What are some of the reasons you have terminated.

[Other Mummy]

Except for parent issues (non-payments, late payments, not sticking to policy book etc.) what are some of the reasons you have terminated a child from your care.

I'm on the fence about terminiating an almost 3 yr old dcb. He will go weeks without a major incident and them BAM....it will be a week of hell. Biting, pushing, talking back. He will get a stern lecture from his folks after I have had a meeting with them and then slowly, it goes back to the way it always is. I cannot trust this child alone with a group of kids in a room. I have shadowed him for most of the time he has been with me. If he left tomorrow out of my daycare, I would not shed a tear. there is no love lost there.

On a good day he tries my nerves more so than any other DCC I have ever worked with. He is a big kid and does not seem to care or understand that things like sitting on his friends multiple times a day is NOT okay. This dcb has a lot of strikes against him. Chronic running nose, 3 poops a day and is just a lot of work and stress. When he was sick before Xmas....my crew was so different. It really changed the dynamics here.

[DisneyPrincess]

I here ya, I have one 3 y.o. girl that is quite the attitude little lady and there has been days of getting down to my last nerve. She actually made me shout at her infront of all the others... hey I'm not proud this is just how far she got me. I told the parents I did, I felt bad but had no shame sharing with them. She tells them everything that is going on anyhow, she is very smart. My solution after that episode was just to put her away in ''time-out'', and she was there often. These days are not so bad. Yes she is stressful, but only have until the summer where then she'll start school and wont be in my care anymore so... I'll just suck it up :(

[Crayola kiddies]

I had a boy in my care last year from jan to end of oct (21 months - 2.5) and he always came in he door with a big smile on his face and he rarely complained about anything but he also had no boundaries .... Zero.... Zilch..... If he could do it ... He did it .... The first day he tried to scale my stair case from the outside hanging on to the railings.... I had to remove most things from my playroom because no matter how many times I said no ... Re directed.... Put in time out ... He went right back at it..... Then at the beginning of oct he was sick and off for a week .... Wow what a change .... The dynamics of the group were totally different and I was calm and stress free .... One day back and I realized he had to go. Sometimes you just gotta say adios

[Other Mummy]

Ugh. Said DCB just hit another child with a hot wheels metal car. In the head. I'm so done with this child.

[Momof4]

I terminated a family after a month of screaming on the baby's part and the Mom wouldn't work with me to solve it but rather expected me to carry the baby at all times. I terminated a family with a very violent 2 year old girl who was completely out of control and the parents thought she was just perfect. So that's when my interviewing methods changed and I made the rule that I will keep working as long as the parents are co-operating and helping me with any problem. These two lessons happened to me in my first year of business while I was learning everything the hard way.

[Lou]

I had to terminate a family (a neighbor too, it was awkward) after their 4 yrs old cried all day for 1 1/2 months. It was ridiculous! She was 4 and there was nothing wrong...and it was beginning to have a huge negative effect on the whole group.

[Sandbox Sally]

I terminated a family because the child cried incessantly for more than a month. We just couldn't take it any more -not me, not the other daycare children. It was unfair to all of us, and to the crier.

I am considering terminating another family because the little guy drives me nuts. He's five, and is here every other day for a full day. He tells me he's bored constantly, no matter what we're doing. He regularly tells me he hates coming to my house. He tells me my toys suck. I even went so far as to go out and buy him more toy cars, because he complained that I didn't have cool ones like his "old babysitter".

If we are at the park, he whines to go home. If we're doing a craft, he tells me it sucks. He hates every kind of food I give him. He butts into private conversations I am having with my kids, despite my asking him to stop doing so. Like, if I am talking to dd, he will come over and yell at her, "Yeeeeah! You need to listen to your mom and stop being bad all the time". My daughter is 13. :rolleyes:

Seriously...I am feeling pretty done with him. It doesn't help matters that his mother pays late every week. She's the one who my last thread is about.

[sunnydays]

Oh I hear you! I have one who is driving me nuts right now too :( No physical boundaries...always in everyone's space, pushing, grabbing, knocking over, etc. It is so constant and tiring. I wish I knew a way to screen for this kind of thing in an interview...I am interviewing now for a space and agonizing over who to choose because I dread ending up in this situation and I hate having to terminate!

