snag you a little bit of a niche market.

[MonkeyPrincess]

Lilywildcat, I just want to point out to you that the parents can read this forum.

I understand that. I am not sure that i understand what you mean though. Can you explain please? was it something i said?

[kidlove]

I didnt notice anything offensive or inapropriate said, liliywildcat seemed to state the facts and ask for advice, nothing wrong there!!!!

[MonkeyPrincess]

I didnt notice anything offensive or inapropriate said, liliywildcat seemed to state the facts and ask for advice, nothing wrong there!!!!

Unless her comment was in relation to my comment about me telling the mom about Daycarebear. Since i posted on here looking for advice about this situation, maybe the mom could potentially come across my post and recognize the details and get upset that i was talking to others about the situation? That's the only thing i could think of, unless it is something else, and if it is, the please let me know!

[kidlove]

Thats what i mean wild cat. even if the mom knows you were writing about her situation, you still did nothing wrong. you werent slandering or unkind,you just stated the issue and asked for advice. thats what we all do here! ;)

[Momof4]

I understand that. I am not sure that i understand what you mean though. Can you explain please? was it something i said?
Hey, I wasn't saying anything bad about what you said, just reminding you that parents can come read this site and when we talk about one of our clients in detail it's possible they could find it and be angry with us. That's all. You're new on the site so I'm trying to take care of you!

[MonkeyPrincess]

Hey, I wasn't saying anything bad about what you said, just reminding you that parents can come read this site and when we talk about one of our clients in detail it's possible they could find it and be angry with us. That's all. You're new on the site so I'm trying to take care of you!

Oh, don't get me wrong, i didn't think you said anything wrong. I just wanted clarification about what you meant by your comment. No offense taken, and i certainly hope i didn't say anything to offend you. I understand your comment now. Thanks for the support. I appreciate all the help this forum gives out. Us newbies are lucky to have experienced, well spoken people willing to help.