Ungrateful family...vent

[Dreamalittledream]

I know, we stress contracts, deadlines, policies and are all proud to say we own our own business. However, I have to vent. I am blessed with wonderful daycare parents, I am showered with random thank you gifts/cards, very generous gifts @ every holiday...all, that is, except one family...my most demanding by far. I took their 8 month old girl (she has become a wonderful child) who needed to start placement immediately (they were stuck). This family is my only late pick up (7am to 6pm day); 2 hours later than the rest of my kids. Mom has been a royal pain in my bum since day 1 (I have smiled through it all). I have taken this child on weekends when they were stuck. Fed her breakfast & supper (in addition to the usual daycare meals) daily. She has received treat bags (all families contribute Halloween treat bags & valentine treats for each...except them), gifts, mementos etc. All at no extra charge beyond my reg. rate. In return I have not had a single note of gratitude (let alone any gift of any kind). Today is her last day (parents begged me to keep her here but as agreed when she started I could only keep her 10 months); she is going on to a daycare center. I ordered a beautiful photo book full of images of her time here and presented it to Mom today along with my note (I write all of the children a note each June of my little anecdotes/memories/milestones of them) to her. Her response, are you available for any weekends if we're stuck? Honestly, just a simple card would have meant the world to me. I guess in the big picture I am receiving my gift; my supper time alone with my family back again...and a sweet 1 year old boy who starts full-time next Monday:). And I will continue to be my generous, trusting, loving self because that IS who I am.

[Fun&care]

Wow, those parents sound pretty demanding. It blows my mind that some parents leave their kids in daycare that long (7-6). Such a long day for the child AND for you. However, I would NEVER take a daycare child on weekends, especially given how long she is left in care already...but hey, they are gone now and you get back 2 hours of your day! Enjoy!

[Dreamalittledream]

For sure, I would not be doing those long hours ever again...weekends (on the rare occasion) are more relaxed, I don't really mind that...not that any of my other families ever ask that of me.

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

It's so unfortunate when they mean to say "Thank you for everything you've done" but what comes out is "Can you do more for us " You're well rid of this crew ! Hope your new family is more appreciative.

[Skysue]

Centre care will humble them and bring them a reality check. Unfortunately they wont clue in until a few months have past.

You keep doing a great job, the people that matter are the ones who notice. Enjoy your family!

[apples and bananas]

They're going to appreciate you when they leave. You have set the bar very high! This being their first daycare situation, they probably assume this is the norm. Nothing to appreciate yet, they haven't had any different.

I think it's great you do all of those things. I can honestly say that I don't commit as much time to enhancing the experiance in my daycare. Not yet at least.

[mimi]

Ungrateful and self absorbed. That's why during interviews I pay extra attention to what parents say to see if they fall into this category.
You are a generous and thoughtful provider and these types of people latch on to persons such as yourself and take and push the boundries.
I am happy to hear they are gone. I wouldn't do anymore care for these part time parents.

[playfelt]

Given the short time the child was to be with you and the fact the family had already proven their lack of mutal gift giving I probably wouldn't have put myself out to go overboard on the going away gift and kept it very simple. Then when I didn't get the positive response I am used to I wouldn't feel so upset. For great families we do great things for so so families we do minimum things.

[Skysue]

Keep dong what your doing for eveyone equally as 2 wrongs never make it right. What message are we sending to our children if we treat people differently based on how they treat us?

If we want the next generation to be great we must 1st teach values.

[sunnydays]

Skysue, I really had to mull over what you said...and I find myself asking, how can we NOT treat people differently based on how they treat us? Do you mean to say that if someone treats you like dirt, you will treat them the same as you treat someone who cares about you and respects you? I know I would not. Respect is a two way street and I am not going to go out of my way for someone who does not give me the respect I have given them. Like Playfelt, I would not have given much to the parents in the way of a going away gift...I would have treated the child the same as all the other kids as it certainly isn't her fault, but I would have kept it simple with something small just for the child. It would be different if it was a holiday where you were giving all parents something...then I would not differentiate and everyone would get the same thing. Some people just don't appreciate the hard work we do and take everything for granted. Dream, you sound like a wonderful caregiver and I hope your next family appreciates you! Enjoy your extra time :)

[Skysue]

Why should Dreamalittledream change her rare inner beauty and character because one set of parents are not as grateful as the rest? How do we know the true hearts of the parents?

That's whats wrong with this generation we all feel like we are owed something. This is a job we do and yes if parents tell us we are doing a good one than bonus, if they get us a gift from time to time than bonus too.

Yes it stinks when not everyone doesn't say thank you but thats the nature of this world.

In answer to your question yes I do my best to treat everyone with grace and respect especially the rude ones. There the ones that need it the most.

[playfelt]

Because the cost comes out of her pocket and her personal income and it isnt' fair to be punished on all fronts. Giving a going away gift of any kind is not a contract requirement just as parents saying thanks and gifting us is not required. Family history said they gesture would not be appreciated so therefore the cost is not warranted. The child is too young to appreciate the gift and it is even doubtful if the book will even be around when child is older since her "real" daycare as a child will be her new one that she is in for a longer time. It isn't about treating people differently it is about treating people proportionally - I do nicer things for families I have in care for 2-3 years compared to ones I have as a summer fill in for a couple months and am treated equivalently in return.

In this business we do what we need to do to protect ourselves and that includes protecting our incomes, our time and our mental happiness.

[Momof4]

Well that makes me really sad and you are such a nice person Dream. We learn as the years go by who to trust and when to give and when to say NO! I had to learn to say that word because I was walked on all my life by too many people. I'm still a nice person but I'm not as exhausted and overworked and abused because now I know my limits and when to take care of myself. It isn't selfish or wrong or mean to take care of YOU! Really, it isn't! It's SMART!

[Dreamalittledream]

Thanks for your feedback everyone! I have learned some important lessons from this client; as a fairly new provider 2 years in, lessons that needed to be learned. I will no longer be offering/accepting care occurring outside of my daycare hours. This is ME time & family time; far too precious.
In the case of this family who so took advantage, I gave a lot and am very proud that I came out on top, never compromising my values. I have taught my own children through this about kindness and helping another family out. I have a tiny glimmer of hope that from my generosity somehow, it will effect some kind of positive change in them.

[jazmic]

I was just having this conversation with my dh last night. You never know the impact you have on people even if they never say a word. I'm pretty sure this family is going to remember you and miss you. :)