Mom doesn't want her kid to nap anymore?

[busydaycarelady]

I look after a 3 year old. Apparently at home she doesn't want to go to bed for the last month or so - she will cry, say she doesn't want to go to bed, play in her bed, make up a million excuses like I'm thirsty, bored, not tired, etc. Mom figures its because she no longer needs a nap and has told me she does NOT want me to allow this kid to nap. When this child not get a nap she is super cranky and is just awful to deal with. Mom says, 'she will adjust and get used to it.' This kid will actually tell me she's tired and wants a nap. I asked mom if she thinks it is a phase or perhaps due to the fact that mom and dad are at her beck and call all night if she wants to get in with them, wants a drink, wants a different teddy bear/pillow. Mom says of course not she just needs to give up her nap. So frustrating.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Quiet time is not an option in my program, if a child falls asleep during quiet time it is because their body still NEEDS a nap.

If the parent is having bedtime resistance at HOME I would give them some resources and articles on tips for dealing with bedtime resistance ~ but my handbook clearly indicates that a request for 'no nap' cannot be met because I cannot force a child to stay awake and will not even try because it goes against my value of protecting children's healthy sleep habits!

What this child is experience has nothing to do with needing a nap ~ as seen by the drastic inability to COPE without one ~ and everything to do with the fact that they are at the age and stage where they have realized 'time passes will I sleep and I am missing something' so they try STALLING to stay awake and not miss out anything ... mom I need to pee, mom I need a drink, mom I need YOU and so forth. The easy answer is a consistent bedtime routine and clear expectation that at the end of the routine you have had a snack/drink, some quiet time with mom or dad reading or what not, you've peed and said good night now it is time to stay in your bed and leave your body at REST until an adult comes back to get you in the morning ... do not want to hear talking or playing and so forth REST!

[DeeDee]

I agree, I don't not force my kids to stay awake at quite time either. There is not option in my program for not quite time.

[Momof4]

Nap/quiet time is mandatory at my daycare as well. All children must lay in their bed no matter what their age, but I don't have school age children, so up to age 4. Sometimes as they reach JK age they aren't falling asleep right away and will lay there for 1/2 an hour or so before falling asleep playing with a cuddle or singing quietly to themselves, I've had that happen. But they all fall asleep.

However, if I ever had a client like yours asking you to cut out naps I would still follow my procedure but I would tell the parent that they had a shorter nap than the others which would still be the truth. But I wouldn't give the total hours and minutes to the parent.

I've had a lot of parents tell me that their children don't nap at home or go to bed well at night but they all sleep well at naptime. Maybe because all their friends are doing the same thing? Maybe because they know how the routine goes daily?

[mom-in-alberta]

Can you come to a compromise of cutting nap time shorter, but she still has a sleep?
For us, under 3 has a nap. No other options. 3 and up, will lay down quietly and take a break. If they are tired, they will fall asleep then. If not, then at least thier little body has had a rest, and a chance to rejuvenate.
I understand mom's desire not to have her sleep for 3 hours. I have a daughter that will do that and stay awake far too late. More often than not, I will wake her from an afternoon rest. But I know that she still needs the rest, just perhaps not as long.

[Fearlessbaby]

I agree with everyone- children need a rest, stand firm and do what's best for the child- that's our job as caregivers. Sounds like she still needs a nap if she's cranky without one.

[daycarewhisperer]

I don't provide service to children who don't need a full afternoon nap. I would tell the Mom it's time for them to move on and find a provider who is willing to provide that service. It's not that easy to find in a home child care. Most providers do nap time because of themselves not for the best interest of the children or families. I do nap for ME. I need the big long break in the middle of the day. I'm at this for twenty years and I can proudly say that my decision to only provide service to children who need a full afternoon nap is the number one decision contributing to my longevity and success in the business. I know if I had ever waivered on making nap time about me and my needs that I would not be here today in my twentieth year. I would have failed in the business long long ago.

[DisneyPrincess]

I agree with the ladies, naptime is a MUST. It does good for all the children AND me. If they dont sleep is fine but, they must lie down and stay quiet and clam. I have a 5 y.o. sometimes and she falls asleep she is so tired from moving around so much. Even my own 6 y.o. daughter last summer was sleeping sometimes. No books cause its too dark anyways, and once the 5 y.o. got up earlier and I let her play with puzzles but made too much noise :O

[Bugaboo]

I would not stop napping a three year old child as its developmentally appropriate for them to do so-- legitimate sleep experts will back my claim up. A quiet period of rest is a mandatory part of my program. I do not force any child to sleep but I do expect all children to rest in the afternoon. Could you perhaps encourage this child to rest instead? She may fall alseep during this time. If she does its because she needs it. Three year old children should be napping at least an hour or more and sleeping around 11 hours at night. Perhaps the issue is not the nap but maybe the child is "ruling the roost" at bedtime and the parents need to take back their roles as the ones in charge. I'd encourage the parents (and everyone for that matter) to read Dr. Marc Weissbluth he is an awesome sleep expert!

[Connect]

Hello,

Have you considered giving her a half an hour to 1 hour nap. That way she gets a nap, but when you wake her up she will be cranky. See if mom is willing to compromise. Your descriptions sounds like she is a strong-willed child. Have you asked mom if she gives her a consistent schedule at home? Strong-willed children need it so they are aware of what the routine expectations are. How long does this child sleep for? Sounds like mom may need to develop a bit of backbone. Not easy if her personality and her child's very strong.:blink:

[daycarewhisperer]

Hello,

Have you considered giving her a half an hour to 1 hour nap. That way she gets a nap, but when you wake her up she will be cranky. See if mom is willing to compromise. Your descriptions sounds like she is a strong-willed child. Have you asked mom if she gives her a consistent schedule at home? Strong-willed children need it so they are aware of what the routine expectations are. How long does this child sleep for? Sounds like mom may need to develop a bit of backbone. Not easy if her personality and her child's very strong.:blink:

I wouldn't consider doing that. It wouldn't be long enough for me to rest. I need a 2.5 hour break in the middle of this long day. Also, whenever you start negotiating nap you start having even more staff time into the daily discussions about it and parents trying to negotiate it down even further or change the times. It doesn't stop until there is no nap at all. It causes way too much conflict.

[apples and bananas]

This is a classic case of parents thinking we work for them... We don't! We work for ourselves.

If I were in your shoes I would probably let the parent know that quiet time is mandatory due to the way the daycare is set up. However, you can always tell the parent that you will insist on quiet time, but you won't nessasarily put her down for "nap" This was she has her rest and if her body needs to sleep then it will.

My kids went through a "don't want to sleep phase. It's pretty normal. Sometimes it means they aren't getting enough sleep and are so over tired their body won't settle.