[kidlove]

other than, parent issues...disrespect, late payments and the like! I have terminated one that I can think of due to child behavior...I had brothers who were very violent with each other and extremely disrespectful toward me (when I tried to hold a boy still from a massive tantrum, he began kicking me, tried to bite me and stuck his finger nails in my arms) his little brother would bite and pull hair on others for no reason and the two of them fought like that with each other as well....I have no patience for that type behavior in my home.

[DisneyPrincess]

Sunnydays, I have one little girl who does the same thing to friends.. you know getting in their space, taking their toys, pushing them... but you know whats weird, most of the time she has a huge smile on her face and his having a blast. Kindda sick when you think about it, is she smiling because she likes hurting ?? lol One thing she does, its even more getting in people's bubbles, she little squishes them, like giving a hug but pulling so hard, usually when their back is turned or going ON them if they are on the floor. I mean, how on earth to I make her understand at almost 2 to not do that. She started out here at 1 and was much worst then... Still its no fun, even though she seems to be having a blast... well until I time-out her haha

[Other Mummy]

Sunnydays, I have one little girl who does the same thing to friends.. you know getting in their space, taking their toys, pushing them... but you know whats weird, most of the time she has a huge smile on her face and his having a blast. Kindda sick when you think about it, is she smiling because she likes hurting ?? lol One thing she does, its even more getting in people's bubbles, she little squishes them, like giving a hug but pulling so hard, usually when their back is turned or going ON them if they are on the floor. I mean, how on earth to I make her understand at almost 2 to not do that. She started out here at 1 and was much worst then... Still its no fun, even though she seems to be having a blast... well until I time-out her haha

This is my DCB exactly. I wrote a Behaviour Issue letter to DCPs. Basically that DCB's on probation and we will have to come up with some kind of solution, or i will need to terminate. I will be doing a daily log of his behaviour. This was noted in the letter...... So why so I feel like crap. Ugh. I hate this part of the Biz. :unsure:

[Inspired by Reggio]

I thankfully have never had to terminate a client since choosing to work from home ~ however I do have a Code Conduct and termination policy in place just in case I ever encounter the child who cannot manage ... consistent acts of aggression or violence would be a deal breaker for me!

Personally as others have mentioned I would do a 'behaviour management contract' with a client before moving to termination ~ aka a written list of the behaviours that are are issue, a list of expectations of what needs to happen to improve, a time line for improvement and clear consquence that failure to see improvement within that time will result in termination ... this way it is not a 'shock' to them cause sometimes IME even though we think we are being clear or blunt about a child's behavior being a challenge parents become cognitively dissident and HEAR something that is not so bad or seriously and therefore do not get you are at the end of your rope until they see it in WRITING.

[sunnydays]

Sunnydays, I have one little girl who does the same thing to friends.. you know getting in their space, taking their toys, pushing them... but you know whats weird, most of the time she has a huge smile on her face and his having a blast. Kindda sick when you think about it, is she smiling because she likes hurting ?? lol One thing she does, its even more getting in people's bubbles, she little squishes them, like giving a hug but pulling so hard, usually when their back is turned or going ON them if they are on the floor. I mean, how on earth to I make her understand at almost 2 to not do that. She started out here at 1 and was much worst then... Still its no fun, even though she seems to be having a blast... well until I time-out her haha

Yep...exactly the same! It's draining as I get so tired of telling him not to touch his friends...not to push...not to crowd...not to hug...not to climb on top of...etc etc etc. But I turn away and 10 seconds later...he's doing it again. I use time-outs for actual pushing...but the rest...well I haven't found a way to get through to him. He is having fun, but his friends can't stand it...they are constantly complaining and cringing away from him.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I found over my years in the field working with many diverse children is that with some children telling them what 'not to do' actually results increases of the undesired behavior because in their little brains they do not process the 'negative' part into the memory ~ so than later in that moment before they do something 'wrong' when their brain has to process what does my adult want from me again cause last time I tried this something happened they are only remembering your messages as 'push your friends', 'hit your friends' 'jump on the couch' in that little nanosecond between when they are controlling their natural impulses as children to do these things because they have not fully mastered impulse control ... and therefore the behavior escalates and the adults frustration escalates because they feel the child is 'defying' them :(

