Need opinions and ideas please(new dcb on own schedule)

[meaganb3]

Good day fellow providers,
I have been a viewer for quite some time and have finally registered on the site :) yay me

I am in need of desperate help here. Just started a 10mth dcb, suggested parents to progress him to my schedule before starting (wasn't done) so now i am having a heck of a time.

He is a very happy baby!!! Love him to pieces.
Problems are as follows:
1. Doesn't self soothe to nap (either falls asleep drinking bottle OR they rub his back which takes forever and I will not do)
2. Will not eat lunch when we do

What I noticed he does when I have followed his lead for a day:
Arrives usually at 730am so has breakfast(baby cereal with yogurt) with us,
Needs a nap around 930ish ( 20-30 mins), will not eat his lunch with us, just wants a bottle and nap (but I am busy with others so I just sit him at table with us) then he has his bottle after trying twice to feed him solids with no luck. He will sleep for 30mins-1.5 hours. Then sometimes will eat some lunch for me but it's about 230 pm.

I cannot rub his back to sleep as I have others to care for, I have asked parents to start teaching him to cry it out or something .

Bah I'm so frusturated

What do you all think?

[Crayola kiddies]

hi and welcome to the forum..... I would have a talk with the parents and let them know he needs to be on your schedule ....I would give it to them in writing....I would not be giving bottles ....sippy cup only...and finger foods on the tray ....if he's hungry he'll eat....I would start putting him down earlier by 5 or 10 minutes every morning till you have him napping at 8 or 815 for about 30 mins only then he has lots of time till the afternoon nap at 12:30 (or when ever you do your aft naps) put him in bed with his comfort item if he has one, and put a fan on outside the door and walk away .....no rocking or back rubbing......he'll scream for the first week or so but then he"ll figure it out.....but I would for sure tell the parents they need to stop the rocking and get rid of the bottle so that its consistant at both places and you will see results much faster ......I would be mad if I gave my schedule to parents as well as some things to do to prepare their child for group care and they disregarded it.......

[mlle.coccinelle]

I'm going to follow this since I have a new little guy and I have the same problem! Sweet little dude... but he has been with mommy for 15 months, rocked to sleep 3 times a day... I find that since I have my little guy.. it's so much harder to let babies cry!

Would you go and pick him up after a while or just let him cry to sleep? because... he's a stubborn one!

[meaganb3]

here is my schedule:
7:00 - 8:00am – Arrival/Independent play/ Kids off to School/ Wash up

8:30am - Breakfast/ Wash up

9:00am - Story or Circle Time/ Songs & Stretches/ Naps if needed (little ones)

9:30am - Hands on Activities (arts, crafts, play doh, paints etc....)

10:00 - 11:00am - Outdoor Play (Weather Permitting)/ Table Activity

11:30 - 12:30pm - Wash up/ Lunch/ Clean up/ Story Time

1:00 - 3:00pm - Nap Time for all

3:30pm - Wash up/ Snacks/Clean up toys

4:00pm - Outdoor Play (Weather Permitting)/ Independent play/ Sing & Dance

4:45pm - Wash up/ Clean up toys

5:00 - Home Time

**As of now he doesnt take a sippy at home so i am pushing this here (just plays with it)
they bring his food (baby food) but he will not eat at our lunch time. (too tired?)

He doesnt have a comfort item, as for the an on the outside? of the room or inside?

as for the 8-815 morning nap are you suggesting my 9am is much too late? We know he will just scream and scream so probably will not nap. I have never had a child that did not have an item (soother, stuffy, blanky)

thanks soo much!!

[meaganb3]

*fan* sorry
Oh and Mondays he doesnt come until 1030am. and obviously she lets him sleep in which i understand bc your tired but until he has adjusted to our routine I believe they just need to suck it up and do it! Am I harsh?

[gramma]

I'm having my own sleep issues with a 16 month old so i cant offer much there lol. i will say that a 10 month old may have different sleep needs that the older kids but with time and persistance you should be able to get him on the same schedule. as for feeding, i have never had a10 month old who could hold a sippy cup. as for not eating, perhaps he is getting enough from his bottles. is he having bottles every 4 hours or so? my youngest dcg started at 8 months and had formula every 4 hours which i quickly adjusted to match mealtimes as she approached the 10 month mark but she is a good eater at lunch and snack times. you absolutely have to tell parents that if they arent on board with teaching him to soothe himself to sleep it will take a very long time before he'sold enough to understand the difference of being at home and at daycare. its in everyones best interest to be working together, especially the little one.

