Handling agression?

[Skysue]

Hello to everyone,

New here and feel great knowing there are others going through the same motions as me! Are days are long and we don't get much recognition from the parents due to there busy lives. It's amazing when they tell us we are doing a great job but it's never enough for the great work we are doing in helping raise there children.

Has anyone else had to say good bye to any children due to agression? I have had to say good bye to one and now an other. It is soooooo hard telling someone there child is a bully, it never goes over smoothly. My current case is they don't want to beleive it and they say it only happens at my home? Unfortuatley it is a fact that there child is personally and intenionally punching, kicking, pushing and getting the other kids in head locks? This behavour is very unusual for a 2 1/2 year old too me? Is it just me or has anyone else gone through this? I feel like a failure as this child has been in my care for 7 months (ever since i opened) his agression is getting more brutal and it is stressing the other little ones out as well as me? The little one won't sit on time outs and smiles when I catch them hurting the other children.

Feeling very discouraged as I took on this job to stay home with my own child. Now i have a space opened up and I'm scared as the other kids are great!

[Play and Learn]

Welcome to the forum!

[playfelt]

This kind of behaviour often does surface at about the age you are talking about and it often has to do with the father or other male figure in the child's life starting to rough house with them in the evenings. The child just doesn't understand how hard they doing the behaviours as the adult can likely take it. Sometimes you can do a that is an at home behaviour and not a daycare behaviour and they will learn to stop with a reminder. Try asking the child where they learned it.If they say dad then speak to the parent about the rough housing and how the child does not know the difference and as a result is now a bully in daycare. Take a look at the child's face and demeaner while they are doing the agresssion in the sense of do they look like they are trying to play or do they have an I am angry kind of look and being very agressive.

[mom-in-alberta]

I find it hard to believe that this behaviour would ONLY be seen while under your care. Either mom and dad choose not to see it (happens aaalllllll the time!!!) or, as playfelt said; daddy or someone is teaching rough and tough play methods.
What type of situations is this occurring in? I have a little boy that will hit for no reason (or push, etc) when he is tired or mad. He tried to bite me, for crikey sake, because he didn't want to hold my hand in a parking lot. No matter what, my consequences are the same. But I do keep extra watch on him if I think he might be in the "danger zone", so to speak. Then I keep him close to me, so that there is less likelihood of an incident.
It's not out of the ordinary for his age group, but it absolutely needs to be handled.

[sunnydays]

The fact that it only happens with you (so they say) could just be because he is the only child at home and has nobody to act out on. Sometimes it is attention-getting behaviour or jealousy of other children in a group like that. For a child who will not sit in a time-out, I would either put him in a playpen (if he can't climb out) or buckled into a booster seat for the time-out. You cannot let him go with no punishment or it will just continue.

[mamaof4]

hmm well 2 1/2 is typically a hard time for kids. I read a book "Raising your spirited child" that suggests that behavior typically deteriorates as a child approaches his or her birthday or half birthday as the are getting ready to make developmental leaps.

When my kids are having a hard time I try and gently remind them that hands are for hugging and kindness. Then point out they made the other child very sad. 2 year old often have a budding sense of empathy and it can work wonders to point out others feelings

[Skysue]

Well ladies he is not in my care anymore as of next week. I have to be by his side non stop and that is no life for me, yesterday I was cutting up fruit for snack and he punched my daughter in the face as she was sleeping on the couch. He also took his sandles and hit another little one in the face as we were lining up to put shoes on to go outside.

At home he is only around older kids and he is used to getting all the attention. He is starting a new daycare in a week and I hope that provider is honest with his parents.

I do reminde gentle hands are for blowing kisses and hugging, clapping etc... He is very far behinde in speech as he has a problem with his eyes, there not 100% sure what the problem is but I told his Mom he needs more one on one care! I have also tried the playpen and he screams so loud that I'm sure my neighbours feel I'm hurting him!

I just hope his parents will see the problem thats all I want!

[playfelt]

If he is only around older siblings he is likely being rough housed with by them and the parents don`t really realize what is going on because they know the kids are just teasing and playing. The problem is that the 18 month old doesn`t. As a result he things this is how one plays. The problem with saying use gentle hands etc is that that is just words with no meaning to the child. But he is obviously being turned into a bully either by siblings or because he feels he has no other way to compete. There is also a good chance he is spoiled at home and the older siblings regret it and take it out on him - especially when the parents aren`t watching so that is all the child knows. But a different daycare setting with lots of older kids or whatever might just work for him where he can meet his match so to speak. The great thing about an abundance of daycare providers is that there is a situation for everyone. Just too bad for those of us looking for care that there isn`t a child for every space just when we need it. Good luck on filling the space soon.

[mumstheword]

I feel for you and the poor little ones that are the brunt of his aggression. I have had my share of aggressive children over the years. The first thing that came to mind for me is that if the child is behind in his speach or other development and has a problem with his eyes and is smiling when he gets in trouble, he could be special needs and therefore would need to be treated or delt with differently. On the other hand, if he is in a house full of older children, he may get pushed around a lot at home and is taking out his frustration and lack of control out on the other little kids in your care.
I have a little girl that is always pushing the others around and grabbing etc. She is much better now but still has some off days. If she is having an especially difficult day then I make her stay near me so I can keep an eye on her or stop a behaviour before it happens. So when I am making lunch, she is not allowed to watch t.v. with the others she has to stay in the kitchen with me. She usually promises to keep her hands to herself and does.
You have to do what is right for you and the other kids in your daycare so if you think it`s a hopeless case or something you will not be able to handle then you need to move on. Hopefully the parents will realize there is an issue and deal with it.

[Skysue]

Thanks ladies! I feel its the best deicsion but filling the space is not easy! It is so hard filling a space when you need to. It seems that you get tons of inquirys when your full and don't need them :( Anyway I'm going to make the most of my summer and hope to fill the space for Sept!

[lilac]

I had a 5 year old girl, my first daycare family, bully my daugther who was then 2.5. Not really physically, but she was mean to her, corraling all the other kids not to play with her, aggravating and egging her on so she'd get into trouble, pretending she was going to hit her to scare her.... after about a week my daughter wouldnt play with any of the kids. After a week and a half, I let them go. I told the parents, Mom said she couldnt belive it, she's an angel, Dad said yes, they've been having trouble with her and other neighbourhood kids. They left and refused to pay me.

[Skysue]

That's interesting to me that both parents had different stories? People only see what they want I supose. It's the worst when your little one is being hurt, I find myself so hard on my daughter when she is in the wrong then when she gets hurt I can't be as harsh because there not my children!
It really sends a mixed message to your own child.

Thank God for your little girl you acted fast!

[mamaof4]

That's interesting to me that both parents had different stories? People only see what they want I supose. It's the worst when your little one is being hurt, I find myself so hard on my daughter when she is in the wrong then when she gets hurt I can't be as harsh because there not my children!
It really sends a mixed message to your own child.


Thank God for your little girl you acted fast!


true- I am totally more patient with others kids....