In my program I focus on posing my redirection for the children with messages of what I want to see from them ~ we keep our hands to our self, we give our friends space, we sit quietly on the couch, we respect the toys so forth and so on ... it has two positive effects because the next time the child is experiencing that nanosecond of the impulse to push / climb / throw something the memory that comes associated with that behavior last time is the message of what is expected of them so they are more likely to control that impulse as a result and the second effect is that MY patience and experience in program is more positive even when dealing with a challenging children because I never spend my days telling children NO NO NO and therefore getting more frustrated with feeling negative all day cause that is my focus.

I am not saying that a child should never hear the word NO but that as adults we need to be reflective of the consistent messages we send daily and are they being processed in the manner we attend to them ... if you have children you feel are not 'listening' to you my suggestion is to reflect on how the message/request is being sent and than processed by the child and perhaps try 'flipping' it to the focus of what you want instead and see if you see improvement in their ability to 'remember your directive'. If you as the adult are starting to feel frustrated and negative with dealing with behavior reflect on how you are dealing with it ~ is the language you assign to that behavior escalating it into a more negative experience than it might actually be were you to frame it in more positive?

[DisneyPrincess]

It is hard to decide to terminate. I have had that in mind for certain kids, but I let it go a few weeks more etc etc lol The one that cried everyday for five months last year, now is a doll. The crazy huger might leave this summer anyways, and the attitude leaves for school after the summer so... again I'll suck it up and see after the summer what is going on !

But if you can terminate and sure replace first, then do it, it is dreadful to have to work like this !

[MonkeyPrincess]

Technically it was a mutual decision, and we naturally got to this point, but i had had enough soi told a family i could no longer care for their child. I was going to care for the child for the duration of the mother's second pregnancy, but i barely made it those 6 months. The 2 yr old girl is very big for her age, wearing a size 3/4. She was a pusher, hitter and crier, and didn't get along too well with my own daughter. When i would inform the mom about hitting/pushing/whatever, she would either brush it off saying all kids do that, or ask me what my kids were doing to her daughter, and maybe she was defending herself against them. You know, the kind that thinks that their kid never does anything wrong.

The mom was an over bearing, stubborn, make-up-her-own-rules kinda gal. My food was never good enough, so she brought her own. I would change the child's diaper 6 times a day and it was never enough. One day after she got home, she called me in a panic because the child's bum was red. She was insinuating that i didn't change her diaper enough, but i wasn't shy about pointing out that it takes her almost an hour to get home and her kid SAT in her own pee and poo the whole time. She didn't want to use Vaseline or diaper cream as a barrier, so what am i going to? Nothing. Change the diaper, put a clean one on and that's it.

I was SO CLOSE to terminating the day that she called me 4 times in less than 2 hours because she was frantically looking for 2 envelopes that were missing from her purse. She asked me to look around for them and ask my son if he took them out of her purse (UH, NO!). At first I said i would look for them after dinner, but then she told me it was an emergency because those two envelopes contained her rent money and money for bills. Oh my GOD! I was pissed because she thought my son went into her purse, but really it was her daughter because i found the envelopes by the TV, where her daughter was hanging out right before she left that day. I was mad at her for insinuating that my son took the envelopes, and i am dumb for not terminating right then and there. Later that month she informed me would not be able to do drop off and pick up because her pregnant belly was getting too big to pick up her daughter. She TOLD me that her hubby would drop off the kid at 6.30 am and pick her up at 4, except for the days that her hubby coached soccer, when she would pick up the child at 5.30 and pay me extra. WHAT? That was where i drew the line. I said that was way too early for me and i could no longer do it. In the end she got her mom to care for her daughter for the last 2 months of her pregnancy.

So you are wondering why i never terminated this family eh? I couldn't bring myself to do it, the child's dad was my dad's cousin. :o:o:o