[gramma]

*fan* sorry
Oh and Mondays he doesnt come until 1030am. and obviously she lets him sleep in which i understand bc your tired but until he has adjusted to our routine I believe they just need to suck it up and do it! Am I harsh?

nope, not harsh at all. they need to dowhats best for him. personally i would stop the late arrival on mondays. I find late arrivals to be a huge inconvenience.

[daycarewhisperer]

when he arrives in the morning at 7:30 a.m. put him straight to bed. Have the parents feed him before he comes to daycare. When he arrives at 1030 p.m. keep him up until 1130 p.m. and then put him down for a 3 hour afternoon nap.

[Skysue]

I'm with Daycarewhisperer on sleep times, personally I wouldn't push the sippy cup until you get him on a good routine, too much change at once can be to much for one so young. His bottle sounds like his naptime soother to me.

I had a baby once who always took a bottle for nap even after lunch, sometimes she only drank a few sips then fell asleep.

Maybe talk to Mom about possibly replacing the bottle with a soother? Could help, bottom line be very upfront with the parents you all need to be 100% on the same page in order to ensure success.

Welcome and good luck.

[apples and bananas]

I think we have to convince the parents that conditioning their child for daycare is in their childs best interest.

I know for me, feeding a bottle is not possible at lunch, so at the interview I tell parents "I physically am unable to feed a bottle so it's important that your child is starting to get used to a sippy before he comes, otherwise it's going to be uncomfortable and confusing for him"

Parents often think that our "demands" are to make our job easier, when that's really not the case. We require certain things be done or well on their way at least so their child has an easy transition into someone elses care.

It's all how you word it sometimes.

[meaganb3]

Thank you everyone for the opinions.
I spoke with mom last evening and we have agreed to teaching self soothe first as too much change will just cause for a longer adjustment. She said she is working on cio she understands that it's in better interest for him and everyone else in my care to follow my routine, she has apologized for not adjusting him before starting care.
It's no good to start him on a soother at 10 mths (my 3 children were off of them around this age) I have had ss for a fan? Nature music(playing before nap and continue through his nap).
So far today we had breakfast, gave him some bottle changed diaper and put in playpen. Of. ourse he is crying. Now would you just leave him for the half hour regardless if he cries or goes to sleep then just get him after 30 mins and go on with activities or leave him longer?? And as for pm nap would you put him in the play pen at same time as everyone else and let him cio(in his own room)?

[DaycareLulu]

Hi Meagan, I also have a 10 month old that just started with me this month and my daily routine is almost exactly the same as yours! My 10 month old has adjusted to it perfectly. He arrives at 730 am has breakfast, nap from 9-10 and makes to the next nap at 1pm just fine where he then sleeps for 2 to 2.5 hours. He has a large milk feed before he comes and and another when he gets home, So I think one bottle during the day is plenty which I help him hold and drink from at snack and lunch times while sitting in a high chair seat. sometimes I give it from a sipping cup as well. No need to sit and hold him until he finishes the whole bottle. if he doesn't drink it all by first snack and lunch I offer more at the last snack of the day. I have found swaddling as well as white noise helps to sleep very well at nap time. maybe he is a little old to be swaddled but he is a very active boy and I find this immediately relaxes and he falls asleep almost immediately.

[Crayola kiddies]

I think I would leave him for about 45 mins and if he cries the whole time well that's what it us u guess ...... And for the afternoon nap he (hopefully he doesn't fall asleep in the high chair) I would put him down first and I use a fan in the room (or white noise whatever you have) and then I also have a fan running in my hall way which drowns out any noise I may make during quiet time..... Just let him cry and if that's what he does for the entire quiet time then unfortunately that's what it is .... I'm sure as the days go on and as long as mom is really doing it at home too it will get better. But if mom is a softy and goes to him cause she feels bad then I think your in for a long haul. Good luck.!

