How would you respond?

[Connect]

Hello,

I have had a few friends and neighbors interested in having me provide childcare services but I am feeling unsure. I often see on the site that providing care for friends, relatives, and neighbours seems to be a big no-no and I agree. But recently I was approached by a neigbour and I told her I would get back to her. Now I am not full and she knows that but I can't help but feel if anything goes wrong friction might ensue and thus we become unhappy neigbours. How would you phrase to decline her without seeming mean in her view. Thank you.

[mom-in-alberta]

I would just let her know that you have a personal policy not to mix business and pleasure/friendship/homelife, and prefer to have clients that are "arms length". I would hope that she would understand.
Assure her that it's not her, or her child (even if it is, LoL). And maybe offer to help her find another great dayhome?
I think honesty is the best policy here, though.

[sunnydays]

I think mom-in-alberta is right. If you make up a lie to get out of it, it could come back to bite you and your neighbour may end up taking it personally. Try to frame it in a good way...she is one of the "in-crowd" included with friends and family...all of whom you cannot provide care for. Many professionals will not provide service to friends and family. Hopefully she understands!

[Other Mummy]

Of course, tell her the truth! mom-in-alberta and sunnydays had some great suggestions. I would also second the idea to research some good home daycares and give her the names and numbers of these providers.

No need to feel awkward at all ;)

[treeholm]

It's just like doctors not treating their own family members, that's what I would tell her. Of course, I started doing daycare because I had already been looking after my own granddaughter for three years... which has been the best thing in my life!

[Skysue]

I provide care for 3 neighbor's and it's all good! One next door and the other two seriously across the road.

It can be challenging but we have all remained very professional and no I do not mix business with pleasure. We are friendly but not friends!

[FSD]

I'm just curious....why is everyone so opposed to caring for your friend's kids? I understand the no mixing business with pleasure saying, I'm more looking at any experiences that you have had. Thanks.

[GymMom]

When I was looking for a dayhome for my daughter several years ago, I found a wonderful provider that lives just a couple houses down from us! She had my daughter there for 3 years - until my daughter started school - and we are now great friends & running buddies! As a provider I can see the risk in taking clients that live so close, but it worked out really well for us!

[gramma]

I say tell her the truth as well.
I watched siblings that lived across the street. Very nice family, i liked them alot and we got along great. The problems started in the spring when I would have the kids out front riding cars and bikes on the sidewalk. Mom or dad came home from work early quite often and the kids were old enough at the time to know that they were home because cars were in the driveway. we would even see dad out mowing the lawn and he never even acknowledged the kids. That left me with 2 whining kids because they wanted to be home with mom or dad. The other problem came when I took a sick day. I went to the doctor and when I came home I was sitting outside on my front porch with a cup of tea. Mom came over and ripped a strip of me for causing her to miss a days work (she was an hourly employee so didnt get paid) and that I had the nerve to sit outside on my porch with a tea. I barely had the chance to tell her i had Strep Throat. They also used to allow the kids to come over tomy place on the weekend to say hi and I couldnt get them to go home without feeling bad.

As for doing it for a friend, its just not worth it to me to risk a treasured friendship. Having said that I've watched a friends daughter on occasion if she was stuck but that was just for a day here or there and I did it as a favour, not for payment.

[cfred]

I think if you're up front about your policies and the expectation that business is business and the friendship is outside of that, you should be fine. If she's willing to sign the contract with the understanding that the rules are the rules, then it shouldn't be an issue. I currently provide care, full time, for my sister's boy. I've not had one problem and she's very respectful of my policies. She also understands that this is my bread and butter and signed the contract along with all the other clients. And honestly, all my clients end up being friends anyway. We continue to see each other when their children leave my daycare and I even have traveled with some of them.

If you're clear from the beginning, it should be okay. Of course, perhaps my sister is the exception....I don't know.

[mimi]

It is just that if things don't go well, neighbors and family are still around while you can show the door to clients and never have to deal with them again. My neighbor asked me to care for her son. I saw how different her parenting style was from mine and knew she wouldn't be a good fit. I did tell her I valued her as a neighbor and didn't want to mix business into our friendship. She had no problem with that.

[Momof4]

I had my grandson at my daycare for over 3 years and I gave my daughter a reduced rate, just enough to cover my food costs. My daughter signed the same contract as all my other clients except for the cost and she followed all my policies and treated me with respect.

If you enter into an arrangement with a neighbour or family member I suggest you talk to them honestly about your contract and explain that all rules must be followed and anything that pertains to daycare is business, not friendship/family. If you have mutual respect and demand that from day one it may work out.

[gcj]

I have had a neighbour's kid in the past. And things didn't go well for the little girl. One of those ones that just doesn't adapt well...never seemed happy and became stressful for me and the rest of the group. I spoke to the mom expressing my concerns (she was also off work at that time) and so she decided right then and there that she wouldn't be returning. She paid what was owed, and left. She came back crying about her decision...unsure of what she'd done. Talked to me about the new daycare she tried. Came back crying again about her disappointment comparing the 2 daycares and eventually found a place where her daughter was finally happy.

It all could have been very awkward and either one of us could have taken things the wrong way. But, we didn't. We're not next door neighbours so I guess those 4 houses in between creates enough of a barrier, but we see eachother outside and all is good. Just didn't work out for either of us and nothing lost.