DCKs and their personality

[Spixie33]

I really wish I could terminate one of my dcks based on personality. She is 16 months old and has been with me for 7 months now. She started off very clingy, crying a lot and wanting to be carried or within arm's length.
I figured it was just transitioning pains so she got past the probation period and I figured it would improve after 4 weeks but oh my goodness....the child has more bad days than good. :(

There are times where she will just cry and have no reason for it or still cry when she sees me walk out of the room and she won't calm down. Other children cry and then soothe themselves again but she just cries and cries unless I go pick her up and cuddle her. It is not realistic or practical that I can devote that much time to her and her needs when there are 4 other children in the group who need me and when she is getting older now.

The parents are great. They acknowledge that their child is high maintenance. I don't have a good reason to terminate other than this girl's personality grates on me at times. I sometimes feel like she can't go with the flow. If we are going downstairs - she is the last one to come and it takes me 10 minutes to convince her to climb downstairs....same when we go upstairs. It would be 'easy' for me to take her and carry her but that won't teach her anything and won't make her independent. So instead I stand there going 'come, you can do it...come here."

The parents pay on time, follow all policies and I just don't have a good reason to terminate other than I find their child stressful and think the child's personality is on the unlikable side of the spectrum. It isn't exactly something you can tell a parent and have them react well.

I feel bad saying no to some of these other parents who are inquiring for care when I wish I could swap them out for this child. I guess I am just venting. I feel a panic when I think she will be with me 2 more years. I can feel the grey hair coming on. I guess I need to hope and pray she will turn out to be a golden child along the way.

[eoinsmom]

Unfortunately I don't have too much advice since I am in the same boat! I've had a dcg since last May(she started when she had just turned 1yo), and it was awful at the beginning - they were a babywearing family, so she didn't even really move when I'd put her down on the floor, just cried and waiting for me to come get her. Eventually she figured it out that I wasn't going to carry her everywhere and started crawling around, but still was very clingy and cried alot, especially if other kids approached her or touched her. It was getting much better before Christmas break, but since she came back after having almost two weeks at home, it has been a nightmare again! I can't go anywhere without her right behind me; she wants to be carried up and down stairs; she freaks out if other kids touch her or come near her; everything is "mine" and she cries is another kid touches a chair/toy/book that she considers to be hers; she cries if I tell her no; the crying just goes on and on and on.....her parents are great, they always pay on time, are happy with her care, they are just awesome to deal with all around. We've talked about the crying and recent 'attitude' she give when you tell her no (crossing her arms and crying or pouting), and they say its happening at home too; they also say that she has just never like to play with kids her own age and prefers adults. I would love to replace this dcg with another little one who is more happy go lucky (like the rest of my kids!) but I just keep holding on to the hope that mom will get pregnant with baby #2 soon, since that seems to be the pattern once dck's hit the two year old mark! My practice has just started to be that if you are going to be whiny, push other kids who come near you, or be generally miserable, you can go hang out in your playpen for awhile until you want to play with the rest of us. There is only so much grating crying I can take - not to mention the older kids don't like it either and ask me why she cries so much or what she is crying about!

[Momof4]

Spixie, the last 3 children who joined my daycare took between 2-4 months to settle in. My first question for you is to ask if the child is full-time? Because I realized that I probably would have shortened the crying span if I had insisted on the children coming to daycare full-time. I weaned them in at a couple days a week, then 3 for a few weeks, then 4 for a few weeks and I don't want to do that again. Once they finally become full-time they usually settle down within a few weeks but every child is different. There's no rule unfortunately. Don't let anybody tell you there is a definite time limit to follow.

[Spixie33]

Spixie, the last 3 children who joined my daycare took between 2-4 months to settle in. My first question for you is to ask if the child is full-time? Because I realized that I probably would have shortened the crying span if I had insisted on the children coming to daycare full-time. I weaned them in at a couple days a week, then 3 for a few weeks, then 4 for a few weeks and I don't want to do that again. Once they finally become full-time they usually settle down within a few weeks but every child is different. There's no rule unfortunately. Don't let anybody tell you there is a definite time limit to follow.

She started FT in July and it was tough going but I thought it would get better.

Then in November she went to 3 days a week....and now in January she went back to FT. I think she was more tolerable and better during the PT.

I am not sure whether this is still transitioning or whether she is just not a happy child. There has been another child who started in between who is happy go lucky and lovely to have around but this one just seems to cry at everything.

You just say the word NO to her or 'don't touch' and she bawls as though you were horrible to her.

I bounce between feeling guilty for how I feel about her and giving her extra love and attention to then thinking it is too much and not fair to the others. Yesterday she was crying so much that I had a moment where I just wanted to call the parents and say "I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore."

Having 4 children happy and 1 sourpuss ruins a lot of our fun. The other kids will want to play or do an activity and be having fun and then the DCG is crying and takes away my attention and the moment is lost and you can see that the other kids are disappointed and frustrated too. Even the other children will tell her to stop crying because nothing is wrong.

She will have some good days where I think - yay ! She is getting the daycare idea now and fitting in and relaxing but then after a day or two we are back to the crying and miserable mood.

I'm just going to hope that somewhere along the way she turns happy and stays that way.

[Momof4]

Having a cryer/screamer/miserable child in the group is exhausing for all of the people in the daycare, adult or child. I know that. I really hope your little person turns the corner soon.

I have a family in care who make me want to terminate in 5 small ways every week, I swear! But nothing big enough ever for me to say 'that's it!' so I feel your pain. It just isn't fair when we have one child or parents who make us dread our day, is it? Pretty much since I started daycare I've had one client like that. Somebody who makes me go ugh, them, here they come! If you are lucky they are the part-timers. In my case even when the parents are on vacation they bring their child to me. What does that tell you? They don't like their child any more than me? Sad!