[meaganb3]

So I went in to get him and oh my he's still screaming can you say Pissed at me?

[meaganb3]

Well Lunch came and lunch went, dcb didnt eat just fussed the whole time, I know he is tired as he started to nod off, so I tried to feed him a bit of bottle with No Luck :( so I just put him to bed (with a fan running, only have 1 atm) He is a screaming!!! Just talked to mom and sure enough she is rubbing his back (i have the time, and understand you do not) umm yes so stop it!! CIO is CRY IT OUT not Rub my back for 5 darn minutes!!! Thats what he is looking for and I will not.

Only issue I am having and I am thinking I should just not worry right now, but after this mornings CIO nap fail he wants me in his view at all times i even get up to help another friend he screams?? Do you think He is just soo tired that he wont eat, drink nothing??

[sunnydays]

You have to be consistent. If mom is not working on it at home, it will take longer for sure, but if you are 100% consistent, he will learn that he has to sleep at your house. I have had ones who took up to a month to sleep well at naptime...but eventually they learn that I will not come and get them...will not rock or rub backs or get them up earlier than the end of naptime. Then they start napping really well and the overall mood improves because they aren't overtired. Good luck!

[meaganb3]

Thank You Thank you, I am trying to get mom to understand that the back rubbing needs to end... hopefuly she will *knocks on wood*
I am glad that the other playpen sleeper sleeps thru everything, but my 3 year old dcg will not go to sleep if she hears anyone crying (she is part time 2 days a week) been with me forever!

I am praying that with my consistency for napping he will figure it out and just lie down and sleep is the non eating a concern though or do you think that will even out soon too??

[Crayola kiddies]

Try to impress upon mom that by rubbing his back at home she is just making it harder on him because he is expecting you to do it and its confusing him..... Generally if you put the spin on it that its him she is affecting (which is the truth) she will do the same at home. But if she won't then it will just take longer and he will eventually learn going to sleep at your house is different then going to sleep at home ......

[gramma]

Maybe mom needs to know that if she is working against you that she is putting herself in jeopardy of being terminated. She needs to understand that you are doing your job and she must do her if the relationship is going to work. If she continues to undermine what your doing I suspect this wont be the only issue you have with her.

[mom-in-alberta]

I 100% agree with the others... If mom is not willing to actively help, she is actually hindering. It only makes it so much harder for the little guy. Try that approach, maybe? That it is actually harder ON HIM?
But even if mama continue these bad habits, eventually he will get the idea, and settle into routine at your house.
And, I cannot be the only one who thinks that a 10month old is perfectly capable of holding his own bottle/sippy? All 4 of my kids did by that age.

[meaganb3]

And, I cannot be the only one who thinks that a 10month old is perfectly capable of holding his own bottle/sippy? All 4 of my kids did by that age.

All 3 of mine held there own bottles and had sippy cups with water from 7 mths of age

[meaganb3]

Try to impress upon mom that by rubbing his back at home she is just making it harder on him because he is expecting you to do it and its confusing him..... Generally if you put the spin on it that its him she is affecting (which is the truth) she will do the same at home. But if she won't then it will just take longer and he will eventually learn going to sleep at your house is different then going to sleep at home ......

OK thanks, what would you say to mom and dad though? I know he is there first but the easier we can get him adjusted the better.
And in the situation they dont stop and I continue to just lie him down to CIO what about his eating? He is soo upset when i bring him back to the play room after crying for 2 hours :(

[meaganb3]

I am so relieved when 5pm comes about, and my lovelys go home! Please reassure me he will catch on, he did sleep a little yesterday so this is good :) but my goodness he is so upset after I bring him back to the playroom. Nothing I do makes him happy unless he is on me, moment I get up its a cry fit :( I'm trying to just ignore it and invite him to play but my word!! I'm not concerned about his eating anymore as mom said he eats soo much when he gets home. I'm really praying that the happy boy is not gone forever he was soo cheerful never cried unless tired Nd now that's what he does for 70% of the day!!!

Sorry for the mumble

[mom-in-alberta]

I think that the fact that you are seeing a little bit of improvement is very encouraging. Just keep at it!
Have you asked/mentioned to mom that he is still having some troubles sleeping?