Help!

[torontokids]

So I have been posting a lot about my new family (6 yo b&a and 3 yo). I have had a hard time with the b&a and debating terming. This morning the 3 yo had the biggest tantrum I have ever seen (hitting, spitting, screaming, running from me). I had a million parents watching me and even one guy had his cell out (I am guessing to call the cops on me if I lost my cool). I felt like the situation was very unsafe. I had another mother offer to walk the 6 yo to the door for me (20 ft away, I could see him the whole time.) I have never been so embarrassed.

I would like to for sure term the b&a because it's not working for me or the other kids. I figure the mom will pull both though. I think the 3 yo is a lot of work at times but generally a good kid.

Should I call mom at work to talk about it? I would hate to surprise her at the end of the day and have her scramble. I don't plan to give any notice as I feel the safety risks are too high. I will return her deposit

How would you handle this? I feel I could really use some guidance.

[bright sparks]

I think if you plan to not give any notice and will refund the deposit then a call to her at work would be helpful as she may be able to call round some places today. Even if you just tell her she can have 48 hours to make alternative arrangements. Either way I think its best for your business, and sanity to term.

[apples and bananas]

I wouldn't call a parent at work unless I needed immediate assistance. I never call a client to update. I will often email a parent mid day if it is not urgent, but something that I don't want to bring up in front of little ears.

If a child had a tantrum like that with me I would let the client know that I will count this as a one time event, however I'm just not equipt to deal with that type of behaviour on an ongoing basis. If it happens again then we will have to consider alternate care for the child.

I'm not sure I know what issues you're having with the 6 year old, but that's what I'd do about the 3 year old.

And I think that's very honest of you to give back the deposit if you choose to term immediatly. I don't like to term mid week unless it's really bad.

[Skysue]

I think you made up your mind a while ago and now all things that stand out just validate your original gut instincts.

The person on the cell phone was just on there cell anyway, as everyone is. LOL Don't be paranoid.

There is nothing wrong with you changing your mind but as a curiosity I would give adequate notice to be professional and fair.

[torontokids]

The guy wasn't on his cellphone but had it at the ready and even told his daughter "I don't know what's going on, I'm just making sure he's OK.

The issues aren't with the b&a child,it is the drop off and pick up that is hard with so many kids. He just happens to be the sibling of the dcb who had the major tantrum.

[monkeymama]

If I recall correctly, these children just started with you....Im assuming the 3 yo has been in daycare prior to you? Then this is just an adjustment period....one trantrum does not define a child. You've made up your mind already about the b&a situation. I would not call mom at work, I dont think that is professional. I also think this family deserves adequate time to find alternate arrangements.

[Skysue]

I'm confused? I thought you said it was your 3 year old dcb?

[sunnydays]

Unless the behaviours are continuously really really bad all day to the point that you cannot manage it at all, I would give them some notice so they can find another caregiver...at least give them this week if not two weeks. Remember that this child just started with you, does not know or trust you, does not yet feel secure, does not know what your rules are yet or where the lines are drawn in your home, and does not know the routine you follow, and may have past negative experiences with daycare. It can take some time for them to adjust and I am sure we've all been embarassed at one time or another. If he is running away while outside, make him wear one of those wrist tethers attached to the stroller for safety as you definitely can't have an unsafe situation. Try to motivate him with something fun you will do upon return if he does a good job of walking to the school (go over what that means)..."If you walk nicely with your hand on the stroller at all times and show me what a big boy you are, we will make playdough birthday cakes with candles when we get back". Good luck!

[torontokids]

the 3 yo had the tantrum. If we had been in the safety of the daycare there would be no issues. The issue is I feel the pickup and drop off are unsafe e.g going in the community with so many kids without having trust etc devloped. What I am saying is if we didn't have the school run we would not have to of gone out if he was out of sorts. Could have waited until later in the morning. Am I making sense? I don't have an issue with kids having tantrums but his running off on me is an issue and it puts the other kids at risk.

[torontokids]

this is also his first time in care

[Skysue]

I think you have already made your decision, have you thought about asking another responsible parent that goes to the school anyway doing your drop off and pick up for you, for a weekly rate? With the parents permission of course. I would offer $40.00 a week.

[torontokids]

I was thinking about that as well skysue. I don't know anyone but the mom might.

update- the mom texted me to ask how things were going. I said this morning was rough for 3 yo and we should chat tonight. I am going to talk to her about my concerns and also the b&a to see if she knows someone. I hadn't made up my mind, I just felt stuck like there weren't other options other than terming. If the pick up/drop off can be done by someone else there would be few issues.

[playfelt]

Can you put the three year old in the stroller tied in such a way that he can't get himself out and then if he chooses to scream then let him and ignore it. say nothing more than excuse me XXXX you are disturbing your friends and being rude - ie you have taken notice of it, not lost your cool but not given in either. It is ok to tell him that only children that can listen, obey and walk safely are allowed out of the stroller sorry you have lost that privilege because of your behaviour.

Running off in public is a real concern and puts you in a desparate situation because you can't possibly catch up to him while keeping the others in tow. He sits confined till he earns the privilege back which is likely not for a couple months at least till trust is earned at the daycare too.

[Other Mummy]

Can you put the three year old in the stroller tied in such a way that he can't get himself out and then if he chooses to scream then let him and ignore it. say nothing more than excuse me XXXX you are disturbing your friends and being rude - ie you have taken notice of it, not lost your cool but not given in either. It is ok to tell him that only children that can listen, obey and walk safely are allowed out of the stroller sorry you have lost that privilege because of your behaviour.

Running off in public is a real concern and puts you in a desparate situation because you can't possibly catch up to him while keeping the others in tow. He sits confined till he earns the privilege back which is likely not for a couple months at least till trust is earned at the daycare too.

This. Exactly.

[Momof4]

I use the little animal backpacks with the rope attached to my wrists for my walkers. I take absolutely no chances in having a child run away from me. And Playfelt is right as usual, if you can belt him into the stroller for safety reasons it's not mean at all.

[torontokids]

So the afternoon pick up was better. I brought the double stroller (I find it's not great in the snow so I didn't use it this morning but I sucked it up). He was much better and I was agreeable to him walking with the stroller as long as he held on to the strap. I am using a kiddie leash tomorrow (for extra reassurance) so he can still walk which he prefers. As long as I have the double then I have the option to strap him in if he starts acting up. Mom and I are going to chat tonight, we'll see.

thanks for all your help and support. Today has been a crappy day all around.

[Momof4]

I call it my TODDLER RESTRAINT SYSTEM not a leash! :laugh: